flow15 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 So I've been messaging this guy I like for the past two weeks...we had got together about 6 years ago when we were young but nothing ever came of it. I bumped into him recently and we started talking again and catchin up on old times, and obviously the attraction is still there. so for the past 2 weeks hes been messaging me every day and we decided to go out for a few drinks, we had a great night and at the end of the night we kissed. we agreed to meet up the following night, we went out again for a few drinks, again had a fun nght and we kissed through out the night. however at the end of the night when he drove me home, we kissed in his car and he was obviously trying to have sex with me. i told him it wasnt going to happen that i have respect for myself (ie im not a whore whos is going to sleep with someone after 2 dates- and they were hardly dates, more like friends meeting up/catching up who fancy eachother) I like him, but i dont want a boyfriend as got hurt in last relationship and just want to have fun for now, and he told me he doesnt want a girlfriend hes too young etc. wants to live for the moment etc. i didnt want to sleep with him cos i want him to respect me and dont want him to use me for sex, even though i really wanted to sleep with him as i rly like him. did he only ask me out these two nights just to have sex with me? is he interested at all in me? If i had slept with him would it have made me look like a slag? Would he lose all respect for me and lose interest in me if i had slept with him?? at the same time i do just want to have fun and live for the moment. i thought i did the right thing, but now im not so sure... (sorry for long message)
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Every man is different. I had a number of one night stands in the past, and found them deeply unsatisfying. If I have sex with a woman now, it's because I want things to develop into a relationship, if they haven't already. You should do whatever you are comfortable with. If you're not comfortable having sex straight away, that's your right and he should respect that. The old adage is that, if a man is interested, he won't be put off by having to wait. And as you've said, you've already been kissing and getting off with one another. For me, that would keep me ticking over for several dates at least. My last girlfriend was very forward and open about sex. We would talk about it a lot and our relationship was very physical, but she still made me wait until about the fourth or fifth date before we had sex. And I was perfectly happy with that arrangement. When we did have sex it was worth the wait.
Author flow15 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 Every man is different. I had a number of one night stands in the past, and found them deeply unsatisfying. If I have sex with a woman now, it's because I want things to develop into a relationship, if they haven't already. You should do whatever you are comfortable with. If you're not comfortable having sex straight away, that's your right and he should respect that. The old adage is that, if a man is interested, he won't be put off by having to wait. And as you've said, you've already been kissing and getting off with one another. For me, that would keep me ticking over for several dates at least. My last girlfriend was very forward and open about sex. We would talk about it a lot and our relationship was very physical, but she still made me wait until about the fourth or fifth date before we had sex. And I was perfectly happy with that arrangement. When we did have sex it was worth the wait. thanks for the reply! the thing is he hasn't got in contact since. before that he had been messaging me every day for 2 weeks, and the night he tried it and i said no, when i got home he messaged me saying good night and asked if i regretted it (as a joke) and i said no sorry i have principles, and he said, thats good that i do! and i havent heard from him since and its been 2 days! i feel like asking him if he had just been messaging me to have sex with me. or should i not bother? the thing is i really wanted to cos there is major physical attraction between us, but would he think i was a slag if i did?
stillafool Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Well you can't blame a young man for trying. You did the right thing and I'm sure when he calmed down:o he realized that you are a keeper. If he felt the "kiss" he will call again. If not, he isn't worthy so move on. Personally, I think he will call again.
stillafool Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Don't call him, let him call you. You have already set the pace so let him take it from there. Since there is major attraction he will call again.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 thanks for the reply! the thing is he hasn't got in contact since. before that he had been messaging me every day for 2 weeks, and the night he tried it and i said no, when i got home he messaged me saying good night and asked if i regretted it (as a joke) and i said no sorry i have principles, and he said, thats good that i do! and i havent heard from him since and its been 2 days! i feel like asking him if he had just been messaging me to have sex with me. or should i not bother? the thing is i really wanted to cos there is major physical attraction between us, but would he think i was a slag if i did? Frankly, it sounds to me that he hoped you were a slag, and that's why he tried to get you to have sex. The fact that you refused proves that you are not. Also, it's pretty damning of him to give you the silent treatment since that time, as it makes him look like he was just trying to get into your knickers and did not see you as a potential girlfriend. There have been many occasions where I've been seeing someone and they have asked me if we can takes things slowly. I have never, ever been offended or even disappointed by that. In fact, I am flattered as it means she sees more in me than a quick lay. One woman said to me that if she didn't like me so much, she would have been more likely to have sex with me sooner. Don't confront this guy about the sex thing. But do give him a call. If he doesn't answer or return your call, it's likely that he's a bit of a rat and not worth troubling yourself over.
Author flow15 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 Frankly, it sounds to me that he hoped you were a slag, and that's why he tried to get you to have sex. The fact that you refused proves that you are not. Also, it's pretty damning of him to give you the silent treatment since that time, as it makes him look like he was just trying to get into your knickers and did not see you as a potential girlfriend. There have been many occasions where I've been seeing someone and they have asked me if we can takes things slowly. I have never, ever been offended or even disappointed by that. In fact, I am flattered as it means she sees more in me than a quick lay. One woman said to me that if she didn't like me so much, she would have been more likely to have sex with me sooner. Don't confront this guy about the sex thing. But do give him a call. If he doesn't answer or return your call, it's likely that he's a bit of a rat and not worth troubling yourself over. Well I didn't think he would see me as a potential girlfriend, because he had said that he has been in relationships before where he feels like he's married (and i agreed) and he said he just wants to have fun as hes young. and i said the same thing that i just want to have fun as im sick of getting hurt in relationships. but at the same time, im not gonna sleep with someone straight away as im not a slag and i dont want him to think im one either!
Recommended Posts