chelle21689 Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I feel jealous when my bf goes out to parties and has fun while I'm home and far far away. I'm missing him wanting to talk while he's having fun. I don't have many friends and people here don't have parties, just go to bars which got old super fast. He still calls me when he's at the party to say good night, but it really bothers me hearing him drunk. He's never really been the stupid irresponsible drunk though that acts ridiculous. If pictures of him appear on Facebook having fun from a party then I can't help but feel even more jealous. I'm guessing this is normal lol. I love going to parties with him though...we separate and mingle, meet back up, so it's not like I'm clinging to him throughout the party. I just hate that I'm not there to make memories with him.
caramelday Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I'd feel jealous too. My boyfriend never did any of that, but if he did, I'd be in the same boat as you.
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Why wouldn't you want someone you love to enjoy themselves, even if it is not with you? If you don't trust them, don't be with them. If they aren't worthy of your trust, don't be with them. Otherwise, apply the same emotions and parameters that you would want them to apply to you if you were out having a great time with your friends. I presume you'd want to share that happiness with your partner and want them to be happy and supportive of you. Give and get. Good luck
HeavenOrHell Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 It's normal to feel jealous, cos you want to be the one spending time with him. I feel jealous sometimes as my OH hangs out with his ex, (they go to see bands) I'm not jealous in that I think he is cheating on me but just cos I wish it were me spending time with him and doing coupley things, feel a bit left out, although he does his best to not make me feel like that by still calling and texting when she is there or when they go to see bands. On the other hand I want him to be happy, he's a bit hermit like, so it's nice for him to go out sometimes in the eves after work. I'm out with my friends more often than he is, plus I'm still friends with my ex too, he is ok with me having a social life although I'm sure he wishes it were him I was with sometimes. Anyway yes it's normal to feel jealous/envious that he's out without you. I feel jealous when my bf goes out to parties and has fun while I'm home and far far away. I'm missing him wanting to talk while he's having fun. I don't have many friends and people here don't have parties, just go to bars which got old super fast. He still calls me when he's at the party to say good night, but it really bothers me hearing him drunk. He's never really been the stupid irresponsible drunk though that acts ridiculous. If pictures of him appear on Facebook having fun from a party then I can't help but feel even more jealous. I'm guessing this is normal lol. I love going to parties with him though...we separate and mingle, meet back up, so it's not like I'm clinging to him throughout the party. I just hate that I'm not there to make memories with him.
HeavenOrHell Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 It's nothing to do trust, not in my case anyway, it's more that I feel envious that I'm not there to spend with with him, which can make you feel jealous that he's with other people, male or female. But yes, I also want him to go out and be happy Why wouldn't you want someone you love to enjoy themselves, even if it is not with you? If you don't trust them, don't be with them. If they aren't worthy of your trust, don't be with them. Otherwise, apply the same emotions and parameters that you would want them to apply to you if you were out having a great time with your friends. I presume you'd want to share that happiness with your partner and want them to be happy and supportive of you. Give and get. Good luck
Calendula Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I mostly agree with Carhill and HOH. If my SO is out having a good time, I'm happy for him and glad that he's found a way to enjoy himself. If I feel lonely because of it, I go find something else to do, call up a friend to go out myself, etc. I live my life and try to find happiness where I can. I encourage him to do the same. I want to be with him but I can't and it isn't going to change any time soon. So what would be the point in me getting upset about it? I want him to be happy, and when I cannot be the one to give him that happiness, why should I begrudge him even a small amount of happiness with someone else? While many might say that being jealous is 'normal' I've never understood the point in being jealous either in a regular relationship or in a long distance one. For me jealousy is up there with possessiveness and I've never understood why anyone would want to waste energy on being either jealous or possessive. Unfortunately, both emotions tend to tie into personal insecurities or a lack of confidence or trust in a relationship. In general, I do not get jealous about things related to my SO. I know that he loves me and wants to be with me long term. I trust that he isn't going to do anything that would put his health or mine at risk. I have complete confidence that regardless of how many other women might hit on him or flirt with him, and regardless of how many he might flirt back with, he will be thinking of me when he falls asleep at night and when he pictures what he wants for his future. I know that for him, I cannot be replaced, and that I am respected and valued, even if I live far away from him. I believe in him. I trust him completely. I respect him and his decisions. I want the best for him, even if it means he is having a good time without me there. What possible reason do I have to be jealous of some other woman or any of his friends? I thank them for spending time with him and giving him even the briefest bit of happiness when I am unable to. In the end I'm the one who will get him. I'm the one who gets to see all of him. I am the one he truly loves.
Author chelle21689 Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Well, I mean I don't want him to be unhappy. When he gets sad/depressed I feel his pain for him and sympathize. I want to make him happy. I just would like to share those happy moments...haha Is it bad that I moved up my visit from 2 months to 3 weeks??? and then again in a month after that? Eeek....
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 My best advice is, regarding actions, do what you feel is positive for you. If that means visiting more often, that's what it means. Empathy is good, caring is good. Here's another one - Balance is good. I'm still a bit puzzled about the disconnect of envy and jealousy but will work on it. It just hasn't been a feature of my psychology. Happy to learn
Author chelle21689 Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 consider yourself lucky. it's not a good feeling at all lol
electricity Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Who are you jealous of, your boyfriend for having fun or people who get to hang out with your boyfriend? I was jealous of my boyfriend when I first moved because he had a bunch of friends while I started from scratch, but that wasn't specific to him. I was also jealous of everyone who had friends around. I was never jealous of people who got to hang out with him; party conversations and hanging out are never as deep and meaningful as our time with each other.
Romance Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 If you ever need to talk, you can message me! I feel the exact same way. I am not of legal drinking age and the bf is and has been for 2 years. His friends are always free to hang out and they do often. whereas i am often left at home with nothing to do and I feel jealous and even more sad. My friends are just always with their OWN boyfriends..sooo it's just awful..
stillafool Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 OP, when you start to feel jealous because he is out having a good time. Get dressed and go out and have your own good time.
Omei Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 OP, when you start to feel jealous because he is out having a good time. Get dressed and go out and have your own good time. I get jealous too, you feel like you're missing out on some great times that you should be there for! I do what was said above even if im alone I treat myself, going to the movies or going into a bar and just talking to people. (the bar idea might not be okay with your SO it's okay with mine I go to this Oldies bar down the street filled with old people LOL they always have a story.)
Treetopbaby Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 My SO doesnt go out much but when he do i kno how you feel, i want to be a part of what hes doing and share it with him. I wind mysef up a bit without talking to him and then just think f*ck it and go out i have a great time and so does he. The best bit about it is we have a deal, if either of us goes out, we ring eachother to say goodnight when were in bed. We both trust each other completely and i know he would neverr cheat or do anyting to hurt me but it makes me feel nice to know even when hes drunk and has stumbled home, ready to pass out in bed that he thinks about me, rings me and lets me know hes home safe and alone
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