How to "play hard to get"

[HeartOnSleeve]

Luckly he is much better than all the guys I have dated (gasp..yes I have dated folks, been in long term relationships, and have loved another human). That was part of the reason for writing. I want to play my cards right and have fun with him.

 

Thanks for all the encouragement and good advice....I will not play games

 

Best of luck to all of you!

[Mad Max]

I believe there can be a fine line between eager and desperate. For instance when I met my guy I wanted to spend ever second with him, I really just wanted to be in his presence....that could be mistaken for being desperate. The men I have met have all been very different. I say this because I've never been asked out by a guy....) Yes that's right you read correctly. My ex said it cause I look unapproachable and bitchy. Neither of which I am but I've met many different men not all the same

 

 

Looking unapproachable and b*tchy will certainly turn away many people. Wanting to spend every second with someone is desperate. Wanting to spend your FREE time with someone is something else.

[HeartOnSleeve]

Don't worry about it. You didn't attack anyone. The ones who flip out are just defensive (because part of them knows it's true).

 

As for playing hard to get, don't PLAY hard to get. BE hard to get by being your awesome, busy, social, I-have-a-life-outside-my-relationship gal.

 

Thank you Star Gazer! That is exactaly what I was expecting to hear "BE hard to get by being your awesome, busy, social, I-have-a-life-outside-my-relationship gal."

[nddb]

Just be yourself.

 

Bucking the trend here, I like the chase. I always enjoyed it. May be I'm not like most men. But I had fun and a bit of success during dating so when I got married, I didn't really hang up those skills. I just had to redirect it to one person. I think I'd be bored if I don't put it to use now and then.

 

If it's important to you that you be treated with old fashioned courtship and "chase", let it be known that you enjoy these things. Humans are unique, and so is your guy. Just test it out and let him know.

 

My wife hates being made to wait, and she prefers that I open doors, sends flowers, occasional unexpected love notes or gifts or flowers, call if I'm going to be late. And she wants me to discuss ahead if we are going somewhere, not expecting and taking for granted.

 

I think it's endearing that she never lost the date-like quality to her approach to our relationship, even though she's now approaching retirement age. None of what she asks is unreasonable or costly, and only requires a little aforethought to make her feel special so I don't mind.

 

In return, she dresses up for me, makes a real effort to make me happy in the things I value. You may say she plays a little coy at times still after 20 years...keeps me chasing. But in return, she doesn't act the part of the long-married housewife (she would hate that label) and still keeps up the seductive girlfriend bit

 

Not all men are made from the same mold. Just be yourself.

[yoga18]

Looking unapproachable and b*tchy will certainly turn away many people. Wanting to spend every second with someone is desperate. Wanting to spend your FREE time with someone is something else.

 

I'm talking about the first month or so wanting to see each other as much as possible etc....I'm not talking months down the road lol. I'm just saying and fyi I'm not bitchy I'm the most down to earth girl, super kind, sweet and attentive, I appreciate what others bring to my life. The unapproachable thing its because when I'm out with friends ect I'm not out looking for a guy so I'm not interested in meeting anyone. Besides what did my ex know he was a cheating ass!

[xpaperxcutx]

Just be yourself.

 

Bucking the trend here, I like the chase. I always enjoyed it. May be I'm not like most men. But I had fun and a bit of success during dating so when I got married, I didn't really hang up those skills. I just had to redirect it to one person. I think I'd be bored if I don't put it to use now and then.

 

If it's important to you that you be treated with old fashioned courtship and "chase", let it be known that you enjoy these things. Humans are unique, and so is your guy. Just test it out and let him know.

 

My wife hates being made to wait, and she prefers that I open doors, sends flowers, occasional unexpected love notes or gifts or flowers, call if I'm going to be late. And she wants me to discuss ahead if we are going somewhere, not expecting and taking for granted.

 

I think it's endearing that she never lost the date-like quality to her approach to our relationship, even though she's now approaching retirement age. None of what she asks is unreasonable or costly, and only requires a little aforethought to make her feel special so I don't mind.

