dolphinsunshyn Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Well, I have given out enough advice, but when it comes to my own situations, I have trouble thinking clearly! LOL There was another person on this board with a similar situation. Therefore, I'll stay pretty basic. I've been dating a guy for two months now. He is really busy and has made it clear that he is not ready for a serious full-time relationship. I can live with that. He stays really busy and sometimes I feel a little neglected even though I shouldn't because there is no commitment there. I told him I wanted to take things slow and wait until the time is right for both of us before we got serious. So, we are both on the same page as far as that goes. My dilema is that the more time I spend with him the more I am starting to care about him. I know I am at the point now where I want more, but I also know that he is not ready to invest the time in a relationship. I am really afraid to invest too much myself in fear that I will have my heart broken. But, at the same time, I'm willing to risk it. He is the only one that I have dated in the last few years that would be worthy of my tears if things should fall through. This guy is absolutly wonderful! He is everything I have ever looked for in a mate. We have really gotten to know each other because the first month of our courtship he was away so we chatted and e-mailed each other 2-3 times a day and got really close before we even went out on an official date. That is why I feel so frustrated. All of the ingrediants to a healthy, great relationship are there. But, how long do I wait for it to happen? We are walking a fine line between frienship and love. I think I'm confused on how to proceeed at this point. I have told him that the ball is in his court and that I will wait until he is ready (for now). I'm not going to chase him. But, I also make it perfectly clear that I do care about him and think that he is wonderful. I am confused at how guys think. He has told me that he cares about me. He has called me his "truest friend" and has said that I am one of the few people that he tells everything to and he talks to me more than his best friend. Which, to me, is a huge compliment. But, in the meanwhile, he barely has time to see me. We are only seeing each other 1 time every week or two. We have nothing lacking in any department except for the hinderence of time. I know that this relationship will be absolutly great if we ever get to that point. I'm just curious to what he is thinking at this point. I have asked him, but he doesn't give me much. What do you all think? Is this something I should wait for or does it sound like he just wants to be friends and nothing more? How can you tell if a guy is falling in love with you? Maybe if I see the signs I wouldn't feel so frustated. I'll know there is something worth waiting for. Guys, what are the things you do when you are falling in love with someone? What signs should I look for? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 There have been occasions in my life when I have met someone so great that I'd prefer a friendship with him - if that's all that's available to me - to a relationship with someone else. There are some people who can become so valuable to you that their presence in your life is worth putting off other relationships which would not give you as much. Only you can decide if this is that sort of man and what you need in life. Some people have to be in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 A lot of guys don't 'share' thier feelings easily. The bad part is....you don't know where they stand early on. The good part is.....once they DO tell you....they really mean it. They aren't players with words and emotions. They wait....and make sure....before they spout a pile of Bullsh*t! It seems like you've found a treasure. Give him time and space.....and honesty. You may be very well rewarded with a man who is better than most. Link to post Share on other sites
DonTomaso Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 From a man who sounds like the guy you are dating... just don't pressure him. If you give him his space he will appreicate you sooo much more. For a lot of men, it's important not to give up one's sense of freedom (women too). Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
samiam Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 well im kinda going through the same thing only im a guy. true sometimes its hard to tell our feelings and to tell you the truth its a guy thing. no one can really explane it however if a guy does tell his fellings then your pretty lucky. its going to be hard on me to break up with this person i've told her many things. but you just honestly have to think what does your heart desire. not your head. sorry i cant be more of help. but good luck.Ill pray for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted March 2, 2004 Author Share Posted March 2, 2004 I definatly want to give him the time and freedom he needs right now and I'm doing that. I am in no way pressuring him (at least I don't think so). My question is what signs should I look for to know that he is falling in love?? If he only has intentions of remaining friends only, then I'm not going to try not to have these feelings of love for him. Of course I'll always remain his friend, but I'm not going to sit around and put my life on hold either. You see the dilema? If I knew what signs of love to look for then it would be enough bait to keep me waiting. Plus it would be an easy way to see where he stands with "us" without prying into his lockbox of feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 My question is what signs should I look for to know that he is falling in love?? If he only has intentions of remaining friends only, then I'm not going to try not to have these feelings of love for him. Of course I'll always remain his friend, but I'm not going to sit around and put my life on hold either. You see the dilema? You can try to not love somebody, but you may reach a point where your affection grows before you realize it's doing so. It's one thing to avoid falling in love by staying away from someone, but if you continue contact it can be a lot harder to do. It's the risk you take. I'm not going to sit around and put my life on hold either That goes back to my first post. IMHO, there aren't so many wonderful guys out there that you'll find another dozen if you pass on one so if there's a really great guy on the horizon, it's worth investing a bit of time to see if he's up for a relationship. What's the rush? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dolphinsunshyn Posted March 2, 2004 Author Share Posted March 2, 2004 moimeme: I see what you are saying. I don't think I'm in a rush. I think I'm just feeling unsettled. I hate not knowing what the future holds! LOL I think he is worth waiting for, I think I'm just afaid of getting hurt because I'm already strarting to feel strongly about him. That is what is making me question everything. I keep telling myself the same thing as what you told me. But my curiousity into what he is thinking is getting the best of me. That is why I am asking about how guys tend to show that they are having strong feeling, too (regarless of the timing). I know the timing is wrong right now, but if I knew he felt about me the same way, then I would worry so much about getting hurt and wouldn't question anything. It is when one partner feels more than the other when heartbreak happens. Don't you wish you could crawl into somebody's head and know what going on? It would make relationships so much easier! Hee hee! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Don't you wish you could crawl into somebody's head and know what going on? It would make relationships so much easier! Oh yes indeedy. On both counts. That is why I am asking about how guys tend to show that they are having strong feeling, too That is pretty much the same thing as crawling into somebody's head. They show it differently. Some don't let on at all because they're worried you don't care. Some act as though you're the best thing on the planet, but that's because they treat all their female pals that way. What you're asking for is what we ain't got - a surefire way to know if somebody cares about you short of him telling you exactly that. Link to post Share on other sites
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