swfc_77 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 (edited) first of all i'd like to say cheers to everyone who helps each other out on here, some people can handle break ups quite well, others (like me) struggle with the pain and rejection. im not over her by a long way. i still think about her, long to see her smile, wonder if she is thinking of me. but im starting to realise that is over and it was prob for the best in the long run. when i met my ex she said she was a "traditional girl" i thought this meant having self respect, honesty, being faithful and determination to work out life's problems. she never had been a "traditional girl" before i met her, she's had more partners than me and i have 3 years on her. now im realising that she was just a lier, a fake, someone who tells you what you want to hear. what hurts me now is that she has great potential to be a really great girl in life, and if you ask her she would say she is already, but actions speak louder than words. she has had numerous partners, her sisters ex for 1, numerous disease's and is out now more than likely adding more men to the tally and running the risk of being infected again. her friends dont help they are single and older and do have a slight name for themselve's. the problem is my ex is very stubborn, i knew what she was like before we got together people warned me, i didn't listen. she was never and most likely never will be a traditional girl, she will always follow the crowd, never take the lead. this is not a bashing for my ex but im also realising i didn't really like her family, their views on life where very different to mine. acceptable behaviour to them was quite outrageous to me. not a bad family but i'd often say to myself if that was my daughter or if that was my mum you know what im getting at. i do go out and have a beer with the friends everynight as i dont want to sit in "our" bedroom alone, but that room is not seeming so scary now even tho nothing has changed. the future does look bleak our annerversary is coming up, she lives close by, im restricted at where i can go without seeing her, her sister lives a few house's down from me, infomation about her always gets back to me from someone as we move in the same circles. the future might seem a bit bleak, but it cant be as bleak as the past. i'v taken a step back and looking at what i'v just spent the last 2 years with - a liar, a cheat, someone with no morals, a very selfish self centred indavidual. im not bitter or angry as much anymore, i feel quite glad at the fact this person is no longer in my life. its going to hurt like hell when i see her which is going to happen 1 day soon. people will be telling her she can do better than me, mainly lads who are after a quick jump. she is very naive towards men, she thinks because they message her on facebook or ask for her number they just wants to be friends. the guy she left me for first time round told her that he'd fancied her for ages, lol. she fell for it. she told me when we got back together she dumped him as he was a prick, i heard last night from his close mate that he'd had enough of her. silly games that i really cant be arsed with anymore. i just hope all women are not so immature. im glad im out, imagine that for the rest of your life. i feel like i'v been digging away to find the key to movin on and its been in my pocket the whole time. if anyone is hurting out there take a big step back and look at what REALLY HAS LEFT YOU not what you THINK has left you. chin up everyone. Edited October 18, 2010 by swfc_77
alwayshoping Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Matey your awesome! I got worried as you hadn't posted for a while! I'm so glad things are getting better! I think when you realise you still have a life to live and it can actually be quite awesome then things do get better! I made a small child laugh today and thought wow, it's the small things that pick you up! A friend said to me that I've been in this 2 1/2 Yr relationship and people who liked me backed off talking to me as they liked me too much, now I see who they are it's nice to know these people had good morals and has made me look at them in a different light! Appreciating the small things really does help. Yes I'm not over her, but I think 2 weeks max with nc and I maybe back to normal! I've stopped thinking about her all the time and can finally see myself with someone else! It just feels good to know my world doesn't revolve around her anymore. I've met new people, seen old friends, started training for a marathon etc and it feels amazing, if I was with her I could have done very little of these things and still had time for revision but now I can. So all in all I'm glad I'm single as people will appreciate someone who is nice and thinks of others before himself. You seem so much like me so I'm glad your getting over and just know when your ready some amazing girl will catch you when you least expect it and make your ex look like such a insignificant part of your life. Good luck and well done on feeling better x
Author swfc_77 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 im doing ok mate, same here im not over her but im starting to see i can do a lot better. i still check my phone hoping she txt's me but if im honest i would rather she didn't. after all the **** that the relationship had to hold up its better off done with. STD's facebook messages going off with another lad (man seems a bit steep for the kid) her mother happens to be a liar too her checking my phone for. . . . . nothing her moaning about my mother her moaning about my female friends her MOANING her wanting more and more and more.......ect lying to me lying to herself her being too materialistic her being too immature i could go on. im not perfect (nearly, but not quite) but damn, im better than that. alwayshoping, are you going to list your ex's habits you dont miss mate.
