What does my Ex GF mean?

[Tincup]

I am 43 years old, and my now ex GF is 46. We have been dating about 2 1/2 years. We have broken up a few times before, mainly for very small, petty issues. She seems great any time we were physically together. When we are apart she seems a insecure.

She broke up with me a week and a half ago via text message because she had a day off work and I did not make any plans with her for lunch or happy hour. I am a divorced father of two and had plans during lunch at work to take my son to the doctor, and when I contacted her after work to make plans she was already mad. We went back and forth that night (all via text because she doesnt like to talk on the phone). I did acknowledge that I do have problems waiting to the last minute to make plans with her. It has nothing to do with my desire to spend time with her, it's just me.

Anyway, the text message from her was "Unfortunately I think I am done." Followed my several texts like "I can't teach you about relationships" and "You need to learn what it takes" etc...

Then a few days later she puts money in my mailbox for a $20 car part that I had bought and fixed her car with last month. I never asked for money, in fact I loved doing that for her.

Then two days ago I get another text from her that she found a screwdriver in her car that was mine and that she would return it this week. I just told her to either give it to one of her boys, or toss it.

If someone is done with a relationship why would you try to return a screwdriver?

[Nkognito]

Honestly I think she is just getting rid of things that remind her of you. The money in the mailbox seems somewhat childish. It's as if she did not want to see you or burden herself with talking to you for even just a brief moment. At this point I would not analyze anything she is doing at all and just do the No Contact thing if possible for you.

 

I learned something the other day when I was telling a part of my story to a friend who said almost exactly what another person said it meant to them. I learned that when you are on the inside, you look for answers, you try to investigate and analyze actions. In order to understand you must take a 3rd person view of your relationship. Please it in the perspective of her going with a close friend of yours and imagine what you would depict to them on her actions. In my view from your explanation she is just clearing items and conciousness of things that have to do with you.

 

The best thing right now is to make it easy on her and just disappear. I would avoid contact unless it is a phone call stating she made a mistake. If you have read the other threads in this forum you will soon discover that keeping the smallest part of contact with her will result in a downward spiral of any second chance, that is if you so want one.

[Tincup]

The part I really don't understand (and I have a need to understand it) is that we get along SO WELL when we were together. She always would text me after we spent time together to tell me how much better she felt after spending time with me.

 

Its seems as though when we were not actually physically with each other she had bad thoughts. If I didn't return a text in a timely manner she would either break up or go silent. I slept with my cell phone on and beside me on the night stand. My cell went everywhere with me so I did not miss a text.

 

When she did not get to see when when she "thought" she should I would get a similar response.

 

But keep in mind this did not go both ways. If something came up with her and she could not see me it was okay.

 

I don't know, maybe she thought I was going to abandon her. Her mother died when she was 3 or so, and her father was emotionally abusive, and would even physically hit her. She also had a 18 year marriage with a man who told her how to dress, was also emotionally abusive, and had affairs.

 

It just seems like if she did not have that in person connection with me things went south in her head.

[Trovador]

No offense, but she is too old to change... you should look for a woman who is not a control freak and insecure... you deserve better!

[Banega100]

No offense, but she is too old to change... you should look for a woman who is not a control freak and insecure... you deserve better!

boom town. This is your answer my friend. Far too old for shinnanigans like that (no offence)

[Tincup]

I agree with you all that we are too old for this crap. Why in the world do I still love her after all this? I can't get her out of my mind, and each time we have broken up it gets worse...

[skydiveaddict]

Then a few days later she puts money in my mailbox for a $20 car part that I had bought and fixed her car with last month. I never asked for money, in fact I loved doing that for her.

Then two days ago I get another text from her that she found a screwdriver in her car that was mine and that she would return it this week. I just told her to either give it to one of her boys, or toss it.

If someone is done with a relationship why would you try to return a screwdriver?

 

 

Cause she is not done. Those are small indications that she still wants to be with you, but you're not responding the way she'd like. It's a game girls (and boys) play in their teens. She just never grew out of it.

[Tincup]

Update-I got a text from her on Friday that read that she misses being intimate with me but "can't handle a relationship". I responded back that I can't handle being intimate with her without the relationship.

That basically lead to her blowing up at me again. She keeps telling me that she "needs more from me than I am willing to give"....what does that mean?

 

The reason I ask is that because I have 50% custody of my kids, they are with me half the time. She didn't want to be a step-mom, and therefore didn't want to be around me and the kids. So that meant I had 50% of my time left...I gave her as much as I could considering we each have a house, kids, etc. But she could never articulate what she "needed".

