machiavellian Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 My most recent ex and I broke up a few years ago; we occasionally had contact maybe once every 2 or 3 months after that, until I realized what a terrible idea that was. I have not seen, spoken to or heard from (or about) him in almost exactly 1 year. At first I worried about him and how he was doing, afraid that he would have a hard time moving on, I didn't want him to be sad, etc. But, as he was not trying to contact me either, eventually I assumed all was good. A couple days ago I got an angry, clearly drunk text (just like the old days ) late at night from him. So, obviously he has not moved on and is not happy. This makes me so incredibly sad, and it's one of the reasons I realized it's better to just completely cut him out of my life, false hope and not moving on and all that, and I can't fix him or his problems, nor should I be responsible for his happiness....but I struggle/d with that, as I do/did care. I'm also kind of disturbed, because it's been such a very long time, IMO, for him to still be this upset, angry, bitter, whatever it is that he's feeling. I don't think he should still be thinking of me. Is this normal?
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 My first ex - never. Although he occasionally bad mouths me on FB apparently. My second ex who was never anything serious, we talk now and again.
lucylove Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 i don't think it's very normal at all. and you are right to cut him out of your life--it isn't healthy, especially if you are in a new relationship. i would tell him to get help and wish him well. say your goodbye and if he contacts you again change your phone number. better yet, change it now. and make yourself hard to find. he needs to get the message that you have moved on and are no longer accountable for his problems. i never talk to my exes. once i'm done, i'm done. i don't believe you can "just be friends." unless you have kids together or something, why bother?
Citizen Erased Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 He isn't your responsibility, forget about him. Exes rarely add anything to your life that others can't also. They are the past and I fail to see why people wish to keep tem in the present. Unless they actually want them around in the hope they'll get back together, then of course it's perfectly obvious.
Idalis Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I don't keep in contact with any of my exes, I'm an all or nothing kind of girl and I just cut them from my life and thats that. Its not "normal" that your ex try to contact you but its not completely unheard of either. My worst breakup EVER ended in 03 or 04 and he used to text me for a couple of years. I never replied. Then last year, yes LAST YEAR he sent me an email, mustve been around Christmas. I just deleted it. Honestly, I don't do good bye's, and I'm happy now so I don't bother. I don't harbor hate for him at all and hope all is going well but if its going bad, its really not my problem either. Its not like I would drop my life to help him if he needed it, I wouldnt, and I wouldnt jeopardize my relationship for him not even in the slightest! I think your ex is fine, and don't feel sad over him. He's a grown man and does not need you to take care of him. Wish him well in your heart and move on. I wouldn't acknowledge his message unless you're open for more emotions.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 I had all of my exes as friends until I got married. Then one by one they slowly disappeared. Two of my exes even ended up working at the same Tim Horton's together. It was weird they looked almost identical. I haven't heard from them in about 4 years. I did run into one in a mall around Christmas, he was still as weird as ever.
Author machiavellian Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 It's so odd, he has been on my mind ever since that text. I miss him, but not really - I couldn't really explain it - he made me miserable, so it's weird to say I miss him, but strangely enough, I kind of do. I wonder what he and his family are up to. I didn't respond to his text, and have not heard from him since then either. I kind of expected him to defriend me on FB (we both have our settings so the other can't see anything except a profile picture), or to send another text apologizing for the first. Nothing. I think my feelings lately might be tied to being generally discontent with my life at the moment.
ReturnToSender Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 You were fine without him for a whole year til he contacted you all upset...clearly he has to work through moving on too, but thats not something you can help him with and responding to him will only make it worse. Odds are he got drunk, had a weak moment and feels crazy bad for having even contacted you that night. Id just let it go. Personally, I have contact with all my exs. the first one and I drop a note once or twice a year just seeing how the other is doing, my ex husband and I email each other every couple of years, my ex bf and I work together....we see and talk to each other only a cpl times a month because of work, we dont talk about our personal lives much but things are friendly... With all of those theres no way any of us are planning or hoping to get back together. My recent ex though is the hard one to let go of....we still see and talk to each other often...at times more often than when we were actually together!
Tayla Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 My ex hubby, 4 times a year due to family events...My sons deserve us both there for any family occassions....graduations, birthdays, marriages , Grandchildren and what not. WE are not clingy but social and respectable of our lives and where we stand in the realm of our roles. Otherwise He'll always carry a candle in my heart...he was my first love. Not my true love though and that is where I've learned to grow and move on in relations... Two other ex's have remained endearing friends and I am even a god mother to one of them for their child.....How delightful that we could move beyond and accept our differences...plus his wife is a sweetheart and deserves him. A few ex's I can toss to the curb and not think twice...to them I cringe and get that WHAT EVER was I thinking when I went out with that being.... For your dilema,correct as others said..He is not your responsibility to take with you as you move on in life...he can stay in his past and hold that anger til he pass's out...Its not yours to heal.....
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