grecian Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I've had a couple of dates with this guy that i met online. I really like him and he likes me too. He has even asked me about what i like to do, where I like to go, and activities i'd like to do; and showed interest in doing some things with me. In our conversation about the online dating i was honest with him (big mistake i guess!!) and told him i don't date anyone else at this point and i'm not really very active on the online dating. He didn't seem to like that; after a couple of days he encouraged me to continue looking for other men online and he said he would like to meet other women at least for a little while (even though he doesn't date anyone else right now). But he said he likes me and wants to keep in touch with me. My understanding is that he likes to have a challenge and be the hunter; he wants to have some competition, so that dating me feels more of an accomplishment to him. Or, he just wants to be sure I am serious about having a relationship as much as he is and he wants to take things slowly and not based on excitement and enthusiasm. As far as I can tell he is a very methodical and analytical person so I think that's the case. He just using all this as a strategy to make sure I am good for him... what do you guys think???
Insanitylater Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 In our conversation about the online dating i was honest with him (big mistake i guess!!) and told him i don't date anyone else at this point and i'm not really very active on the online dating. He didn't seem to like that So you think it would have been better to not be honest, and present yourself as someone you arent, so you can be with someone that doesnt know the real you, compared to being honest, and waiting for a guy that does like who you really are? This right here, is why dating is such a f*cking chore, and why relationships and marriages dont last Too many people try to be the person someone wants, instead of being the person who they are If you showed him the real you and he didnt respond well to it, then why in the hell are you even thinking of him?
atlnay Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 In our conversation about the online dating i was honest with him (big mistake i guess!!) and told him i don't date anyone else at this point and i'm not really very active on the online dating. Honesty is NEVER a mistake. He didn't seem to like that; after a couple of days he encouraged me to continue looking for other men online and he said he would like to meet other women at least for a little while (even though he doesn't date anyone else right now). But he said he likes me and wants to keep in touch with me. That is not uncommon, he can both like you and want to date other people. Take his advice and date other men or find a man that wants to be one on one when you do. My understanding is that he likes to have a challenge and be the hunter; he wants to have some competition, so that dating me feels more of an accomplishment to him. Or, he just wants to be sure I am serious about having a relationship as much as he is and he wants to take things slowly and not based on excitement and enthusiasm. He doesn't want you to solely date him and either develop strong feelings or expect him to do the same. That's the fact of your situation, based on his reply to you saying you don't date around. No sane man who is pursuing a woman with whom he wants a one on one relationship encourages her to see other men. Don't mistake my bluntness for coldness. I get that you like him and I'm sure he likes you as well. But at this point, it sounds like he is still dating around. That doesn't make him a bad person, it's just where he's at. Be very grateful he isn't allowing you to think otherwise, sounds like he is also being honest with you, and decide what you want to do next with the relationship. Good luck to ya!
a_woman Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 he isn't that interested and only views you as an option. In your shoes I would move on
Love&KissesXoXo Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I dont think he likes you very much. And is keeping his option open. If i were you I'd cut all contact with him.
Author grecian Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Based on our conversations and the way he acted I really believe that he is really interested but he needs to feel that I'm wanted by other men so that I am more of a challenge for him to win me over. When I told him that he showed up on my matches early on after i signed up on the online dating service, he said: oh, that was easy!? meaning i didn't have the chance to date others from the site before I went out with him! And that seems to bother him; he wants to have competition or just make sure that I really like him for what he is and not just because he is available. At the same time he is very warm towards me and he expressed the desire to see me again. I really like him; i currently go out with a couple more guys but i like him the most. I think it's just a matter of time to clear this out. He just takes his time with it and there's nothing wrong with that; rushing is never good. He will either contact me again or not. In the mean time I'm not gonna make any move and see how it goes.
Insanitylater Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 You have to watch though that he isnt one of those weirdos that just likes showing off the woman on his arm. I know a few guys that dont give a crap about the woman much at all, but they will take her out, and make sure they hit the hangouts, to "show off" the girl he is with to everyone. Is this your opinion that he wants you to be liked by other men, or his? If you got this from him, what exactly did he say? You have to be very clear and detailed on here to get a clear and detailed response. Too many times people return to the thread, and say, oh thats not what i meant, when they see people writing something negative responses to their problem.
daphne Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Can I ask what makes you say that he wants to have other competition? Did he specifically say this? Otherwise, you may be making an incorrect assumption. Take it from me, I know all about those.
Quest Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Based on our conversations and the way he acted I really believe that he is really interested but he needs to feel that I'm wanted by other men so that I am more of a challenge for him to win me over. When I told him that he showed up on my matches early on after i signed up on the online dating service, he said: oh, that was easy!? meaning i didn't have the chance to date others from the site before I went out with him! And that seems to bother him; he wants to have competition or just make sure that I really like him for what he is and not just because he is available. At the same time he is very warm towards me and he expressed the desire to see me again. I really like him; i currently go out with a couple more guys but i like him the most. I think it's just a matter of time to clear this out. He just takes his time with it and there's nothing wrong with that; rushing is never good. He will either contact me again or not. In the mean time I'm not gonna make any move and see how it goes. He wants to have his cake and eat it ... keep you around but also have the freedom to see other women. It makes him feel better if you're doing the same - seeing other men as well as him. It all depends if you can handle this. What makes you think he will want to change the situation and have an exclusive relationship with you? He's basically saying that's not what he wants right now. Sorry if this sounds harsh as I'm sure he likes you but that doesn't mean he wants to develop something serious with you.
ascendotum Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) When I told him that he showed up on my matches early on after i signed up on the online dating service, he said: oh, that was easy!? meaning i didn't have the chance to date others from the site before I went out with him! Look, it is quite possible he thinks like this. That you logon and pick him pretty quick without dating a number of others over a few months, before deciding he is the best, as opposed to him being just someone you happened to pick very early on and then latch on to. If he has been doing online dating for many months and has been finding it hard going winning over the women he has fancied in the past, then suddenly finding a women that seems to be won over easy, just might result in him thinking, that something just doesn't seem right here. Really though, online dating is hard enough for guys, who wants more competition...especially if you have found a great girl that has agreed to go out on a date with you. Why risk losing her. I'd wager he likes you but is not crazy for you. He still wants to keep in touch in case he doesn't find anyone better over the next couple of months, that really rings his bells. You are on the back burner. I'd also wager this conversation encouraging you to keep looking online evolved, after you had sex with him. Take his advice and continue looking for and dating other men. If he starts asking you questions about them, tell him how you have dated some awesome guys and having a lot of fun. Edited October 20, 2010 by ascendotum
Quest Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 That's good advice. Enjoy meeting other guys and take your focus off him for a bit. You're not going to meet anyone else when you are so hooked on this one guy - you're not giving them a chance. Who knows ... if you start noticing some of these other guys and give them your attention one might just turn out to be more suitable.
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