Started texting with online dating girl, but worried I pushed for first date too soon

[U1987]

So I started texting with that girl I mentioned in my other thread (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249435/).

 

What happened was, I asked her what type of tattoo she has on her ankle and told her some of my ideas for tattoos I might want in the future. She said her tattoo was her horse, and I asked about that; she rides horses. I told her that was cool, and tried to do some narrative/story telling like another poster here said. I told her that I regretted never taking up riding, but that I saw a polo match when I studied abroad in the UK for a summer, and that just watching was fun.

 

I decided to go for the number fast like another poster said. I didn't see the point of constant emails back and forth for weeks. I told her "I'm always close to a computer. I'm out of the house constantly, so texting is better for me. What's your number? Mine is xxx-xxx-xxxx."

 

She texted me first, within the hour. I thought that was an awesome sign, but to not appear desperate, I told her I had class and work and that I would text her back later that night or the next day.

 

So fast forward to last night, I text her about her weekend was. We texted (where we work, where we go to school, hobbies, etc) I don't want to keep it just text though, or else we won't have anything to talk about, so I tried to keep it vague. She asked me what I was up to this week.

 

I thought that she was asking my schedule to make a date. I told her that I have work and school, but that Thursday, I'd be close to her area (I have to drive a friend to the train station in her city). I asked her "You should come downtown after class Thursday. It would be awesome to put a voice to the pics and texts." She said "I dunno. I got class until late" I responded "until what time?" She said 5:15. I responded "I'll still be around. So what do you say?" She responded "Maybe haha I gotta take care of my horse too lol.

 

I didn't want to appear desperate and push it so I texted "Well let me know what's up thursday. I gotta send you those funny pics by the way. Check your inbox tonight." (I promised to send her some funny pictures about horses

 

So here I am. I'm worried I pushed for the first date to soon. What should I do? I'm gonna be in her general area Thursday. Should I call? Text? Wait for her to get back to me? I'm worried I screwed up and I want to save face.

[BobSacamento]

Man up and call her. She wants to make sure you don't sound like Screech......also wouldn't hurt to find out if she sounds like a clown.....I learned that the hard way haha

[U1987]

Man up and call her. She wants to make sure you don't sound like Screech......also wouldn't hurt to find out if she sounds like a clown.....I learned that the hard way haha

 

I prefer texting. You really can't get flustered or tongue tied on texting. It gives you time to think of things to talk about too.

[sanskrit]

You are doing just fine other than you need to cut the texts and get on the phone ASAP, and have handled things well. You have not asked for a date too soon at all. If it doesn't take with this one, it will with the next one. Just follow the advice you have gotten in your threads and you will have dates soon. There's a 50/50 chance this one is involved already and attention seeking based on her elusive replies. If she continues in this way, blow her off and move on to other options.

[sanskrit]

I prefer texting. You really can't get flustered or tongue tied on texting. It gives you time to think of things to talk about too.

 

Your only contact at this point should be to call and ask her out, then get off the phone. No real opportunity to get tongue-tied. Texting like this is wasting time on one you don't know will ever amount to anything.

[U1987]

Also, this might be done, but I've heard that girls like funny profiles. As an idea for my profile, would it be funny or cheesy if for my race/ethnicity, I put "Robo-American (1/2 Terminator, 1/2 Decepticon)?

[daphne]

Not really feeling the profile idea, because I didn't find it that funny.

 

Don't worry if you pushed first date too soon. Next time though, maybe you want to have a little more interaction so she can get to know you a little better and feel comfortable. And phoning is really preferable to long term texting. Any girl will tell you this. You're going to have to figure out what to say face to face anyway ifyou meet her. May as well get some practice.

 

For this one, just leave it alone and see if she continues texting. If her interest level returns, then throw it out there and see how she responds. And try not to react if she isn't ready. Some people take longer than others.

[dispatch3d]

You need to call her to make her more comfortable before meeting her in person. Think of it as a minidate. That's what I gather from her response. I think she wants to go but is nervous about how it will end up.

 

I've also noticed another woman on here who was very willing to meet up with a guy after he talked to her for a while over the phone. It's somewhat of a comfort thing.

[dispatch3d]

Also, this might be done, but I've heard that girls like funny profiles. As an idea for my profile, would it be funny or cheesy if for my race/ethnicity, I put "Robo-American (1/2 Terminator, 1/2 Decepticon)?

