pandagirl Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I'm feeling awkward. The guy I mentioned I was 'platonically rebounding' with just wrote me an email saying how he was really busy, but that he still wanted to take me out to dinner and drinks this week -- his treat. I'm a pretty perceptive lady. I know he is interested in me. He's probably not going to make a move, but there is an inkling of crush on his end. This is in response to me writing him about how I'm still sad about my ex. I just don't know how many obvious hints to throw out there, without having to make the whole situation awkward. I'm still dealing with my breakup and I just want to be around friends, meet new people and keep busy. Besides simply hanging out with him ONCE, I have given zero signs that I am interested in him. I like this guy and I want to be his friend, and seeing I have zero guy friends in my life, I would finally like to have one. I haven't had a real guy friend since college. So, my plan is to hangout with him as planned, but I will INSIST on paying my half. I don't know. He's so nice and a good guy, but yes, I have friend-zoned him. I don't want to lead anyone on, but I have no idea how I even could have!
loverofloveandstuff Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 This is in response to me writing him about how I'm still sad about my ex. I just don't know how many obvious hints to throw out there, without having to make the whole situation awkward. I'm still dealing with my breakup and I just want to be around friends, meet new people and keep busy. Besides simply hanging out with him ONCE, I have given zero signs that I am interested in him. Spending time with him, that will be a sign or interest. Let's face it, you ARE 'interested' in him, but just platonically. Unless it's blatantly said, a lot of the time it's difficult to distinguish between platonic and romantic interest in relationships/friendships between men and women. Also, when somebody is interested in another, it doesn't matter if you are intentionally giving out signs or not. They will actively search and find things that will make them believe you are interested. We've all done it, holding onto every shred of hope that he/she's interested. I don't think it's the best idea to say right out 'I am not interested.' That will probably embarass the poor bloke. Talk about other men that you might be interested in, or simply talk about how you couldn't imagine yourself being interested in any guys at this point in time (given your recent breakup). It can be subtle. Subtle works.
Something_Awesome Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 You sense an inkling of crush, why shouldn't he pursue you then? If you are convinced someone might be right for you, you owe it to yourself to pursure them. I'd still go out with him as planned and insist on paying your half. But be warned, if he was oblivious to your hints, and thinks you like him, passing on paying could make it worse. When a guy goes out with a girl that he likes and he thinks the girl like him and the girl insists on paying her half, he may think your a total catch because your not there to use him for his money or good time... Many guys when going out with a girl for the first time do have "gold digger" in the backs of their mind, at least faintly.
loverofloveandstuff Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Many guys when going out with a girl for the first time do have "gold digger" in the backs of their mind, at least faintly. Really? Can any guys confirm that this is true??? I always offer to pay for atleast my half, but if this is true I am always going to INSIST on paying for my half.
Knittress Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 This is lame! But perhaps the kindest thing to do would be to pull away. I don't 'friend' men who're attracted to me, simply because I like them too much to give them further opportunities to fall for me and I don't want to hurt anyone. It's sad, and sometimes lonely, and it shouldn't have to be that way - but it is.
Tony T Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 First, no matter what you tell the guy if he's going to be interested in you...that's just the way it is. Guys don't "friendzone" women as a rule and truly cannot if they are interested in more than that. No matter what you do, no matter what you way...even if you shoot him...he's still going to be interested. If he has a spark for you, the more you hang out with him the more he will fall. This is NOT a good situation. Now for a little story. This has actually happened to me several times. Girl tells me she'd love to be my friend and nothing more. I say fine...and mean it! I stick to that. Never make a move...never try to be interested in more than that. Time passes and she gets interested. Then she expresses that interest, forgetting her original warning that she wanted to be friends and nothing more. Way too late. I remind her of my promise to her and tell her I keep my promises. Life is a bxtch!
