Author Suerenity Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Also, OM is not a fugitive and is a Bahamian citizen. I have researched and investigated his whole case and have also seen legal documentation that proves that he's not lying. The law in the U.S is TOTALLY different from Bahamian law as we go under British Law, therefore, it takes a whole new set of procedures in order to place under our jurisdiction if there was an incident that occured in the U.S. I realize that I can't 'wait' until I have $1000-10,000.00 to move out for me and the kids' safety. I have never told a soul about this as I was too embarassed and knew what they would tell me. Also because I knew that I would get the disbelief that I received on this site. I will begin to make the necessary changes because if this is what he does to me, I don't want to imagine the kids when I'm not around. Now I would never believe he would intentionally harm his children but you never know when a person has become so careless, thoughtless and inconsiderate. H is so careless and he doesn't even remember to flush the toilet after he uses it so....what does that say about his brain. I care more than other people than I do about myself and that is crazy. I do not want to be a doormat like my mom. (Which I have been for so long).
Author Suerenity Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 I'm curious why after the birth of your second child you found him to be so repulsive sexually. What happened? Honestly, after so many years of no romance, not going out together at all (socially), someone calling you a burden in their life and begging you to go back to your parents, smoking weed and watching porn everynight, cheating, telling you he gave up....you tend to lose feelings that you've once had for a person. I guess because I grew up with my grandmother and both my parents practically neglected me, I subconciously wanted my kids to have both mother and father in the home.(Although I'm the very one who preaches that you can't stay in a dysfunctional relationship "for the sake of the children"). What a hypocrite. I guess it's always easier to say something than to do it though. He who feels it, only knows it.
PegNosePete Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 So on numerous occassions, either when we're having family gatherings or go out with the children, he would try to get me to drink. After which, when we get home and I get comfortable and put the kids to bed, I'd have another glass or two and go to sleep. The next morning, I'd wake up with a burning sensation, like I've been having sex. Well it sounds here like you're talking about more than just 1 or 2 glasses. You go out, and have some. Then you get home, put the kids to bed, and have some more. Not to say you're passing out due to being drunk, but you do seem to have changed your story to "a few glasses of wine" since this initial post. And this paragraph also suggests that the rape only happens after you've been drinking, and that your H is plying you with alcohol to make it possible. When you haven't been drinking, he can't get away with it, or at least thinks he can't? So the alcohol is a contributing factor which enables him to get away with it? So why do it?
whichwayisup Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I don't know what/who I've become With this, get help. Counselling. Also, the OM seems to be your knight in shining armor. Do you love this guy? Or is he someone who has helped you through, maybe just get out of your marriage? Don't rely on him too much - He isn't obligated to you and if he feels there's going to be alot of drama, or if your H will go after him, he may disappear. Sounds like you need to be alone and not rely on any man. Therapy can help you get stronger.
