Kismetly Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I've wallowing in my own drama this weekend and decided to take it up a notch and completely torture myself by reading a book I've had sitting here for a while. It's an anthology of essays put together by Victoria Zackheim on the topic of "The Other Woman". There's a huge variety of essays. Some from the perspective of the BS (Mary Jo Eustace writes about when her husband left her for Tori Spelling), there's a couple from the perspective of adult women writing about watching their father's commit adultery. A number of OW themselves tell their stories ... and these an essay commenting on the history of adultery in western culture using Prince Charles and Princess Diana as a modern analogy. But there's one that really resonates with me by Susan Cheever. She tells the story of her own experiences as the MOW and an OW then analyses why she was a mistress. She says "Looking back on those years, I can see that I was also attracted to married men for very good reasons. As a mistress, I was able to stay in possession of my own life. I had freedom; I had my own place; there was no merging of books or friends. As a mistress, I was my lover's fantasy and he was mine; the intensity of fantasy and the creativity of fantasy were poured into making our time together brilliant with pleasure and luminous with desire. .... "As a mistress, I could live my own life - pursue my career, spend time with my friends, even stay up all night reading-at the same time knowing that I was beloved and facinating to someone. I was able to love married men not because they were available or because they reminded me of Daddy, but because they allowed me to be myself and to live in the world of my friends and family who nurtured and protected me. There is little possessiveness in a married man; he doesn't have the right. ..... "In the end, the moral and practical reasons for not sleeping with other women's husbands prevail. Adultery is the subject of one of the ten commandments, after all. .....Still, if I ever marry again, I would like to marry some-one who can act as if he is married to someone else, even though he may be my husband. I would like to treat and be treated with the kind of passionate respect I remember from having married lovers. I would like to live in the moment. I don't want to merge lives and expose everything. I have no desire to tell unpleasant truths or to hear them. If I ever marry again, I would like to find a husband who acts as if he is married to someone else - even though that someone else is me." It's a good read ... I recommend it.
hopeless4u Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I've wallowing in my own drama this weekend and decided to take it up a notch and completely torture myself by reading a book I've had sitting here for a while. It's an anthology of essays put together by Victoria Zackheim on the topic of "The Other Woman". There's a huge variety of essays. Some from the perspective of the BS (Mary Jo Eustace writes about when her husband left her for Tori Spelling), there's a couple from the perspective of adult women writing about watching their father's commit adultery. A number of OW themselves tell their stories ... and these an essay commenting on the history of adultery in western culture using Prince Charles and Princess Diana as a modern analogy. But there's one that really resonates with me by Susan Cheever. She tells the story of her own experiences as the MOW and an OW then analyses why she was a mistress. She says "Looking back on those years, I can see that I was also attracted to married men for very good reasons. As a mistress, I was able to stay in possession of my own life. I had freedom; I had my own place; there was no merging of books or friends. As a mistress, I was my lover's fantasy and he was mine; the intensity of fantasy and the creativity of fantasy were poured into making our time together brilliant with pleasure and luminous with desire. .... "As a mistress, I could live my own life - pursue my career, spend time with my friends, even stay up all night reading-at the same time knowing that I was beloved and facinating to someone. I was able to love married men not because they were available or because they reminded me of Daddy, but because they allowed me to be myself and to live in the world of my friends and family who nurtured and protected me. There is little possessiveness in a married man; he doesn't have the right. ..... "In the end, the moral and practical reasons for not sleeping with other women's husbands prevail. Adultery is the subject of one of the ten commandments, after all. .....Still, if I ever marry again, I would like to marry some-one who can act as if he is married to someone else, even though he may be my husband. I would like to treat and be treated with the kind of passionate respect I remember from having married lovers. I would like to live in the moment. I don't want to merge lives and expose everything. I have no desire to tell unpleasant truths or to hear them. If I ever marry again, I would like to find a husband who acts as if he is married to someone else - even though that someone else is me." It's a good read ... I recommend it. As an xOW I can relate....
