MarthaX Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 I always thought in reality the bride and groom pay 50/50 but I've always heard the bride's family pays. What did you do or what are you doing? I think we will have to do 50/50... My parents can't pay for it, I don't think I'd want them to. I keep hearing people's parents have paid though. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 It is nice if parents wish to pay, but adults should pay for their own wedding, in my opinion. Traditionally, the bride's side usually gets the brunt of the costs while the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and a few other things. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 OP, the bride's family traditionally used to pay for the wedding--but keep in mind that traditional marriages were quite different then, with the bride being financially kept by her parents and then by her husband--and also that weddings were often very different then, too. The expensive, formalized 'white wedding' and reception as widespread phenomenon is relatively new to the world, and there is an entire industry built around squeezing every penny out of it and priming every little girl to believe it is her dream, or somehow necessary to polite society. It is still fairly common these days for a bride's parents to help pay, but only if they can comfortably afford doing so and make the offer themselves, it would be both tacky and presumptuous IMO to expect it. My parents offered to help pay for my wedding, but they had something larger and more formal in mind than I wanted. I preferred to use my own money and keep things as I wanted them, intimate, low-stress, and casual-but-romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 I don't think that there is a strict "norm" anymore. Different things work for different people. My parents paid for our entire wedding and my husband's parents matched the expense by paying for the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding and the groom's family pays for the alcohol at the reception and rehearsal dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovelife75 Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 there are so many variables here, its come to be a case by case basis now. Depends on: the age of the bride/groom financial status of bride/groom and their parents relationship between bride with her parents and groom with his parents cultural values and beliefs of both wedding party and their parents I did not want a large wedding, but my parents paid for my wedding when I got married, and I was just a couple of years out of college and was dirt poor. My husband was in school, so he wasn't earning any money, and I am southern (and Italian), and, as is stereotype, my family paid for the wedding and they got the wedding that everyone else gets, except I got the time of day I wanted (almost). I wanted a morning wedding, and the food was going to be breakfast foods (my favorite), but I settled with an afternoon wedding rather than a night wedding with the sit down dinner and the 5 hour long reception, ugh. That just did not appeal to me. Sit down with your groom, make a decision on what YOU want for your wedding, then decide on the budget, and then see if you need outside help. If you are making a decision to get married, you are old enough to have an adult conversation with your parents where you ask if they wanted to pay for the wedding, contribute to the wedding, or if you and your groom need to pay for it yourself. Good luck! And the only suggestion I would make would be to make sure someone was there to video record the wedding. No one did for me, and I was so stressed and annoyed I do not remember much of anything that happened. Okay, so one more suggestion. I agree with whoever said above that we have been culturalized to believe that we have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to have a "Dream wedding"....My friend got married on the beach with her dogs as the bridal party....and it was the most beautiful wedding ever. You don't have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to have a dream wedding....save that money to have your dream marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
desertIslandCactus Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 Traditionally, Bride's family. We had the world's smallest wedding with just family members and a few close friends. Payed minister, and my inlaws gave the reception. Purchased our first house seven months later.. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 What did you do or what are you doing? My ex and I paid for our own, but we were older and chose a method of being married which was within our means. Usually who pays is who has the most assets to lien/attach if the vendors don't get paid... I once participated in a cross-cultural wedding where the bride's parents couldn't afford to pay for the kind of wedding the groom's parents wanted (the groom was fine with a modest wedding) so they chose to offer a fixed sum towards the total costs and the groom's parents could/did decide on the size and scope to match their cultural norms and pocketbook. It was the first of many battles to follow. I sincerely hope the groom's parents have been able to see their grandchildren, the lack of which was one outcome of that debacle, er, wedding... Anyway, congrats on your upcoming nuptials and I'm sure it'll work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Honorable_Venerable Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 Tradition in the UK has it that the W's parents pay. Remember though that he who pays the piper calls the tune. If the couple pay themselves, they have far greater leverage in deciding what happens and how -like not having to invite flatulent uncles who spent their time making your childhood miserable! Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Most common nowadays, I think, is splitting the expenses between parents of the bride & groom, and the couple themselves. I recently got engaged and my parents have offered us x amount of dollars for the wedding. His parents are more well-off and likely to offer to cover the entire thing, but we are planning to elope so I'm not sure how that will affect things. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Ha ha my parents paying for my wedding. Too funny. That would involve them having to have a conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