porter218 Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) With this, get help. Counselling. Also, the OM seems to be your knight in shining armor. Do you love this guy? Or is he someone who has helped you through, maybe just get out of your marriage? Don't rely on him too much - He isn't obligated to you and if he feels there's going to be alot of drama, or if your H will go after him, he may disappear. Sounds like you need to be alone and not rely on any man. Therapy can help you get stronger. It sounds to me like that is exactly what he is. She is in an abusive M and leaning on whomever will lend her the strength to get out. I feel that your R with OM will dissolve after you get out. So please make sure you are ready for that and have your mind set to D regardless of your OM. And as for the spousal rape...that is a really hard situation to be in. I have dealt with it and it really is hard to know what to do about it. The only solution I had was to sleep in another room and even then I would wake up with my X getting in bed with me in the middle of the night. To this day I doubt he understands how that made me feel. It made me want him less and less. Cheating was a dangerous thing for you to do with a guy like this. I suggest you cool it with the OM while you are in the process of getting out of your M. I will not downplay the bad decisions you have made...cheating is a cowardly option to take when you are unhappy. I guess the emotional/physical(rape) abuse has crippled your decision making skills and clouded your judgment. So on that note, your OM is likely to not be the best of choices either because you chose him when your judgment was compromised. Go ahead with moving out and leaving your M. Don't worry about leaving this man homeless. He isn't worried about your emotional well being so don't worry about his. Be a role model for your kids and start a new life. Good luck. Edited October 20, 2010 by porter218
Author Suerenity Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 I am deeply in love with him and he is also with me. Over the months he has cried on my shoulders and I have on his. He says that the thought of losing me kills him inside and that he would do whatever it takes to see me happy again. He definitely has his flaws but overall, he treats me well and thinks about my kids and would buy them anything that they need. I do think that I need counselling because i have been through whole heap of drama in my life and have never really dealt with them professionally, which I feel has messed with my thought process. I do my best to pull myself out of pain mentally but not so good at dealing with problems when others are involved. Starting with not having my mother or father growing up yet going to see them at Xmas time or summer vacations and seeing my younger sisters having all the finer things in life and getting whatever they wanted. Then after my grandma died, my family came and changed the locks on the whole house (which I was born and raised in) which practically forced me and H to move in together at 18. I still have hurt about those things and have never gotten an apology, closure, etc.
SoConfusledandHurt Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 On my 21st bday (10 yrs ago) The ******* I had been with for almost 4 yrs threw a blue pill in my drink at the bar. We had just ordered beers and I saw out of the corner of my eye...him throw a pill in my drink. It was a valium or xanax. It made me think back to all those times Id wake up in the morning and be like...what the hell happened I only had a couple beers. He didnt do it to rape me Im sure...but probably just to make me sleep, so he could do whatever he wanted. He was a selfish pig. Sounds like your married to one of those too. I dont know your whole back story...but I feel for you...watch your drinks much more dilligently than ever before...because I was really surprised my ex did that to me on the very first beer of the night on my bday! Also if he has access to a computer...you really need to put a keylogger on it and find out if he is taping and posting to the internet his fun time with his sleeping wife.
that girl Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I'm amazed that anyone can equate cheating to rape. Cheating on someone is undeniably crappy, but rape is a whole different ballgame of horrible behavior. It is a felony. And I notice none of the people who claimed she was using him for his paycheck really ate their words when she revealed he is actually unemployed. OP- Do you have family you could stay with? A man who is raping you when you are asleep might escalate to beating the crap out of you soon. This is a dangerous situation.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I'm amazed that anyone can equate cheating to rape. Cheating on someone is undeniably crappy, but rape is a whole different ballgame of horrible behavior. It is a felony. Eh... In reality the difference isn't that great. Especially when you considered that in marriage two bodies become one.
that girl Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Eh... In reality the difference isn't that great. Especially when you considered that in marriage two bodies become one. The difference is pretty big and I really hope you aren't implying rape isn't a big deal if the couple is married. I never excuse cheating, but I cannot believe you would pick being sodomised in your sleep with out your consent over being cheated on (and I'm using sodomy as an example because it is something straight men are more likely to consider a violation than p in v).
greengoddess Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 The difference is pretty big and I really hope you aren't implying rape isn't a big deal if the couple is married. I never excuse cheating, but I cannot believe you would pick being sodomised in your sleep with out your consent over being cheated on (and I'm using sodomy as an example because it is something straight men are more likely to consider a violation than p in v). see unless you are totally passed out wasted (with 2 very young kids in the home) this could never happen in your sleep. If you are THAT wasted who is to say he is really raping her. Maybe in her wasted about to black out state she is coming on to him. It sounds like she has no clue. Then she tries to backpeddal and say she only had 2 glasses of wine. Sorry no one sleeps that soundly that they would not feel someone penetrating them.
