DevilDog1981 - Current Update - Separated - Long Read

[Devildog1981]

Hello, Loveshack! First off this post is long. I am back with an update in regards to my marriage. You can see previous threads here if you are interested:

 

Thread #1 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t220523/ -Marriage in disarray

Thread #2 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t232877/ -Marriage saved

 

I want to say to all the new people going through separation, divorce, adultery, hopelessness to listen to the more knowledgeable posters here. They have been a great help to me and I am sure they can help you also. As with everything time will heal your wounds and if you take the time to learn about yourself and love yourself you will be a stronger individual in the end.

 

So, where to begin. Currently me and the wife (has kids) are separated. We have been separated for a couple of weeks now. I am finally done with Marine Corps recruiting duty after 3 long stressful years. That in itself has me feeling really good! I will be transferring to North Carolina in about 2 weeks. My wife will be in Charlotte, NC which is about a 4 hour drive from where I will be stationed. Due to me moving in the next few weeks I have not sought legal advice. I am going to do that once I get to NC to ensure I am aware of my legal rights. NC law states that you must be separated for 1 year. I am going to financially support her with child support throughout the separation based upon my income and guidelines established by NC state law.

 

So how did this all come about? We were doing fine. After 9 months of the last instance of her infidelity we had turned a corner for the better. In Sept we celebrated our 7 year anniversary and we were so happy to moving out of Michigan and getting back to somewhat of a normal life. We were about to buy our first house together. While on recruiting duty I would work 6 days, sometimes 7 with about 14-16 hours a day. It was hell, but we were one of the few couples that stayed married. That right there is a feat in itself. Sure marriage's have problems but when your in the military it takes a toll that is unfathomable to the average civilian. We are asked to make sacrifices that are sometimes detrimental to oneself and others. I remind myself that this is what I signed up for and in no way do I want to come off as someone that wants pity. I take responsibility for my shortcomings and acknowledge that being apart of this organizations requires me to accept my situation. I would like to get out but with 11+ years in I do not think it would be the right decision at the moment. I am reenlisting Monday for 4 more years. During this time I plan on finishing my BA degree and eventually get out and utilize the 9/11 GI Bill that will pay for the rest of my college.

 

Now before I get to the meat and potatoes of the change in our marriage I must give some background on me. I am in now way degrading anyone's beliefs in a deity no matter who it is. I respect your beliefs as a human. I grew up in a Baptist home and at a early age I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. From there I would be active in the church up until my later years in High School. My parents divorced when I was around 8 and my Father got custody, my mother I guess did not want custody...I am not sure about details. Anyways, my father started to go to a new denomination called Pentecostal which focused more on speaking in tongues, shouting, and being baptized in the Spirit to name a few. Their view on the world was that the rapture was to take place at any moment and punishment of eternal hell was awaiting for those who did not accept Christ. As a child I would be terrified of what I learned at church. I was truly scared. When I hit my teen years I started to have doubts, I never acted on these doubts though. I did not know where to turn to for answers. Back then I grew up very poor in the country without a telephone or internet.

 

I lived in a very protected environment in regards to living a righteous life. No PG movies, no secular music, we were not allowed to go to school dances or to take part of Sex Ed. We went to church every Sun morning, Sun night, Wed Night, revivals etc. Even though I would try to understand what I was being taught I would have nagging questions such as: how did penguins from the Antarctic get to Noah's Ark, why was slavery in the Bible, why was God of the old testament a very brutal being? Why would you ever smash children against stones? Psalm 137:9. Why would you stone a woman that you married that turned out not to be a virgin? Deut 22:13-21. Why would the main factor in becoming religious depended upon who my parents were? If I were born in Saudi Arabia I would be Muslim, if I were born in India I would practice Hinduism, if I were born in ancient Greece I would believe in Zeus, if I were a Viking I would believe in Thor. So all these unlucky people are going to hell based upon who their parents were.

 

Anyways, I joined the Marine Corps in 1999 and it felt great to get away! To live on my own and just be free of Religion. I did not go to church during this time or prayed. I guess you could say I was rebelling against God. I did not look at it like that though. I was searching. Around 2003 I would meet my wife. We did not talk about religion that much. She told me she was a Christian and I told her that I had grew up as a Christian but struggled with the faith. I tried to give her some insight of what I had been through. While we were dating we never went to church, we never prayed together, we had sex......all the time, we partied, we drank occasionally. In my eyes we were just having a great time together. God did not take a big role of our relationship at all.

