Titania22 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 *sigh* My passion is to fix the schools that I came from. I see you're from NYC. There's a ton of private Jewish schools that are just utterly terrible. No soap or toilet paper. Roofs falling apart. Unpaid teachers. No extracurricular activities whatsoever. No labs of any kind. Textbook from the 80's. Highly undisciplined kids. Lots of things. So I plan on fixing them. There. I said it. My master plan has been unfolded. I can't do it now because I'm just too far away, and want to have some sort of credibility (say a college degree that can look into their finances). That's my #1 priority when I get out of college, TBH (and after I get a job in the city also). I wasn't exposed to a lot of different things I could do as a child, and wasn't when I got older. I'm horrible at drawing (cant even cut in a straight line. terribly shaky hands). Don't know an instrument. My only hobby is tinkering with electronics, but I really don't have the money for that. There must be something I'm actually doing that's wrong, and not just that I dont eat properly or exercise. Something I say or do specifically that irritates. That's really cool and grandiose. And I hear what you're saying. One thing that springs to mind now, is that these things and your passion are external. You see something outside yourself and you want to fix it. What about internal? It's great you're exercising, and getting fresh air and sunshine. But what about your mind. And by that I don't mean memorising facts and figures. I mean expanding your consciousness by asking big questions and looking for your own answers. As for specific things you're saying or doing, I actually would have to meet you, or even skype with you to have any clue. I don't know your body language, tone of voice, and what you actually say in situations. I don't know whether you pick up on others body language, and non verbal signals. There's so much we don't know from just reading a post.
Titania22 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I'll clarify: I don't know what being passionate about something really means. I've heard the term, but never saw someone actually really into something THAT much. Maybe not good examples but from youtube, Davedays is really passionate about music and making youtube videos and BoBurnham is really passionate about comedy, and finding what's funny.
harkkam Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) Bro, Im going to give you my two cents. A man cant feel like a man unless he knows he is a man. That means looking at yourself in the mirror and just having that smirk on your face. My suggestion first is: 1) Hit the Gym hardcore, get big so that you walk with confidence and take pride in yourself. Look people in the eye. If you're going bald maybe shave it all off and get ripped with abs and look like a sexy bald man like Mr. Clean 2) You could put yourself around thousands of people join all the clubs and have people shun you and if you dont have the skills to talk to people it wouldnt matter. So how do you practice your social skills? Social Skills are a soft skill - Walk up to random people and just say whats on your mind - Take a public speaking class - Attend workshops that focus on these skills - Read books but more about culture, and pop culture "trashy" stuff 3) Make peace with dying alone, not saying that you will but when you are desperate for something the more that it runs away from you. So how I make peace with it is. That I stand here alone in this place and I am okay, I am strong and I dont need a woman to love me. Kill that soft side that needs the cuddling. Cuddling and holding hands are nice, but you are a man and strong men dont need that. 4) The best way to meet women are through other friends because they trust their friends and through common links. Most of all you need confidence so when women look at you they dont think "oh he's nice" or "Yeah he is sweet" but more like "Whats up with him I wonder who he is" or "I wonder what kissing him would feel like" When you see those women in your clubs you look them in the eye, and in your mind you're not saying to yourself "I hope she likes me" no you say "I wonder if she is good enough for me" or "Lets see if she lives up to the expectation that she good enough for me." She isn't anymore special than you even if she won the genetic lottery which she did nothing for so dont be intimidated by her looks Women have to see you in a sexual nature, and working out getting in touch with yourself and your sexuality makes you confident. Not