 

In return, she dresses up for me, makes a real effort to make me happy in the things I value. You may say she plays a little coy at times still after 20 years...keeps me chasing. But in return, she doesn't act the part of the long-married housewife (she would hate that label) and still keeps up the seductive girlfriend bit

 

Not all men are made from the same mold. Just be yourself.

 

NDDB, your relationship should be applauded. You have no idea how many times both women and men complain about not getting the treatment they deserve. If one manages to have your sentimentality of giving a little to receive a little, than the world would not have so much divorces.

[HeartOnSleeve]

A-DOR-ABLE Nddb!!! Great advice.

[harmfulsweetz]

Star gazer has it spot on!

 

I don't believe in games, you either like a person or you don't. Of course, that's not to say you have to be available every time they want you to be, don't be, but don't keep turning him away, or act all hard to get because you think it'll keep them interested. It won't. All that does is indicate your lack of interest, which will send them running.

 

Strike a balance which is right for you, but make sure you don't just turn them down for a date because you want to be hard to get, make sure you're actually busy (even if it is just with a movie, and some wine!) i.e. if he asks you out for the friday night, and you say you're busy, then he suggests saturday, busy again, and so forth. Pretty quickly he's going to pick up on the idea you're not interested.

 

So, I'd suggest making sure he knows your interested, but also that he knows and understands you have your own life, and your own interests. That's sexy as hell, and will keep him interested.

[atlnay]

My wife hates being made to wait, and she prefers that I open doors, sends flowers, occasional unexpected love notes or gifts or flowers, call if I'm going to be late. And she wants me to discuss ahead if we are going somewhere, not expecting and taking for granted.

 

I think it's endearing that she never lost the date-like quality to her approach to our relationship, even though she's now approaching retirement age. None of what she asks is unreasonable or costly, and only requires a little aforethought to make her feel special so I don't mind.

 

In return, she dresses up for me, makes a real effort to make me happy in the things I value. You may say she plays a little coy at times still after 20 years...keeps me chasing. But in return, she doesn't act the part of the long-married housewife (she would hate that label) and still keeps up the seductive girlfriend bit

 

Not all men are made from the same mold. Just be yourself.

 

I wanna be like your wife when I grow up :love:

 

Such a sweet story & outlook. You both are lucky to have each other!

[Chicago_Guy]

No doubt I made this thread, but if you are accusing me of doing the attacking...all THREE of you should probably read you posts (mainly directed at MadMen)

 

I made the post because I was curious and really did want more cute, fun, and real answers. So what you are all saying is you want a girl that girls you every day, is always available, and tells you all the time that she wants you...yada yada yada. No work involved at all?? Why is that most men end of with b*tches and get bored with all the nice girls? Kind of like the "nice guys finish last".

 

What you wrote is not true at all! Believe me, if a girl is hot enough and displays other attractive qualities such as being loyal, appreciative, and supportive, few men will dump her for being boring. As far as I can tell, women are the ones who are far more likely to dump men for being "boring."

[Chicago_Guy]

Just be yourself.

 

Bucking the trend here, I like the chase. I always enjoyed it. May be I'm not like most men. But I had fun and a bit of success during dating so when I got married, I didn't really hang up those skills. I just had to redirect it to one person. I think I'd be bored if I don't put it to use now and then.

 

If it's important to you that you be treated with old fashioned courtship and "chase", let it be known that you enjoy these things. Humans are unique, and so is your guy. Just test it out and let him know.

 

My wife hates being made to wait, and she prefers that I open doors, sends flowers, occasional unexpected love notes or gifts or flowers, call if I'm going to be late. And she wants me to discuss ahead if we are going somewhere, not expecting and taking for granted.

 

I think it's endearing that she never lost the date-like quality to her approach to our relationship, even though she's now approaching retirement age. None of what she asks is unreasonable or costly, and only requires a little aforethought to make her feel special so I don't mind.