 

Well, that all changed when we got married. I remember about to leave for our honeymoon and her father sat us down at the table to talk to us before we left. He told us that our marriage would not work without Jesus. I thought, ok cool, I can do that. Maybe it will be different now that I have a wife and I was happy. At the same time I was scared of now having to fill the role of spiritual leader. So after the honeymoon the fun started! We would go to church and I would feel uncomfortable. My wife would ask me why I would not become more active in church or why I did not want to give 10% tithes. I would explain to her that religion was always a struggle for me. But I tried. I went to church on Sun morning, home groups and would give 10% of our income. I was a huge saver/investor and giving tithes was very hard for me to accept but I did it. Especially when nowhere in the Bible does it say to give 10% of your income. The only thing close to that is in the OT and I thought the OT laws were abolished by Jesus' blood. If we are going to follow OT law then lets bring back stoning, animal sacrifices etc. Jesus in the NT simply says to give with a cheerful heart.

 

Needless to say I would backslide a lot. As I am trying to balance the real world with my beliefs. A reoccurring theme started happening in our marriage. Whenever my wife would threaten to leave me I would draw closer to God and try my best to be the spiritual leader which I was not that very good at. Further in our marriage when she would tell me on Valentines day 2008 that she had kissed 3 guys and almost had sex with one of them in the front seat of our car while my son was asleep I became on fire for God again. Of course I would backslide. We were active at church. I would feel so confused about how I felt about religion though. The hypocrisy got to me. Why did I hold prejudices against people such as gays, other religions, why would I look at disasters in the world and relate them to the thinking of...well that is what they get for living a Godless life.

 

In Feb, 2010 when she was about to leave me for another married man with kids I did the same thing again which you can see in post #1 at the top of this page. I did a 180 and changed my life. I gave my life to Christ and strived to be a good Christian. As always I would backslide. Now when I say I backslide I mean that I did not pray with my wife always, I would still go to church but I was not on "fire". I was just trying to get by in life. I started questioning more about why I felt this way. Recruiting duty took a very big toll on me. Now that I know I am a introvert I can see how recruiting was the worst line of work for me. But I had no choice and somehow I managed to make it. I was very good at what I did. I would be put in charge of running a station which is a very sought after billet that not everyone can do. I never missed mission nor shipping.

 

So for about 3 months prior to Sept I did something I had never done. I started to investigate Religion. I looked at the psychology, sociology, etc of Religion. I read books upon books from Apologetics and Freethinkers alike. I still read my Bible. But now my blinders were coming off and I started seeing inconsistencies of the Bible. I started seeing things in a different light. I opened my mind and took an outside view of my beliefs. Many people do this if your from a different religion. I was on the road to having a Crisis of faith.

 

Back in early Sept I confide in my wife and told her I was having some serious doubts about my beliefs. I wanted to maybe get some advice or just wanted to see what she thought about how I felt. I was very nervous and told her. I was tired of trying to be someone I am not. Well, the conversation quickly escalated with her telling me it was not going to work. That she would not be with someone that did not believe in God. I told her that I am trying to believe. She was very upset and decided that she wanted to separate. So we put off on buying a house and she started to look for job in NC. She told me Satan had a hold on me and she rebuked Satan out of me which felt really weird.

 

I tried to explain to her what I have been telling her throughout our marriage that Religion was very hard for me to accept and how we were not exactly practicing Christians when we met. I always felt like I had to live up to her expectations in order for our marriage to work.

 

Each and every time she has cheated on me (all were kissing, one almost sex, one was a serious EA with OM w/Children) I had made changes. The 3 guys she kissed started as early as 6 months into the relationship, another 2 years in and another around the 3 year mark. I have caught her early in our relationship IM guys, texting guys and just being suspicious. Nothing was ever good for her. I tried to make her happy. I had bent over backwards to change for her. She did not. No boundaries were established after she would tell me she cheated. No real work on her part. I just looked at it that because I was not being a true "Christian" that our Marriage was not working. Remember her Father told her that without Jesus our marriage would not work. She has always respected her Father's advice and I cant blame her. He is a very smart man and I respect him also.

