GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) I have recently jumped into online dating, and so far I have met a few really great guys. I wanted to describe them and see if you guys had any thoughts to add about them that I should think about as I get to know them. I am 21 years old, and dating older men. The age gaps vary, and could be significant. They're all taller than me. "Roy" is 25 years old. He is really sweet, and clearly likes me as a person. We went out for coffee on our first date, and rather than lasting an hour or so like I first estimated it would, we stayed and talked for about two and a half hours. I had a great time talking with him, and he said he did too. He is respectful and sensitive. I could almost describe him as like a "nice guy", because he hasn't made any major moves yet physically. We do sit very close together when we have the chance and he maybe put an arm around my shoulder once, but that's it for now. We have gone on two dates, and the second one was the day after the first. He and his friends were going out for dinner and he didn't want to be the only one without a date, so he invited me. I had a great time, and it was nice getting closer to him! During the dinner our group played Truth or Dare, which was a fun way to get to know each other better. The game even had a "Make It Dirty" option, which is self-explanatory. Anyway, I can tell that he likes me. One big good sign so far is that he often talked about "our" future. He wants us to go to a Halloween party as a couple wearing costumes that go together-- he will be Prince Eric from "The Little Mermaid" (he's a romantic and very into Disney), and I will be Ariel. I think he just likes the idea of me in a clamshell bra, haha! He also mentioned maybe planning a date on New Year's Eve. He also talked about how he wants to travel in the future, and how maybe someday we could go together to Las Vegas, or even another country. He has even joked about our getting married-- and this was on the first date, no less! Wow! I really like this guy and see a lot of potential in it. We could really be going somewhere! It's clear that he would someday like us to be committed, as long as all goes well and we continue to get along great. Oh yeah, I have a story about him! He did a few magic tricks for me with cards. I asked him if he does them a lot, and he said, "Only for cute girls!" I won a bet with him, and he said I could ask for anything I wanted. I thought about asking for a kiss, thought, "Nah, I'd like to, but not yet," then asked for a movie ticket. So we have a movie date sometime too! Yesterday I went on a first date with another guy-- "Indiana". He is 29 years old, so there is an 8-year age gap there. He is very tall, at 6' 4". I happen to tend to be very attracted to tall men. We went out to a bar-- his idea. I tried scotch for the first time (a very strong drink in alcohol and flavor), and had another alcoholic drink called the "panty-dropper". I compared it to a melted Jamba Juice smoothie with just a hint of alcohol flavor. It was nice and fruity. We had a nice conversation for a while, and later in the night we had a nice kiss, which he seemed to enjoy. We then went out to the parking lot and made out by his car-- he held me up in his arms the whole time. He's strong! (That's another thing that I admire in men.) In the process, later that night, I found that he had hickies from another woman. My pride then led me to add a marking of my own; I didn't want him to only have ones from the other person. Anyway, overall, he was much more assertive physically than Roy. Indiana later expressed that he had a great time on our first date and would like to see me again. Do you guys have any opinions about the guys? The age gap between Indiana and I doesn't bother me very much, but considering that plus that he is clearly dating other women, some that are surely closer to his age, I wonder how seriously he really is taking us. I wonder if he just wants to have fun and wouldn't really consider me relationship material. I think they're both sweet, and I like them both. I have a better feeling about where things are going with Roy, but I could see it working out with Indiana too. What do you think? Edited October 16, 2010 by GooseChaser
sagetalk Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Wow, it looks like you have managed to date both extremes at the same time, amazing. No one can tell you who to go for, it's up to you. I'd be more concerned about the second guy in regards to cheating, but that may be unfair. They both seem like entertaining guys, if that's what you want, then you're in a good spot. I wish online dating was this easy for men, I would post pictures of rainbows and butterflies everyday on here if it was.
Cee Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Indiana's a player, no question. Having unhealed hickies Who knows how many woman have ridden him. If he's been online for awhile, he could have had dozens of sexual liaisons. You admitted yourself that you gave him a hickie on your first date. Obviously Indiana knows he's hot & he using online dating to collect as many women as he can. Stay away. And if you can't resist this stud muffin, use condoms and insist on STD testing for both of you.
