eltsac Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hi all, Just want to say i love the vibe of the forum in general, usually a bit bitter and negative which is understandable, but overall very helpful. I'm pretty confused right now though and could use some of your advice! My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago. Reasons being she is too dependent on me, we are only 23/24 and have been together for 4 years and she spent all her time with me, i mean all of it. Being at this age as well, she needs to find herself she said, and who she is, and sort her career out which is floundering. She said after a while she was resenting me a bit because I was too comfortable and easy to escape to. When I'd give her advice she thought I was telling her what to do, she said she didnt know why she was making me a bad guy in her head... I accepted, put up little fight as I thought fair enough, and though heartbroken, realised I wasnt going to change her mindset at that point. We then did the usual, texting all the time with the i love yous and i miss yous.. She would come see me and give me a kiss and hold my hand... Eventually I thought 'cut this bull, shes just leaning on you until she is ready to move on..' So I had the talk and went no contact.. More of a 'we cant keep saying we love eachother and I cant keep holding on type of talk..' She send me a text afterward, somewhat heartbroken saying shell always love me, and doesnt want to move on but guesses shell have to.. I didnt respond, and havent reached out to her since (about 3 weeks ago..) I get a text from her every week, hidden through an excuse, such as 'thanks for doing ___ (something) for ___ (a friend).. Let me know if youre up for a chat, it feels like its been forever..xxx' .. and another one before that on similar lines.. I respond, as I dont want to be rude (oh and I still love her and do eventually want her back).. I keep it cool and short, with a 'No worries.. Hope you are well xx'... Like I said, I want her back, but not for now, shes still not resolved her issues and obviously I dont know if she wants me back.. The only encouragement ive had is through a mutual friend.. The friend has told me how she is doing, usually just 'ok' and that she is still trying to sort everything out and sometimes is really quite emotional. Also she says that my ex constantly asks about me, what im wearing, how im looking, am i going to the gym etc. She also said that my ex dreamt about me, in a jealous way where i was getting with someone else, and hated it.. Then went on to say, that 'we could get back together maybe, i (being her) just need to sort myself out...' She also said to her friend that she wants to reach out, say ' i love you' because she does, but cant as I had to cut it all out... Needless to say, im properly confused. I was going great until I heard that from my friend.. I was getting her out of my mind, my texts responses were light and i didnt really mind if she talked to me or not. Now, she texts and she takes 12 hours or so to respond, leaving me reeling. She had asked about wanting to chat to catch up, which I said I was a bit busy for on sunday.. Im not sure if I should, or give it more time as im still in a wierd state. I want to get back, and the hint from the friend was nice, but also made me regress a bit. Like I keep hoping and hoping and its frustrating. I can move on, but I feel that if I do then thats it.. Like in moving on, ill transform and the pieces wont fit again.. But I want them too. Its wierd, because I love her, and want to be back with her, but at the same time have this feeling that its hard to redeem what was there before... I went from feeling solid trust to outsmarted, stupid.. I say all this, she may not want me back, but is just saying it to ward off her friend or something. She says she loves me to her friend, but then again, love doesnt die that quickly, so of course she does... What to do now though? I've heard the odd whisper that she is thinking of us, but do i strike while the iron is hot, or let her stew over it some more? Or do I just reach out in general as she wanted to chat a couple days ago, and even just talking could help.. Otherwise I could just allow it all, as the more i talk to her etc, the less i can move on..
Don Ho Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Just want to say i love the vibe of the forum in general, usually a bit bitter and negative which is understandable, but overall very helpful. I say all this, she may not want me back, but is just saying it to ward off her friend or something. She says she loves me to her friend, but then again, love doesnt die that quickly, so of course she does... What to do now though? I've heard the odd whisper that she is thinking of us, but do i strike while the iron is hot, or let her stew over it some more? Otherwise I could just allow it all, as the more i talk to her etc, the less i can move on.. Bitter and negative. That's some funny sh$$t. I'm not bitter nor negative Bro, I just think I have some experience that can be helpful to others. Often it's not what they want to hear and I'm forthright about it. So to answer your question: no, do not contact her. "Strike while the iron is hot"? Bro, no offense, but the iron has cooled off for a while. There is no striking to be done. You are right, both of you are young and she (at this age especially) has a lot of growing and maturing to do. Relationships at your age very rarely work out for the long term. Maybe in 5-10 years you guys might be ready and in a position to work it out. However, you need to forget about that and continue to move on with your life (and yes, I realize that is very difficult).
Author eltsac Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 Bitter and negative. That's some funny sh$$t. I'm not bitter nor negative Bro, I just think I have some experience that can be helpful to others. Often it's not what they want to hear and I'm forthright about it. So to answer your question: no, do not contact her. "Strike while the iron is hot"? Bro, no offense, but the iron has cooled off for a while. There is no striking to be done. You are right, both of you are young and she (at this age especially) has a lot of growing and maturing to do. Relationships at your age very rarely work out for the long term. Maybe in 5-10 years you guys might be ready and in a position to work it out. However, you need to forget about that and continue to move on with your life (and yes, I realize that is very difficult). Nah I just mean the general vibe... its pretty morose on here, for obvious reasons though. Well if she is entertaining the idea of wanting me back, that is what i mean by strike while the iron is hot. Essentially when we broke up we left the door kinda open until she sorts her self out. Though Im fully aware its over, I also hold a bit of hope, which maybe I shouldnt. You are right, we are young and young women need drama... I just hear about how she is from friends, and that she is looking unhealthy, feeling down and thinking about me a lot and asking a lot of questions about me. Thats probably natural as well, its just if there is a chance to get together, when is the opportune time? I know she should broach the subject, but if I go fully NC then it will never be broached. Shes already said to friends she fears shes lost me forever, and due to me cutting off all the lovey dovey stuff feels like i broke it off with her. She is stubborn and has a lot of pride which makes me think she wont come asking, but will leave hints... Also its tough to go fully NC now as we communicate through texts, and now she wants to talk. Its tough, because I obviously still have feelings for her, though I am trying to subside them. I usually just think about all the ****ty things she did, and the ****ty aspects of our relationship to negate the positive thoughts of her, but usually that makes me feel worse because I beat myself up for it.. She actually just text, a light hearted one, but ill leave it and no respond then, it doesnt really require one.. Cheers dude.
fabio10 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I agree with Don , my ex girl is 23 I love her but you have to let them go if you really want them to be happy , stay single play the field I was single between the ages of 23-till now 27 and I had a ball and you will too in time my advice stay away from relationships untill you are older than 25 do what YOU want to do travel , party , live , stay strong !
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