UCFKevin Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 I felt the need to write to her for the last time. Maybe I'll get a response, maybe I won't. I doubt I will. Here's what I wrote: Hello. I'm not sure what the chances of you actually reading this are. Probably not very good. But I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. I thought I should tell you that I'm moving to Los Angeles at the end of April. I'm sure it doesn't really matter too much...but...I don't know. I thought you might like to know that I'm finally going to do what I've always wanted to do. Exciting and terrifying at the same time, if that makes any sense. You can write back to this if you want. I'm not expecting a reply. Just know that I think of you often. Only good things. I learned from the bad things that happened between us but I choose to remember only the good things. Maybe that's stupid of me. Could be. Who knows. But it's what I prefer. I'd rather remember something that makes me smile than remembering something that makes me sad or regretful or shameful. I hope you're doing well...in school, work, and just life in general. And that your family is doing fine. I know how much they mean to you. Take care of yourself. Happy early birthday. Kevin
Samson Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 I'm not expecting a reply. Just know that I think of you often. Think of her often. Write a letter every time you think of her. Then burn it.
Author UCFKevin Posted March 2, 2004 Author Posted March 2, 2004 That would be a lot of letter writing and a lot of burning.
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Neonink mentioned your letter in another post. I don't ever have the heart to be kind about an ex.....not MINE anyway. I DO think writing what is on your mind is a good thing though. I think anyone should do whatever it takes to make them feel better and more sane about the 'break up from hell'. I don't know if you'll get a response...or if you even care. The important thing is to get it off of your chest.
Author UCFKevin Posted March 2, 2004 Author Posted March 2, 2004 It doesn't matter if I get a response or not. Just felt like it was something I had to do.
Dixiecron Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Please tell me you didn't send anything. Samson has it right. Burn, baby, burn! A letter is a good thought exercise to clear the mind, but that's it. Don't send it. Silence is an action that speaks loudly. Man, you're going to Southern California! If, by the end of July, we haven't seen a post here from you about your new surfer girl porn star girlfriend, I'm going to fly out there myself and put my foot in your a** !!! Just kidding. Look forward to the trip and new life, not back to the crap you're leaving behind. Close an old chapter and just enjoy the feeling of not knowing what will come next.
Author UCFKevin Posted March 2, 2004 Author Posted March 2, 2004 Sending that basically is closing the chapter, basically. I'm not in love with her anymore, I couldn't be, not after all that, but I do still care deeply about her. But it's done. I'm moving on to bigger and better things.
vivid Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Kevin I think it shows maturity that you are able to express feelings to your ex in a way that isn't spiteful or negative. I wrote those kinds of letters often in between with my on again off again bf. Then a few hours later I would find myself writing him one that told him what a childish little pr**ck he was!
yes Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 sounds like your mind is made up about sending it. thanks for sharing the letter. -yes
carla Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Good Luck with your letter and the new road that lays ahead.
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Well Kev, AT LEAST you took the high road and wrote something worth responding to. I didn't do that. I told him what an A$$ he was! I posted portions on Neoninks thread.....just because.....
Dixiecron Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 OK, I won't bust your balls. Send the letter if you must. I still want you to send us nudie pictures of some Cali girls.
dario Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 As long as you don't expect anything out of it...then you're find. If your heart is resting with hope for some reconciliation then you might be in trouble. But you are high-tailing it out of there...so, I can see your point in closing the chapter in that way.
Arabess Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Just an after-thought....... Six Hollywood starletts and a few cleavages later.....maybe you won't care anymore!
DerangedAngel Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Actually, I think you sending the letter to her was a good thing. I'm sure it brought some more closure to your relationship in your eyes. Maybe it did the same for her as well, whether she responds to you or not. I know you said you weren't 'expecting' a reply, but if it's what you're wanting: I hope you hear a little something back from her. Good luck to you with everything. -Deranged
sinkerswim Posted March 2, 2004 Posted March 2, 2004 Im new here...but I think sending that letter is fine. Im a letter writer. I can express myself better when I write it down. I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to. I am going through many emotions right now with my 8 year relationship with my boyfriend/fiance. We are not broken up...but he needs time to think things over. I am going through pure hell and a bad depression. But Im not mad at him. I cant control his emotions. Anyway..best of luck to you.