Author Suerenity Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 I'm amazed that anyone can equate cheating to rape. Cheating on someone is undeniably crappy, but rape is a whole different ballgame of horrible behavior. It is a felony. And I notice none of the people who claimed she was using him for his paycheck really ate their words when she revealed he is actually unemployed. OP- Do you have family you could stay with? A man who is raping you when you are asleep might escalate to beating the crap out of you soon. This is a dangerous situation. Thank you very much. I sure don't understand why just about everyone on her seems to be on his side. I hate being the 'victim' but I AM THE VICTIM HERE!!! Cheating is not a crime, RAPE IS!!! I can't believe the audacity of that user to say that maybe in my drunken stupor, I came on to him. The idea of sex with this manipulative, hypocritical, filthy, weed & porn addicted, uneducated, calculating man absolutely repulses me...so why in the hell would I seduce him??? I mean it's not to say that we NEVER have sex, and whenever we do, I'm almost to the point of tears because I REALLY don't want him touching me. This is the exact reason why I have not gone to the police because I feared they would respond the same way. I am so silly to think that strange people who know nothing about my life would have sympathy and lend sound advice. I do like the idea of locking myself up with the kids until I leave though. Thanks. For the people who do equate cheating with rape, YOU NEED HELP because there is no way the two could even be confused as equal. Cheating is not something most people go out there and decide to do like "Oh ok, what a lovely day! I'm kinda bored sooo....maybe I'll go across the street and pick up a guy to cheat with! Yayyy! I'll cheat!!! I love cheating!" It is something that simply happens mostly by spending time with a person and realizing that you two have more in common than you do with your current 'other half'. Gradually you develop a bond with that person and it becomes so heart felt, that you really don't want to lose them and go back to your normal, boring relationship (Especially when the normal relationship is filled with anger, sadness, depression, rage, lack of finances, medling family members, boredom, addiction, etc, for nearly 10years.) Those were my reasons for not wanting to let go of OM. People who are bashing me as a cheater must also remember once when they were very unhappy in their own relationships, divorced/divorcing, cheating themselves or otherwise. Just because you fit the above description and got cheated on doesn't make you one bit better than me. Everyone just wants to be happy. I hope those of you who thought I was living of of H's paycheck swallowed your tongues when you saw that he IS NOT WORKING! Even when he was, I could count the things I got off of it on ONE hand. A Motorola PebL U6 back in Feb. 2007 ($200) and a costume earring set for $6 about 2 months ago. Not that I'm petty and counting, but those 2 stand out because that's ALL I GOT and was never cheating up until Feb. of this year. I have gotten a flower in our entire relationship or even a box of chocolates for Valentine. I was nothing but a good wife and mother. Don't try to play the saint role because nobody's perfect but somethings you can't justify. No means no and that's why it's a crime. We were all born with free will, the right to choose and when someone takes that away from you, they are going against our human right!
