Engadget Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I can't even make this up, and it sounds like a Jerry Springer episode or something to me. We broke up in January this year, and she was conflicted about her sexuality and she began dating a lesbian woman whom she's still with. We've talked off and on since then as we had two cats she had to give to friends, and talk of having sex and stuff has come up since, despite her being more into women now than men we have that connection still I guess. I'm dating someone now, and she texts me today and brings up the topic of children, I say I'm not ready yet and all that, she says she wants a kid. So I asked how she would do it, sperm donor/in vitro or what. She says "How about you?". Woah. Mind you I dumped her when I found out she was seeing this woman. She wants to have sex with me to conceive too, and apparently her girlfriend is okay with it! This is just too strange, what's worse is my biological drive to procreate would go through with it where my logical brain would not. Just weird.
Author Engadget Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Do not do this. Please use your brain. I'm not going to, it's just weird. She was a pathological liar with me anyway and even if I was single and wanted to, there'd be nothing to stop her telling people or trying to get child support or some nonsense.
Woggle Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I'm not going to, it's just weird. She was a pathological liar with me anyway and even if I was single and wanted to, there'd be nothing to stop her telling people or trying to get child support or some nonsense. You will be paying support and will be allowed zero contact with your child.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Don't do it, it's unfair to you and your new woman in your life. Yes it's a free sex card that may be called upon until the deed is done. 18 years from now said child may want to seek you out too not that they'd hate you or anything. Your mind also may change after having a kid yourself and you may have wrote of your rights etc but it will **** with your mind, you may start to miss a child you never cared for just because it's yours. She can do artificial insemination and go to sperm banks.
Citizen Erased Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 You will be paying support and will be allowed zero contact with your child. And the fact it would involve cheating on his current girlfriend. But I guess you would have gotten to that too if you could see past the downtrodden Brohood.
Woggle Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 And the fact it would involve cheating on his current girlfriend. But I guess you would have gotten to that too if you could see past the downtrodden Brohood. That too. There is so much argument against this.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 If you are considering it, see a lawyer first.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 If you are considering it, see a lawyer first. He mentioned above he is not going to. I was late with my reply not seeing that either. However should he change his mind this is great advice.
wuggle Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Or (playing devil's advocate), if you like your ex and think that she is genuine in her desire for a child and is in a steady lesbian relationship, you could (assuming you have discussed this with your current girlfriend and she is ok with it) help her out and get her pregnant ? She might not want to screw you over for child support, she might just have thought it better to have a child by someone she liked (ie you) rather than some random bloke ? just a thought.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Or (playing devil's advocate), if you like your ex and think that she is genuine in her desire for a child and is in a steady lesbian relationship, you could (assuming you have discussed this with your current girlfriend and she is ok with it) help her out and get her pregnant ? She might not want to screw you over for child support, she might just have thought it better to have a child by someone she liked (ie you) rather than some random bloke ? just a thought. There is still legality issues, and emotion issues at large though so definitely seeking a lawyer is needed in that case. Did you know that many surrogate mother's have post birth traumatic syndrome causing them to have an emotional attachment to the child they are birthing for another couple. Some are so strong they then want to keep the child. Now this situation is male so that wouldn't be the case but at birth the same emotions could carry that this is "his" biological child he may want to be in the child's life and if the emotions are strong enough then he may want to be the legal custodial parent. It's a complicated decision to make.
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 One option, though it will cost her money and you won't be getting your noodle wet: Already Have a Donor? Choosing A Private (Directed) Donor or a Co-Parenting Arrangement Some women elect to use a private (Directed) donor for insemination purposes. Sometimes this person is a friend or a member of the non-inseminating partner's family. In this case, the donor agrees (in writing) that he will have no parental rights or responsibilities. In other instances a couple or individual may choose a man who will share legal parental rights and responsibilities. In either case, the parties will typically draw up a legal agreement that defines their agreed-to parental rights and responsibilities. Here are a few of the most important questions to consider when choosing a private (Directed) donor or a co-parenting arrangement with a man: Has this donor (or co-parent) had all the necessary medical screening? (testing for infectious diseases, genetic screening, etc.)**Does his medical and family medical history make him a suitable choice? **Are his semen characteristics (motility, volume, concentration and morphology) adequate for conception? **Do I (we) feel that his background, lifestyle and communication style are compatible with our own?Can we agree to a parenting arrangement that works for all of us?Do we agree on the fundamental parenting issues (discipline, education, religion, medical intervention, etc.)? This came from a commercial reproductive services web site geared towards reproduction within the lesbian community. If she wants something bad enough, and a baby with your genetics is really that, she'll do what's necessary. Good luck
wuggle Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 It's a complicated decision to make. Agreed, just wanted to point out to OP that others have done it and it has worked for them.
florence of suburbia Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Wow, yet one more woman who can't live without you.
Author Engadget Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Wow, yet one more woman who can't live without you. She can live without me just fine and has been for some time now, I never expected her to ask me this. Although I'm flattered she would even ask me, I couldn't do it. I myself am adopted and that situation would bring up a lot of emotional issues I'm just dealing with having recently met my biological father. We had talked about having kids for a while long before we broke up, so I understand her wanting it from me. However she expressed the desire to have sex to do it, and I can't believe her partner would be okay with that.
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