I want her back, so effin bad! - ?

[jms_nov28]

I was in a relationship with this girl for 3 1/2 years. I honestly believe she is the love of my life. We did everything together, we had a perfect time. Over the course of the last year we hit a rocky road because I got lazy and kind of forgot how to appreciate her. We lived together, and both of us were in a University.

 

Basically, the relationship ended in July. I sort of broke it off because, I wanted space, I wanted to be myself again. For the month of July we were basically just friends, still keeping in contact and always talking on the phone every day. In August, one night, after we shared our feelings, one thing led to another and we slept together. I realized how much of a huge mistake I made, and I really still loved her and I wanted her back. But by this time, she had already made plans to move back to her state. We shared 2 weeks in August, the best two weeks I can ever have, I appreciated her, I loved her with every beat of my heart. We went out to places, it was perfect! but she moved back, it was inevitable. For the month of August, we talked on the phone every day, still told me she loved me and I did as well. I told her I wanted to be in a relationship with her, but she really didn't feel the same she said she wanted to be single and explore herself. I accepted it, it hurt a lot.

 

I basically confused a break, with a break-up =/

Within one month, she got in a relationship with this friend she had. I couldn't believe it, I was flabbergasted and the wind was just taken away from me. It hurt so effin much! I felt betrayed and cheated on, but I shouldn't have felt that way because we weren't together anymore. I couldn't help it, I asked for her back, I pleaded and begged, even if it was over the phone because by that time she was already living in California while I was in Texas. We were both our first everything, serious relationship, EVERYTHING. I miss her so much, we spent 3 1/2 years together, and 2 of those was living together. I couldn't believe it. So I went NC for the month of August. I was hoping and wishing this guy was a rebound. Also my ex acted very vague with me and just plain out cold. So for Sept. I went NC. I felt a lot better being NC, I thought about her a lot, I cried sometimes, and had dreams that I was going to get back with her. I love her. I asked her back in Aug. why did she not wait it out, why did she not just explore being single like she said, and why did she move on so fast. I couldn't fathom it. She said that she knows what she is doing, and she knows it is fast, but she doesn't see it this way and she really likes this guy and doesn't care if other people think she moved on too fast. She did say she still loved me, and always will. I told her I will always love her of course, and I pleaded her back.

 

So for the month of Sept. I was NC. I was healing slowly, bit by bit. I sent all her remaining back to Cali vis mail. It hurt a lot. I missed her presence, her warmth, her smell, her compassion, her care, I missed everything about her, especially her friendship. so for Sept. I started talking to one of my friends, she basically coped me with my break up. She was very nice and a wonderful girl. I started to develop feelings for her, and she did as well. (All while, still thinking, remembering, and loving my ex.) We went out a couple of times, and spoke for hours on the phone. It felt really nice having someone there to listen to me, and the warmth of another person felt really nice. I thought, I was over my ex. so I decided to friend her on FB again, since I had deleted her, I couldn't bare to see her with her new boyfriend. We talked, and we established contact again, via phone and txt. this was in the beginning of Oct. and then, on Oct.6, I talked to her on the phone and realized, I couldn't see her as a friend anymore, and I still loved her, and I still wanted her back.

 

We spoke on the phone for about 2hrs, she confessed she still loved me, and she would give me another chance if she wasn't with her current boyfriend. I asked her, just to give me one more try, she won't regret it, since I figured out my mistakes and I grew a lot during the time I was NC, I found myself and how I know I won't commit the same mistakes again. She said no. She said she didn't want to hurt her current boyfriend. She said this guy basically always liked her, even before she was with me, and that he waited for her even when I was with her. My ex did like him prior to me, but she met me and we fell in love. Mind you, she never had a thing for him while she was with me, they hardly spoke, and I knew he liked her but I never made a fuzz because I'm not that type of person. She said she would love to have another try with me, but in the future because she's with him now. I told her I can't wait for her, I can't stand the waiting and the thought of her with another guy. I asked her, if you break up with him, would you give me another chance? She said, maybe yes. I just told her, that I wish her well, and that I need to establish NC again because I cannot see her as a friend, and I never will until I feel I'm over her. She said she didn't want me to NC her again, but if it will help me, and loosen the pain then she accepts it.

 

I then told the girl I was dating, that I couldn't lie myself into a relationship with her, because I'm still not over my ex, and I don't want a rebound. She understood where I was coming from, so we stopped dating, we never became official though, so that helped. We kept being friends, and I'm glad I called the dating off because she's a great friend and would have hated to lose her as a friend.

