LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 so I met this guy from Match... Before meeting, he was texting me for almost two months.. I wasnt serious as I was into someone else ( which ended) anyway, I met him a week ago Friday, we been making out etc, non stop texting afterwards, we met 3 times within a week... again, making out and texting afterwards..on 3rd date-( I paid for lunch each time we met for both of us which I found weird too btw) He was asking me to stop dating other people but I did go on another date... anyway.... One evening, he didnt text at all... I didnt care thinking he must be busy or something. I woke up and I saw in Facebook feed he added two new women in his facebook friends 2am that morning... I sent him a text saying I think we should continue to date others for a little while..to which he was susprised as to why I was suggesting that, I am pretty straight fwd so I told him I noticed that he disseapred yesterday and added new women in FB friends so I feel he is meeting others and not being totally honest... He immediatly defriended me from Facebook although I made it clear to him weeks ago that I take time to trust people...its been 3 days, one odd text but nothing much... I didnt follow up as well because if he wants to clear things, he knows where I am. I feel he was just a player who made a runner on the first sign of trouble...any thoughts?
atlnay Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 so I met this guy from Match... Before meeting, he was texting me for almost two months.. I wasnt serious as I was into someone else ( which ended) anyway, I met him a week ago Friday, we been making out etc, non stop texting afterwards, we met 3 times within a week... again, making out and texting afterwards..on 3rd date-( I paid for lunch each time we met for both of us which I found weird too btw) Have you been out on an actual date? Like where he he contacted you early in the week, made plans to go somehwere, you got all gussied up and he paid? Or are you just having physical meetups around lunchtime, that you've always paid for? He was asking me to stop dating other people but I did go on another date... anyway.... One evening, he didnt text at all... Did you agree to stop dating and then go out on another date? Did he find that out? I didnt care thinking he must be busy or something. I woke up and I saw in Facebook feed he added two new women in his facebook friends 2am that morning... I sent him a text saying I think we should continue to date others for a little while..to which he was susprised as to why I was suggesting that, I am pretty straight fwd so I told him I noticed that he disseapred yesterday and added new women in FB friends so I feel he is meeting others and not being totally honest... Ok, you jumped to a HUGGGGGE conclusion when you pieced together having no contact, after saying you didn't care, then seeing he added 2 new friends on fb and noting the time he did that. I add people in batches, sometimes not all at the same time, various times during a day. Why is that suspect to you? He immediatly defriended me from Facebook although I made it clear to him weeks ago that I take time to trust people... Uh, yea, it kinda shows you read too much into his fb activities. (And/or he is also seeing other people) But the fact that you had a reaction, given that you two aren't in an exclusive relationship and you haven't seem to have been on a formal date, this sounds like NSA situation. its been 3 days, one odd text but nothing much... I didnt follow up as well because if he wants to clear things, he knows where I am. What does he need to clear up? I'm confused. Do you want to know where he was that one day? Do you want to know who those women are? Why he's adding them?
saiveca Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 He may or may not be a player. But the fact that you had such a strong reaction to being out of touch for only one evening and to make comments on who he added on Facebook were way out of line considering the two of you are merely dating. It would've freaked out most men, player or not.
Author LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 yes first date he paid and it was a night out.. Actually, All I said was, perhaps we both should continue to date other people for a little while... I didnt ask who those women were and why he added them... I felt he was still chatting up women on Match as adding them to FB... I mean, he was the one asking me to be exclusive since our 2nd date...
saiveca Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 He can be exclusive with you and still hang with female friends. There is nothing that suggests that he cheated and there is nothing that suggests that you two are in a closed marriage. You over-reacted big time. Sorry.
Author LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 He can be exclusive with you and still hang with female friends. There is nothing that suggests that he cheated and there is nothing that suggests that you two are in a closed marriage. You over-reacted big time. Sorry. Perhaps you are right...I have explained to him very early on that I have trust issues with people and I always knew he has many female friends and I never fussed over it... many a nights he was hanging with them. anyway, he kind of made up after that but he has been a bit distant since then and I didnt contact either apart from replying if he texts...