 

What is going on here? I admit I am dense....If she is finished with me, why is still contacting me (granted after Friday I have not heard from her)? I do admit I am still in love with this women despite all the bullsh&t.

[shayan]

dude is this lady seriously 46 years old become she seems more immature than a teenager. Seriously she needs you to make plans right away, and gets angry when you are taking your son to the doctor.

 

WTF?

 

man I am sorry

[lalalandman]

wow i thought women got more stable as they got older. they're all psycho forever!!!!

[Nkognito]

wow i thought women got more stable as they got older. they're all psycho forever!!!!

 

This is indeed true, the girl I was seeing was 40, I am 33 and she is a college educated lawyer. She was divorced twice, no kids and single. Not after a 2 month thing with me she is back in the same boat. Not only that she broke up by text and she faces criminals all day who say worse things to her.

 

There are girls out there who simply are not focused and play games.

[Tincup]

Well I got tired of all the texting back and forth. Believe it or not we never once actually talked since the last time we were together. ALL COMMUNICATION was via text, including when she broke up. So I sent her an email a week ago asking if we could get together and talk about our relationship. She said she was "taking things one day at a time and if in a couple of days I feel like I can handle a meeting I will let you know."

 

Than Sunday of last week I got an email that read "I can't handle, at this point, meeting so you can put our relationship under a microscope to be dissected by you. I have offered you friendship, for the time being, and you have declined. So I will do what you have asked and not contact you anymore"

 

WTF?

[britchick]

WTF indeed!!

 

'I want more than you're giving me' - in this instance sounds like - I need to be the centre of everything because I think you will abandon me.

 

And yes, I'd agree the screwdriver and the money being dropped off are ways to maintain some contact.

[Fern]

She's obviously mentally unstable. What she NEEDS is counselling, but if she can't see that - you can't help her. Go NC and let her deal with her issues. Good luck!

[britchick]

wow i thought women got more stable as they got older. they're all psycho forever!!!!

 

how dare you!!!! Now where's my axe and chloroform?

[Tincup]

Britchick--Okay I agree with this

'I want more than you're giving me' - in this instance sounds like - I need to be the centre of everything because I think you will abandon me.

 

But why would she breakup with me seemingly out of nowhere if she didn't want me to abandon her?

[Tincup]

Ok, after two weeks of no contact she sends me a text a couple of days ago that reads "I was just thinking of you and hoping you are well. No need to respond back"

 

What does this mean, and why is she contacting me after she told me she wouldn't anymore?

[shazam]

Ok, after two weeks of no contact she sends me a text a couple of days ago that reads "I was just thinking of you and hoping you are well. No need to respond back"

 

What does this mean, and why is she contacting me after she told me she wouldn't anymore?

 

Because she wants you back. With some women its all or nothing, and it sounds like she is one of them. Either you want to spend all your free time with her, or she is going to feel neglected. She probably has a hard time telling you this because it comes off as extremely needy. But I guarantee she wants you back. With a woman like this you will need a grand gesture to "prove" your love. She doesnt believe she means as much to you as you do to her

[Tincup]

Ok suppose she does want me back. Since she broke up with me, and then she refused to meet with me to talk through things. Do I wait for more contact from her? Will there be more contact from her? I guess Im trying to figure this out. I agree with you that she is needy and clingy, but she is also VERY headstrong and "independent".

So who should make the next more, the one who broke up, or the one that got dumped?

[McGrupp]

you seem to clingy.

 

she wants a challenge

 

stop contacting her and meet more women.

 

if you do contact her or she hits you up be short and sweet

 

also act like this is a good thing (and it probably is)

 

stop begging her and asking for more then she wants to give.

 

she wants to win you over not vice versa

 

and she must

 

sounds like she doesnt respect you at all also.

[GorillaTheater]

So who should make the next more, the one who broke up, or the one that got dumped?

 

You want to get back together with her? Why? Do you honestly see a future with her or are you seeking that ever-elusive "closure"?

[Tincup]

I don't know if I want to get back together or not. I was doing pretty well with No Contact and working through the breakup until I got the text message last week. Then, like I do best, I analyze the freaking thing. I guess bottom line I have to continue with the No Contact and IF she contacts me again to say she wants to get back together then I have a decision to make. Right now there is no decision at all. I did try about 3 weeks ago to stop the texts and actually sit down and she didn't want to. I guess all I can do is move on with my life and deal with her actions if there are any.