 

Nah, wouldn't bother. I don't think a girl is going to just fall in love because you made some clever joke about terminator or decepticons. If you can create banter back and forth that's one thing. Telling an okay/good/great joke is more immaterial. She's not involved or engaged so meh.

 

You risk coming off try hard, trying to impress, insecure, an entertainer (rather than someone she would date) etc.

 

Besides, the suggestin from fly worked (good job fly!) why change gears.....

[EyeAlone]

Also, this might be done, but I've heard that girls like funny profiles. As an idea for my profile, would it be funny or cheesy if for my race/ethnicity, I put "Robo-American (1/2 Terminator, 1/2 Decepticon)?

Many girls appreciate a dash of humor in profiles, but that's cheesy. Leave the humor for the free-response portions of your profile.

[Star Gazer]

Also, this might be done, but I've heard that girls like funny profiles. As an idea for my profile, would it be funny or cheesy if for my race/ethnicity, I put "Robo-American (1/2 Terminator, 1/2 Decepticon)?

 

If I saw that, I'd close the profile.

[BobSacamento]

I prefer texting. You really can't get flustered or tongue tied on texting. It gives you time to think of things to talk about too.

 

News Flash: It doesn't really matter what you prefer right now.

[xpaperxcutx]

Why don't you make a date with her when she doesn't have class? A proper date is better than a short meetup on where you're on the run.

[U1987]

Why don't you make a date with her when she doesn't have class? A proper date is better than a short meetup on where you're on the run.

 

I suggested AFTER class.

 

It's weird. She texted me first, asked me what I'm up to, but didn't suggest any other days.

 

Anyway, I think I'll go for the phonecall. How soon though? Think there's still a chance for Thurs when I'm in her area? Would it come of as desperate looking as calling her when I'm there just to remind her I'm in the area?

[daphne]

If I saw that, I'd close the profile.

 

 

Some of us use fewer words to the same effect.

[daphne]

News Flash: It doesn't really matter what you prefer right now.

 

I have to agree with Bob. If you were dating yourself and prefered texting that would be one thing. But if you're trying to appeal to women, you may want to consider what their preferences are and what would actually get better results. Just sayin..

[xpaperxcutx]

I suggested AFTER class.

 

It's weird. She texted me first, asked me what I'm up to, but didn't suggest any other days.

 

Anyway, I think I'll go for the phonecall. How soon though? Think there's still a chance for Thurs when I'm in her area? Would it come of as desperate looking as calling her when I'm there just to remind her I'm in the area?

 

Why do I get the feeling that she wants to remain anonymous?

 

If she doesn't suggest a date, you suggest one and go from there. Or is that too hard to ask?

 

I don't know her schedule but a typical call for arranging a date should be 2-3 days in advance? Suggest the weekends if she can't do weekdays.

 

Like I'd said before don't do chance encounters like popping up in her area and then texting her out of the blue. When I mentioned a proper date I actually meant a proper day where the both of you are free (from work and school) and can spend actually quality time getting to know each other.

[dispatch3d]

I suggested AFTER class.

 

It's weird. She texted me first, asked me what I'm up to, but didn't suggest any other days.

 

Anyway, I think I'll go for the phonecall. How soon though? Think there's still a chance for Thurs when I'm in her area? Would it come of as desperate looking as calling her when I'm there just to remind her I'm in the area?

 

Meh I wouldn't have an agenda and I wouldn't concern myself with when is the perfect time. Who cares.

 

As for the thursday it sounds like she's giving you a tough time organizing a time because she just isn't there comfort wise. I think talking to her on the phone a bit about random ****, having fun with it, and not taking things seriously at all at this point (why bother taking them seriously) is the way to go. If you two click then the organizing of a date will be easy. If you don't she'll continue to give you the oh I have class that night, and then my horse could be sick, and then my bike could break down, and what if my friend gets sick, blababla. Don't worry about that bull****. Just call her and shoot the ****.

[Tim The Enchanter]

 

I decided to go for the number fast like another poster said. I didn't see the point of constant emails back and forth for weeks. I told her "I'm always close to a computer. I'm out of the house constantly, so texting is better for me. What's your number? Mine is xxx-xxx-xxxx."

 

 

Why are you even texting her at this stage? You haven't even met her yet! I promise you that with each text you send, the more creepy she will find you and the more irritating to her you will become.

 

You shouldn't be sending emails back and forth for weeks, but at least try and strike up a rapport with them over 3 or 4 emails. Remember, this isn't like chatting up someone at a bar where you can both ascertain attraction, chemistry etc from the get-go. With OLD, email is a way to break the ice, find out a bit about each other and then SET UP A DATE.