saying that its easy for me either but I realized that life and the earth the god that may be there doesnt care how sad you feel doesnt care how many tears you cry. I realized that you either survive and win or you perish and thats as good as suicide. I used to feel massive amounts of self pity and then I realized nobody gave a F*ck about how I felt. My problems where still in my head I was still who I was. I sat in my room and said I can go outside and blow my brains out (hypothetically), or I can just saddle up. Im trying to give up feeling bad. Its pointless bro. I felt sad for years and only when i took action did I get better. I've been in three relationships, I dont really remember how many girls ive kissed. Im 24 and I started this journey at 17. A girl I loved with all my heart and soul dumped me 6 months ago, and Im learning to be without her, being strong creating a vision for the future. I'm looking for a job soon and hopefully I can move close to New york city. There are so many beautiful women here and you just have to have courage to approach them. keep your head up bro. Edited October 19, 2010 by harkkam
krz12 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) "How about siblings? Taking trips and going to parks sounds a bit too homo for me to really consider doing with a guy friend, but its at least contemplatable with family." No siblings. Older parents. "Your smash brothers people. Do they have girlfriends?" No. Seriously. But they don't really care, either. Like I said, I kind of parted ways unintentionally by switching majors. "Are you overweight?" I dono. Depends on society standards. 6'1 and 189-192 lbs depending if I ate ice cream or not. I have a slight double chin if that matters... "I think you have to feel comfortable in your own skin before someone else will feel comfortable in your own skin. It sounds like what you want is a friend you can have sex with once in a while. I get that, its sort of the same boat I'm in. But I think we have to figure out the friend part first." A couple things I'm not getting. 1. You're going to college, presumably you're going to college for a reason, right? And I assume that reason is something financially related? If your goal is to make $17k a year, you're spending a lot of time and effort getting that double major + masters that you don't need. 2. You have a great plan to fix schools, and a hobby to fix electronics. Those require some money. You have an education to get you that money. And for some reason, you are "blah"ing off what you need to make your life better. I'm not talking about joining the Goldman Sachs investment banking ratrace where you work 14 hour days. But the average American works ~40 hours a week, that's 40 hours that you seem to be moping around instead. I don't know. I'm fine with having a girl-friend type of person. I just want to hang around more with girls. They seem just uninterested even in conversation. Its not like I ask every girl I see. I'm awful at flirting. I just usually try to talk about something, which is what I'd do no matter what I would be looking for. Sex or no sex. You mean someone with 2 X chromosomes? Because you have a girl in your Anime club, right? There must be some reason you want to hang out with more 'girls' as opposed to more 'people'. And there must be some reason you choose these girls (as opposed to, as I said earlier, Anime girl, who you know has a common interest). You've joined clubs about business and religion, but you don't actually seem interested in either business or religion. So like what on earth are you making conversation with these girls about? The weather? You've already ditched the easy topics (jobs, sports), but if you're not interested in what you're talking about, nobody else is either. Let me ask you a hypothetical. You have a girlfriend tomorrow. How is your day any different than yesterday? Edited October 19, 2010 by krz12
zerovandez Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 There's some really good advice in here from everyone. I hope the OP is taking notes cause I sure am! Thanks everyone!
Dexter Morgan Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 That really sounds way too vague... Dexter kills people for passion. Is that what you're saying? I should be a serial killer?. don't ride my coattails!!
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Maybe not good examples but from youtube, Davedays is really passionate about music and making youtube videos and BoBurnham is really passionate about comedy, and finding what's funny. So...doing anything in my spare time?
