DerangedAngel Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I just hope I can find someone as wonderful as she was. I am sure that you will. You deserve as much happiness as you can get your hands on. -DA Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 Thanks...that means quite a bit to me. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Good luck to you Kevin. You have an admirable attitude - one that ensures you will always get the best out of life and relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 You know, Kevin, part of what might have you still looking back at your ex is that you can't see what's just over your horizon yet. You're facing some big changes in the near future, exciting, but lots of unknown factors. I think that people are especially prone to clinging to old ideas, things that they know aren't going to work any more, etc, when the future is murky and nothing seems certain. We all need things to take comfort in. I was attached to the idea of being with an ex for much longer than the ex himself, or my relationship with him, ever warranted. I think that was at least in part because I'm in a stressful environment with an uncertain future. Believing that the future might contain at least him helped me to cope. When a relationship is bad/causing lots of chronic problems, or is actually OVER -- yet you still find yourself clinging to the idea of saving/recapturing it -- chances are that it's less about the other person and more about things in yourself that are soothed or otherwise served by the idea of the relationship. Not the reality of the relationship, or the other person. When you find someone else, and you will, your ex will quickly recede into memory. You'll be amazed at how quickly that can happen. I had dinner with my ex a couple of nights ago. Felt nothing for him other than the affection and concern I feel for anyone else I know. Such a relief! You'll find someone new. It'll happen when you're not expecting it to. Just wait. good luck in California! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 If there's one thing I've definitely learned in life, it's that you'll find someone when you aren't looking. When you ARE looking...you'll find temporary solutions...but never anything worthwhile. Yeah, I once got together with my first love, years after we last saw each other, and I was just like, "Oh. Wow. What was the big deal again?" GREAT feeling. I'm not sure it's the idea of a relationship, I actually think it was more her, really. But who knows. Maybe you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin I'm not sure it's the idea of a relationship, I actually think it was more her, really. But who knows. Maybe you're right. She might have many fine qualities, and some that you'll appreciate in others and even look for. But she lacked one essential quality -- the ability to appreciate you. As others have said. I don't mean this in an "I'm-okay-you're-okay-we're-all-special" sort of way. I mean that however wonderful she is/was, she's not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 That's true Midori, because no matter if we screwed up, after apologies and regrets and adoring "I love you and miss you", and yet they still aren't seeing it... They do not appreciate you the way they should. I never understood the "Love means never having to say you are sorry" quote. Maybe it means that real love is deeper than misunderstandings, miscommunication, and mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
amazinglywow Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 yea its good to vent by writing, it suer does take a load off. sometimes i write emails to my bf, hoping things will work out better between us. but then i alwayz think, what will he think of the letter, will he get mad, will he just read it and no comment as usual. we are still together, by the way. but i wanted to say, even if you don't want her back or not even as friends. at least you gave it your all. as long as your satisfied. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted March 3, 2004 Author Share Posted March 3, 2004 That's one thing I can DEFINITELY and proudly say. I gave it my all. I did everything I could. I tried to win her back. I fought for her. Then I gave her her time and space and let her be. In the end, nothing was good enough, nothing would've fixed things. But I tried my best. We just weren't meant to be. Oddly enough, I went home this weekend and saw a picture of us with my family. She's the only one with red eyes in the picture. I found that very curious and humorous. How prophetic. I'm sure I'll find someone great again. I found someone wonderful before her, it never panned out, but at least I know there's the possibility of someone amazing for me out there. Link to post Share on other sites
amazinglywow Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 i agree. now you're more wiser, after that whole ordeal. i wish you the best of luck. you sound like a great guy, who has learned from their mistakes. and willing to become better and trying till there's no hope. i admire that. i'm a lil like that. i give it my all. i wish my bf was a bit like that. hopeless romantic. hope you enjoy LA! Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 I'm not in love with her anymore, I couldn't be, not after all that, but I do still care deeply about her. Hmmmmmmmmm.... Fine line you're drawing here. Sounds like you've a lot a writing and burning to do. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted March 26, 2004 Author Share Posted March 26, 2004 So, she wrote back to me, I just never got it because hotmail thought it was junkmail. Hilarious. We've talked twice, me and her, Sunday and Monday. First time we've talked in five months. Went surprisingly well. VERY surprisingly well. Turns out that she thinks about me quite a bit, all good stuff, doesn't like to think about the bad stuff, looks for me when she sees the car I drive/drove, read every email I sent her, it killed her not to respond, blah blah blah. Saw my skydiving picture on my AOL profile and said I look more muscular than I used to. teehee! Well, at least I was wrong about the whole "shutting down emotionally and deleting memories/thoughts" aspect of it. I don't care for what she did to me, but I'm not gonna dwell on it. So...yeah. I'll be damned. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 How does she feel about you migrating to Hollywood???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted March 26, 2004 Author Share Posted March 26, 2004 Very excited and happy and proud and all that. She said she doesn't regret what happened between us since I never would've gone if we stuck together. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 That's really cool Kevin. It's nice to have some positive closure. You ARE still going to post and talk to us after you've moved, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted March 26, 2004 Author Share Posted March 26, 2004 Well, DUH. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Well, DUH. LOL....funny. Nice pic by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
mbbbh Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Kevin, I understand your need for closure. Good luck with your new life! Mbbbh Link to post Share on other sites
mbbbh Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 Didn't realize this was from March 1st!! Link to post Share on other sites
purehearted Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 I agree with DerangedAngel - I support your sending the letter. I support communicating what you want to communicate. There are times when I write letters just to get things out and there is a freedom in knowing that the letter won't be sent. But there are other times when it is important to me to communicate to someone how I feel because it is important to me to at least give them the opportunity to understand. Maybe I'm also a little biased because I wrote a letter to my bf/ex (not sure which yet) and dropped it off in his mailbox Thursday morning. Since I'm not sure exactly where things stand - I asked in my letter that he contact me within a week to let me know what his position is - if he does not contact me, then I am going to write a second letter of closure acknowledging that there no longer exists a commitment between us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted April 3, 2004 Author Share Posted April 3, 2004 That sounds good to me. I don't care for the whole no contact thing. I dont' think it really does any good, to be honest. If you have something to say, say it. Screw it. What do you have to lose? Nothing. Speak your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Durden Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Ive got something to say to my ex, but i cant type it in here as i'd probably get banned! Link to post Share on other sites
Author UCFKevin Posted April 4, 2004 Author Share Posted April 4, 2004 Whooooooa HEL-LO! Link to post Share on other sites
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