Hold fast Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 So today's my birthday and he has forgotten! Even though it only four days after his wife''s,who despite having left her a week ago he took out for a meal and cinema and bought earrings for,he tried to say it was for his son's benefit as he went along but.... Also he told his brother last night that he has left his wife,his brrother asked if there was another woman and he toold me that he'd said no but as he was scrowling through his texts I saw that he had sent a text saying that there was another woman and described me but I wasn't the reason for leaving. I have no idea what he's playing at,any thoughts?
joey66 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 So today's my birthday and he has forgotten! Even though it only four days after his wife''s,who despite having left her a week ago he took out for a meal and cinema and bought earrings for,he tried to say it was for his son's benefit as he went along but.... Also he told his brother last night that he has left his wife,his brrother asked if there was another woman and he toold me that he'd said no but as he was scrowling through his texts I saw that he had sent a text saying that there was another woman and described me but I wasn't the reason for leaving. I have no idea what he's playing at,any thoughts? Neither does he.
Brokenlady Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hf, Wow, that's so hurtful. I don't buy that ge took his w out for her birthday for the child. Baloney. I'm sorry that he didn't put any effort in making you feel special. This is exactly the kind of stuff that will build resentment in you and napalms your relationship from the inside. My DM is just coming to grips with all the damage he did while he was in that phase. Regarding the texts, my bet is that he doesn't want you to know that his family knows about you bc he isn't ready to introduce you yet.
2sunny Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 what's he up to? the lies... he lies. that is what he's up to. lies with words and actions. expect more of the same. drama, drama, drama. the drama is designed to keep you begging for his attention - how's it working so far?
bentnotbroken Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 It isn't hard to know what he is up to unless you don't want to see it.
Minnie09 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 The way he's lying to you and neglecting you reminds me of controlling, manipulative, passive-aggressive guys. Nothing good will come out of that. Can you confront him about the texts? I personally would want to confront him with his lying (telling his brother the details, but hiding it from you), just to test his reaction. This will tell you a lot. Just the way he reacts: more lying, rage, excuses, whatever... He either doesn't know what he wants, or he's manipulative. Both bad starting grounds for a relationship.
TigerCub Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 First off - Happy Birthday :bunny: I'm with broken lady on why he didn't tell you that he told his fam about you. Think of it the other way around - if he had told you that he mentioned you to his brother and then you found a text that said "No, man, there is no other woman involved" - you would have felt worse. He actually mentioned you to his brother, he's probably just not telling you, for the same reason that broken lady mentioned. As far as the bday stuff goes though - yeah you have reason to be upset and I think his excuse about doing all that stuff for her for the benefit of their son is complete bs. I think that he just really doesn't know what he wants. I can imagine that a time like this would be very confusing for him, but its upto you if you want to stick around or not. Also, the day is not up yet - maybe he is doing something for your birthday. Either way... wait & see what the day is gonna bring but be very aware that he's confused and flip flopping (not excusing his behavior), that's just a fact, but its upto you how much you put up with.
Fieldsofgold Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 First off, Happy Birthday! The way he's lying to you and neglecting you reminds me of controlling, manipulative, passive-aggressive guys. Nothing good will come out of that. Can you confront him about the texts? I personally would want to confront him with his lying (telling his brother the details, but hiding it from you), just to test his reaction. This will tell you a lot. Just the way he reacts: more lying, rage, excuses, whatever... He either doesn't know what he wants, or he's manipulative. Both bad starting grounds for a relationship. I have to agree with Minnie here. Him telling his brother, but lying to you about it, keeps you in a place where he can do what he wants, and control you. A dangerous dynamic. Plus, you now know for a fact that he will lie to you over even trivial details. . . . but its up to you how much you put up with. IMHO, loving relationships should not involve "how much we are willing to put up with." Perhaps the fact (or assumption) that this phrase could apply to your relationship is as clear a marker as needed that it is time for you to move on, and look for a relationship with a man where you are the priority, where you are cherished, honored and respected. You deserve to be.
Author Hold fast Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 I've got more upset and angry as day gone on. He wrote me a poem about me tho,not anything romantic. He said he can't believe he forgot my first birthday with him. He said he was going to forget about it though because it was done now. He didn't even try to leave work on time to have a drink with me. I do resent thisand the I feel bad becasue he only just left his wife and he so stressed. I'm fed up but even worse me hid it from him because if I make him feel guilty he will feel like I am punishing him. Maybe he was telling his brother about me in a knot on the bedpost kind of way,I am nine years younger and 18 younger than his wife. Growl. Men. Life. Growl. Sorry to any male readers.
Brokenlady Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I've got more upset and angry as day gone on. He wrote me a poem about me tho,not anything romantic. He said he can't believe he forgot my first birthday with him. He said he was going to forget about it though because it was done now. He didn't even try to leave work on time to have a drink with me. I do resent thisand the I feel bad becasue he only just left his wife and he so stressed. I'm fed up but even worse me hid it from him because if I make him feel guilty he will feel like I am punishing him. Maybe he was telling his brother about me in a knot on the bedpost kind of way,I am nine years younger and 18 younger than his wife. Growl. Men. Life. Growl. Sorry to any male readers. Ouch. Doesn't sound like he's much interested in making it up to you. Like somehow you're going to forget what he did for his w, and that he ignoredyoue birthday. He's living in fantasy land where everything works out the way he wants them too. Honestly it sounds like he's suffering from the same reality detachment my DM had when ge first separated. I would try to point out the damage he was doing by clinging to his former life at my expense, but he kept on napalming our relationship. If your mm suffers from guilt about leaving his w, you can be sure that his focus will be on making her feel better for a ling time to come. Somewhere ge believes that you should just accept this bc he chose you and he can make it up to you later if he feels like it. I see a lot more hurt in your future if he doesn't learn to let go if his w.
pureinheart Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I've got more upset and angry as day gone on. He wrote me a poem about me tho,not anything romantic. He said he can't believe he forgot my first birthday with him. He said he was going to forget about it though because it was done now. He didn't even try to leave work on time to have a drink with me. I do resent thisand the I feel bad becasue he only just left his wife and he so stressed. I'm fed up but even worse me hid it from him because if I make him feel guilty he will feel like I am punishing him. Maybe he was telling his brother about me in a knot on the bedpost kind of way,I am nine years younger and 18 younger than his wife. Growl. Men. Life. Growl. Sorry to any male readers. I don't know about you gf, although as for me, I'm done being a doormat...with anything...I'm not being quiet anymore, I would rather be alone than be used by anyone. Number one, I am not doing them any favors by allowing someone to use me (the wording is bad, but I am in the process right now of enforcing boundries). I have always had to fight for my boundries, it's like I can't rest for one freaking minute...please don't end up like me...it sucks
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