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 1) Hit the Gym hardcore, get big so that you walk with confidence and take pride in yourself. Look people in the eye. If you're going bald maybe shave it all off and get ripped with abs and look like a sexy bald man like Mr. Clean I have small bumps on my head that wouldn't look too good bald. For the gym thing, I just don't have the time to hardcore hit the gym and do my normal jog/walk. Walking an jogging makes me feel good both mentally and physically. Plus, I often do homework while walking, or at least contemplate problems. Does having muscle around the arms really make a difference? I've seen kids far shrimpier than me not having much of a problem. 2) You could put yourself around thousands of people join all the clubs and have people shun you and if you dont have the skills to talk to people it wouldnt matter. So how do you practice your social skills? Social Skills are a soft skill - Walk up to random people and just say whats on your mind - Take a public speaking class - Attend workshops that focus on these skills - Read books but more about culture, and pop culture "trashy" stuff I've been talking to random people a lot since last year, and I've gotten pretty good at regular conversation. I'm not good at asking people for stuff or doing something if they want to do something later (if I hardly know the person, obviously). I always feel that I am imposing myself on someone. I just ignore it most of the time. Why would looking at pop culture "trashy" stuff be good? Like Jersey Shore? That show is just awful, and is the bane of all that is good with the world. Just a bunch of self-obsessed loud hicks. 3) Make peace with dying alone, not saying that you will but when you are desperate for something the more that it runs away from you. So how I make peace with it is. That I stand here alone in this place and I am okay, I am strong and I dont need a woman to love me. Kill that soft side that needs the cuddling. Cuddling and holding hands are nice, but you are a man and strong men dont need that. I thought I could stand being alone easily before this summer. I was alone most of High School and actually enjoyed being by myself, and I would watch a lot of movies at the $1 movies theater on by own last year. During the summer I stayed back in school to take summer courses and intern. My roomies and friends all went home, so I was mostly alone. I was looking forward to it. Not so much during the summer. All the students were local, and I really couldn't talk to anyone due to everyone commuting and late classes. Its when I started going to on-campus consulars heavily, and I got extremely depressed by the summers end. I realize now that I need people a lot more than I thought, and living alone is not an option. That's also a secret fear of mine. I'm graduating in about 14 months. I don't want to live alone in a empty apartment. Sounds really depressing... 4) The best way to meet women are through other friends because they trust their friends and through common links. I get that. A friend of mine mentioned that to me today. Just seems too long and manipulative. Most of all you need confidence so when women look at you they dont think "oh he's nice" or "Yeah he is sweet" but more like "Whats up with him I wonder who he is" or "I wonder what kissing him would feel like" I don't know what to say...so I should be the lone messenger of the night or something? Don a cape and be secretive? I hear this from commercials and some books, but I just don't understand... (general theme here is I don't understand a lot about these sort of games people play. I prefer to be a straight-forward person as opposed to beat-around-the-bush about things.) When you see those women in your clubs you look them in the eye, and in your mind you're not saying to yourself "I hope she likes me" no you say "I wonder if she is good enough for me" or "Lets see if she lives up to the expectation that she good enough for me." She isn't anymore special than you even if she won the genetic lottery which she did nothing for so dont be intimidated by her looks I don't really do that. I don't care. I'm not gonna say I don't care about looks but there's that level of selectivity that for me seems lower. What most people rate a 5-6 I rate a 8. So most girls are pretty good looking by me. But I don' t think I all of the sudden don't have the right to speak or something. Even if I thought that girl was super hot, it wouldn't cross my mind that I shouldn't talk to her because she's hot. But if girls do take that to account with guys, then it explains a lot. From my interactions, it seems women over-inflate how awesome they are when in public. (although they supposedly are highly conscious of their looks and think they're ugly) Women have to see you in a sexual nature, and working out getting in touch with yourself and your sexuality makes you confident. Not saying that its easy for me either but I realized that life and the earth the god that may be there doesnt care how sad you feel doesnt care how many tears you cry. I realized that you either survive and win or you perish and thats as good as suicide. I used to feel massive amounts of self pity and then I realized nobody gave a F*ck about how I felt. My problems where still in my head I was still who I was. I sat in my room and said I can go outside and blow my brains out (hypothetically), or I can just saddle up. Im trying to give up feeling bad. Its pointless bro. I felt sad for years and only when i took action did I get better. I've been in three relationships, I dont really remember how many girls ive kissed. Im 24 and I started this journey at 17. A girl I loved with all my heart and soul dumped me 6 months ago, and Im learning to be without her, being strong creating a vision for the future. I'm looking for a job soon and hopefully I can move close to New york city. There are so many beautiful women here and you just have to have courage to approach them. keep your head up bro. But that's the thing. I'm not sure what to think. Is it something I do, or are girls just biased to think negatively about every guy they meet, and most guys do something that dispels them of that notion that I can't (or don't know about) do? I don't think there's something wrong with me personally. You have had relationships in the past. You will remember them, regardless if they were successful or not. I'm sure they had some great times (and some bad ones) that you would never want to forget. I guess that's the way to describe the difference between a best friend and a girlfriend (which I ask later) I've been taking a lot of the advice around here today. I stopped my routine (which I was gonna do anyway) and started to do more volunteering, but I just don't get one thing. From my experience, friends are acquaintances that you know and hang around. A best friend is someone who you can identify with like a brother (or something of that nature). Isn't a girlfriend a best friend with the benefit of physical contact, and that physical contact makes it far more than a really close friend (and also more volatile)? I mean, what is the difference between a best friend and a girlfriend minus breakups and close contact?