Insanitylater Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 plus that he is clearly dating other women, some that are surely closer to his age, I wonder how seriously he really is taking us. I wonder if he just wants to have fun and wouldn't really consider me relationship material. Funny how people are totally blind to their own situation. She judges Indiana because hes dating other women, and shes not sure if he takes her seriously, but at the same time, she is dating multiple people as well. Totally clueless shes the pot calling the kettle black.
sagetalk Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 No one can tell you who to go for, it's up to you. I'd be more concerned about the second guy in regards to cheating, but that may be unfair. Let me rephrase that, "No one here can tell you" because we don't know you or them. Your family and friends will be much better at this. If your friends or family think #2 is bad news, I'd listen to them.
Author GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Funny how people are totally blind to their own situation. She judges Indiana because hes dating other women, and shes not sure if he takes her seriously, but at the same time, she is dating multiple people as well. Totally clueless shes the pot calling the kettle black. No, I know it's fair because we're both single and dating multiple people. It's okay, really. I know we're both unattached and free to date whoever we want. Of course, I hope that he does see me as a potential girlfriend. I just made an observation that he is being physical with multiple people right now, which can be seen from his recently-acquired, unhealed hickies. He is also 8 years older than me, and it is possible that in a serious relationship he desires someone closer to his age. HOWEVER, this is only speculation, and I am not writing him off yet. I just have to proceed with caution, that's all. You have a good point though! Thanks!
Author GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Let me rephrase that, "No one here can tell you" because we don't know you or them. Your family and friends will be much better at this. If your friends or family think #2 is bad news, I'd listen to them. Well, I told my parents about it. My mom thinks I should just go after Roy because we know that he is into me. She isn't saying that Indiana is a horrible person, but I just have to keep in mind that he is seeing other women, and it is likely that he has been with them longer. People usually wait a while to give hickies. I would have too, but then I saw the ones from other women, and I wanted to add one of mine for good measure. He noticed, but he didn't stop me. Hopefully it was okay for me to do that. I'm not going to stress out about it, though. It's not like I care if his other girl(s) see it-- in fact, that would be great! Hehehe. x]
Star Gazer Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Do you guys have any opinions about the guys? Neither. Roy sounds desperate, and Indiana is a player. Next them both.
Author GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Wow, it looks like you have managed to date both extremes at the same time, amazing. No one can tell you who to go for, it's up to you. I'd be more concerned about the second guy in regards to cheating, but that may be unfair. They both seem like entertaining guys, if that's what you want, then you're in a good spot. I wish online dating was this easy for men, I would post pictures of rainbows and butterflies everyday on here if it was. Thanks Sagetalk! Well, I don't have a problem with Indiana dating others, because I'm doing the same thing, and he knows it. I bet he respects that too. When I get in a relationship with a guy, I will make sure that there is trust and monogamy between us. As long as the guy is trustworthy and has good values and ethics, I'm sure that once he is in a committed relationship he would settle down and just focus on me. If he did cheat, that would be all on him, and he'd be out of my life very quickly. Yeah, I've heard that online dating is easier for women. I personally do my best to be fair with the men and have respect for them. I feel that I have been very lucky, and I'm thankful for that.
sagetalk Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 As long as the guy is trustworthy and has good values and ethics, I'm sure that once he is in a committed relationship he would settle down and just focus on me. If he did cheat, that would be all on him, and he'd be out of my life very quickly. Very important, keep that thought process and you are headed in the right direction. I can't say I've been a total failure at online dating (I've had dates, lots of messages, and phone numbers), but I just haven't really clicked with a girl online yet. The numbers of girl to guys is usually low, but there are girls on there for every decent guy, you just have to give it a good effort.
Author GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) Neither. Roy sounds desperate, and Indiana is a player. Next them both. Hm, that's interesting, so you think Roy came on too strong? It seems like a few people now think that Indiana is only looking for fun too. Is the age gap part of that, or is it mostly how he has hickies from other girls while dating me? (Which isn't the best way to make a good impression on a new date and put your best foot forward, by the way.) Seems like this is definitely something for me to think about! I don't want to do physical things meaninglessly; I can do better than that. I am looking for a real relationship and don't want to settle. Maybe I should tell him that. Edited October 16, 2010 by GooseChaser
Star Gazer Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Hm, that's interesting, so you think Roy came on too strong? It seems like a few people now think that Indiana is only looking for fun too. Is the age gap part of that, or is it mostly how he has hickies from other girls while dating me? (Which isn't the best way to make a good impression on a new date and put your best foot forward, by the way.) Seems like this is definitely something for me to think about! I don't want to do physical things meaninglessly; I am looking for a real relationship and don't want to settle. Roy came on way too strong. He shouldn't be making future plans with you like he has after only TWO DATES. He sounds like a guy who's just interested in getting a girlfriend and latching on. Indiana is a player not because of the age difference, but because of his blatant display of being involved with other women. That's just gross. That said, guys his age will look for much younger women when they're not looking for something serious, because older women (his age or older) will be looking for a relationship that has long term potential.
