kristinpea1979 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 OK. First off, I am not even sure what type of advice I need in this situation. Maybe just some sense slapped into me would be good haha. They say all girls like the "bad boy" and well, I think I found myself in that very situation, and I need to get OUT!! haha...here goes.... A friend of my sister's whom I was introduced to 2 years ago and I had been Facebook "friends" for awhile. We'd comment on each other's photos, and engaged in a mild flirtation for a long time. He used to live up here in NY, but has been down south for about 10years, due to air force, and a 4year old daughter he now has. I felt bold one afternoon in September, and sent him a message, asking him if he had any plans to come up to NY anytime soon. He said he wasn't for awhile, but that I was more than welcome to come down to Alabama. Being the adventurous spirit that I am, I booked a flight a few days later, after several phone conversations and texts. We seemed to both be on the same page in terms of interests, and being sick of being single, but not wanting to settle. He told me that he was interested when he met me 2 years ago, and I agreed that I had been as well. All the while, there was a little bit of apprehension on my end. I didn't want to get hurt. Being his friend on Facebook for awhile, I got a taste of his personality. He likes to post funny jokes, sometimes dirty ones, he likes "texts from last night" web site, he has almost 500 friends, most of which seem to be women, and when he posts something, he usually gets a flood of comments (usually from said women) within an hour. He gets a lot of female attention from his area, but that flattered me even more that he wanted to spend time with ME. Over the 5 weeks preceding my visit, we'd text and talk about likes and dislikes, and the conversation was often sex-related. I didn't really want it to be as much as it was, but it was usually him provoking it. As exciting as it was, I still wondered if that was his agenda in me visiting. Anyways, the trip was last week. I had a great time, and we had a lot of fun BUT...there's ALWAYS a "but," it seems! From the get-go, it started off weird. He cooked us steaks on the grill (off to a great start, right?). He proceeded to put his steak on a plate, along with green beans...I come out from freshening up, he's at the table eating, and I'm left to serve myself in the kitchen! If this is a normal guy behavior, I've never experienced it. Not to mention, he didn't bother to clean his room (clothes all over the floor, bed not made, bathroom sinks not cleaned, clothes on the floor, etc). After dinner, we cuddled on the couch, and were spooning (all the while he's yelling right in my ear at his dogs, lol). Romantic, eh? Well, eventually one thing led to another, and that was that....went to bed shortly after, and we also had sex again first thing in the morning. I baked cookies the next day, while he played his x-box lol. He barely thanked me for making the cookies. We had sex again that night, and that was the last time (I had intiated it that time, and after his x-box playing, burping, farting (yup!), driving 100mph with no seat-belt, swearing, and general annoying man behavior, I decided that it would be up to him from there on out). The course of the next few days were the same. We took his dog to the park on Friday, and we stopped at a fast food place on the way. Being in my nature, I took out $15 to pay, thinking that there's no way he'd take it...after all, I spent the $400 to fly down, and he hadn't spent a dime on me up until this point. He gladly took the cash off his lap, without so much as a thank you. He did this one other time the following day. I was there Wednesday thru Sunday. He probably played a good 6 hours of x-box. Not to mention his smart phone was practically glued to his hand, and he would receive some sort of text and or notification about every 20 minutes. One morning I woke up to see him scrolling his facebook on his phone in bed. We had sex a total of 3x (Wed night, Thurs morning, Thurs night) and that was all...I was there until Sunday. We'd laugh, joke, he'd tickle me, etc but was overall not that affectionate. As I said, I was NOT going to initiate any more after all of this behavior. He took me down to an Alabama State football game that weekend. Introduced me to his friends, had me sitting on his lap, and on the way home commented about one of the people we'd been hanging out with. I commented on how she'd been giving me dirty looks that night, and he said something like "she probably didn't like that you weren't controlling your man" (because he'd been saying some rude things to her about her football team or something, and he generally had a mouth like a trucker all day haha). So now he's referring to himself as "my man" after these romance-filled days together?! haha. I left the next day, we hugged and 2 short kisses. He said it was nice to finally get to hang out after only seeing each other online. He said to let him know when I got home...this was Sunday night, and for some reason, I still haven't felt compelled to let him know that I am home. I just feel so neglected, yet confused at the same time. He was eluding to us being a couple, yet acted SO not hospitable all the while I was there. Is he that out of touch with how to treat a woman? You're probably thinking that this is a no-brainer, and wondering what on earth I see in this guy. Honestly, this is a classic case of the girl wanting the bad boy. Maybe I thought I could change him? Maybe I thought he'd act different with me? I don't know. I find myself very attracted to him, and now that I'm home, I'm not sure what is going on in my head. Part of me wants to confront him on why he basically ignored me for 75% of my time there, but why he acted so hot and cold, one minute ignoring me, the next minute saying things that implied that we were a couple. He went on and one before I got there about all the sexual stuff he wanted to do with me, but then decided to spend most of his time playing video games. I have chalked it up to him just not respecting women, and being selfish and self-centered (he's a very attractive guy with a lot going for him - house, good job, lots of friends). He was briefly married to his daughter's mother, and she cheated on him, and since then, he's seemed very hostile towards her, and women in general. Like I said, maybe I just need some sense slapped into me. Before I left, and even while I was down there, there was hinting (on his end) of me possibly living there one day, and honestly, if I up-rooted my entire life, left family and friends behind, and he neglected me the way he already has, I'd be devastated and lonely. Yet, for some reason, I can't stop thinking about this guy! Grrrrr! :-) Thanks for reading!!!
