dingdong Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 I'm feeling ill with this folks, I can't cope without him.
SadGirl23 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 it'll be 3 months for me this week since my ex broke up with me.. honestly though, i am having serious setbacks and feeling like i now hate him, want to punch him in his face for what he did to me, then i want answers as to why he did this, then some moments i just want him back. i felt ill when the breakup was new.. but ive been having migrane headaches and backaches recently. stressed out about how this man could of done such a thing after all i did for him for 5 years
harkkam Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 (edited) What helps me is to realize that this person made a choice about you, you loved them with your heart, you made mistakes like everyone does. Yet they just didnt think the good was good enough to overlook the bad and didnt bother to work on it with you. They let themselves fall out of love and didnt protect what you had, didnt look at and shake you and say "hey dummy im hurting and i need you to change this and that" I made mistakes, I pushed her to the edge, but I was ready to work for it. I was ready to do what ever it takes. It was her who said "Sorry Ive had enough" now Im left holding the bag. You might have pushed them to walk away, but it was them that hung the phone up on you and turned their back in the very end. What you do with life after that is up to you. You could get stuck looking at their back as they go live there life. Or you can turn yours around and find the next love of your life. You can't turn the hands of time back you cant hurt them, you cant relive your memories and jump into the past. All you have left is today being pushed away from them. There is only one way you can walk and thats away from them. Where else can you go? When I realized that it helped me with the roller coaster ride I was on and still get on at times Once you realize the inevitability and the lack of control and the powerful force of only having one option left. You can either walk, or get weak in the knees and fall down and sit on the road waiting for things to change or you can get up on your feet and start running. But they stopped caring about you, and the only person you have left is you and what happens is on you and the road that you travel wont feel as good as being with your ex but this road picked you you didnt pick the road. Now you have to either walk it find a place to go or just sit there for a while which is okay but it up to you to decide when to get up and where to go. When I used to say "I cant live without her" I would realize that whomever I was saying that statement too didnt care. Unless you literally ended your life because you couldnt live without them. The world and god and your ex doesnt care and call it the spirit of life or w/e you want to call it bit it also dosent care how much pain you are in, doesnt care how much you need them and how much from every fiber of your being you want them. Nothing and nobody cares about your pain, as in that your pain will not change a thing and eventually you will realize that it doesnt matter how much pain you feel, there is no end to it a bottomless pit and you could fall for eternity and they still woulnt come back. Thats when I realized the pointlessness of pain and thinking of them. Its not going to change anything. This is when you will feel lost and confused when you have to stand on your own two and find your inner strength again to start running. I havent found it, Im still sitting on the side of the road wounded and this was 5 months ago. It does get better with time, it always does even if it feels like its going to last forever, things happen in your life, little joy and slowly the pain washes away bit by bit Edited October 18, 2010 by harkkam
Ajax Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 There are times when I feel ill too. Mornings are especially hard for me. Sometimes I'll wake up and can't stop thinking about my ex, wishing she were asleep next to me like she used to be. Then anxiety hits when I imagine that she might be lying next to someone else. It twists my stomach in knots. I'm also a guy who treated my ex very well. She was the first girl that I ever really saw myself marrying. Our connection was intense, and I thought I'd found my soulmate. Our friends thought we were a power couple. I did too. Then one day out of the blue she said she needed to figure her life out and walked away. We talked twice the week after, but I never really got an explaination and we haven't spoken in 7 weeks. It also make me feel sick when I think that she probably doesn't care about me anymore. I put so much of myself into the relationship and she doesn't even care. The last poster is right about control. We don't have control over what other people do any more than we can control the weather. We can't make someone love us, and they can't make us stop loving them. What we can do though is to let go of control. When I think that my ex doesn't care about me I think this: I was a part of her life. I know I made a positive impact on it, and that for a time I made her happy. That was the past, but the past, present and future are all connected. What happened in the past affects the present and future. If we were good to our exes they will be better because we were in their lives. At some point they will look back and realize this, even if they don't come back. I'm learning to live in the present. Accepting my current situation for what it is. Sometimes that means accepting that I'm hurting. Other times that means appreciating the beauty of the world around me. It doesn't mean ignoring the past or the future, but it does mean accepting that things change and that even the best laid plans can fail.