 

In return, she dresses up for me, makes a real effort to make me happy in the things I value. You may say she plays a little coy at times still after 20 years...keeps me chasing. But in return, she doesn't act the part of the long-married housewife (she would hate that label) and still keeps up the seductive girlfriend bit

 

Not all men are made from the same mold. Just be yourself.

 

I don't understand how what you wrote constitutes "chasing" - it seems more like common courtesy. Neither men nor women like to feel as though they are being taken for granted.

[nddb]

I don't understand how what you wrote constitutes "chasing" - it seems more like common courtesy. Neither men nor women like to feel as though they are being taken for granted.

 

OK...

 

I'm not one to quibble over little semantic definition.

 

Call it whatever you like with whatever label fits.

[yoga18]

What you wrote is not true at all! Believe me, if a girl is hot enough and displays other attractive qualities such as being loyal, appreciative, and supportive, few men will dump her for being boring. As far as I can tell, women are the ones who are far more likely to dump men for being "boring."

 

I've noticed many, many men who have a bitch for a girlfriend. The guy gives them everything the bitch uses, abuses, and discards. Yet they still offer these girls the world ten fold. Then the nice girls pay the price and get nothing but holding back and keeping them at a distance....just an observation but I see it all the time. I know a lot of really bitchy girls who have rings on their fingers etc and the nice girls just sitting and waiting...too nice to say hey its been six years think its time to get engaged?

[daphne]

To the OP,

 

Yeah sorry about whatever happened in the beginning of your post. That was uncalled for. I love it when people attack and turn it around on you for defending yourself.

 

That being said, I can tell you that what men say and what men do are two entirely different things. In my experience with dating, and watching other couples, most men do actually prefer the chase. They just don't like it to be super obvious. Like star said, be hard to get don't play hard to get.

 

Men who have all kinds of options are more intrigued by a girl who doesn't play the doormat and drop everything for him. If you are in limited supply and higher demand, people do take notice. It's just human nature. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a guy take an obviously great catch of a gf for granted and not feel that *spark* because she actually didn't play games and was super sweet and loving towards him. Almost like he couldn't appreciate someone who would hold him in high esteem.

 

So people can pretend that it's a phenomenon or not true but they may not be completely self aware or have enough dating experience. Creating attraction is a delicate thing and is not often created and maintained by two people just saying "ok here we go. We like each other and this is it. The End." Fairy tale. Most men really do like to have somewhat of a chase. Some way more than others. The trick is not playing hard core games that make him feel you're not interested.

[Mad Max]

Yeah sorry about whatever happened in the beginning of your post. That was uncalled for. I love it when people attack and turn it around on you for defending yourself.

 

 

She attacked first. There was no self-defense on her part. Calling people bitter because she didn't get the feedback she wanted was initiating a confrontation on her part.

 

 

That being said, I can tell you that what men say and what men do are two entirely different things. In my experience with dating, and watching other couples, most men do actually prefer the chase. They just don't like it to be super obvious. Like star said, be hard to get don't play hard to get.

 

 

Funny because I find that to be the case with women. Men DO NOT prefer the chase. If it's someone with no options, then I can see them liking the chase. No man with options is going to like the chase. As a man with options, why should I chase someone when there are others that won't play games?

 

 

Men who have all kinds of options are more intrigued by a girl who doesn't play the doormat and drop everything for him. If you are in limited supply and higher demand, people do take notice. It's just human nature. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a guy take an obviously great catch of a gf for granted and not feel that *spark* because she actually didn't play games and was super sweet and loving towards him. Almost like he couldn't appreciate someone who would hold him in high esteem.

 

 

I'm intrigued by the girl that doesn't take sh*t, but makes her feelings known and doesn't play games.

 

 

So people can pretend that it's a phenomenon or not true but they may not be completely self aware or have enough dating experience. Creating attraction is a delicate thing and is not often created and maintained by two people just saying "ok here we go. We like each other and this is it. The End." Fairy tale. Most men really do like to have somewhat of a chase. Some way more than others. The trick is not playing hard core games that make him feel you're not interested.