Author UCFKevin Posted March 2, 2004 Author Posted March 2, 2004 Nah, I don't even want a response, really. Not expecting one, not hoping for one, that was just me closing the book on everything, on my terms, my way. Whether she reads it or not is her perogative. I took the high road. She took the low. (dramatic voice) It is done.
Author UCFKevin Posted March 2, 2004 Author Posted March 2, 2004 Well, she wrote back, surprisingly. It was pretty cold and sterile, as in not too emotional, just typical well wishes, which is better than nothing. Maybe. Maybe not. Said she's proud of me and all that jazz. So that's that. California, here I come. Free and clear, ready to begin anew.
jester Posted March 3, 2004 Posted March 3, 2004 California, here I come. Free and clear, ready to begin anew. I envy you, kev. You have the unencumbered youth and freedom for that second act, a clean slate beginning. Perhaps that letter was not only to your ex-girlfriend , but to your old self--a last good-bye. Whatever, I wish you the best of fortune in the City of Angels, in that land of second acts...
Author UCFKevin Posted March 3, 2004 Author Posted March 3, 2004 Thanks. In a way...I think you're right. It was a goodbye to my old life. Didn't realize it until now.
NEONINK Posted March 3, 2004 Posted March 3, 2004 I have the same attitude and tried the same letter. At least you got a response. (I think?) I haven't heard back from mine and it's been 2 weeks. Your picture shows that it is her loss in regards to attractiveness, since you are an extremely attractive guy. And no matter where you live, I think if your heart is open to new people they will be attracted to you. Perhaps a change of your scenery will be good for you. I too, kept saying, I don't care if I get a response or not, but now I realize, I wanted a positive response, and I'm just not going to get it. Rejection sucks. But it's better than the people who never take the chance. At least we had a 50/50 chance, they have 0% chance by not asking. I'll keep hoping for a while... and eventually give up on getting a response. So at least, your waiting game is over. Good luck on your move. Too bad this crew of loveshackers cannot help you pack.
Author UCFKevin Posted March 3, 2004 Author Posted March 3, 2004 I was honestly surprised as all hell that she wrote back. She was cordial but bland. Very by the numbers kind of email. Which I guess is how I wrote her too. I'm not sure how I feel about all of it, to be quite honest. I want to be strong and say, "Ah ha! That's that! Closure!" but...I just dunno. Sometimes I feel like I'm done and moving on, but then...I just feel like I'm not quite over her yet. I guess the second one has to be true if I'm even pondering that. I miss her so damn much. At least I know 100% that it's done with, though, no hope at all. That's a plus. And...thanks for the compliments...but to be the modest one, not everyone tends to agree with the folks at the Loveshack. At least, not that I notice. Though there is a LOT more to me than just looks. And my heart is definitely open. This guy isn't going to let what happened to him get him down and make him bitter. No damn way. I'm better than that. I did that once. Wasted a year of my life. Stupid mistake. One I'll not make again. Hell of a learning experience, life is. I just hope I don't make the same mistakes again that I made last time. Here's hoping. I'd say at this point, though, you won't get a response. It's been too long. But you tried. You did your part. That's all you can do. Well done. People so often suggest not doing anything, staying silent, keeping things to yourself. I've never been one to do that. Just say what needs to be said. There's nothing to lose. Why keep it in? Screw it. It may do no good doing what we did, but no more so than not doing anything. If that makes any sense. It's weird. I really look forward to meeting a new girl and opening up to her, starting all over again, experiencing a new love, new experiences, new excitements...I just hope I can find someone as wonderful as she was. Sometimes I doubt it, but the one for me is out there, somewhere. Hopefully.
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