happy to be pregnant but stepdaughter not soo happy,what can i do ????????

[blondie201]

hi,I am married with 2 years to a wonderful man .His 15 year old daughter lives with us full time.I have always had a great relationship with her until now .Im 3 months pregnant and my husband and I are both delighted as it was planned .However we told his daughter yesterday and she hit the roof completely saying such horrible things to us ,that it was disgusting that he could even think about having a baby with any other woman other then her mum!and that I was too young for him (im 26 and hes 44)but the age gap is really not a problem for either of us ,we love each other and that's all that matters .She has even threatened to move back in with her mum if i continue the pregnancy!Which of course is not an option! .I really cant believe how she is being.My husband has tried talking to her ,saying that he will always love her no matter what ,and the new baby wont change their relationship at all .He has also said her demands are totally outrageous and how hurtful she is being .Do u think she will come round ?She actually is a very sweet girl but this seems to have made her very upset .What can i do,or should i just leave it to my husband and not interfere .

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Wait, what???

 

 

continuing the pregnancy is not an option???

 

 

 

She WILL indeed come around on her own, but do what you can to avoid inflaming the issue.

 

Perhaps once a week, go to the girl directly and make some reference to:

 

"I can't wait to have this baby and experience all of the demands of a newborn, and I hope that by then you will be open to sharing some of the bonding experiences with me".

 

... just SOMEthing not terribly unlike what I just said.

 

 

She WILL come around... and to her credit, at least she HAS a personal stance which makes sense in terms of why she would be emotionally upset by the news.

 

And c'mon, ONE DAY after spilling the beans... you've not even given the teen a fair chance to digest the news. (you've known for months now)

 

I agree her concerns are not exactly rational or fair, BUT we can all clearly understand that somebody's daughter still has a sense of her "family" long after dad got divorced, and that it feels in some ways as if you are invading, and now, ultimately, rearranging the dynamics forever.

 

Not only that, but for sure this still-deserving teen daughter will be battling for attention from dad a great deal of the time.

 

Despite all of that, she WILL come around to you... just let time pass withOUT aggravating the situation anymore.

 

(in summary, her emotions are understandable - her near-demands are irrational)

[blondie201]

oh sorry ,i meant not continuing with pregnancy is not an option !!

 

yes i guess you are right she hasnt known that long ,and it must be quite a shock to her ,although we have got along before this,cant help imagine that she thought her mum and dad would ge back together some day .I will try what u have suggested and I guess give her some time to adjust to the situation ,it cant be easy for her i know ,and she is an only child also .

[redmelon]

I think you sound like a sweet mum. Just continue to be yourself, lend a sympathetic ear, and don't take what she says personally.

[blondie201]

thanks hunny

[quankanne]

sounds like mostly a knee-jerk response from an otherwise loving child who is worried about her world changing. Maybe it's time to change tactics (dad, too) by sitting her down and letting her know just how much y'all love her, and though it's a shock for her to be getting a little sibling, YOU are thrilled that this baby will have HER as a big sister because she's such a great kid.

 

my guess is that the jury will be out for awhile as she comes to terms with the news, but once the little one arrives and she realizes just how much love this child will shower on her just because she's his/her sister, it's going to rock her world.

 

congratulations on the new little life :love:

[blondie201]

thanks quantanne ,have done that last night and she seems to be coming round a little and is even suggesting names so who knows!!she might be a great big sister with time and patience

[whichwayisup]

Give her slack. She's upset and feels threatened. Time is on your side here, she WILL come around.

 

How long have you been married to her father?

 

Anyway, I say just flower her with love, understand her worries, and make sure she knows that she's going to be such an important part of your life, the baby's life, a big sister.

[blondie201]

been married to him 2 years ,everything had been fine till i fell pregnant

[quankanne]

yep, sounds like you took her by surprise and she reacted the only way she could: Like a teen

 

but, hearing that she's proposing names is very promising ... again, as she grows used to the idea, she's going to enjoy being a big sister. Esp. if you're having a girl. Good heavens, think of all the fun she's going to have doing girly-stuff with a little sister, especially the nail-painting and getting to dress up!!!