on a learning curve Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 (edited) ...Still, if I ever marry again, I would like to marry some-one who can act as if he is married to someone else, even though he may be my husband. I would like to treat and be treated with the kind of passionate respect I remember from having married lovers. I would like to live in the moment. I don't want to merge lives and expose everything. I have no desire to tell unpleasant truths or to hear them. If I ever marry again, I would like to find a husband who acts as if he is married to someone else - even though that someone else is me."... This is an interesting and bewildering quote, and I'm not sure what to make of it. (From the author, not Kismetly). Edited October 17, 2010 by on a learning curve clarification
spice4life Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Hi, I'm new here but have been lurking. I agree with onalearning curve. I found that quote bewildering as well. Maybe because have only been involved with one mm and am not normally attracted to mm's. This one (meaning mm) just happened to enter my life by accident and the rest is history. I credit my mm with teaching me about what I do want if I marry again though. I want to be respected for my individuality and I want emotional intimacy. I'm curious kismetly, what are your thoughts on what this writer means when she says "treated like he is married to someone else"?
pureinheart Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Wow, this does sound like an intriguing book, thank you for sharing it..will have to read it:)
wheelwright Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I've wallowing in my own drama this weekend and decided to take it up a notch and completely torture myself by reading a book I've had sitting here for a while. It's an anthology of essays put together by Victoria Zackheim on the topic of "The Other Woman". There's a huge variety of essays. Some from the perspective of the BS (Mary Jo Eustace writes about when her husband left her for Tori Spelling), there's a couple from the perspective of adult women writing about watching their father's commit adultery. A number of OW themselves tell their stories ... and these an essay commenting on the history of adultery in western culture using Prince Charles and Princess Diana as a modern analogy. But there's one that really resonates with me by Susan Cheever. She tells the story of her own experiences as the MOW and an OW then analyses why she was a mistress. She says "Looking back on those years, I can see that I was also attracted to married men for very good reasons. As a mistress, I was able to stay in possession of my own life. I had freedom; I had my own place; there was no merging of books or friends. As a mistress, I was my lover's fantasy and he was mine; the intensity of fantasy and the creativity of fantasy were poured into making our time together brilliant with pleasure and luminous with desire. .... "As a mistress, I could live my own life - pursue my career, spend time with my friends, even stay up all night reading-at the same time knowing that I was beloved and facinating to someone. I was able to love married men not because they were available or because they reminded me of Daddy, but because they allowed me to be myself and to live in the world of my friends and family who nurtured and protected me. There is little possessiveness in a married man; he doesn't have the right. ..... "In the end, the moral and practical reasons for not sleeping with other women's husbands prevail. Adultery is the subject of one of the ten commandments, after all. .....Still, if I ever marry again, I would like to marry some-one who can act as if he is married to someone else, even though he may be my husband. I would like to treat and be treated with the kind of passionate respect I remember from having married lovers. I would like to live in the moment. I don't want to merge lives and expose everything. I have no desire to tell unpleasant truths or to hear them. If I ever marry again, I would like to find a husband who acts as if he is married to someone else - even though that someone else is me." It's a good read ... I recommend it. We're all different. My oldest friend says the same - must give her the book. Some people want intimacy - all shown and nothing spared. For some people the 'mergiing' is a great kick. Lasting. Personally. I like unpleasant truths, as long as they do not mean a change in the undercurrent of the R. On the other hand, it can take a very special intimate lover who knows exactly what you would rather left unsaid. And that is even more special if you know they DONT say it out of love or accaptance.
spice4life Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 On the other hand, it can take a very special intimate lover who knows exactly what you would rather left unsaid. And that is even more special if you know they DONT say it out of love or accaptance. Interesting point. I've never thought about love and intimacy that way.
on a learning curve Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Interesting point. I've never thought about love and intimacy that way. Food for thought. Knowing someone intimately enough...
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