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 A couple things I'm not getting. 1. You're going to college, presumably you're going to college for a reason, right? And I assume that reason is something financially related? If your goal is to make $17k a year, you're spending a lot of time and effort getting that double major + masters that you don't need. 2. You have a great plan to fix schools, and a hobby to fix electronics. Those require some money. You have an education to get you that money. And for some reason, you are "blah"ing off what you need to make your life better. I'm not talking about joining the Goldman Sachs investment banking ratrace where you work 14 hour days. But the average American works ~40 hours a week, that's 40 hours that you seem to be moping around instead. Ok you bust me. Yeah, I care about getting a decent salary when I get out, but its just not my 'passion' or anything. Work just doesn't interest me. I've taken quite a few jobs and interned. Just not interested in work. I want to do my own private practice, probably in financial advisory down the line. But that's A LONG time from now. I need lots of experience and a Business Law degree before that's gonna happen. Its why I'm doing what I'm doing, but its a long road 'till I get there. (Need my Accounting Degree/Econ BA, then my CPA (which I might need a MS for, not sure yet), then at least 2 years Audit experience, then a CFA, then at least a year Tax experience, then a law degree, all the while building contacts and such. A looong while) All I'm saying is that its not my greatest concern. Accounting jobs are pretty plentiful, and the economy will turn around (hopefully) by the time I enter my own practice and have some clients. You mean someone with 2 X chromosomes? Because you have a girl in your Anime club, right? She was part of our circle, but not really a close friend or anything. Its not that she's not attractive, because she is. Just that she acts like a dude. Nothing wrong with that, but not really what I'm looking for now... There must be some reason you want to hang out with more 'girls' as opposed to more 'people'. And there must be some reason you choose these girls (as opposed to, as I said earlier, Anime girl, who you know has a common interest). Its simple. I'm looking for a close and intimate relationship. Not sure what that means, but it does sound good. You've joined clubs about business and religion, but you don't actually seem interested in either business or religion. So like what on earth are you making conversation with these girls about? The weather? You've already ditched the easy topics (jobs, sports), but if you're not interested in what you're talking about, nobody else is either. Let me ask you a hypothetical. You have a girlfriend tomorrow. How is your day any different than yesterday? I treat religion as something that makes me different (like an ethnicity). Besides, the religious clubs are really not religious. They just go on social trips and have some religious events without being very religious. (which is very odd, but w/e) I talk about classes and other misc. stuff. I don't know. Not everyone has common interests. What do THEY talk about? I don't know what would change by having a girlfriend (ie: intimate relationship with very close friend, or at least that's how I see it as). I have no idea what to base it on. People say various things depending on how their last relationship ended. No matter who I talked to, if you drill them enough, they have these scarily vivid memories of something they did. Some bitterly dwell on the breakup, but that's just stupid.