 

 

You obviously have little experience with various types of men. I refuse to chase, I don't like the chase, and know many that feel the same. Every girl that tried to have me chase resulted in me running in the opposite direction.

[yoga18]

To the OP,

 

Yeah sorry about whatever happened in the beginning of your post. That was uncalled for. I love it when people attack and turn it around on you for defending yourself.

 

That being said, I can tell you that what men say and what men do are two entirely different things. In my experience with dating, and watching other couples, most men do actually prefer the chase. They just don't like it to be super obvious. Like star said, be hard to get don't play hard to get.

 

Men who have all kinds of options are more intrigued by a girl who doesn't play the doormat and drop everything for him. If you are in limited supply and higher demand, people do take notice. It's just human nature. I can't tell you how many times I've seen a guy take an obviously great catch of a gf for granted and not feel that *spark* because she actually didn't play games and was super sweet and loving towards him. Almost like he couldn't appreciate someone who would hold him in high esteem.

 

So people can pretend that it's a phenomenon or not true but they may not be completely self aware or have enough dating experience. Creating attraction is a delicate thing and is not often created and maintained by two people just saying "ok here we go. We like each other and this is it. The End." Fairy tale. Most men really do like to have somewhat of a chase. Some way more than others. The trick is not playing hard core games that make him feel you're not interested.

 

Thank you could not have said it better myself

[CobaltBlue]

Without attacking you, I'll try to say what some of the other men have been saying in a different way to save you alot of heartache. From your post:

 

"We've already slept together and have a great connection."

 

That sounds good doesn't it? Let me ask you a serious question, if your like this guy as much as you say are you prepared to give that great connection up? Because you just might be.

 

I will second what many of the other men said... most well adjusted men do not like to chase. Of course some do, there are always exceptions and usually these exceptions are called players.

 

Its one thing to want to play a game when things are going downhill, but in this case if you have that really great connection and you starting becoming "busy living you're life" (or some variant, we all know what this really is) he may think that you don't like him or that that connection really isn't what he thought it was.

 

And he will figure it out, and if not, if the chase is what really interests him be prepared to keep up the act for as long as your with him.

 

So if you're feeling lucky give the hard to get thing a try, I'm sure it will be fun and hey, if he walks you've learned a few tricks to try on the next guy.

[waynebrady]

To the OP,

 

Yeah sorry about whatever happened in the beginning of your post. That was uncalled for. I love it when people attack and turn it around on you for defending yourself.

 

Give me a break. She started it by saying men who don't like it when women play hard to get are bitter. Which is not the case. It's just that alot of men don't put up with that hard to get bull**** you women put us through.

[HeartOnSleeve]

Thanks Daphne & Yoga18!! and sorry about these other people that can't seem to let anything go. I already apologized to them if I affended them in any way.

 

That said, thank you for your input and I took what was said in this ENTIRE thread to heart. No "games" here folks! I will be myself and hopefully that will intrigue him enough..right

[Princess2]

Hi Everyone! I need some advice. I recently met a great guy online about a month ago. I'm not one to "need" the chase, but I have a feeling he is!

 

So how does one "play hard to get"? It seems like a game to me, but I feel as though I should give it a go. I've done he obvious: not call/text him back straight away. Don't be too availiable, which is hard becuase I like him, and let him do a lot of the contacting. What else is there?

 

We've already slept together and have a great connection.

 

Help please...I like this guy! lol

 

Ok I didn't really read anything else in here. But sorry umm you already slept with him and you're wondering how to play hard to get??? LMAO ahahaha oh my that sounds so funny to me.

 

But you know, when I 'messed around with' (no sex) ... and didn't contact the guy after -- I do this all the time actually -- they are like "wow, you forgot about me already???" I say no. My aloofness intrigues them, but it's genuine. (I always get attached AFTER sex, which is why I rarely give it up.)

Edited October 23, 2010 by Princess2