porter218 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 (edited) see unless you are totally passed out wasted (with 2 very young kids in the home) this could never happen in your sleep. If you are THAT wasted who is to say he is really raping her. Maybe in her wasted about to black out state she is coming on to him. It sounds like she has no clue. Then she tries to backpeddal and say she only had 2 glasses of wine. Sorry no one sleeps that soundly that they would not feel someone penetrating them. Maybe I could shed some light onto how these scenarios happen with my story. My husband used to do the same thing and he would do it when I was sleeping and half of the time i didn't wake up the other half I would wake up when he was already close to done. I wasn't drinking or taking any sleeping aids at all. I sleep pretty hard because I have two kids and a seriously demanding career that exhaust me during the day. This happened more towards the end of our M when I didn't really want to have sex with him because my instincts were telling me he was cheating. I would sleep in some loose shorts and a t-shirt which was meant to give him the idea that I wasn't in the mood....because previously we both slept naked. There were some times I woke up feeling more wet then usual but wasn't sure why. Then finally I woke up one time and I caught him trying to very carefully move my shorts to the side and he was fully naked and turned on. I pretended to stay sleep just to see what he would do and it seemed he was intentionally trying not to wake me up and he started to try to go inside. So I moved away as if still sleep. He gave up that time and toke care of himself instead. Then there were other times I woke up while he was already inside and slowly going at it. I didn't know what to do because I was in shock and my feeling were extremely hurt so I just that that time go. Then I started wearing long pants to sleep. I finally woke up one day with my pants around my knees and he was doing the same thing. I had enough of it so I let him know I was awake and told him to stop because I wasn't in the mood and he should have made sure I ws awake...well guess what...he did not stop:mad:. When it was over I was started crying and left the room to sleep on the couch. He got upset with me for crying and turned the freakin situation around on me. He went on and on about how I hurt his feelings by not wanting to have sex to the point of acting like he raped me:confused:. He was damn near mad at me. This is rape. And unless you have been through this type of rape you just may not understand. It is harder to explain then just date rape or any other kind of rape. They go to extreme measures to make sure you aren't awake because they know they will be rejected if you are awake. So in short...yes greengoddess, you can be asleep, not wasted and not wake up to this. I think back over the years of how many times I woke up with a funny feeling and like I had had sex. This even happened during my pregnancy with my daughter.... so obviously no alcohol or drugs involved. sadintexas Move your things into another bedroom and install a lock on the door. I don't care if you have to bunk with one of your kids. If you're going to stay there, protect yourself. Deny him access. End of story. This is excellent advice! I agree this is a good idea. Perhaps you should do this in your kids room. Edited October 21, 2010 by porter218
tinktronik Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I don't think it's within the scope of a message board like this to help with the situation you're describing. It's a crisis, and you need professional crisis intervention. Why don't you give the following centre a call: http://www.bahamascrisiscentre.org/page4.html Hopefully that isn't an old link, and the centre still exists. The centre might not be that close to where you live, but I see they have a 24 hour hotline - and perhaps it would be a useful port of call for you right now. I hope they can help you with this situation. This is the only mature and well rounded response to this situation. Well done Tan. Good luck OP. Nothing makes rape okay or justified.
Author Suerenity Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Maybe I could shed some light onto how these scenarios happen with my story. My husband used to do the same thing and he would do it when I was sleeping and half of the time i didn't wake up the other half I would wake up when he was already close to done. I wasn't drinking or taking any sleeping aids at all. I sleep pretty hard because I have two kids and a seriously demanding career that exhaust me during the day. This happened more towards the end of our M when I didn't really want to have sex with him because my instincts were telling me he was cheating. I would sleep in some loose shorts and a t-shirt which was meant to give him the idea that I wasn't in the mood....because previously we both slept naked. There were some times I woke up feeling more wet then usual but wasn't sure why. Then finally I woke up one time and I caught him trying to very carefully move my shorts to the side and he was fully naked and turned on. I pretended to stay sleep just to see what he would do and it seemed he was intentionally trying not to wake me up and he started to try to go inside. So I moved away as if still sleep. He gave up that