D-Lish Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Maybe it's your approach that is turning women off. Maybe you give out an awkward/creepy vibe when you approach single girls at Starbucks or ask them to dance at clubs? I've had guys approach me and I can just tell they aren't comfortable in their own skin- and that makes me uncomfortable as a result. When you say girls on your office give you odd looks- is it because you are staring or something? Do you think you could come off as someone that is trying too hard when you talk to women??? Do you consider yourself to have a good sense of humour? Humour is a good icebreaker. If girls often throw out totally unsolicited that they have a bf- there is something wrong in your approach, the vibe you give off when you converse with them. You are doing everything right in terms of trying to be more social by joining all these clubs. People would suggest that you get out there and make yourself more high profile, and you're doing that- so that leads me to believe the problem lies in your approach and demeanor.
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) ... To add: I guess that my life wouldn't change, but it would bring about a sense of clarity in having someone there all the time. And I'm sure I would have a lot of good memories to dwell on like other people do who had relationships. Besides, I really do want kids, and I don't want to be too old to have them. The only job I really liked was being a Consular. I did that 4 summers total and loved doing it. My parents were 39 when they had me, and didn't have too much time and energy for me (I was very annoying and tiring). Its not that they didn't care for me or didn't spend a lot of time on me. They did. But my dad was too tired to take me to the playground at 4. Edited October 20, 2010 by tooembarrassedtopost
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Maybe it's your approach that is turning women off. Maybe you give out an awkward/creepy vibe when you approach single girls at Starbucks or ask them to dance at clubs? I've had guys approach me and I can just tell they aren't comfortable in their own skin- and that makes me uncomfortable as a result. Its possible...but that brings me to my theory that girls pretend to think so highly of themselves outside. I don't try to hit on them in a traditional sense. I just try to make conversation no differently than I do with anyone else. No difference. Equal rights, no? When you say girls on your office give you odd looks- is it because you are staring or something? Do you think you could come off as someone that is trying too hard when you talk to women??? I....probably do. Unintentionally. I come from an all-boys school. College was like an ice bucket was slapped across my face. At first it hurt, then I got disoriented, then I got used to it. I might still unintentionally do things I probably shouldn't, such as staring at the boobage/clevage area during conversation. Its really hard! Do you consider yourself to have a good sense of humour? Humour is a good icebreaker. Yeah, but not in a conventional sense. Retarded sense of humor. My favorite comedies involve satire and flatulence. Example: Monty Python. Probably the most immature comedy of all time. Its true that I don't do a good job in public making jokes. My timing is usually off, but I've gotten better at it. For instance: The Rent Is Too Damn High Party....my favorite joke of the day (and the main talking point of everyone's discussions for obvious reasons). My main punchine would be saying he's what would happen if Hulk Hogan and Mr. T had a child, and wanted to get into politics. It would get people to laugh a lot, but I need something to compare with. Not very good at comebacks, and I hate insulting people as a joke (like those books say to do) because its something I always hated being done to me... If girls often throw out totally unsolicited that they have a bf- there is something wrong in your approach, the vibe you give off when you converse with them. You are doing everything right in terms of trying to be more social by joining all these clubs. People would suggest that you get out there and make yourself more high profile, and you're doing that- so that leads me to believe the problem lies in your approach and demeanor.That's what I think, but I'm not sure what. I really wouldn't mind going and asking someone directly when they act avoidance or throw the obvious "I had a boyfriend" wildcard. Would that just make the person slap me in the face, or would she be honest and tell me whats wrong?
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) don't ride my coattails!! Not trying to, but your coattails are very long. Edited October 20, 2010 by tooembarrassedtopost Damnit I can't change the color of the text on these boards!!!
