unsureLP Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I've been feeling like DH isn't telling me the whole truth. Since sometime early in the summer I've had the feeling he might have gotten involved with a woman we both know. I don't know for sure, and actually I have no evidence besides a gut feeling and a comment he made in the beginning of the summer. We've been doing ok for the past couple of weeks, and I really don't want to bring anything up now, but... Is it worth finding out if he does or did have something with her? Should I just let it go and try to work on the issues that would lead him to stray in first place? Am I just burying my head in the sand?
Author unsureLP Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 In case anyone asks, here's the story behind the comment that started making me wonder. I'm a teacher and PhD student so during the summer I stayed home with our daughter and focused just on my research. There was a neighbor who had a daughter the same age as ours and who was a SAHdad. Whenever I would go for walks with DD he would come and join us with his girl. It annoyed the hell out of me and avoided the guy like the plague - he was a bit strange all around. One day I was out and again he comes and joins us and keeps following us around and telling me how his daughter calls ours her little sister and how we should come over to their lace, blah, blah. DH comes home and see this and gets really mad. Then the stupid neighbor makes things worse by coming over (thank God DH was there) and offering us a cooked duck and inviting me and DD to go to the amusement park with him and his daughter the next day. DH tells him a flat out no, that I won't go unless DH is there (which I completely agree with!). Anyway, DH freaked out on me and yelled and yelled that I must have given this guy some reason for acing like this, that I must have been flirting. Then he starts to ask me how I would feel if he started flirting with CM (the woman), or hanging out with her a lot, or practicing dance just with her. You see, we used to dance together, but I haven't gone to practice since our daughter was born. He was still going with a group, including this woman. Well, I started thinking, why would he mention specifically her name? They were after all hanging out without me when they practiced dance. I never asked if anyone else was going either, I trusted him. And she leaves him comments on FB, but never responds to my friendly ones (we both worked with her before). Anyway, maybe I just became paranoid.
You Go Girl Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 You're not paranoid if you send her messages on fb and she never responds. Go to the dance session. If they have something between them, there's a good chance you'll see a look, something. But don't jump to conclusions either. Just get involved in the dance sessions again.
trippi1432 Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 No, I don't think your are paranoid either...there may be nothing going on physically yet, so I wouldn't jump to conclusions. You need to re-insert yourself into the life you had before. Like YGG suggests, I would start going to the dance classes that you used to enjoy with your husband. I think that couples tend to forget once they become parents...they forget to put each other first. If children see their parents having a healthy, loving relationship where the mother and father put each other first, they grow up healthier in their own relationships because they learn balance. That's not to say put your children last....but find a healthy balance.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Yes it is worth finding out. If you have a hunch, you probably stumbled onto something.
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