sagelove Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hello fellow LDRs, I need advice and don't know who to ask since no one I know has ever been in a long distance relationship. I have been with my SO for 3 years and this December I'm moving to South America to be with him. I have family that lives there so I won't feel alone, but I'm afraid as to what to expect when we're finally living together. I'm afraid I'm going to have too many expectations from him since he'll be working. Whenever we would have holidays and see each other (every few months or so), neither one of us would work so we would have enough spare time to see each other. I'm afraid I'm going to expect us to still spend so much time together, even though we're going to be in the real world where we have to work. How do I adjust? Does anyone have any advice? And if we fight, how do I stop myself from using the "I moved here for you" excuse. I really want to try so hard to make this work, since the LDR was so hard for us. I guess what I really would like answered, if you moved to another country/state for your SO, what advice could you give me? Please help, S.
aerogurl87 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I haven't moved to be with my boyfriend yet who lives up in Canada (I'm in the USA) but one thing we have done is everytime I go see him he's working so it's like we're together as we would be on a regular basis when I do move there. Granted he does ask for some time off work, but he still works when I'm there which I think will help us adjust better to when I actually move there. I honestly think this is what you should've done with your SO instead of making every trip like a vacation for you both, that way you would've gotten a better idea of what to expect when you two live together. So really my only advice is to try and find a hobby, friends, and remember why you moved to be with him in the first place. It's because you love him and want to be with him, and no matter how hard things get being with him is better than the previous alternative of being in a LDR.
kdixon1022 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hello fellow LDRs, I need advice and don't know who to ask since no one I know has ever been in a long distance relationship. I have been with my SO for 3 years and this December I'm moving to South America to be with him. I have family that lives there so I won't feel alone, but I'm afraid as to what to expect when we're finally living together. I'm afraid I'm going to have too many expectations from him since he'll be working. Whenever we would have holidays and see each other (every few months or so), neither one of us would work so we would have enough spare time to see each other. I'm afraid I'm going to expect us to still spend so much time together, even though we're going to be in the real world where we have to work. How do I adjust? Does anyone have any advice? And if we fight, how do I stop myself from using the "I moved here for you" excuse. I really want to try so hard to make this work, since the LDR was so hard for us. I guess what I really would like answered, if you moved to another country/state for your SO, what advice could you give me? Please help, S. I moved to be with my boyfriend who lives in MN and I lived in ME it was very hard at first because all of my family lives in ME and his family lives here. He lived with me for 6 months but it didn't really work out. I wanted to be with him so bad so I moved to MN. Its been hard I've been here for 6 months. He has a job so its hard to you know have time with eachother and working around that. I am fortunate enough to have a babysitting job for his sister. I love being here with him. Some days are harder then others ill admit because, I miss everyone. But, some days makes you think I'm glad I moved here. The only way I moved here was thinking of the positive. If you think negativly then everything goes wrong. Just keep your head up and push forward!
Els Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 As someone who has relocated to be with her bf, I can only tell you two things: 1. Do it for you. Not for him. By this, I mean, do you believe that you would be happier there, all factors considered? If everything there is a negative point except him, you should seriously reconsider going. Because it is going to make point #2 impossible. 2. Do not keep tabs. Do not hold 'I moved for you' as a card against him. The moving is now over and done with, time will not turn back. Consider it an opportunity to start a normal life with an ITR partner - but NOT an extended 'vacation' of the sort that you have had during visits (believe me, I know what those are like, they leave huge smiles on my face still when I recall them). Hobbies and friends will greatly help with this.
Idalis Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Good luck with your move!! I've been to a few countries in South America and just loved the culture, especially Argentina I agree with everything above, especially the part about making sure you have hobbies and activities that you enjoy on your own. My bf and I spend a few days together every week or every other week and its really gotten to the point where I really enjoy his town. I do photography as a hobby and whenever I'm there I always find some really interesting stuff to photograph so while he's working I'm either doing that or writing a paper, or editing the pictures I take, and I always end up losing track of time with that. GOOD idea about not throwing the move in his face, this is YOUR choice to make and it will only back fire. My best friend has done this to her guy (she only moved cities too BTW) and their relationship is rocky at best right now Whatever you do make sure you find something that really pique's your interest that way time will fly by. How exciting for you! Congrats
Ashbash11 Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I just moved across the country to be with my long distance boyfriend. I can tell you this: It will be HARD for a while. I won't sugar coat it.... It is an adjustment, and it will take time. It will take time for you to get used to the new environment, make friends, start feeling comfortable, etc... It is also an adjustment to move from being long distance to living together. I'm finding that my BF and I fight more frequently now that we live together. We got accustomed to being long distance, and it takes some sacrifice and patience to navigate being together much more. It's not all rainbows and flowers and wedding bells when you first move in together. It is a transition, so don't expect everything to be perfect right away.. That's the best advice I can give you. Give it time, and things will fall into place. Also, like the others said, getting involved in hobbies/activities in your new city will help you feel more connected.
Romance Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I am about to move in the spring!! Not to a new county though. I am just going to try to start a new social life, get a job, go to classes. Make friends other than him and have separate hobbies. It's a must. Be home together every night for bed and of course set up time for each other, but he can't be your whole life or you will go insane.
Eclypse Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Perhaps putting it into perspective will help. You'll only be away from him for a few hours (compared to months or however long it was before).
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