alwayshoping Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Haha I think you listed them for me! Well she lied about all the guys who text her She constantly complained even when I spent 4 hrs cooking for her Also stds lol Her sitting on a guys lap in a bathtub in a bikini as her fb profile Her hating all my friends (they hated her too) Her never getting me anything even though I got her so much (I'm a student and she works!) Her general acceptance she's selfish but won't change Her lack of affection But the deal breaker (bcos the rest I could put up with) Her telling her ex **** buddy she was ending it with me. He knew before I did and then he text her and I had to read on her phone I was about to be dumped prior to it happening. I deserve better than that. Way better. She just destroyed my trust in her. Yes the other stuff was bad but no ones perfect. But to dump Someone via text and via a text off there ex buddy is just terrible and just goes to show that she never really loved me and only thought about herself! The good thing is if she doesn't text for the next few weeks I can fully heal and really move on and wait for someone 1000times better! I know what you mean I got a text from an unknown no. Earlier and thought it maybe her! But I didn't read it as I was at uni. I realised I didn't care if it was her or not! I'm ready to move on bcos she was obv ready 7weeks ago when she dumped me. I've been checking my phone all the time for a text/call/email off her but I just realised the time for her to say sorry and win me back has passed and if she truly loved me it would have happened by now. So good riddance and I'm ready to show the world what a catch I am and really enjoy myself!
Author swfc_77 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 we'll be ok mate, you'll have to private message me your e-mail. i cant private message you. seem like a nice kid. you'v helped me out alot. things will get better i know over time, the last time i came out of a relationship with a young girl she was 16 i was 17 i went on to start my own business and became the man that attracted my ex, just hope the next one's not the same. still got the feeling of looking after her though, need to shake that. lol
Author swfc_77 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 But the deal breaker (bcos the rest I could put up with) Her telling her ex **** buddy she was ending it with me. just re-read that bit mate, fu.ckin outrageous. how can some people be so selfish and cold hearted i mean i'v broke up with girls before and always had the face to do it right, tell them straight from the word go what my intensions were. if it was just a sex thing i'd tell them before i had sex with them, if i wanted more i would tell before it got too serious. i would never tell someone i love them and want to spend the rest of my life if i felt different. i know people change and situations change but why all the lies. fu.ck me why cant people just be honest and give it too you straight, least then you know what your dealing with.
alwayshoping Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 (edited) So so true. She didn't intend for me to read the text. A surprise visit on my behalf so the guy she was texting obviously didn't know I had driven down to see her! But oh well, what can I do! I know what you mean by wanting to protect her! God I wish I could do that too! Seriously I may hate the person she has become but I would dive infront of a train to stop her getting hurt! Haha love really is crazy! I'm not sure how to pm you! I've tried but it won't let me! My email is Hmmmm hope it's okay for me to post it on here! Edited October 18, 2010 by alwayshoping
sarahkm Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 if anyone is hurting out there take a big step back and look at what REALLY HAS LEFT YOU not what you THINK has left you. i think that's a really good point and it's applicable to everyone. after you get used to having someone in your life, it's hard to be in sync with reality as to what they really are. if i sit back and think, he was arrogant, sometimes borderline mean, materialistic, and willing and wanting to have sex with anyone as long as they peaked his curiosity, which are not unimportant character traits to ignore, when i am really looking for the total opposite. the trick is being able to remember all those important undesirable traits 24/7 to the point where you REALLY don't want them anymore.
Trovador Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 thanks man, I'm doing all right, but as you tend to forget the bad and recall only the good this is a great advice, but there will be a day when you won't care if your ex was good or bad, you simply will leave all that krap behind...
alittlejaded Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 you tend to forget the bad and recall only the good this is a great advice, but there will be a day when you won't care if your ex was good or bad, you simply will leave all that krap behind... I can't wait until this truly happens to me-- I am still just trying to figure out in my head why I let someone else affect me so much, but I will get there someday.
fltc Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 if anyone is hurting out there take a big step back and look at what REALLY HAS LEFT YOU not what you THINK has left you. Thanks for that, I've said similar here several times. Quoting me, "You don't love her, you never loved her, you loved the person you thought she was!" Maybe the biggest hurt of a breakup is the realization that the one you adored never really existed, she was only a figment of your imagination. Realizing that is the beginning of healing.
Author swfc_77 Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 "Maybe the biggest hurt of a breakup is the realization that the one you adored never really existed, she was only a figment of your imagination" very true, hard to take but very true. the last bit is questionable- 1) you could see what you want to see in that person or 2) that person could have been acting in a sort of way, not realising it themselves there are some funny people out there, game players and point scorers.
Recommended Posts