button66 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Hey guys - I will make this quick. My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago mutually because of our arguing and differences. We slept together a few times after but after I asked to speak to him and broke down telling him I still loved him and wanted us back together, he stopped it and told me he couldn't be with me. We live together so he moved into another room when we broke up but was barely around as he stayed with his sister and her family most of the time. A month ago, I miscarried our son (had no clue I was pregnant) at 15 weeks and didn't tell him until a week later as I was trying to get over him since he said he didn't want me back and thought I could do without him. He was absolutely gutted about losing his son and I have barely seen him since but we have been txting every day checking if each other is ok etc but its hard as he gets very angry and was bought up to not talk about his feelings so he just gets angry. I am still so in love with him but don't want to say anything and sound desparate after I made a fool of myself last time. We still hug when we leave each other and he always txts me to let me know if hes coming home for a night or two from his sisters which makes me think he still cares. I was brought up quite a wealthy family and my Mum can be a really judgemental b***h sometimes which rubbed off onto me and which I have only just started to hate about myself. He grew up rough and I always used to sound so stuck up bagging off the 'poor people' which I have since realised is a horrible way to be. He also had a daughter at age 16 who he barely sees but naturally loves her to pieces - when we were together I used to be a total jealous b***h about her & asked him to just ditch her etc - something I am also not proud of but he handled me so well. Bottom of the line is I am now a new person since I miscarried my son and have realised how much of a horrible person my Mum made me. My ex wants to take me to a special place to remember our son and wants to keep it up every year which is so sweet but I want to know if he still has feelings for me and how I should go about letting him know I still care. Any help/opinions would be much appreciated Thanks guys, take care
Don Ho Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Sorry for all the anguish you've been through. It sounds like you've made some strides in becoming a better person. However, sorry to say, for whatever the reason, it sounds like he loves you and always will, but is not "in love" with you anymore.
Oscar Wilde Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Hi button, I totally agree with Don. Bests regards, Oscar.
Author button66 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 thanks for your answers Don and Oscar - you are probably right, I just want to show him how much I've changed and still though there might be a glimmer of hope. Thanks a lot
alittlejaded Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 That must have been very difficult to write. I am certain that seeing the words made it even more real to you. Perhaps he is feeling guilt for not being there when you miscarried. Perhaps it stems from the feeling that he hasn't been able to do all he can for his daughter. You were cruel to him in the past-- you get that and you are taking responsibility for it. You had to really mature since your loss, and you are seeing things with eyes wide open. You want him to know that you get it-- you finally get it. A long time ago, I treated someone I dearly loved badly, and I will regret it the rest of my life. I was too young to deal with how serious the relationship had gotten and I lost him. Even though he did contact me recently, it is not the same-- he is not the same. Space and time is the only shred of advice I can give you. He needs this right now to sort out all of these feelings. I think this is all you can do right now. I am very sorry for your loss.
Author button66 Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 thanks alittlejaded - yes it was so hard but I'm so glad it has made me realise a lot of things I was doing wrong in life and has helped me improve my life - i just wish my ex could see that Take care
Don Ho Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 A hard lesson to learn, but there will always be another guy coming around the corner. There always is. I understand your regrets. I'm not sure even if he could see the changes it would make any difference. This might be hard to see, but with the changes you've made, you'll probably find an even better guy soon.
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