FructoseGrande Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Regardless of who pays for the wedding, it's generally the husband that ends up paying for the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Regardless of who pays for the wedding, it's generally the husband that ends up paying for the divorce. Amen to that Sandals paid for STBX and my wedding. We paid ourselves to go there, though. If either family pays, they would try to control things too much (eg. we're paying, you're not having fireworks, and you're going to eat beef!). Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Regardless of who pays for the wedding, it's generally the husband that ends up paying for the divorce. The OP did not ask about divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 It is nice if parents wish to pay, but adults should pay for their own wedding, in my opinion. Traditionally, the bride's side usually gets the brunt of the costs while the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and a few other things. This. My husband and I paid for our own private ceremony. My very traditional parents wanted to pay for my wedding, because I am the only daughter. However, this would have meant having a wedding that we had no say in whatsoever. I envy those who have parents that will help, but do not use their money to control adult children. Link to post Share on other sites
Honorable_Venerable Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 This. I envy those who have parents that will help, but do not use their money to control adult children. People like this are examples to all. Link to post Share on other sites
lucylove Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 well yes, that was the case in the olden days but it is no longer an obligation. back in the day, the bride's family paid because it was assumed that from there on out the groom would be supporting her financially. this is hardly the usual case today. and even if it is for some couples, it no longer is a non negotiable tradition. if anything it is an outdated one. my parents simply did not have the money. and we paid for our own wedding. it was not a very fancy wedding, but we did not care. it was less than $1,600 and it was terribly romantic. do your wedding for the ceremony; forget about impressing people. you will be glad psychologically and financially. as for your parents, just be grateful they raised you well and loved you so that you could find yourself a loving husband and make a good wife. that is the greatest thing they could do for you in regards to your marriage. picking up the tab is nothing compared to that. Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Well today I can see the groom paying the government fees and a modest county clerk or pastor expense but face it there is a Brides magazine, not a Grooms magazine. It is the Bride who wants to hire the proper church as a movie, I mean cermony set. The Bride who wants the perfect dress and the ugly dresses for her close girlfriends. It is the Bride who wants flowers and candles. Therefore it makes sense for her or traditionally her family to pay Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Orange Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Wedding is an overrated event. I dont understand people (women) who insist on having the 'perfect wedding'. Maybe if you are a millionaire it is fine. But I would rather use the money for the marriage itself . Amen. It is incredibly stupid to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, especially if it is at the expense of much more pressing needs, such as saving for down payment on a house, savings cushion, etc. My parents are poor, I'm doing okay, but I have no extra money for lavish parties, so if my gf wants a fancy wedding, she and her family will have to figure it out on their own, and I'll happily tag along. I have no problem chipping in for a modest ceremony, within the boundaries of disposable cash I have on hand, but depleting my savings completely or going into debt in the pursuit of whatever the latest edition of "Brides" is selling would be out of the question. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted October 26, 2010 Share Posted October 26, 2010 This day in age, the "traditional rules" do not apply so much anymore. The way we worked it was that my husband's parents paid for the food at the rehearsal dinner and we paid for the alcohol. It is against their religion to drink alcohol, so they did not feel comfortable paying for it. My parents paid for the church expenses, flowers, and reception. Alcohol was included in the reception package so we did not have to pay for that. My husband and I paid for the DJ, photographer, limo, rings, honeymoon. My parents ended up paying the most. My husband's parents paid the least, as they do not have a lot of money. We did not mind at all picking up some of the expenses, as we wanted to have an nice, fancy wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
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