Author dingdong Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 What you all said is right, the control thing especially. I'm feeling so bad I have arranged to see a therapist tomorrow night to try and help me deal with things, the whole contacting thing is a huge issue for me, I just want to call and ask why they are doing this to me, when will they sort it, if they will sort it. I think the problem i have also is that my ex is telling me that he does want to try and fix things, he just wants time to try and sort out some issues and then he said we could try a fresh start, my fears are that I am waiting for him and this never happens and i'm left devastated all over again in a few months. Its just terrible.
tobydog Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 You have my sympathies. I too am very ill with all this stress. I feel constantly sick and haven't really eaten properly for 5 weeks. I have been taking anti depressants and they have really helped and am seeing 2 therapists. My ex has gone and told me today He does not love me anymore, it's all my fault and there is no chance. I am cold and shaky, off work ill and only want to sleep all day. But I have taken much hope from other posters and I must get started doing the right thing for me and my 4 year old son. I have still looked after him well. But why do I still have hope that when he sees me doing better that he may change his mind? I need to get it into my head that he is never coming back and can't do it. But maybe see a Doctor and they can give you stuff to help through these very hard early stages. Take care x
Author dingdong Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 thanks tobydog, I hope that you get the help you need too. Hopefully things will start getting better again soon. x
SithLord Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Dingdong, wake up! How are u going to let this individual influence Ur health! The heck with that, while he is out and about, u being home getting depress, when u think of him think of the bad. No contact of all sorts, anytime u find urself thinking of him, think of the bad, bc at the end the relationship wasn't crack up to be what it raeally was. Trust me I know how u feeling, but the moment someone else throws off ur mental state, that person is not for u...toughen up!!
xinchao123 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 You have my sympathies. I too am very ill with all this stress. I feel constantly sick and haven't really eaten properly for 5 weeks. I have been taking anti depressants and they have really helped and am seeing 2 therapists. My ex has gone and told me today He does not love me anymore, it's all my fault and there is no chance. I am cold and shaky, off work ill and only want to sleep all day. But I have taken much hope from other posters and I must get started doing the right thing for me and my 4 year old son. I have still looked after him well. But why do I still have hope that when he sees me doing better that he may change his mind? I need to get it into my head that he is never coming back and can't do it. But maybe see a Doctor and they can give you stuff to help through these very hard early stages. Take care x your thinking like that is just logical. when time goes by that feeling will be gone as well, it is just you realize it sooner or later. I hope you will enjoy your meals again, don't let yourself manipulated to badly by the pain, try to do something positive. I am 1 month after break up and I've dreamed about her EVERY NIGHT !!! OMFG I so wanna kill her all I need is peaceful sleeps !!!!! Every morning I wake up, I feel deep pain in my heart for like 10 mins, and I jump off the bed, put myself into exercises, study, socializing etc. And I am very close to feeling indifferent when thinking bout her. I'm pretty sure I won't dream much about her in the next 2 weeks
SadGirl23 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 sorry for hijacking your thread ding dong.. Guess I was feeling your pain that moment just like you were. I hope you get thru this. I totally feel what you mean. Atleast, you mention your ex may want to try to work things out. My ex came back to work things out, then changed his mind a day later. I guess we just have to do our best to understand that they are no longer our's .. so their thoughts, emotions, what they say, shouldn't matter anymore. What matters is about us, and we need to do whatever we can to make us happy which I still haven't found that.. but I know that there are things that can make me feel good. One thing is dancing, and luckily a friend of mine was nice enough to want to take me out this weekend. So the thought of someone wanting to hang out with me makes me feel good. Hope u can find something that will make u feel good too.
Author dingdong Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 thanks everyone for your advice. its a great help. I'm feeling a bit better just now only because i'm thinking he will come back to fix things, when I think that he won't come back then that's when I feel rubbish again. Maybe i'm just not ready to think that yet, maybe in a few weeks. I know it's pathetic but it's all I feel I can do just now.
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