Author GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Roy came on way too strong. He shouldn't be making future plans with you like he has after only TWO DATES. He sounds like a guy who's just interested in getting a girlfriend and latching on. Indiana is a player not because of the age difference, but because of his blatant display of being involved with other women. That's just gross. That said, guys his age will look for much younger women when they're not looking for something serious, because older women (his age or older) will be looking for a relationship that has long term potential. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense! Thanks SG! What would you say is a good pace in dating?
Star Gazer Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Yeah, that makes a lot of sense! Thanks SG! What is a good pace in dating? Takes practice, but during the first two dates (the first of which isn't really a "date" as much as it's a "meet" when doing online dating) you shouldn't be planning special events that are months away (NYE), talking about vacations to go on together, or even joking about getting married. RED FLAGS.
Author GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 It's interesting; like someone mentioned earlier, the two are sorta on different extremes. Roy is enthusiastic about making future plans with me and acting like a couple, but he is going slow with the physical. Indiana is assertive physically and enjoys spending time with me, but he has not talked a lot about the future.
Star Gazer Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 It's interesting; like someone mentioned earlier, the two are sorta on different extremes. Roy is enthusiastic about making future plans with me and acting like a couple, but he is going slow with the physical. Indiana is assertive physically and enjoys spending time with me, but he has not talked a lot about the future. Be Golilocks. One's too fast, one's too slow... there's one out there that's jussssst right, but these guys aren't it. Move on.
Author GooseChaser Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Be Golilocks. One's too fast, one's too slow... there's one out there that's jussssst right, but these guys aren't it. Move on. We're only in the very early stages of dating. Is it really best to give up on them both already? I could "warm up" something that is too cold, and I could "cool down" something that's too hot or going too fast.
Star Gazer Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 We're only in the very early stages of dating. Is it really best to give up on them both already? I could "warm up" something that is too cold, and I could "cool down" something that's too hot or going too fast. No, no, no. It will not get better. Don't force something that isn't what it is. Move on.
Pfiend101 Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 The Indiana guy had hickies from other girls. I would think a Woman would find that trashy and disgusting. Unless they were 16 maybe. No offense
BobSacamento Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I don't see these guys doing anything that would make you next them. If they call again you should give them another date.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Indiana's good for an ONS. Once you sleep with him, you have to race to dump him first before he dumps you.
Author GooseChaser Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 The Indiana guy had hickies from other girls. I would think a Woman would find that trashy and disgusting. Unless they were 16 maybe. No offense Yeah, I was surprised and a little disappointed to see that. In the case that I had hickies from another person, I wouldn't let another person I was dating see it, especially if I was just getting to know them. It just shows his attention is being divided right now.
AverageJoe Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Be Golilocks. One's too fast, one's too slow... there's one out there that's jussssst right, but these guys aren't it. Move on. Good lord. Star would have you wear a chastity belt on dates. GC, have some fun and take it for what it is and use your head. I know you can do that, then adjust accordingly.
eerie_reverie Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I would dump both of them. What they have in common is that both view women as disposable. The first one doesn't care who you are, as long as you're his. Making long-term plans and joking about marriage on the first date indicates that. The second is clearly a player.
MyNameIsJonas Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I'm going to drive down "blunt statement blvd" and say that you have already made up your mind: you are clearly more into Indiana than Roy. The way you described "Roy" you trying to convince yourself that he is the better/safer option, as you referenced "nice guy" and kept talking about all of the things he wasn't doing, even though you were trying to put a positive spin on it (which is admirable). However, the way you described "Indiana," including the not one but twice said statement of "I'm more attracted to ______" means your instinct is pointing toward to Indiana. Both guys sound like risks, as Indiana could be a player, but Roy could also become a flake and just frustrate you. That being said, I will once again say that it sounds that subconsciously you have already made up your mind so I will say what you already know: Next Roy, call Indiana.
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