chelle21689 Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 What are some signs? I'm scared my bf of 5 years will break up with me...and honestly...inside I worry about it every day. Am I just insecure? We've been 2 years long distance...that could be a lot to do with it. He's in the military (reserve) and he says he needs my support more than ever when he's there and he feels like he needs me. He says I'm his 'life line' when things go bad, I'm there for him always whether it's wanting to talk, comfort, help, etc. He thinks the next 2 years are going to be rough because he has language school and then is deployed to Afghanistan. Our relationship situation is really complicated. I'm in Ohio and he's far across the country in Los Angeles. The military, training, and paid schooling...I don't know how I have come this far. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it anymore or that he won't be able to when things get harder.
broken-and-lost Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 (edited) People who love each other and are meant to be stay together no matter how hard it gets they never give up, that's why they are meant to be. So if you feel you will never give up no matter how hard it may get and he is the same, you probably have nothing to worry about for me i took my eye of my girlfriend i didn't realise how important she was to me and focussed on my own issues and she left as a result. Just tell him how you feel and make sure you make the most of the little things that make both of you happy Edited October 17, 2010 by broken-and-lost
thatsonlyme Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I'm not sure about LD relationships, but in my case there were definitely some signs, I was just too blind sided to see any. Now when I look back I realize that she started pulling away quite some time ago. She wasn't that interested in sex, we stopped enjoying little things in our lives (e.g. we used to go watch sunrise at the lake every year at least few times, not even once this summer), she started going out a lot more, texting more, her phone was on silent and she'd never leave it around the house. Texting, going out a lot and hiding her phone started only few weeks before break up, everything else was happening for few months. She also wouldn't say I love you anymore, often wouldn't respond if I say it first. But those were all very subtle signs, for the most part everything seemed normal, we had plans for the future, invested some money together, planned our vacation...
Leandro Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I didn't have any signs until the week before my break up. She would never reply or tell me she loved me back. I didn't think to much about it because band camp had started so I thought she was tired. Later she told me she did that to give me a sign that she was going to leave me, but I never saw it coming.
Oscar Wilde Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Hi guys, for me, those are the main signs: 1) communication is not going properly 2) lack of interest in doing things together 3) intuition tells you something is wrong Bests regards, Oscar
Idalis Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 What are some signs? I'm scared my bf of 5 years will break up with me...and honestly...inside I worry about it every day. Am I just insecure? We've been 2 years long distance...that could be a lot to do with it. He's in the military (reserve) and he says he needs my support more than ever when he's there and he feels like he needs me. He says I'm his 'life line' when things go bad, I'm there for him always whether it's wanting to talk, comfort, help, etc. He thinks the next 2 years are going to be rough because he has language school and then is deployed to Afghanistan. Our relationship situation is really complicated. I'm in Ohio and he's far across the country in Los Angeles. The military, training, and paid schooling...I don't know how I have come this far. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it anymore or that he won't be able to when things get harder. You're always there for him, and your his life line. It sounds like he does want you in his life. Now, is he there for you (I'm sure he's busier than you are but does he make the effort?) and are you able to communicate your fears to him?? If so, I'd say you have nothing to worry about and are just feeling insecure. Something which I believe is natural in an LDR. Even with all the trust in the world there may be those times that you feel like "what if". It should only be very minor though, if you spend a majority of the time feeling that way then you really need to decipher if you are willing to put yourself through that. You've been together five years and its still working out, at this point I would say you should have your trust and security built up pretty well. Unless there's been things that have broken it down along the way, then thats a whole other situation all together.
Author chelle21689 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 Your advice made me feel better...thank you.
EyeAlone Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Hi guys, for me, those are the main signs: 1) communication is not going properly 2) lack of interest in doing things together 3) intuition tells you something is wrong Bests regards, OscarI agree. That held true for most of my relationships. In my most recent one, the breakup came out of nowhere so there's always the exception. Also in my case, he started playing the blame game more often and rustled more arguments with me. I think it was his way of pushing me away and creating contempt in me for him.
WTRanger Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Actually, the break up never comes out of no where. It takes time to get over the initial shock, then when you look back you start to see all of the clear signs that you didn't pay attention do. Like most of us, it took me by the blindside. But when I look back, I see all too many red flags that I just passed off with things like, "she's stressed in her new job" or whatever. It wasn't all her job as I would like to have thought.
alittlejaded Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I agree. Many of us think the break-up came out of left field, but they say hindsight is always 20/20. There are usually signs we tend to ignore because we are so wrapped up into the relationship.
skydiveaddict Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 What are some signs? I'm scared my bf of 5 years will break up with me...and honestly...inside I worry about it every day. Am I just insecure? We've been 2 years long distance...that could be a lot to do with it. He's in the military (reserve) and he says he needs my support more than ever when he's there and he feels like he needs me. He says I'm his 'life line' when things go bad, I'm there for him always whether it's wanting to talk, comfort, help, etc. He thinks the next 2 years are going to be rough because he has language school and then is deployed to Afghanistan. Our relationship situation is really complicated. I'm in Ohio and he's far across the country in Los Angeles. The military, training, and paid schooling...I don't know how I have come this far. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it anymore or that he won't be able to when things get harder. I feel for you. I kinda had your same situation. I was in Afghanistan for a year and when I got back she was no where around. No texts, no calls no emails, nothing. But if you two truly care for each other, you can make it work. A lot (if not most) of the guys in my unit were in the same situation and they made it work. Being apart for that long is tough I know, but if you believe in each other you can succeed.
Els Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Actually, the break up never comes out of no where. It takes time to get over the initial shock, then when you look back you start to see all of the clear signs that you didn't pay attention do. Like most of us, it took me by the blindside. But when I look back, I see all too many red flags that I just passed off with things like, "she's stressed in her new job" or whatever. It wasn't all her job as I would like to have thought. That's the fine line we all have to tread - when does common sense become paranoia? If your partner doesn't seem much inclined to do things together for a few days and really is having a tough time at work, do you give them the benefit of doubt or immediately red-flag it? I think it's better to be blindsided a few times than to overreact to a completely innocent situation.
WTRanger Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 That's the fine line we all have to tread - when does common sense become paranoia? If your partner doesn't seem much inclined to do things together for a few days and really is having a tough time at work, do you give them the benefit of doubt or immediately red-flag it? I think it's better to be blindsided a few times than to overreact to a completely innocent situation. I 100% agree, but in my particular situation it was literally full on contact to zero in the course of a week. Not matter what, no response and still no response. Her way of breaking it off, was ceasing to exist. I kept telling myself that it was work, or one of her blanket excuses she used in the past, but it clearly wasn't. If they take long to respond or tell you that they don't feel much like doing anything, then that could be paranoia. But if they cease all forms of contact without any reason, that's reality. You just have to use judgment based on what you know about them. If their behavior is odd and they refuse to acknowledge it, or talk about it, or accept it, or work with you, or anything that resembles something other than a soulless robot, then more than likely it's more than likely a pretty bad sign.
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