D-Lish Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Its possible...but that brings me to my theory that girls pretend to think so highly of themselves outside. I don't try to hit on them in a traditional sense. I just try to make conversation no differently than I do with anyone else. No difference. Equal rights, no? I....probably do. Unintentionally. I come from an all-boys school. College was like an ice bucket was slapped across my face. At first it hurt, then I got disoriented, then I got used to it. I might still unintentionally do things I probably shouldn't, such as staring at the boobage/clevage area during conversation. Its really hard! Yeah, but not in a conventional sense. Retarded sense of humor. My favorite comedies involve satire and flatulence. Example: Monty Python. Probably the most immature comedy of all time. Its true that I don't do a good job in public making jokes. My timing is usually off, but I've gotten better at it. For instance: The Rent Is Too Damn High Party....my favorite joke of the day (and the main talking point of everyone's discussions for obvious reasons). My main punchine would be saying he's what would happen if Hulk Hogan and Mr. T had a child, and wanted to get into politics. It would get people to laugh a lot, but I need something to compare with. Not very good at comebacks, and I hate insulting people as a joke (like those books say to do) because its something I always hated being done to me... That's what I think, but I'm not sure what. I really wouldn't mind going and asking someone directly when they act avoidance or throw the obvious "I had a boyfriend" wildcard. Would that just make the person slap me in the face, or would she be honest and tell me whats wrong? Well, I tend to like fart jokes myself- and I have more post secondary education than I need, but my favorite comedy is Beerfest. Do you have any female friends at all? Female friends will be straight up with you and will give you the best advice. What about your guy friends? If they have gf's, they'd probably be happy to offer some advice. My only thought without knowing you and seeing you in action is that you could be trying too hard when you approach someone. Even if you don't think you are giving off that vibe, that's what I am guessing is the problem.
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 One random observation I just realized a second ago: Foreign asian girls seems to dig me. In fact, I think they might be hitting on me, which seems odd. Instance 1: Girl in my 1cr dance class. She giggles at almost everything I do. Anything I say she'll go into laughing mode. I had to tell her to stop laughing since we were being graded for the final. I like her, but don't get much of a chance to talk to her, since I was mostly dancing with my partner (who doesn't dig me so much since I'm inept at dancing, and need to be taught everything again and again). Do girls giggle a lot when they like someone, or she's just easily amused? Instance 2: Was at the on-campus Japanese eatery. I think that all the girls working there were smiling at me even while I was sitting at the table eating. I swear one was just staring at me. I didn't think much of it since I was starved, but I realize that now. Instance 3 and 4: Looking back, I was being hit on by more than a few other asian girls from my classes, but I didn't do much of it then. (Freshmen and sophomore year) Instance 5: Confused about this one, actually (shes not foreign, but asian also). She was kind of hitting on me at first a little bit. I met her in class first, and then in my club. One time, she asked me if I wanted to walk with her to a freshmen recruiting event. We talkied and hanged out a bit afterwards. A week later, she asked if I wanted to walk with her for food. Hanged out b for about 3 hours afterwards. We were having fun. Next day (and its been about 3 weeks now) she hardly said a word to me. Odd, really. Don't know the point of this. Saw a thread about the differences between Asian girls and the rest and thought I made this point. Don't get a correlation yet and honestly too tired now.
Author tooembarrassedtopost Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) Well, I tend to like fart jokes myself- and I have more post secondary education than I need, but my favorite comedy is Beerfest. Do you have any female friends at all? Female friends will be straight up with you and will give you the best advice. What about your guy friends? If they have gf's, they'd probably be happy to offer some advice. My only thought without knowing you and seeing you in action is that you could be trying too hard when you approach someone. Even if you don't think you are giving off that vibe, that's what I am guessing is the problem. Except for thr Anime girl...no. There's the girl from my dance class, but I really hardly know her, and I'll be seeing her Saturday for an event (shes in one of the clubs I'm in) My roomies have a lot of friends who are girls, but its like asking the band leader of Aerosmith for advice. You're gonna get pounded by witty rhetoric and looked like a fool. Plus, they're the kind of people who listen to way too much Bob Marley (not that's a bad thing) In other words, they'd say no problem to anything. Edited October 20, 2010 by tooembarrassedtopost
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