time and toke care of himself instead. Then there were other times I woke up while he was already inside and slowly going at it. I didn't know what to do because I was in shock and my feeling were extremely hurt so I just that that time go. Then I started wearing long pants to sleep. I finally woke up one day with my pants around my knees and he was doing the same thing. I had enough of it so I let him know I was awake and told him to stop because I wasn't in the mood and he should have made sure I ws awake...well guess what...he did not stop:mad:. When it was over I was started crying and left the room to sleep on the couch. He got upset with me for crying and turned the freakin situation around on me. He went on and on about how I hurt his feelings by not wanting to have sex to the point of acting like he raped me:confused:. He was damn near mad at me. This is rape. And unless you have been through this type of rape you just may not understand. It is harder to explain then just date rape or any other kind of rape. They go to extreme measures to make sure you aren't awake because they know they will be rejected if you are awake. So in short...yes greengoddess, you can be asleep, not wasted and not wake up to this. I think back over the years of how many times I woke up with a funny feeling and like I had had sex. This even happened during my pregnancy with my daughter.... so obviously no alcohol or drugs involved. This is excellent advice! I agree this is a good idea. Perhaps you should do this in your kids room. Hallelujah! I am so glad that I'm not the only person this has happened to. People who have never been in this situation would never understand. I cannot begin to describe how demeaning and saddening this is. I wish that I could tell people around me but can't and it hurts so bad. I hope that if anyone else who comes across this and is in the same situation find advice for themselves also from these posts. You most definitely have my sympathy. For a man to do this to his own wife, it shows that not only is he selfish and inconsiderate, but he is a sexist, chauvinistic pig because he feels entitled, like he owns you. He may say he's sorry and that he'll never do it again (like 100 times) but deep inside, he feels as though you owe him something for him having to pay bills or take care of grocery, car repairs etc. This is exactly how my H is and proves it in so many other different ways. For example, if I bring home a pack of biscuits, or candy from work and leave it in my purse, the next morning, ALL of it would be gone because he would wait until I'm asleep and help himself, without ever telling me that he took it out the next day. That used to happen with money as well. I'm not trying to smear him but these things are unacceptable and I can't take it any longer. Porter218's experience sounds precisely like my own. I sat here reading with my mouth wiode open and my eyes wide because it seemed as if I wrote those words. I really do appreciate you telling your story for the nay-sayers and non-beleivers to understand. After working 9hrs.per day and catching the bus home and then having to wash clothes, clean house AND deal with 2 young children, you tend to be rather exhausted by the end of the day. So if you add a few drinks to that at the end of the day to calm down...you sleep, hard.
porter218 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 . He may say he's sorry and that he'll never do it again (like 100 times) but deep inside, he feels as though you owe him something for him having to pay bills or take care of grocery, car repairs etc. This is exactly how my H is and proves it in so many other different ways. For example, if I bring home a pack of biscuits, or candy from work and leave it in my purse, the next morning, ALL of it would be gone because he would wait until I'm asleep and help himself, without ever telling me that he took it out the next day. That used to happen with money as well. I'm not trying to smear him but these things are unacceptable and I can't take it any longer. Interesting. My xH did exactly the same thing with money too. I had to start hiding money in weird places throughout the house so he wouldn't do that. And then I had to switch bank accounts so he didn't have access to that either. He would tell me he had taken $40 out of the ATM and then I would look at my statement and find it was more like $100. And this was an almost daily thing. I do remember the entitled feeling my xH had about me to the point of feeling entitled to my house that bought before I met him. Even after our D he still threw a huge fit if I didn't allow him constant access to my house because he had lived there and did repairs to the house. Seriously delusional thinking on his part in every way. I gave up and sold the house and moved to rid him of his entitled feeling. I even hid my second car and pretended I didn't own it anymore because he acted entitled to that too. If your H is anything like mine(which he sounds like) then be prepared for a serious fight when you finally throw in the towel. He will do everything he can to keep you there or at least try to always have access to you. My x threatened suicide and all types of insane stuff after I left. I never saw how off his rocker he was until I finally was gone. Protect yourself, this H of yours will not disappear quietly.
