ppge4 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 (edited) I have to vent. My boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago for someone else. Our friends are in the same network so of course I've seen them out and heard a little about her. Well. It turns out she is little miss PERFECT. I mean seriously, gorgeous, smart nice...you know everything that makes me want to vomit. Now i'm stuck and don't know how to move on. I try not to think it, but this little voice saying "you're not good enough" rings in the back of my head constantly. I don't even now how to get back into the dating scene when I"m in this lame state. I thought time would heal but six months?! This is getting ridiculous. Edited October 18, 2010 by ppge4
Lucky555 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 The dynamics of relationships..ugh! I can only suggest to delete contact I mean all forms! I know its hard in a social network. But really go out and date. Just date a variety of guys! It will be hard in the beginning because i think you will compare them to the last guy. Take off the rose colored glasses you have about your ex and really see the qualities and things that he did to you..like leave. Do you want to admire someone that leaves you? No. So dating new guys will give you a chance to see if someone does share maybe more of your interests or introduces you to new and exciting things! LIVE. Do you want to spend another 6 months or 2 weeks thinking of this loser of a guy? even if his new gf is little miss perfect so what. You have nothing to prove you are your own unique person and I'm sure you will find someone else who will not leave and who will like those little things about you that know one else notices..thats love. So get your space as much as possible, live, do things that make you laugh, and date guys. Just think you can get out and meet people and one day the ONE guy will knock your socks off. In the meanwhile you can have fun with people and remember the good times with those you dated till you bump into your special guy. You don't want the old guy hes old news, he left and thats his choice, at least you know now and didn't waste anymore time with him to leave in the future when you have invested more of yourself. Just think of the new exciting times. There will be a few good dates, some mediocre men, but some of these guys will help you to get to meeting your special guy. If you keep thinking of the old you never open your heart for the new guy who can treat you like the special lady you are.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 It is perfectly OK that at "6 months" you might need more time. People are great at understanding statistics until they aren't on the side of "average" that they want to be on. If the "average age" of first marriage for women is "26" ("30" for those with a Masters Degree), then some people simply have to comprise the higher side of "26". Don't automatically think that "6 months" is enough time for you. The woman being gorgeous, smart and nice... making you want to vomit... certainly illustrates a lot. You are probably continuing to hover too near to that same social circle, and that is aggravating what is already a painful experience. Perhaps look for inroads into different social circles and maybe take steps in a couple of different directions, some of which won't find you confronted by your ex boyfriend and his new woman.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Well to start off, limit the mutual contacts the both of you share. If you have a Facebook merely for social purposes, I suggest you go on a long FB break. Then you work on yourself. We all know trying to prove yourself to him is useless because you're only confident if you know your own self worth. If you feel like you have areas you have to work ( weight loss, hair, etc) you work on them. Of course, your end goal wouldn't be getting him back, but upgrading yourself to get more quality men. Especially with the holidays coming up, it would even be great to start next year's resolution today.
Author ppge4 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 Thank you everyone for the responses. I know 6 months isn't the longest time, but that-pit-in-the stomach feeling is as strong as ever. It still feels like it all just happened yesterday. I can't change the fact that he fell for a Kirsten Bell lookalike nor do I want to at this point. There's always that little part of me that wants to prove myself to him, but it's pointless. What I really need is to stop trying to compare myself to an impossible standard and maybe also avoid dating guys who HAVE impossible standards for girls. At this point it seems like the solution is finding something else in my life to be passionate about, whatever that is. Oh and yes you're right about the social networks. Facebook is the DEVIL.
Lucky555 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Facebook can be the devil but it saved me from being played and being a rebound. I'm a health professional so I anaylzed different components in message boards I couldn't help it I am going to protect myself especially if I don't know a person well. That's the upside. However your right get doing some things you love I personally don't think you should change yourself for anyone but be with a guy who stands by you and loves the qualities you have.
painfullyobvious Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 You seem more focused on her than him. If she were not little miss perfect would it be easier for you?
Author ppge4 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 You seem more focused on her than him. If she were not little miss perfect would it be easier for you? Is it terrible if I admit...probably yes? ugh. I don't want to be this jealous person. I grew up with a dad who always had very high standards for me and my siblings. Maybe it's carrying over...
tincanman99 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I think you need to work on this and vigorously. If you dont get past this, it will bother you for a LONG time. Go date lots of men, I am not exaggerating. Dont make excuses, just do it. I will tell you a quick story. I had a girlfriend that had mutual friends with me. As we dated she completely assimilated into my social group. We broke up and it got really ugly. There was one couple in particular that she was very close with who ironically were my next door neighbors (these were townhomes). In the beginning it was very amicable as I understood what happened, I was the rebound guy from her previous relationship. I cut off all contact with her as I just needed space. After she broke up with me she still wanted to be pals with me. Get all the perks without dating me. The couple next door, pushed and pushed with me ie. Why cant you be friends with her and hang out with her, blah, blah. Despite my misgivings I relented. Went out with where she proceeded to complain about not being able to find a nice guy. Well alrighty than.... We had a huge blow out fight and than my friends took sides. In the beginning it was split fairly even up the middle. Eventually though almost all the wives/girlfriends took her sides as it evolved into the "mr. tincanman99 is a piece of garbage" even though I backed off. The women put pressure on their husbands/boyfriends to stay away from me. Eventually because of the hostility I eventually just slowly backed away from the group. Out of all my former friends there is only 1 guy I still talk to. The rest are long gone but thats how it happens. This is why I am telling you that you need to work through this and nip it in the bud now.
worlybear Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hey I know how you feel. Don't know if it helps but I'm not over my X and its 18 months on. He left me for a younger woman and it hurts like hell even though she has a face like the back end of a bus-so looks aren't everything -lol I agree with the advice on here- focus on yourself ,take up a new hobby (bungee jumping?knitting? what the hell!) and don't beat yourself up- we're all here for you.:bunny:
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Thank you everyone for the responses. I know 6 months isn't the longest time, but that-pit-in-the stomach feeling is as strong as ever. It still feels like it all just happened yesterday. I can't change the fact that he fell for a Kirsten Bell lookalike nor do I want to at this point. There's always that little part of me that wants to prove myself to him, but it's pointless. What I really need is to stop trying to compare myself to an impossible standard and maybe also avoid dating guys who HAVE impossible standards for girls. At this point it seems like the solution is finding something else in my life to be passionate about, whatever that is. Oh and yes you're right about the social networks. Facebook is the DEVIL. Geez, give yourself a WHOLE LOT OF CREDIT here. You have effectively extoled the virtues of what we can't help but imagine is a decent-enough new woman in your ex boyfriend's life. HOW MANY other women could be so "fair" in that scenario? Maybe you are further along toward recovery than you think. (though a vibe just hit me where you'd describe her as 'Miss Arkansas' in one post here... then as 'Miss USA' in a subsequent post, and later as 'Miss World') I say you are exhibiting normal-for-you emotions and pain... and all of that is OK
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Hey I know how you feel. He left me for a younger woman and it hurts like hell even though she has a face like the back end of a bus See, there's the contrast... (and I can't exactly find much fault in that confided viewpoint given the circumstances as described)
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