xpaperxcutx Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 There is nothing wrong with being desperate if you are communicating with girls who are desperate as well. Also, you both should be desperate about the same things. In other words, you both should match each other and be on the same page about what you want. For example, I am desperate for sex. Therefore, I would like to deal with a guy who is desperate for sex as well. I do not want for sex a guy who is like a dead/cold fish. But, I am not desperate about a serious relationship at all. Therefore, if a guy is desperate about exclusivity, jealousy, control, neediness, being a BF and other things like that, I do not want to deal with him. +1 This made my day :lmao:
Titania22 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 There is nothing wrong with being desperate if you are communicating with girls who are desperate as well. Also, you both should be desperate about the same things. In other words, you both should match each other and be on the same page about what you want. For example, I am desperate for sex. Therefore, I would like to deal with a guy who is desperate for sex as well. I do not want for sex a guy who is like a dead/cold fish. But, I am not desperate about a serious relationship at all. Therefore, if a guy is desperate about exclusivity, jealousy, control, neediness, being a BF and other things like that, I do not want to deal with him. Yeah This is awesome.
OliveOyl Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I do think there is a link. If someone is desperate enough, don't they naturally " cling" onto the first person that gives them any amount of attention? Desperation naturally makes a person clingy depending on the situation. I don't think there's a direct relationship between being desperate and being clingy. They are different attributes. As an example, suppose you are very very thirsty. Parched. You are "desperate" for water. Finally, a drinking fountain magically appears. You drink until you are not thirsty anymore. But that doesn't mean you keep drinking and drinking way past saturation phase. It doesn't mean you are "clingy." You have reached homeostasis, and will drink again when you are thirsty again... which may be the next day.
callingyouuu Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 There is nothing wrong with being desperate if you are communicating with girls who are desperate as well. Also, you both should be desperate about the same things. In other words, you both should match each other and be on the same page about what you want. For example, I am desperate for sex. Therefore, I would like to deal with a guy who is desperate for sex as well. I do not want for sex a guy who is like a dead/cold fish. But, I am not desperate about a serious relationship at all. Therefore, if a guy is desperate about exclusivity, jealousy, control, neediness, being a BF and other things like that, I do not want to deal with him. Strangely enough, this is probably the very blunt, yet most true answer to your question.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Yes, we're social creatures...but who's to say we need a partner to meet that social need? I would say that it's programmed into our genes. The relationships we have with with our lovers are the most intimate and profound of our lives. They can make or break a person. Humans are also not the only animal that pairs for life* - many species of bird do it and lots of other animals. Who's to say that they don't feel "love" for their partner. * Obviously many of those partnerships do not last a lifetime!
LittleTiger Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) Yes, we're social creatures...but who's to say we need a partner to meet that social need? You're right, we don't need a partner to meet our social needs, of course we don't. In fact, not everybody needs or even wants a partner, but having a partner meets a very specific need which is different from other social needs. It's a need for emotional and physical intimacy. I don't believe it's possible to get that from anyone other than a long term partner (long term in the loosest sense as opposed to ONS type intimacy). That's not to say that everybody on the planet feels that need in the first place - it's just that MOST people do. It's a natural bonding instinct that leads us to producing and raising offspring. Of course there are exceptions to every rule but my objection is to the belief that seems to be spouted these days that we should all be happy on our own and not need a partner. That's just not true or realistic in most cases. Most people do have a need for intimacy and therefore want a partner to meet their intimacy needs. Unless those needs are met, they are unlikely to be completely fulfilled or happy. Edit: and just to add some credence to my words, this is why the 'dating' section of LS is always the most active. Edited October 19, 2010 by LittleTiger
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I think if there was not some natural compulsion to find and keep a mate, many people would not put themselves through the ordeal of dating, relationships etc.
irc333 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 A person can avoid getting into a desperate state by keeping themselves busy with their own things and being happy with their life as a single person. Yeah, but even that gets old after awhile, eventually you're going to want someone to join you in doing those things.
luvnpain Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) Hmm. You don't really think about it when you hear the term desperate, it just seems to automatically associate itself or manifest as clingy or needy. Really though, they are not the same. There is nothing technically wrong with a feeling of desperation I guess. In fact, it could be quite romantic for your guy to say to you after a fight and a little no contact, "come back to me...I'm desperate to see you, feel your kiss. I need you in my life." Yes, that would touch a person if sincere. If I was approached by a guy who I sensed may be desperate, I would be very hesitant to get involved. I would want to know there are things about me in particular that made him pick me, and not that I was there and nice to him. I would also want to feel that I am sharing happiness with someone, and not responsible for providing his happiness. Maybe it's better to say I don't want to feel like his happiness is directly connected to me. OP, you say you are careful to not seem desperate. It's not really how you interact, but it can come across in subtle ways. Didn't you say that you were gonna go after a girl that was friends with the girl you liked for 6 months? If you showed interest in one, then in a friend and they have known you to be single this whole time then it could come off that you are acting a little desperate. If you are around a group of girls and you give the impression (through flirting, body language or whatever) that you would get with any of them really, then it could be seen as desperate. I dunno, just throwing it out there. Nothing wrong with admitting you want someone in your life, but until you find it you should really fill that time with enjoying your life. Do things you really enjoy with your friends, just to laugh and have fun. focus on meeting other goals you have and things you can control and when someone comes along that you like, then you can make her a part of a happy life. Edited October 19, 2010 by luvnpain
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