HalfStepDown Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 It's a VERY rough Sunday and I'm looking for support and advice... This JUST happened after a 3yr relationship. I've learned a lot in three years and so has she. She cheated about 2yrs ago probably mulitple times. I stayed. She has MANY of the traits of Narcasistic personality disorder and also the traits of boarderline personality disorder. She has to remain in control of everything. I'm a co-dependant. Yes, a TERRIBLE mix!!! I don't have kids, never wanted them, got divorced after 10yrs because I didn't want kids. I don't have kids. This GF I met 3mo after my xwife left. She has two kids... it's been three years. I MUST move on from this mess. Today is day 1 (starting over) of NC... I ended it and she doesn't want that now. I have other posts in "Second Chances" more of the real story, but I really needs some support/advice for today.... AND I really meant to post THAT thread in this area. So I'm reposting in hopes to get some feedback. Well, she txt me yesterday of which I didn't respond and then later called yesterday and I answered the phone (home phone) not thinking. Of course she called to b*$ch at me and tell me I was and informal a$$ because when I mailed her her key, I didn't hand write her address on the envelope. I printed it on the computer and that was "informal" and mean! Wow! And then it started... she went all "soft" on me and started shooting those heart peircing bullets at me! She was BEGGING for "more time" and wanting us to "stay together" for just a bit longer.... to "ween" ourselves off each other... "More time, more time... please... for me? please?" OHHHHH it was hard! Damn... I stuck to my guns and kept saying NO... NO NO NO... I was actually sitting there pre-occupied with setting a digital watch! ha! Probably a GOOD thing as I wasn't truly listening to her!!! Throughout this though, I "let her have it" and told her EXACTLY what I didn't like, and WHY I will NOT go back... how she is, how she's ungrateful, mean and just simply not nice. How her as a person and I just do NOT match up. How she made/makes me feel so terribly bad about myself in a scary way and how she has to control me etc. How she takes advantage of me because of my money and how she "Rides the money train" also told her how I really dislike waking up on Sunday with a house full of noise and kids! How there are things "I" wants to do on Sundays rather than drop 80 bones on lunch with her and her kids... How it's now time for ME to live MY life how I want... unabashed, non-controlled and free to now learn who I really am! I told her I MUST break this co-dependancy and the ONLY way to do this is NOW and with NO CONTACT.... I told her she will go through her anger phase again and go back to her terrible name calling, being REALLY mean and nasty and just to get it over with now and do it while we are on the phone. She didn't. Not once did she ever apologize or reference any of HER behavior that I was referencing. Not once... only, to say that "it won't be like that any more, just give us some more time. I'm not ready." I also told her it was NOT her fault though. Cuz it wasn't... it was MY OWN fault becuz I allowed it! And now I realize that and it will NEVER EVER EVER happen again with her nor anyone else! ALL she kept saying through the whole thing is, "Just give it more time...I won't be like that.. just give it more time... please??" Wow! I seriously ALMOST gave in once...but outta the blue she just hung up! Blip! Wow! Whew... that was close! THEN (as always) I felt terrible because I told her all those things to her. So I sent her a short nice txt a couple hours later saying that I was REALLY sorry for saying all those mean things and that she doesn't deserve those comments, BUT that "This" has to end now... it just does. I haven't heard from her since... THOUGHTS?? ADVICE?????
Trovador Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Problem with you is that you really don't want to break up, you just want her to change, so you can live the way you have always dreamed, but as you surely know, things won't change; she won't change, her kids are going to stay around and neither you will change, because deep down you like to live like that... So, when you really decide move on, go NC, break all ties and don't pity yourself for leaving behind a life you didn't want for you... until then, no need to go NC, play all the games you want and rest sure that everything is going to be the same way as of now... NC is for people who really want to move on life, without doubts, games, tricks, false expectations and hopes... NC is for you, not for her... of course it's hard, but easy stuff is not worth a ****
Author HalfStepDown Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Well, I just did two solid hours worth of reading on Narcassism! WOW! I don't believe i could find anything else that defines her any better! Amazingly profound to say the least! To a "T" as they say! Wow... I'm really astounded! I reviewed and read a number of sites and being a medical professional myself, I know "something" of personality disorders although that is not my specialty. I always kinda wondered with her, but I think I was simply afraid to face it and research it for real. Absolutley amazing!! So, needless to say, my decision is formed, solid and unwaivering now! All of the ties and possesions are cut and taken care of... all that is left now is to go 100% NC! And that is where I am now! NC! N Freakin C! ha! No, it won't be easy due to my co-dependancy, but I WILL survive and I WILL do this! I do feel sorry for her and I feel bad for her, but that is her and I cannot invest any more of my feelings in her now. It's time for ME now. No more contact... nothing. It's all over.
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