 

I noticed that whenever I would give my life to God that I never tackled my issues that I had within me. They would be masked over and not worked on. During the last issue in Feb 2010 we did not see a Marriage Counselor. Instead we saw a couple from church that talked to us in two sessions. It did not do a lot for us at all. These people were not licensed therapist and I am not saying that they cannot be of any help. I just feel like we never really worked on the Marriage. So I gave my life to God and tried to forget everything. Later on I would feel hurt about what she had done to me. I would bring up the incident and she would say that I had not forgiven her. I tried to tell her that I was just still healing over it and all the affairs effected me to an extent.

 

Well, this time is different with me. I see now that if she wants to be with me that she is going to have to show me. I will no longer change myself for someone to accept me. Who knows I might find God a year from now. When she separated she mentions that she is praying for me and hopes that I find God. Now my thing is why not be accepting of my troubles right now and stand by my side while I work through my lack of faith? I told her that I do not want to work on our marriage with the premise that it holds in the balance of me finding God. I have always tried to work on the marriage even when my heart was shattered time and time again. I never really thought about leaving. I read books on divorce busting, I read forums, I sought out information anywhere to save my marriage.

 

Now I see that I must work on myself and love myself. I see that I am introvert and how that affects me and my relationships. I can see why throughout our marriage we had conflict. We did not understand each others temperament. I was a more of a introvert and she was more of a extrovert. I also realized that show coodependancy in my relationships. I could see why I would be willing to work things out after being hurt so bad. I am working on coodependency I hope my therapist can get to the bottom of it:) Since we have been separated I have grown so much. I feel so motivated and comfortable being alone and reaching goals that I had forgot about myself. I have been reading books on self improvement, relationships, etc. I am scheduled to meet a licensed therapist in NC in Nov just for me.

 

She is currently living with her father in a small bonus room. She is a RN but is having a very hard time finding a job. She has told me that the kids are driving her crazy. My son is acting out very badly at school. She says our daughter is being very obnoxious and disrespectful. I do not know what to do when I am so far away. My wife has admitted that she cannot control them. I am very concerned about her parenting. I had paid off all of our debt while waiting to get a house so she is debt free. I have been paying her debt even before we were married. I went ahead and transferred half of our savings to her. If there is one thing I did right it is that I provided for my family. I busted my ass for my family.

 

I am going Limited Contact because of the kids. I am not going limited contact to save my marriage. In my eyes it is over. I am getting on with my life. She wants to come and see me when I move in a few weeks but I am very concerned about that. I need to heal, grieve. It feels bittersweet but at the same time I feel empowered and liberated. I miss my kids like hell. I guess the easy way out would to say "I found Jesus again" but I know that will only lead to more disappointment. I must be honest with myself. I do not hold any ill feeling towards her and I can understand why she does not want to be with me. In the end it looks our marriage never really stood a chance. Well if you made it this far I just wanted to say thanks for reading. Life is good:D

[willowthewisp]

Hi,

 

Sorry I don't have much time to post but really wanted to respond to your OP. First I want to say that I am not a Christian, yet and may not ever be - that's to say I am undecided still. What I can say though is that the type of Church you have been going to during your childhood and now during your marriage sounds to me very much the fire and brinstone type. Not all churches are like that and not all Christians beleive those things you mentioned, in fact I know Christians who would openly argue against the teaching of the church you have been attending. To my mind, and like I said I am not a Christian, God is about love, my understanding is he wants you to have a relationship of love with him, to try to lead a Christian life, to help others, to love. This does not mean we never sin, but we are more aware of trying not to sin and remorse when we do.

 

Your wife has a nerve! I understand that as a Christian she wants to associate with Christians, but that does not mean abandon your husband when he is having a crisis of faith! How exactly does that fit in with God asking us to love each other and keeping her wedding vows?

 

There are two reasons for divorce - adultery (of which your wife is guilty) and abandonment (of which your wife is gulity). How exactly does your wife reconcile her faith with kissing 3 other guys and having an EA with a MM with children???????????? Yet YOU are the problem because you don't have faith? NO WAY. Your wife is an abbsolute joke! How dare she! You sound like a wonderful man who is trying to do his best to lead a rightous life in the face of some severe distortation of the teachings of God and she is abusing you and your nature IMO.

 

Just on a side note, you mentioned your church teached that bad things happen to people because they lead Godless lives? RUBBISH God loves he does not punish. You may find some answers to those questions about faith and the inconsistancies you have seem on an excellent website called god and science.

 

I know a lot of people may disagree with what I have written here about Christianity, I do not claim to be an expert and I certainly hope that I have not caused anyone offence, it's just my opinion.

