akaWetNoodle Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Hello everyone, I guess I'm just looking for a few people's advice on what do with a certain situation. Back in June I started seeing a girl who I met through a volleyball league I played in. This was a great step up for me, considering I've had the tendencies in the past to meet girls at bars or parties, who never turn out to be worth the time I've put into them. Right off the bat, I was rewarded with the most amazing woman I've ever met in my life. I can honestly say that I've never cared more for a woman or known that a woman was more right for me. From the time I started seeing her until now, I've had more positive changes in my life than any other time in my entire life. Anyways, back at the end of August I lost the job I had at the time, and at the same time she decided that she was overworking herself, so she took some time off from work too (she could pretty much make her own schedule). For the next two and a half weeks we spent pretty much enjoying our time together. After she went back to work, I started to look for new job, but to be honest I know I could have put a little more effort into it. Anyways, finally i was able to land a new job at a bank in the area, but by then, the damage was done. About two weeks ago, I told her that I was in love with her, but at about the same time she was deciding whether or not to break up with me. finally last week she broke up with me. Needless to say, I was pretty much devastated. For the first few days I pretty much tried as hard as I could to talk her out of it, but i'm sure it just annoyed her more than anything. The reason she left me was because she felt like I didn't have the motivation and the drive to be the man that she needs in here life. I definitely know I have what it takes to be that man for her, I had just got caught up in a slump after losing my job. I've also never had a woman light a fire up under my butt more than she has for me, and her breaking up with me hit my like a brick wall and woke me up out of the trance I was in. I'm working now, and have even been putting a lot of effort into finding a second part time job, to prove to her that i'm willing to do whatever it takes to be the man she needs me to be. Friday night, she called me up and asked if I wanted to come over to her place and have a few drinks with her, and I ended up staying the night, then yesterday, I got her a sweetest day balloon, and handmade her a card telling her that she was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me, and that no matter what the future holds, she will always have a special place in my heart. After giving those to her, we hung out at her place for a little while then went out for dinner together (of course I paid), and after dinner I ended up staying at her place again last night. These past three days that I've spent with her, were better than any in the last month I dated her. Anyways, I don't want to jump the gun with trying to get back with her and scare her off so soon after we broke up, but at the same time, she is a very attractive girl, and I know there are more than one guy interested in her. I fear that the longer we're apart, the more likely another guy will step into the picture. I know she's not necessarily looking for another guy to be with, because she has a lot on her plate with two jobs and school, but anything can happen. I'm no longer in a panic about the situation, but I know that this weekend probably doesn't really mean too much in ways of proving I'm worth it. But at least she was the one who initiated it. If anybody has any words of wisdom for me, I'm open to it. Any advice is great. Thanks. P.S.- sorry for making this so long.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 The oine mistake that you have made is that you made yourself to available, which by your accounts of dinner, buying her stuff, and staying over at her place just automatically screams " doormat". Why do you feel like you need to prove yourself to her? If she's not there would you still feel motivated to continue doing what you're doing to reach your goals and dream? Instead of seeing her as your only option, why not broaden your perspectives and possibilities. Of course I'm sure this is what you want to hear so I will give the cliche advices- stop being a doormat and play hard to get. Treat her subjectively like a buddy and get new girl friends to make her jealous.
Knittress Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 You can't make someone want to be with you. And if you try the only thing you're going to 'prove' to her is how desperate you are. She won't respect you if you don't have any self-respect, see? It's great that you found a quality woman that made you want to be a quality man, thank her for the lesson and use what she's taught you to find someone equally as awesome.
Author akaWetNoodle Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Thanks for the advice, and sorry for the late response. I haven't been on my computer much the last week or so. You both have good things to say, though they may not be exactly what I'd like to hear. The hardest thing about letting go of her, however, is that I'd be losing one of the only true friends i have ever had. I know tons of people and have lots of "friends" but besides her, I only have one other friend I know I can truly rely on. Everyone else is just fake. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I know there is no way I could handle her being around without wanting more than that. The main reason I haven't been on here lately is that we've been staying together every night since last weekend. Things are seeming to go great but I haven't brought anything up about relationships. I want to ask her what's going through her mind about this situation but I don't want to put her on the spot either. It'd just be nice to know what's going on between us. I don't want to just be friends wig benefits, because I know it would just end up with me getting hurt in the end if it stays this way.
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