 

So what now? I'm on NC now. its been 10 days, and I seriously want to fight for her, I have been fighting for her back when she barely got wit her new boyfriend. All my friends say that he's a rebound, and that she's doing it our of hurt to fill in the void. I wish thats true. I also want my void to be healed, but I realized I must fall in love with myself before I can start dating again, and I don't want to use anyone as a rebound because I don't want to hurt them. It sucks, because I always replay all the good times, all the best times, and I have a lot of what-ifs. What if I wouldn't have done a break, what if I didn't do so and so, etc etc. It sucks. I can't help but hate myself for confusing a break with a break up, and how badly I effe'd up. =/ I have a lot of regret, and ahhh I can't take it. I want her SO BAD!! I do replay the bad times as well, but it just reminds me why I love her so much. I honestly believe she was the one for me, we even have the same birthday (Nov28) =/ I know its not relevant, but still. I wish this guy is a rebound. I mean what does she see in him? He is 4 years out of HS and doesn't have a job, he is in the Navy reserves, and only goes to school part time. Whereas I have a job, I'm a 2nd year Uni. student (engineer). (he's 2 years older than I am), I much more attractive than him, ugh its just ugh. I know this shouldn't be a factor on why she doesn't give me another chance, but I needed an ego booster. Also my ex sacrificed her studies, and went from a full-time student to a 1 class a semester student back in Cali. I mean wtf? Really, everything was great and she could've canceled her plane ticket or moved it for another day. I don't understand. I can't seem to use logic in this or even being rational is useless because I have tried to open her eyes.

 

What can I do? I know I effed up, and I regret it badly. Really bad. I already feel bad enough. Should I remain NC? should I just use a person as a rebound to help me move on, should I wait for her? I'm so lost, I have never felt so unsure and lost about myself and my future. I feel empty without her. I feel like quitting and just curling myself into a ball, and isolate myself from people. I have friends and family here to cope with me, but its been 2 months, I can't stand missing her, I need to move on because if I establish contact with her I know I will only hurt myself more. Like I said, I KNOW I effed up, I can't live with this regret anymore. It was MY huge mistake, and now I want to fix it. when she told me she would give me another chance if she wasn't with her boyfriend I felt so cockblocked, I also said it was not fair, because I couldn't fight for her or win her over because she moved back to Cali, and I was in TX. and her current boyfriend could win her over since he was there with her, while I was in a different state. She said she knows he went for the kill fast, but she doesn't mind it, and she knows it was unfair for me because I didn't get a chance to prove to her that I changed and that I now know I can appreciate a person. I learned from my mistakes, I just believe I deserve another chance. I don't want our 3 1/2 years to go to waste. If we were still together we would have been in a 4 year relationship now. I just hate it, I want her soooooo badd!!!!

 

Thanks for reading this, I know its a long read, but thank you. Any advice will help a lot.

[jms_nov28]

Reviving this old thread to post up an update.

 

Re-reading this sort of opened up stored emotions, however it only hurt for a slight second. I think its sort of pathetic how bad I wanted her back, but hey thats what love does to you. I sure miss the relationship aspect, having someone there for you but missing "her", nope not anymore.

 

After that post, I've been on many dates, almost had a girl that I deemed as GF material but it went sour after a month of dating. I've been much more outgoing, lost 20lbs due to soccer and weight lifting, been MUCH more happier in life overall.

 

And even right now, I'm talking to a girl who is interested in me as I am in her so we shall see how that goes

 

Just a reminder for those who are looking for hope, I was head over heels for this girl, she was my first everything, true love as well. But you CAN get over it, just obscure your mind from them. NC I cannot express how important NC is, it REALLY helped me out. NC all the way. Keep a positive attitude! surround yourself with friends and family to feel loved go out there, and the cliche is true; there are plenty of fish out there in the sea - all you have to do is find them or they will find you.

[is2008]

this is exactly what i needed to read right now. thank you for taking the time to come back and give us an update

[jms_nov28]

No problem is2008

 

I'm glad my story offered some sort of aid to you ^_^

 

It just takes time, my best friend told me no one dwells over the same person for their rest of their lives and I'm beginning to think that is true. I still believe there is "the one" out there for me, so this gives me hope

Just be happy, positive, it might be hard at first but believe it you will get through it!

[ludachris]

man like is2008 said i really appreciate you updating this and reviving it and telling us how you are doing now. because i just went through a break up a month ago and im still hurting and im doing NC right now but it hurts and i was starting to wonder if i would ever get over this. But your posts give me hope and i know i will eventually get better and meet, like you said, "the one."