amythan Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 (edited) Hi - I posted about this a coupled of days ago. We are FWB for the last months, but a long distance thing. He used to be desperate to see me and we travel all around europe with the only purpose of seeing each other. We talk almost every day and he shows he cares all the time. BUT ... lately i felt he didn't want to see me. It is difficult to explain but i got the feeling something was wrong. I am going to be in his town on monday but he has a work related thing and we cannot meet. His excuse is perfectly understandable an given my short notice (i am on a business trip) i have nothing to complain about. Anyway my gut feeling was bothering me too much and after a lot of thinking i just asked. His answer: "Didn't do it on purpose, but I would be lying if I said that the break was completely unwelcomed on my side: there were starting to be too much sex for me to be able to see things straight. I guess the past few weeks helped me a bit to put things in perspective and - in the end - to get to the point where I am sorry rather than relieved of not being able to meet you next week. A bit of time to think about it was enough to understand that I do want to spend time with you, to hear about all your blah blah " What does it mean ? I am lost with his answer. Is our FWB arrangement over ? Just friends ? Thank you for your comments, I really need some perspective here ! Edited October 17, 2010 by amythan
Mellisa Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 What does that mean? I personally dont like his response at all!So what does he want?You should go ask him when you get there. He cant be too busy for a brief meet up, can he? Long distance is never say, if you are going to stay in a long distance relationship, make sure he's worht it.
Author amythan Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 I understand he cannot see me as I am also very busy and our schedules do not match. This is not really the problem. The problem is, what does he want ?? I am not even sure if our FWB arrangement is over, if we are just friends, nothing ...
atlnay Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Before I attempt to parse what he said, OP answer this, what do YOU want from this man/situation? Do you want an exclusive relationship? To just be friends? To continue the FWB? What does it mean ? I am lost with his answer. Is our FWB arrangement over ? Just friends ? Thank you for your comments, I really need some perspective here !
Author amythan Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 I have feelings for him but i am fine with the FWB arrangement. I want to keep him as friend if our casual thing is over. I need to know what is going on here because i do not want to feel like a fool just because i didn't understand the rules. If we are friends, we behave as friends, If we are lovers it is a different scenario. With different rules.
atlnay Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 (edited) Ok, based on: the past few weeks helped me a bit to put things in perspective and - in the end - to get to the point where I am sorry rather than relieved of not being able to meet you next week. A bit of time to think about it was enough to understand that I do want to spend time with you, to hear about all your blah blah " He cares about and is truly interested in you & your life as a friend. Translation: this isn't a "wham bang only contact me when we are hooking up again" situation anymore. As for this: I am lost with his answer. Is our FWB arrangement over ? Just friends My take on life is a good relationship is based on open and honest communications. It does you no good to speculate or have people on a forum guess what he means/feels. The only one who knows for sure is him and the only way you can attempt to find out is by asking him directly. If he is your friend, you should have that comfort level in place and especially if you are sleeping with him. It's not a bad question to ask. Just tell him, your girlie brain has you confused and you just want to clarify, is he ending the FWB or not? If so, can you guys discuss it (if you want it to continue). If not, cool now you know how to behave around him. It's really reasonable concerns and based on his earlier reply to you, I'm guessing he'll give you a thoughtful and direct reply. Good luck to ya! Edited October 17, 2010 by atlnay
Author amythan Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 He cares about and is truly interested in you & your life as a friend. Translation: this isn't a "wham bang only contact me when we are hooking up again" situation anymore. This is part of the problem. We have always been more than FB. I know he cares, I care. But we know that there is no future for a relationship. You are right - I will ask him ! He will answer.
atlnay Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 This is part of the problem. We have always been more than FB. I know he cares, I care. But we know that there is no future for a relationship. You are right - I will ask him ! He will answer. I'm confused, you didn't state you wanted a relationship from him, either FWB continuing or friends at the very least. Why are you looking into the future? And what sort of future are you looking for? Is he husband material?
Author amythan Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 You are right, it was not very clear ! I *know* we can just be FWB or friends. Just that, and I accept it. He is not boyfriend material and he will never be. But this is cool. The problem is, we care way too much about each other. We never behave as FWB - at least not from my point of view. We go on dates, we travel together, we sleep over, we help each other, talk every day ... So yes, of course I know he cares. What I do not know is what he wants. There is too much unspoken here and from his email it is difficult to know ...
atlnay Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 You are right, it was not very clear ! I *know* we can just be FWB or friends. Just that, and I accept it. He is not boyfriend material and he will never be. But this is cool. The problem is, we care way too much about each other. We never behave as FWB - at least not from my point of view. lol OP...RELAX & ENJOY!! Unless you prefer being a straight booty call What you have is respectful guy who enjoys spending time with you. Likes your company. And is your friend. You don't have to answer this here but another thing to ponder. If this isn't the FWB situation you had in mind, why don't you tell him what it is you feel comfortable with? Are the dates and travel too much emotions for you? Would you prefer to be just sex, x amount of times a week and no more daily talking? I went back and reread your OP you were originally bothered by the gut feeling of him not wanting to see you, even though you understood his excuse and weren't complaining about that. So you expressed your feelings to him and then you posted his reply. Based on his reply, I gathered he was cool with the slow down of sex and during the little break realized he valued you as a friend. So yes, of course I know he cares. What I do not know is what he wants. Unless he has explicitly said he's unhappy with some aspect of your situation, he has & is doing exactly what he wants. If he is not boyfriend material to you, why do you need to know what he wants?
Author amythan Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Lol Maybe i am just lucky to have a such a great person in my life. And i really mean it. Yes, the situation was very confusing for both of us. I had other FWB situations and were completely different. Just sex. I never heard in those "i am desperate to see you" So maybe the break was a good thing - even if the time we spend talking is not helping I guess I just wanted to know to do not feel like a fool. Just to know the rules ! But i just realize that maybe we just have to be friends.
tami-chan Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Enjoy. Leave the labels until it is necessary. For now, you know what you want and you are getting it, same with him.
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