Truly Lost Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 I've been online dating on and off for nearly two years. Still no luck!! The people I did meet that I thought had some potential ended up being flaky or had too much baggage. I was wondering if I handled the situation below well or if I should have been more patient. The last guy I dated (a little over a month) I really liked a lot. He had been in a previous relationship that lasted 7 years. She cheated on him. That was 2 years ago and he split from her completely a little over 1 year ago. He still seems a little hung up on her, but he wanted me to know that he wasn't. I have to question that. I even look like her. How do I know this? She is on his FB page and they still talk back and forth to each other. WTF!! I only keep in contact (seldomly) with one of my ex’s and that's because our break up was mutual. Neither of us cheated or betrayed each other. It bothered me that he is friends with her on FB because it tells me he is still trying to stay connected to her in some way. Why he would want to stay in contact with someone that hurt him so badly is anyone’s guess. Her profile picture is of her and her new boyfriend (the one that she cheated on him with). I don’t understand why this guy would want to see that. Anyway, at about three weeks of dating we had sex. It was my suggestion, but I did say that we don't have to since it is probably a bit too soon. He liked the idea and we both still wanted to, so I thought what the hell. Well, it wasn’t good. It was not passionate and felt like his heart was definitely not with me. What made it even more pathetic was afterward he said, “Now that was passionate!” I couldn’t have disagreed with him more. I don’t think he is bad at sex, just that it could have been a lot better if his head was with me and not somewhere else. Well, another week goes by and I don’t hear from him. (Just to back track a little, we didn’t talk on a daily basis on the phone, but when we did it would last for 5 to 6 hours. That was great, but I couldn’t understand why we couldn’t hang out instead.) Anyway, since I was still doubtful of his feelings for me I felt it was still important that he make all the first moves. Well, we had planned to meet again and I was excited to see him since we had pushed the relationship to a more intimate level. So Friday came and we were going to meet up, or at least that is what I thought. He called me, and we talked. He told me that he was thinking of changing jobs and that it would entail him moving two hours away for less pay, but more experience. I told him that I didn’t want him to go, but I understand if he thinks this is something he must do. He then told me the pros and cons and it sounded like a very bad idea. But he still seemed adamant that he was going to make the move. I again was disappointed at his decision. It made me feel very alone and confused. Where do I stand?? Then he proceeded to tell me that he had decided to stay in tonight and get drunk with his Dad. I was floored!! What?!? I was offended that he would rather hang out with his Dad than with me. He got off work before I did and I guess he started drinking early, I don’t know. So Sunday comes and he came by and we hung out till real late. I guess he felt bad about Friday. Then he kissed me, somewhat reluctantly, told me he would call me and went home. Another week goes by and he did it again. Told me he was going to stay in because of work and that he will see me next weekend. WTF?!? I was really offended this time. I can’t believe he snubbed me again!! So being angry I sent him an email telling him that it had become clear that he was not looking for the same thing I was and that I didn’t want to waste my time or his time. I told him I had fun and that I wish him luck in the future. He emailed me back saying he was surprised and doesn’t agree with me and that he can’t believe that I’m ending it “just like that”. He called me later to get more details, and I told him that I don’t know what is going on. This is a really ambiguous situation and that I don't think he is ready for me yet. He said that he can’t convince me of anything and that things happen for a reason, but he said that he will keep in touch. I haven’t really heard from him since. Accept for meaningless comments on FB. It’s stating the obvious that he wasn’t all that interested in me, but again does anyone think I should have been more patient?
machiavellian Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 but again does anyone think I should have been more patient? Definitely not. As you said, it's completely obvious that he's not over his ex.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 "the obvious" is that he's a loser. Good riddance!
daphne Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 If he had had a valid excuse, like he was sick or his car had broken down then I'd say you were over reacting. But he chose to stay at home and get drunk with his dad, when he can do that anytime? I think you did handle it well. Better than most who would not have wished him well and told him that she had fun. Good for you!
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