[trippi1432]

Hi DevilDog - Hate that things did not work out, but it sounds like you are really looking at things in a new perspective. On the religion, I was raised Southern Baptist down in the good "ole" South...and yes, fire and brimstone all the way. So, I'm not religious today....and honestly have a problem with religion most days...not a topic I get in depth about.

 

At any rate, you may want to check in with a lawyer in Michigan before you relocate. In NC, you may have to be a resident for one year (I think Butterflair stated 6 months - so that may have changed)....but you may not be able to obtain a lawyer until you establish residency. It would be worth looking into seeing if it's something you can establish there and transfer it....etc, not sure if that's possible but better to know your options. I know in NC, in the case of Absolute Divorce, you don't have to even show up for the hearing if everything is agreed upon up front.

 

Hang in there and good luck with your relocation...Keep posting.

[Devildog1981]

Thanks for the replies. It means a lot. I know I do not know everything but I am looking. I am taking this time of separation to really look at some of my faults and work on them. I figure if this is the end, which I do believe it is that I should make the most of the situation. The way I look at it is that I am only going to come out stronger in the end. Like I told my wife I might have a return to faith one day but you would rather bash me for how I am feeling regardless if the feelings I am having are good or bad. They are just feelings that I am having, that I am having questions about. I reminded her before she left that I never said I did not want to be with you. I want to believe in God and I have tried many times. I just feel abadndoned after all I have put up with through the years in trying to make it work. I am reading some books on codependancy and I can how I show signs of this not only in my current marriage but in prior relationships. So I am trying to get to the root cause.

 

I am very excited about seeing a licensed therapist. When I was saved I would frown upon therapist. Some would say take your problems to God and let him heal you. I do not think it is that easy for some people.

 

I realize now that the cheating and lies started very early in our marriage. I am sure that had an affect with her affection for me but I could see how it could.

 

I just miss my kids so bad! I will see them in a few weeks! I try to talk to them on the phone and keep the conversation with the wife short and sweet.

 

I have been writing in my journal and I have done a relationship inventory which allows me to see the relationship in a realistic manner. Usually when people lose their loved ones they only focus on the good. The inventory keeps the relationship in perspective and allows me to not lose my emotions thinking directly about the good times. It is what it is. I got the inventory from a book called "Getting Past your Breakup" by Susan J. Elliott. It is a good read!

[Devildog1981]

Hi,

 

Sorry I don't have much time to post but really wanted to respond to your OP. First I want to say that I am not a Christian, yet and may not ever be - that's to say I am undecided still. What I can say though is that the type of Church you have been going to during your childhood and now during your marriage sounds to me very much the fire and brinstone type. Not all churches are like that and not all Christians beleive those things you mentioned, in fact I know Christians who would openly argue against the teaching of the church you have been attending. To my mind, and like I said I am not a Christian, God is about love, my understanding is he wants you to have a relationship of love with him, to try to lead a Christian life, to help others, to love. This does not mean we never sin, but we are more aware of trying not to sin and remorse when we do.

 

Your wife has a nerve! I understand that as a Christian she wants to associate with Christians, but that does not mean abandon your husband when he is having a crisis of faith! How exactly does that fit in with God asking us to love each other and keeping her wedding vows?

 

There are two reasons for divorce - adultery (of which your wife is guilty) and abandonment (of which your wife is gulity). How exactly does your wife reconcile her faith with kissing 3 other guys and having an EA with a MM with children???????????? Yet YOU are the problem because you don't have faith? NO WAY. Your wife is an abbsolute joke! How dare she! You sound like a wonderful man who is trying to do his best to lead a rightous life in the face of some severe distortation of the teachings of God and she is abusing you and your nature IMO.

 

Just on a side note, you mentioned your church teached that bad things happen to people because they lead Godless lives? RUBBISH God loves he does not punish. You may find some answers to those questions about faith and the inconsistancies you have seem on an excellent website called god and science.

 

I know a lot of people may disagree with what I have written here about Christianity, I do not claim to be an expert and I certainly hope that I have not caused anyone offence, it's just my opinion.

 

Thanks Willow. I started looking at my upbringing in church and see it has affected me. I hold a lot of resentment. I might check out some churches in NC that teach a different message. Maybe more lighthearted. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and as I grow more everyday my views on God is changing. One thing I have not done is do research of Christianity so I am going to do that.

 

I have not initiated any contact with the wife. She has called so I can talk to the kids which I miss so much.

