There's a potential new guy..what's your honest thoughts?

[KarmasTestDummy]

Is it too soon to be talking to someone new? He's single...I promise. Lol well story goes like this...I met this guy back in 2007 when I was still married. Had found out he'd been having an affair, and left for a couple of weeks. My friends dragged me' out to a club to get my mind off my 'ex', well this guy was there, super sweet, good looking. We danced and hung out for the evening, even shared a brief kiss. Exchanged numbers, but when he called, I had already missed my h terribly and gone home. I told him the truth and asked him not to call anymore. He didn't. Well we ran into eachother at karaoke a couple weeks ago and both remembered eachother. He found out I wasn't with h anymore so asked a mutual friend about me' and got my number. He text me tonight. We're supposed to see eachother at karaoke tomorrow. Wow...not sure. It's crazy, but he seemed like a really nice guy and still does. Maybe worth a shot this go round.

[BB07]

I say go out and have fun.......but go slow if it gets muddled.

[on a learning curve]

In my opinion (you don't know me, so...), I would take this really slow.

 

I think you are taking steps to work on you, and you should continue. Take some time, Karma, don't rush. If it's something you want with this guy, he will wait.

 

You just came out of drama. Discern the reasons for that before you get involved with someone else.

[EricaH329]

In my opinion (you don't know me, so...), I would take this really slow.

 

I think you are taking steps to work on you, and you should continue. Take some time, Karma, don't rush. If it's something you want with this guy, he will wait.

 

You just came out of drama. Discern the reasons for that before you get involved with someone else.

 

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[KarmasTestDummy]

True. It sucks that first time I met him there was too much drama in my life to give him a chance. I don't want to do that to him again. I am single. Not holding out for mm...so I'm not sure talking to someone and hanging out at a family pizza place where my kiddo sings is moving too fast.

[on a learning curve]

True. It sucks that first time I met him there was too much drama in my life to give him a chance. I don't want to do that to him again. I am single. Not holding out for mm...so I'm not sure talking to someone and hanging out at a family pizza place where my kiddo sings is moving too fast.

 

Your kiddo sings? cute.

[Silly_Girl]

Too soon hun, in my view. Way too soon to think about men. Think about you only.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Fair enough. I think after talking to him tonight it's still someone I'd like to keep on the friend status. I hopefully will know when the time is right...but my guess is if I have to jump on the OW forum still to seek guidance, I'm not ready yet.

[Tsm]

I would wait a bit, dont know maybe im slow like that. But if you wanna keep him as just a friend, be clear with him on that.

[Fieldsofgold]

Too soon hun, in my view. Way too soon to think about men. Think about you only.

 

I have to agree with this.

 

I think it is very good that you are even asking the question!

 

The MM (malfunctioning manpicker) of which we spoke takes a good bit of time to truly rebuild.

 

It is not good to jump out of one R and into another. That's one of those red flags.

 

Please take time for yourself and your child to heal from the drama you have been through.

[KarmasTestDummy]

It's weird though because as I was talking to him, he was the exact opposite of what my man picker usually goes for. He's been divorced for 7 years now. My age, not older. No children. Spiritual (son of a preacher). He said things that were really sweet and I kinda found my lip curling up going ehhh, boring. What is up with my man picker? This is probably the type of guy that would treat me' amazingly. But I did tell him open and honestly that I just got out of a relationship and am still doing damage control...but we could talk and hang out some, maybe take him up on the offer to go to church with him one of these days. I probably could use a reconnect with my faith, that's for sure. I don't know. Ahhh...I don't want to jump into anything but I did not think about mm all night, and you know what, I just realized, I'm not now either.

[whichwayisup]

Friendship right now is great, but you're nowhere ready to get into a serious relationship with him.

 

Be honest and tell him (when the timing is more fitting) that you just got out of an unhealthy relationship, need time to sort "you" out and heal. If he is interested he'll stick around.

[Silly_Girl]

It's weird though because as I was talking to him, he was the exact opposite of what my man picker usually goes for. He's been divorced for 7 years now. My age, not older. No children. Spiritual (son of a preacher). He said things that were really sweet and I kinda found my lip curling up going ehhh, boring. What is up with my man picker? This is probably the type of guy that would treat me' amazingly. But I did tell him open and honestly that I just got out of a relationship and am still doing damage control...but we could talk and hang out some, maybe take him up on the offer to go to church with him one of these days. I probably could use a reconnect with my faith, that's for sure. I don't know. Ahhh...I don't want to jump into anything but I did not think about mm all night, and you know what, I just realized, I'm not now either.

 

Karma, that sounds to me like a 'friend', not a 'may-an'. Y'know? There's a difference. We all need some decent mates who are there in the background, but you talking about a 'potential man' is a whole different ball game.

 

That's not to say a guy can't start in one category and s-l-o-w-l-y work his way in to another.

[jthorne]

I think it's great for you to see that there is at least one, from the looks of it, decent man that is interested in you. Maybe it's this guy, maybe it's another one, but you can now see that there are other healthier possibilities.

 

From my own perspective, I didn't feel like it was fair to anyone else for me to start dating right out of the gate. I didn't want to involve someone else in the dropping of my baggage. I wanted to drop it myself so I could start fresh.

[BB07]

I was the first and I think the only one who chimed in and said go have fun. :laugh:

 

I stand by it.......fun is the name of the game, it doesn't have to be anything other than just a fun time out. You deserve a break KTD........and hey if you aren't ready to have a fun time with a man, go out with friends. My bff has saved me.....I really don't think I would have made it without her. We go out, treat ourselves to nice dinners and a couple of cocktails and enjoy each others company. Sometimes tears are shed, but we always find something to laugh about. I also have a male friend that I sometimes go out with and have dinner with, he has been a good source of support also.