Author Suerenity Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Believe me, I know this all too well. I eventually started to hide money in secret places like the baby's diaper pail (in the air freshener piece), or in an old jacket that's packed away from years ago, etc. And I KNOW that I can't leave peacefully. In 2005, my parents extended an offer for us to move to the family islands with them for a while and work to save money to get our own place. My Dad did this because he came to town one weekend and saw the horrible little tiny clapboard ROOM we were staying in at the back of someone's house because that was the best place we could afford at that time after being HOMELESS and sleeping in the car with our then 18mth old son, because H decided he wasn't going to "be a fool and pay rent anymore", because he hated the landlady. So we decided that me and our son would go first and that he would follow the next week in order to give notice on his job. Well, after 2 weeks, he calls and says that he isn't coming anymore and that he didn't want to live there. After being homeless and all, I was furious and I decided to stay there and separate from him. I tell ya, he made my life a living hell. He threatened my life on numerous occoassions over the phone, when our son went to visit him, he withheld him from coming back to me and said that I never have to worry about seeing him again (our son). I cried so many nights that I couldn't hear from him or find out how he was doing that eventually I came back to visit. He played the role of 'perfect dad and husband' and I ended up falling for it and staying like an idiot. Which is why I'm in this predicament right now. See no one would ever know what I've gone through with him. This time I know it would be no different but good thing is that I have already reported him to the police for trying to hit me once and to child services for him spanking our son. I will not let him intimidate me anymore. I do know I have to protect myself and my kids but I am prepared to fight for our lives. He will have to get the picture. Even if it takes me moving to my parents again for a while.
greengoddess Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Thank you very much. I sure don't understand why just about everyone on her seems to be on his side. I hate being the 'victim' but I AM THE VICTIM HERE!!! Cheating is not a crime, RAPE IS!!! I can't believe the audacity of that user to say that maybe in my drunken stupor, I came on to him. The idea of sex with this manipulative, hypocritical, filthy, weed & porn addicted, uneducated, calculating man absolutely repulses me...so why in the hell would I seduce him??? I mean it's not to say that we NEVER have sex, and whenever we do, I'm almost to the point of tears because I REALLY don't want him touching me. This is the exact reason why I have not gone to the police because I feared they would respond the same way. Um you had two children with this man. One was only 2 years ago so you did see something in him.
tinktronik Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Believe me, I know this all too well. I eventually started to hide money in secret places like the baby's diaper pail (in the air freshener piece), or in an old jacket that's packed away from years ago, etc. And I KNOW that I can't leave peacefully. In 2005, my parents extended an offer for us to move to the family islands with them for a while and work to save money to get our own place. My Dad did this because he came to town one weekend and saw the horrible little tiny clapboard ROOM we were staying in at the back of someone's house because that was the best place we could afford at that time after being HOMELESS and sleeping in the car with our then 18mth old son, because H decided he wasn't going to "be a fool and pay rent anymore", because he hated the landlady. So we decided that me and our son would go first and that he would follow the next week in order to give notice on his job. Well, after 2 weeks, he calls and says that he isn't coming anymore and that he didn't want to live there. After being homeless and all, I was furious and I decided to stay there and separate from him. I tell ya, he made my life a living hell. He threatened my life on numerous occoassions over the phone, when our son went to visit him, he withheld him from coming back to me and said that I never have to worry about seeing him again (our son). I cried so many nights that I couldn't hear from him or find out how he was doing that eventually I came back to visit. He played the role of 'perfect dad and husband' and I ended up falling for it and staying like an idiot. Which is why I'm in this predicament right now. See no one would ever know what I've gone through with him. This time I know it would be no different but good thing is that I have already reported him to the police for trying to hit me once and to child services for him spanking our son. I will not let him intimidate me anymore. I do know I have to protect myself and my kids but I am prepared to fight for our lives. He will have to get the picture. Even if it takes me moving to my parents again for a while. You really should move to your parents permanently. Don't take his phone calls and don't allow the children to visit him into you have legal custody arrangements in place.
tinktronik Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Um you had two children with this man. One was only 2 years ago so you did see something in him. Just because you may have seen something in him at one time does not mean that she cannot remove her consent. I can't even believe some of the stuff I'm reading.
tnttim Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I have a suggestion, instead of ruining your family with a messy D, why don't you do the things you do with OM with your H. I can't wait to see your posts in a year when you say, my new marriage sucks!!! Maybe then you'll realize that your first M breaking up was equally your fault. Since you have a membership, read some OM/OW posts, and you'll see the same problems that plague a M, plague a relationship as well. BTW who is the common thread in your failed relationships, if you answered "ME", then give yourself a cookie...............
