tobydog Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 My ex walked out, can read on other threads, I made the stupid mistake of looking at his FB page and saw he had changed to separated. BTW he never really uses FB at all. This morning I look and he's changed it to It's complicated. Why would he do that? He called to speak to his son for 10 seconds and I asked him who the OW was, He denied it and his mum then rang to play hell with him about his lack of contact with his son and he said the same. Now it is back to separated. Any ideas why? Cheers
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Backstory My personal opinion would be to keep focused on real life and ignore FB. Get healthy and decide what *you* want to do wrt your M. I think the first step would be for everyone to stop drinking. Kudos on taking that step yourself. Your son will thank both of you. What happens happens. Take charge of you. His perspective is his own. Assuming you live somewhere other than the US, the processes of divorce will be different and my opinion of them would be irrelevant. Counseling will help. If mediation is possible, I'd suggest it. Nothing is a certainty until the seal is dry on the judgment. My sympathies...
Author tobydog Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Thanks, I am doing well and not drinking. I still can't eat though. I just need an insight into why he would change that separated to It's complicated. I need to move on now, I have moped around and been off work for the last 5 weeks, am going back to work in a school this Thurday, then it is half term. Thanks for your reply but any insight as to why? Cheers Debbie UK
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I really don't know. I don't use FB, but on MS, out of respect to my ex, I left my 'married' status intact for over a year after we separated, changing it to 'divorced' recently, as we've finished mediation and are filing the last of the documents with the court. This gave her plenty of time to tell those people whom we shared as 'friends', all of whom we know in real life, her perspective without them getting a jolt if happening to look at my pages. I have no clue what your H is doing. If he's drinking, that might be one 'reason'; he's erratic and unstable. Sometimes, men who are not used to openly processing their emotions go 'crazy' when presented with an overwhelmingly emotional event in their lives. Maybe that's another 'reason'. Like my ex said, I'm not 'normal', so you'll have to get opinions from more 'normal' men, I guess...
Author tobydog Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Thanks, he's def erratic and crazy right now. He has never drunk, ever but now he is going mad, As we all say he's going thro a mid life crisis. But not seeing his son makes me angry so I am over the weeping etc as I think he's being a real B. And I have a suspicion that he's taking stuff as his new pic on FB he looks manic. Anyway thanks for your time. Hope you are doing well.
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I evidently responded well to MC (therapy), though I still have my moments. A positive side-effect is I think I understand male 'normal' a bit better, though defer to other men in certain instances, such as this one. At 51, I've experienced a couple periods of what one might term MLC, one prior to getting married at 41 and one more recently, mainly after separating. IMO, it mimics a lot of what I have heard from women about PMS. Imagine those mood swings and strong emotional responses with the strength and testosterone to commit violent acts . Fortunately, I can keep that devil in check. So, do you think, even though H has 'never drunk', he's drinking now or taking drugs? You said 'taking stuff'. I'm assuming that's some mind-altering substance, yes? If so, combined with your perception of MLC, this would cause me to become even less invested in the nuances of his behaviors. When someone is erratic and/or acting 'crazy', they can make those around them crazy by proxy. Part of that process is the classic 'walking on eggshells'. So, if so, care less and focus on you and your son. What happens will happen.
Author tobydog Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Yes I meant drugs tho he has never taken them before, and drinking makes him ill. I need to get him away and out of my life, the FB thing knocked me back as I have been getting stronger the last few weeks, it has been 5 weeks now since he left. Thanks x Going to watch Dexter as that will take my mind off it all. I have really had enough of all this ****. Many thanks for your time and thoughts x
YellowShark Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Facebook is not a yardstick that you should measure your self worth with. It's a silly social networking site, that's all. And frankly what people post on their profiles is a reflection of them... not you. ok? Keep your chin up, and don't give Facebook "power" that it does not deserve.
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