 

Lean on your friends KTD......they will hold you up.

[KarmasTestDummy]

I was the first and I think the only one who chimed in and said go have fun. :laugh:

 

I stand by it.......fun is the name of the game, it doesn't have to be anything other than just a fun time out. You deserve a break KTD........and hey if you aren't ready to have a fun time with a man, go out with friends. My bff has saved me.....I really don't think I would have made it without her. We go out, treat ourselves to nice dinners and a couple of cocktails and enjoy each others company. Sometimes tears are shed, but we always find something to laugh about. I also have a male friend that I sometimes go out with and have dinner with, he has been a good source of support also.

 

Lean on your friends KTD......they will hold you up.

 

I can say one thing...I wobbled in and out of leaving my exh for years and never stuck with it because I couldn't see the possibilities for happiness. The last time I left I met a guy a week later, and things were strong fast. It didn't work for reasons of his doing, but I was totally committed and it was the most healing thing I could have done to move past my exh...enough that I never went back, because I did see I was worth more and someone out there could show me love and kindness.

[Dexter Morgan]

It's crazy, but he seemed like a really nice guy

 

if he knew you were married when you two fooled around at the club, then I'd say he aint that nice of a guy.

 

but since he is hot, I know you will think otherwise:rolleyes:

[fooled once]

I say go out and have fun.......but go slow if it gets muddled.

 

Ditto. Like I said to SB, you can't have too many friends. I don't call seeing him at karaoke a date. I call it meeting a friend. Dating to me is much more than just hanging out with your kids at a place you frequent.

 

In my opinion (you don't know me, so...), I would take this really slow.

 

I think you are taking steps to work on you, and you should continue. Take some time, Karma, don't rush. If it's something you want with this guy, he will wait.

 

You just came out of drama. Discern the reasons for that before you get involved with someone else.

 

I agree with this also. TAKE ANYTHING SLOW.

 

Who knows, maybe he is someone who would STAY in the friend category. Might be nice to have the attention of someone else, to help you get over the MM. I started dating my H within weeks of the affair I was in ending. We have been married 12+ years now -- heck we married 8 months after meeting.

[fooled once]

Also wanted to add.....

 

OW have said MM don't need time to get over their marriage, they want to a full relationship right out of the gate. Seems like a double standard to me. You should wait; but if the MM has an OW, he can move in with her right away since "the marriage has been dead for a long time".

 

Go with your gut ..... if it feels good, do it

 

just go slow

[Star_Bright]

Ditto. Like I said to SB, you can't have too many friends. I don't call seeing him at karaoke a date. I call it meeting a friend. Dating to me is much more than just hanging out with your kids at a place you frequent.

 

I agree with this also. TAKE ANYTHING SLOW.

 

Who knows, maybe he is someone who would STAY in the friend category. Might be nice to have the attention of someone else, to help you get over the MM. I started dating my H within weeks of the affair I was in ending. We have been married 12+ years now -- heck we married 8 months after meeting.

 

See my issue is that I have never had any luck being friends with guys (well, unless they were friends with the guy I was dating, or my brother or something... mutual friends but not one-on-one friendships). One of us has always wanted more or at least there's been that tension there. I don't know if that's weird or what ha ha.

[Silly_Girl]

See my issue is that I have never had any luck being friends with guys (well, unless they were friends with the guy I was dating, or my brother or something... mutual friends but not one-on-one friendships). One of us has always wanted more or at least there's been that tension there. I don't know if that's weird or what ha ha.

 

I have 2 real long-term guy friends, one is my first love, one is a guy I worked with from the age of 17. The rest are a little fuzzy, there's been the odd twang when they've wanted more, or I have. Sometimes cycles which are very far apart but which prevent them from being what I'd term true friends. I think it's hard, on the whole, to have platonic relationships when one/both are single.

[KarmasTestDummy]

if he knew you were married when you two fooled around at the club, then I'd say he aint that nice of a guy.

 

but since he is hot, I know you will think otherwise:rolleyes:

 

Oh Dexter, I love you if for nothing more than a light-hearted chuckle. That's not how it was at all. I had been out of my marital home for two weeks trying to leave an abusive relationship. We hung out...danced, had a very innocent kiss goodbye. He knew I had left my husband, nothing more. He wasn't doing anything innapropriate in either of our minds. I was merely out there testing the waters. I did what many mm do, went back to my spouse..and I was honest with him the second I decided to do so. Years have passed, we've both had a lot of changes happen, but yes, he is still hot, and for once we're both completely single at the same time.

[KarmasTestDummy]

See my issue is that I have never had any luck being friends with guys (well, unless they were friends with the guy I was dating, or my brother or something... mutual friends but not one-on-one friendships). One of us has always wanted more or at least there's been that tension there. I don't know if that's weird or what ha ha.

 

I have several guy friends but all have history...so I get what you're saying. I don't know that sexual tension doesn't ultimately get intertwined in the situation...but we have never gone back to that. Now it really is just friends, without even the tension.

[desertIslandCactus]

See my issue is that I have never had any luck being friends with guys (well, unless they were friends with the guy I was dating, or my brother or something... mutual friends but not one-on-one friendships). One of us has always wanted more or at least there's been that tension there. I don't know if that's weird or what ha ha.

 

No, it's life. In most male female relationships, one wishes for more in the relationship.

 

I have never regretted not dating those that I wasn't attracted to .. I thought it would be using them . And as a mother of adult sons, I know they feel the same.

 

Most men aren't looking for friendship in a woman.

[on a learning curve]

No, it's life. In most male female relationships, one wishes for more in the relationship.

 

I have never regretted not dating those that I wasn't attracted to .. I thought it would be using them . And as a mother of adult sons, I know they feel the same.

 

Most men aren't looking for friendship in a woman.

 

I have to agree with this.