Something_Awesome Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Really? Can any guys confirm that this is true??? I always offer to pay for atleast my half, but if this is true I am always going to INSIST on paying for my half. For the guys that have some money it is. Was just talking about it with some guys a few days ago. But the assumption is the guy at least has some money and it shows.
loverofloveandstuff Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Now for a little story. This has actually happened to me several times. Girl tells me she'd love to be my friend and nothing more. I say fine...and mean it! I stick to that. Never make a move...never try to be interested in more than that. Time passes and she gets interested. Then she expresses that interest, forgetting her original warning that she wanted to be friends and nothing more. Way too late. I remind her of my promise to her and tell her I keep my promises. Life is a bxtch! I loled at this! So true. I can relate to this to a T.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 This is in response to me writing him about how I'm still sad about my ex. I just don't know how many obvious hints to throw out there, without having to make the whole situation awkward. I'm still dealing with my breakup and I just want to be around friends, meet new people and keep busy. Besides simply hanging out with him ONCE, I have given zero signs that I am interested in him. That is not obvious! How do you fail to see that? As I said in your previous post.... I won't date you now because I'm not over my ex is not even remotely similar to I won't date you ever because I'm not attracted. You know what you need to do... now get up and go do it.
phineas Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Now for a little story. This has actually happened to me several times. Girl tells me she'd love to be my friend and nothing more. I say fine...and mean it! I stick to that. Never make a move...never try to be interested in more than that. Time passes and she gets interested. Then she expresses that interest, forgetting her original warning that she wanted to be friends and nothing more. Way too late. I remind her of my promise to her and tell her I keep my promises. Life is a bxtch! This is how I am. If I'm out with a woman & she uses the word "friend" I friend-zone her. I'm 38 yrs old. I've hit the point where if a woman asks me to go to a free concert, or get icecream or a walk or whatever & then drops the "F-word", it's such a complete turn-off. She becomes less important than my guy friends. She automatically looses to golf with the guys, Poker with the guys, drinking beer & watching football with the guys ect. Unless she wants to join us because hey, she's one of my "friends" also. I've even tried hooking them up with my single friends. But strangely enough, EVERY one of these women that wanted to be "just friends" crossed the line as soon as it looked like another woman had caught my attention & was holding it.
Author pandagirl Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 I don't think it's the best idea to say right out 'I am not interested.' That will probably embarass the poor bloke. Talk about other men that you might be interested in, or simply talk about how you couldn't imagine yourself being interested in any guys at this point in time (given your recent breakup). It can be subtle. Subtle works. Yes, this is what I've said: that I'm not ready to date, that I can't imagine being with anyone, that I'm still trying to fall out of love with my ex. I have stated this CLEARLY.
WTRanger Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 You are leading him on by simply agreeing to hang out with him. He's interested and no matter what you say, he'll still pursue. You want a male friend that will never be attracted to you? Go find some gay guys. Insisting on paying for you half, that's a weak excuse to not call it a date. Face it, you want male attention but you don't want them to be more than friends. That's a fairly impossible request. Tony T nailed it in his post. You need to re-read it, take notes, then re-read it again.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I agree with Ranger. If you know he is interested, then you are leading him on unless you directly tell him that you have no interest.
Stockalone Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Yes, this is what I've said: that I'm not ready to date, that I can't imagine being with anyone, that I'm still trying to fall out of love with my ex. I have stated this CLEARLY. Good grief! You aren't being clear at all. You are being vague and evasive. No man worth his salt should be discouraged by something like this. What you have been "clear" about is that right now, you aren't interested in dating anyone. Saying that is not the same thing as saying you would never consider dating him specifically. Granted, if he really wants to date you, then this whole situation is sort of his fault too, for not asking you out on a date in a way that leaves no room for misunderstandings or for you to continue to be evasive. Still, and regardless of his actions, I think you are not being clear at all. I once had a woman tell me: "I most certainly will never ever explore this route (dating and a relationship) with you". THAT made things very clear. Obviously, that wasn't what I had hoped to hear, but I wasn't angry or mad at her because she said that to me.
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