saiveca Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Perhaps you are right...I have explained to him very early on that I have trust issues with people and I always knew he has many female friends and I never fussed over it... many a nights he was hanging with them. anyway, he kind of made up after that but he has been a bit distant since then and I didnt contact either apart from replying if he texts... Why would you explain to him that you have trust issues? Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't trust them. The fact that you acknowledge having trust issues is a good first step but you shouldn't expect others to adapt their behavior. People around you should be happy and free. It is up to you to determine whether you accept the situation or not. You know that you have trust issues so always try to tone every situation down by a notch or two. Is it questionable that he added female friends at 2 am? Possibly. But to think that he'll never be attracted to anyone else for the rest of his life because you two had a few dates is just unreasonable. You know that already, I am just reminding you... You have no evidence of him being unfaithful. You don't even have evidence of him flirting. You saw that he added a couple of women on his Facebook and that prompted you to suggest perhaps you should continue seeing other people? You've acknowledged it yourself, you have trust issues and this is one of those gray situations that you unfortunately misjudged. For all that I know, he may have had sex with both of them and their cousins, too. Who knows. But you can't live your life thinking of the endless possibilities of cheating, you won't be happy. Take things for face value. He expressed his interest, he was there for you (except for one night, oohhh...). He showed all the good signs of someone in a burgeoning relationship. But then you messed it up... Please don't take my words too harshly. None of this makes you a bad person, all the contrary. But you need to keep these emotions in check if you want a healthy relationship. It doesn't mean that you should be a doormat but I think you should raise your tolerance level a notch or two.
TaurusTerp Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Perhaps you are right...I have explained to him very early on that I have trust issues with people and I always knew he has many female friends and I never fussed over it... many a nights he was hanging with them. anyway, he kind of made up after that but he has been a bit distant since then and I didnt contact either apart from replying if he texts... He's probably distant because you sound really controlling and jealous. Nobody wants to deal with that ****.
Author LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Why would you explain to him that you have trust issues? Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't trust them. The fact that you acknowledge having trust issues is a good first step but you shouldn't expect others to adapt their behavior. People around you should be happy and free. It is up to you to determine whether you accept the situation or not. You know that you have trust issues so always try to tone every situation down by a notch or two. Is it questionable that he added female friends at 2 am? Possibly. But to think that he'll never be attracted to anyone else for the rest of his life because you two had a few dates is just unreasonable. You know that already, I am just reminding you... You have no evidence of him being unfaithful. You don't even have evidence of him flirting. You saw that he added a couple of women on his Facebook and that prompted you to suggest perhaps you should continue seeing other people? You've acknowledged it yourself, you have trust issues and this is one of those gray situations that you unfortunately misjudged. For all that I know, he may have had sex with both of them and their cousins, too. Who knows. But you can't live your life thinking of the endless possibilities of cheating, you won't be happy. Take things for face value. He expressed his interest, he was there for you (except for one night, oohhh...). He showed all the good signs of someone in a burgeoning relationship. But then you messed it up... Please don't take my words too harshly. None of this makes you a bad person, all the contrary. But you need to keep these emotions in check if you want a healthy relationship. It doesn't mean that you should be a doormat but I think you should raise your tolerance level a notch or two. well... its done...I did sorry to him the same evening and that I,ll work on trusting him more... and he has been texting to which I replied.. but he is a bit distant and I am not going to keep apologizing for it because I have done and I meant it..if he wants to get over what happened then by all means... if not then okay...lesson learnt.
Author LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 The only problem with me is, I have spent too long in Books, I chose to stay single and focus on career.. Became a hot shot Banker but I am not very street smart... I misjudged the situation but I have said sorry, even the perfect relations go wrong sometimes...
atlnay Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 You've said you find it hard to trust people and it clearly shows, maybe you go at a pace you are more able to handle before you proceed further next time? I would chalk this up as a loss and move on. Agreed! And pacccccce yourself with the physical stuff till you are emotionally safe with the next guy. Keep it reasonable though, don't tease or lead a guy on and if you feel like going there, don't let an arbitrary number stop you, but you may need to slow down a tad. Since you are into books, perhaps a few relationship books or explaining the male mind books *may* help you a bit. Use them as guides, of course, and balance it out with what you actually experience, but I can recommend a few good ones if you are interested. Lastly, it's all a learning experience. You'll do better next time!
Author LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 mmm so hes texting me non stop now.... okayyy...I,ll be cool now - thanks guys !!
Author LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 He's also playing the push and pull game, either tell him to get his act together or jog on... this is what I am afraid of...
Author LondonS Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 It's a London thing, as I also live in London a lot of women do this. I tell them to either put up or shut up and jog on. If I want to play games, I'll play Medal of Honor or Scrabble. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he should rush through all the bases, but don't play stupid games etc. Assert your authority, if he doesn't change then get rid of him. I surely wont over invest in this and I have a couple of dates arranged with some guys.. I am not going to tell him about this, I guess honesty is not always the best policy, I feel I should continue seeing other people unless he stops with push pull thing...
sanskrit Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Only an incompetent "player" would text a woman for months before meeting. If he is taking the time to do that he is likely interested in you sincerely. No idea how people jump to such conclusions about FB, who people friend and who they don't. I don't blame him for defriending you.
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