porter218 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I have a suggestion, instead of ruining your family with a messy D, why don't you do the things you do with OM with your H. I can't wait to see your posts in a year when you say, my new marriage sucks!!! Maybe then you'll realize that your first M breaking up was equally your fault. Since you have a membership, read some OM/OW posts, and you'll see the same problems that plague a M, plague a relationship as well. BTW who is the common thread in your failed relationships, if you answered "ME", then give yourself a cookie............... This man is crazy, abusive, and many other unsavory qualities. I don't think what your suggesting will change any of this. His problems are deep seeded and not the fault of suerenity. I almost never side with a cheater but I truly see suerenity's dilemma. This is not an open shut case of a cheating W. There is waay more to this story then that. She shouldn't have an A...we all get that. But her A doesn't take away the fact that her H is awful. It just doesn't. More sex and attention for her H, like you are suggesting, will not fix her problems. The only solution is to leave. Move in with her parents where these kids get the childhood they deserve. I willing to put all that I have on the fact that this guy is not a great father either.
greengoddess Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Just because you may have seen something in him at one time does not mean that she cannot remove her consent. I can't even believe some of the stuff I'm reading. I NEVER said that. I agreed it was rape. I have a problem with being wasted to the point of passing out, which she denies. I can not understand not knowing till the next morning that penetration occurred to the point of HURTING her if she was not wasted. I suggested she could have possibly in her inebriated state come on to him beofre passing out in which she went on and on how disgusting this man is THUS my remarks that she had two children with this man. She must have felt something for him that may come back in a wasted state.
tnttim Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 This man is crazy, abusive, and many other unsavory qualities. I don't think what your suggesting will change any of this. His problems are deep seeded and not the fault of suerenity. I almost never side with a cheater but I truly see suerenity's dilemma. This is not an open shut case of a cheating W. There is waay more to this story then that. She shouldn't have an A...we all get that. But her A doesn't take away the fact that her H is awful. It just doesn't. More sex and attention for her H, like you are suggesting, will not fix her problems. The only solution is to leave. Move in with her parents where these kids get the childhood they deserve. I willing to put all that I have on the fact that this guy is not a great father either. First, you are only hearing her side of the story, and human nature is to paint a picture from our point of view, with our selfish feelings first. She has so many other options than to cheat, but low and behold she chose the easy way out. Her actions are screaming selfishness, if she cared about anyone but herself (looking at her 2 kids) , she would have just left. Instead she is choosing a relative stranger to be around her 2 small defenseless children. She is choosing to end a M that once was good, but turned bad. She is choosing her own life and feelings over everyone else's. right or wrong? I like to open people's eyes to what they are doing wrong. She can't change the world, but she can change herself. If she keeps blaming everyone else for her problems, why would she ever look within and see what problems she causing for herself. It's a cycle of destruction she is caught in, and she won't see it until she blames herself!
porter218 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I NEVER said that. I agreed it was rape. I have a problem with being wasted to the point of passing out, which she denies. I can not understand not knowing till the next morning that penetration occurred to the point of HURTING her if she was not wasted. I suggested she could have possibly in her inebriated state come on to him beofre passing out in which she went on and on how disgusting this man is THUS my remarks that she had two children with this man. She must have felt something for him that may come back in a wasted state. Then what do you suggest it was in my case since there was zero alcohol involved? The hurting part sometimes happened to me too...it wasn't from rough sex. It couldn't have been because that would have woke me up. Stress was high and I would get yeast infections and after sex the yeast infection would cause pain. Not immediately and not enough to really say it was more then just uncomfortable. This isn't as uncommon as you think. I went into IC after my D and talking to my therapist she says this does happen and usually never talked about with family, friends, or law enforcement because they are worried people will react like this...the disbelief. It feels almost shameful t the victim and its a weird position to be in.
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