 

In summary:

 

• You should have asked her out via email. When she writes back and agrees, that's when you give her your number. Invariably, the girl will simply email it to you.
  
• Do not, repeat, do not text and call this person constantly before you have actually met her. In fact, it's a good idea to keep contact to an absolute minimum between dates. If she texts or calls you, that's great, but otherwise keep it to a minimum. Only call her to set up a date, until you've been on at least three dates.
  
• You've admitted to preferring texting to calling. Well guess what, that's tantamount to admitting you're a spineless wimp who doesn't like taking risks. Women absolutely hate that. Anyway, if you'd asked her out over email, you wouldn't have needed to call or text anyway. Get the first date via email, but from then on it's call only.
  

Edited October 19, 2010 by Tim The Enchanter

[Andy_K]

Having done plenty of online dating over the last several years, I gotta go against the grain here and say calling is totally optional. I had no trouble at all going from text or email to meeting up.

[BobSacamento]

Having done plenty of online dating over the last several years, I gotta go against the grain here and say calling is totally optional. I had no trouble at all going from text or email to meeting up.

 

Personally I try to get the phone number after the first meeting. Getting a first meeting through email is generally standard procedure. Most people do not want to give their phone over the net. This also give me the opportunity to send a clear signal. If I don't ask for the phone number after the first meeting then I think it's pretty clear how interested I am.

 

Once you receive the phone number you should call to setup dates. It really indicates your interest level and separates you from the texting losers.

[U1987]

Why are you even texting her at this stage? You haven't even met her yet! I promise you that with each text you send, the more creepy she will find you and the more irritating to her you will become.

 

You shouldn't be sending emails back and forth for weeks, but at least try and strike up a rapport with them over 3 or 4 emails. Remember, this isn't like chatting up someone at a bar where you can both ascertain attraction, chemistry etc from the get-go. With OLD, email is a way to break the ice, find out a bit about each other and then SET UP A DATE.

 

In summary:

 

• You should have asked her out via email. When she writes back and agrees, that's when you give her your number. Invariably, the girl will simply email it to you.
  
• Do not, repeat, do not text and call this person constantly before you have actually met her. In fact, it's a good idea to keep contact to an absolute minimum between dates. If she texts or calls you, that's great, but otherwise keep it to a minimum. Only call her to set up a date, until you've been on at least three dates.
  
• You've admitted to preferring texting to calling. Well guess what, that's tantamount to admitting you're a spineless wimp who doesn't like taking risks. Women absolutely hate that. Anyway, if you'd asked her out over email, you wouldn't have needed to call or text anyway. Get the first date via email, but from then on it's call only.
  

 

I only went for the number because Alexlakeman on my previous thread to go for the number only. I haven't been texting constantly. I've been putting 1 or 2 days between texting sessions.

 

So what's the consensus? I'm going to be close to where she goes to school Thursday. So should I call Thursday after she gets out of class, tell her I'm in the area and ask if she's available and if not, suggest Sunday (my only free day for a while)? Or should I drop asking about Thursday after class completely?

[xpaperxcutx]

I feel like you'd skimmed over my last post. Do not spring an unplanned date on her. You're just setting yourself to get turned down. You're just giving her an excuse to say she's busy after school.

 

Do Sunday and give her a two day heads up.

[Andy_K]

Just to reinforce what was said directly above me, you should definitely give at least 1-2 days notice when you're setting up a date. If she either accepts or can't make it but suggests an alternative date/time straight away, that's a good sign. If she can't make it and fails to suggest an alternative, then you know you could be fighting a losing battle.

[Tim The Enchanter]

I haven't been texting constantly. I've been putting 1 or 2 days between texting sessions.

 

Why are you texting her at all? You haven't even met her yet! You should have set up a date via email, and then waited until the date.

 

So what's the consensus? I'm going to be close to where she goes to school Thursday. So should I call Thursday after she gets out of class, tell her I'm in the area and ask if she's available and if not, suggest Sunday (my only free day for a while)? Or should I drop asking about Thursday after class completely?

I did this when I read that:

 

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• Stop texting her
  

 

• Call her to set up a date. If she doesn't answer, leave a message saying you would like to meet up for a date
  
• If she doesn't return your call, move on
  
• In future, if you are using OLD, get the first date via email
  
• Stop chasing after women when you barely know each other. You haven't even met this person and you already making far too much fuss over her