Ms_Sweetness Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 So the guy that I've been dating and really like had a heart to heart with me over the weekend. He told me that one reason he hasn't tried to commit to a relationship with me is because he is trying to work on his issue with not getting/staying erect. We've had sex several times and most times he was able to get erect, but he doesn't last very long. I'm very pleased with his performance but he feels awful about it. I don't know what to say to him, what can you say to a man in this situation? What could be the problem, he is only 32 yrs old?
Titania22 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 What could be the problem, he is only 32 yrs old? Societal pressure, and constant advertising by the pharmaceutical companies to make men feel inadequate and sell more drugs.
Citizen Erased Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Maybe he jerks off too much. Some guys you'd have to cut their hands off to get them to stop, even if it is affecting their sex lives.
Knittress Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Poor guy. I hope you're being really gentle about this. Has he gotten himself to a doctor? That's a better solution than asking US.
Surrealist Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 He's probably still a bit young, but still, may be worth looking into - getting his hormones checked with a blood test by the doctor. He could have lower levels of testosterone. If not, he may be feeling pressured to perform as already stated, in which case he needs to be relaxed and feel the situation is one he can enjoy and not have to perform like a porn star haha. Failing all else, he could try Cialis.
Author Ms_Sweetness Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 He doesn't drink much. I've been extremely supportive and I make sure to praise the good moments, but I know it's hurting his ego terribly. He is scheduled to see the doctor next week. I'm still very interested in him.
Chicago_Guy Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 So the guy that I've been dating and really like had a heart to heart with me over the weekend. He told me that one reason he hasn't tried to commit to a relationship with me is because he is trying to work on his issue with not getting/staying erect. We've had sex several times and most times he was able to get erect, but he doesn't last very long. I'm very pleased with his performance but he feels awful about it. I don't know what to say to him, what can you say to a man in this situation? What could be the problem, he is only 32 yrs old? How long have you been dating this guy? If he feels like you are pressuring him for sex, he might be experiencing performance anxiety - this might continue until he feels a little more comfortable around you.
Knittress Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 This issue (and balding) (AND cuter outfits!), make me really really happy I get to be a woman.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 So the guy that I've been dating and really like had a heart to heart with me over the weekend. He told me that one reason he hasn't tried to commit to a relationship with me is because he is trying to work on his issue with not getting/staying erect. We've had sex several times and most times he was able to get erect, but he doesn't last very long. I'm very pleased with his performance but he feels awful about it. I don't know what to say to him, what can you say to a man in this situation? What could be the problem, he is only 32 yrs old? I'd say that booooooooth of you getting and keeping your mind OFF of that topic is of major importance IF as you imply YOU are "very pleased with his performance". In this case YOU ARE the judge that matters, and HE needs to be slapped into reality. HE is probably CAUSING his wiring to be a little off... and BOTH of you not dwelling on any related factor/topic would probably help. (...which is NOT what I'd say to someone who clinically had a clear problem in that department)
EasyHeart Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Not being able to get an erection is usually physical; not being able to keep an erection is usually psychological. But it could be either, and he should see a doctor ASAP. There could be underlying health problems that need to be treated. Your seem pretty supportive about this, which is good. Most women do not realize how much of a man's identify is tied up with be able to perform sexually, especially in this sex-obsessed society we live in. Whatever you do, don't pressure him or threaten him. If it's a psychological problem, he needs to feel relaxed and confident in order to perform; putting him down in any way will be counterproductive.
Eeyore79 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I don't see what his erection has to do with his ability to commit to a relationship. It sounds to me like he's using it as an excuse not to get serious with you.
souvlaki Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 i don't see what his erection has to do with his ability to commit to a relationship. It sounds to me like he's using it as an excuse not to get serious with you. +1000000000
lightwell Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I had the same problem with cumming during sex. It could be his athletic condition Too much masturbating (he needs 3 weeks off to rebuild sensitivity.) Feeling like he cant preform. Try the last one anyways be supportive, and tell him it doesnt matter and he makes you happy. Try having him pleasure you with his hands or mouth and tell him its the same thing- you like it all. That takes the pressure off his man hood.
Truly Lost Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I went through the same problem with someone I dated several years ago. He tried Viagra, it helped keep him erect for a little longer, but didn't fix the problem. I think the physical nature of the problem affected him emotionally and it made matters worse. Finally, we stopped with sex all together. Anyway, long story short, it turned out he had an irregular heartbeat and now sees a cardiologist and takes medicine for his heart. He stopped smoking and only drinks beer occasionally now. Before it was nearly a 12 pack a night. I wish he had looked into going to the doctor about his heart, like I suggested to him many years ago, because if he had, maybe we would still be together. But it's way too late now.
2sunny Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 does he do recreational drugs? it can affect his erection and sex. his emotional and mental connection may be blocking his physical performance. it also sounds as if his expectations are totally different than yours - because you describe it being fine but he describes it as being inadequate for him. you may be mismatched - and this may be his way of acknowledging to you that you two are not compatible enough for him to think of you as long term consideration.
FL Lady Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Does he have high blood pressure and take meeds for it? BP meeds can cause impotence
Author Ms_Sweetness Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 He doesn't drink or do any type of drug. I think it's because he maturbates a bit too much. I honestly believe that this is something that is holding him back from a true relationship with me. This is really weighing on him and he feels that if we get into a relationship and he can't satisfy me sexually that I will get bored and want someone else or cheat. It's difficult to reassure him differently at this point so I am going to see what the Dr. says.
BobSacamento Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I think he's handling this pretty well. The key here is that it is an issue involving himself. I know I have had weird side-effects while using severe cold medications.
FructoseGrande Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 If the girl holds on too tightly it can cut off the circulation. Be a little gentler.
FructoseGrande Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 He doesn't drink or do any type of drug. He should get some Cialis or Viagra. I think it's because he masturbates a bit too much. Well there's no accounting for tastes, is there? I honestly believe that this is something that is holding him back from a true relationship with me. So, you only want to be in a relationship with a guy who masturbates on your terms? That sounds like fun. This is really weighing on him and he feels that if we get into a relationship and he can't satisfy me sexually that I will get bored and want someone else or cheat. Now what ever would give him such an idea? It's difficult to reassure him differently at this point so I am going to see what the Dr. says. Obviously all he needs is a scrip for Viagra or Cialis. Why haven't you guys tried that already?
BobSacamento Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 He should get some Cialis or Viagra. Well there's no accounting for tastes, is there? So, you only want to be in a relationship with a guy who masturbates on your terms? That sounds like fun. Now what ever would give him such an idea? Obviously all he needs is a scrip for Viagra or Cialis. Why haven't you guys tried that already? Good news everyone LS now has a official Doctor on the forum!!
FructoseGrande Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I think he's handling this pretty well. The key here is that it is an issue involving himself. I know I have had weird side-effects while using severe cold medications. I thought that was you, Bob.
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