aerogurl87 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Sex equals attachment for alot of people. You attached yourself to this guy and he's like the wild horse that can't be tamed, but you want to tame him. If he's not good the way he is now, you can't change him and you do need to get this through your head. But it's gonna be hard now that you feel he's sent you mixed messages and see a tiny spark of hope in the distance.
Author kristinpea1979 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 You're totally right. I think every girl (or a lot of girls anyways) want to believe that they are amazing enough to tame the wild horse. When you realize that you can't, it can be a bit of a blow to the ego. I need to realize that I had intuitions about this guy before I even went down there (not calling when he said he would, his Facebook "personality, etc), but he wanted me there, and something told me that with all his options down where he lives, him wanting me there meant a LOT. I am sure I was wrong about that. Some people live for the thrill. It's just frustrating because I feel like no one is looking for something serious anymore. There are too many options, too many distractions, and too many different ways to meet people. It's a sad thing in my opinion!
sammyd Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I think you already know in your heart that he was just a bit of fun rather than anything serious. You deserve better!! It's just so hard getting those bad boys out of your head though eh?!! Well, at least he's a good few hours away lol could be worse . . . .
Author kristinpea1979 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 I think you already know in your heart that he was just a bit of fun rather than anything serious. You deserve better!! It's just so hard getting those bad boys out of your head though eh?!! Well, at least he's a good few hours away lol could be worse . . . . I do know that in my heart, and I even kept telling myself that all the while I was down there. He'd do something completely annoying or rude that would confirm that he just isn't what I want, but then he'd give me that cute smile and I'd melt. It's so unfair! lol.
aerogurl87 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 You're totally right. I think every girl (or a lot of girls anyways) want to believe that they are amazing enough to tame the wild horse. When you realize that you can't, it can be a bit of a blow to the ego. I need to realize that I had intuitions about this guy before I even went down there (not calling when he said he would, his Facebook "personality, etc), but he wanted me there, and something told me that with all his options down where he lives, him wanting me there meant a LOT. I am sure I was wrong about that. Some people live for the thrill. It's just frustrating because I feel like no one is looking for something serious anymore. There are too many options, too many distractions, and too many different ways to meet people. It's a sad thing in my opinion! Yes very few people want something serious most of the time today, sadly enough. I felt the same way as you before I met my boyfriend, who happens to live 2,000 miles away across the border in Canada. Broaden your net and go outside what you would normally look for in a guy, then your chances will likely improve.
BellaBellaBella Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Not going with the flow here. Sounds, like you were passive aggressive by not letting him know you were home. It also sounds like you were testing him. He sounds like the typical bachelor, and maybe he feels burned by baby mama. Why not just straight out ask, him what happened?
Author kristinpea1979 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 Ugh I know. Passive aggressive. Not the first time I've been called that. I don't know what has compelled me to not text him and let him know I'm home. The weird thing is, I'm starting to wonder if I perceived it all wrong, and my not initiating physical contact, acting like I didn't care if he played video games, etc, all signaled to him that I wasn't interested. I don't know if I played things wrong on my end. The thing is, I wasn't sure, and still am not sure, if I could see us as a couple. Being with him, I saw a future of problems if he continued to act like the "typical bachelor," even once we were in a relationship and I moved 1200 miles south to be with him. I think what we have going on here are mixed signals from both ends. I guess part of me feared what his reply would be once I told him I was home. Maybe part of it was me feeling like I was in control, after him having all the control the entire time I was there. Maybe another part of it is that I know he's used to getting so much attention, that I feel like I am giving him a taste of what it's like to not have a girl falling at his feet. I really don't know what I am doing or thinking, which is the reason for this post.... I suppose I will text him tonight. I'd really love to get into his head a little about why he acted the way he did towards me...I just wish he didn't have this grip on me, because all of his behavior points to him being a guy who's going to do what he wants, when he wants - girlfriend or no girlfriend. Hmmm....
folieadeux Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I would definately ask yourself what you want out of this before you ask him. Even if he was willing to give it a go, you deserve way better than the treatment you recieved. I agree with the other poster that said this just seems to be more about you two having a bit of fun, rather than a serious, committed relationship. If you two do decide to explore this further, I would expect him to extend the effort this time to see you.
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