 

She wants to come down to see me for a weekend. I have not really spoke about our relationship. Nothing heavy. I keep conversation short and sweet. Yeah it is hard but o well...been there already.

 

When she left I told her that I did not want her to leave but I was just having doubts about my beliefs. I told her that I would be willing to work things out. Now that I think about it I am not sure if that is the right thing to do. Ugh I don't know. The thing that irritates me the most is that I have put up with her cheating so many times and yet she leaves me over my doubts. Like I told her I might reconfirm my faith.

 

I miss my kids. I gave her $12,000.00 to help her get situated and she asked me last week when I was going to send her money.lol

[Gunny376]

First off ~ Thank your long and dedicated service to our country and to our Corps.

 

I did two tours on the Drill Field at PISC.

 

I've spoken to DI's that have done both recruiting duty and on the Drill field.

 

To the man and woman each? They've all said that they would take the Drill Field hands down anytime over recruiting ~ as one put it ~ "Better twenty years on the Drill Field than three years of recruiting duty!"

 

Locally I've go by the Marine Corps Recruiting Office and pick up a couple of each recruiters business cards and whenever I come across a promising prospect? I give them my sales pitch (short and sweet ~ so as not to "squirrel the deal) and give them one of the business cards.

 

In so far as the religious deal ~ there are over 2600 recognized denominations of Christianity alone.

 

Which one is right? Who knows?

 

When one studies History at the college level ~ they lean about "source documents"

 

These are the original documents of source from which history originates. For example ~ "The Constitution of the United States" as is "The Declaration of Independence" are source documents.

 

Abraham the Father of Israel ~ came from the City of Ur. A Sumerian city. Located in modern day Iraq.

 

IMH the foremost authority on Sumerian culture, history etc is Zecharia Sitchin ~ author of the "Earth Chronicles" and a number of other books.

 

And yes its been confirmed that there was a astronomical collision and that yes that there is something pulling on the gravitational field of the solar system.

 

And no I'm not completelly sold on what he writes ~ but it makes plauseable sense ~ especically in conjunctution with other books I've read.

 

Enough said on that subject for the time being, as we could go on and on for days on end without end.

 

Get yourself to Camp Lejeune, New River, etc and whatever.......................

 

Check into the SNCO Barracks or the BOQ ~ settle in and settle down. Get yourself a meal card, and eat in the Messhall.

 

Hit the 'dusty trail' and the gym a minimum of five times a week.

 

 

Don't get involved in a relationship with anyone. Your not going to be spending the rest of your life in Onslow County, North Carolina!

 

Don't tie yourself down with some that you already know that your not going to spend the rest of your life with.

 

There's' absolutely nothing there for you in and around those Marine Bases ~ Post Marine Corps!

 

In fact?

 

Your having done twenty years in the Marines + a bachelors degree gets you what you could have gotten had you not done twenty years in the Marines and gone to college?

 

You see my friend? Its not what you know? Its who you know!

[Devildog1981]

Thanks Gunny:) I should be picking up GySgt next year! I cannot wait. One of the best ranks in the Marine Corps besides Sgt. Yeah, not much around Marine Corps bases especially those on the east coast. I try to make the most of it though. Excited about finishing my degree and fishing!

 

As I read a few self help books I see why I started questioning God. At the same time I realize that I have a lot of resentment from growing up. I am going to go to a church in Jacksonville that is very casual. I hope I can fit in.

 

My wife wants me to stop by her fathers place and stay a night or two. I am confused. I think she jus wants me to so I can see the kids which I want to see them very badly. She did say that she is encouraged about our future. She got turned down again for a position at a local hospital so still no job. I have never seen her have such a hard time getting a job as a RN with 7 yrs experience and great work history. I guess it could be the economy.

 

She also wants to come and stay with me a weekend in Jacksonville. I have not really done a lot of talk about our future. I dont call her and when she calls I don't answer right away. I am not pleading or begging.

 

In one email she sent me she said "I don't know if I left because of your doubt in God or major differences". She doesn't know the major differences and I have not probed that much yet.

[GorillaTheater]

So, this woman, who has three fairly recent affairs, at least one with a married guy with kids, is all worked up about your relationship with God??

 

Too much. Way way too much. I'd divorce her for the pure bullsh*t quotient alone.

[Devildog1981]

I know I know. I wish kids were not involved and I was not going to be stationed 4 hours away.

 

Anyways, I am reading a good book called "Too good to stay too bad to go". Learning a lot.

 

I think I am going to stop in Charlotte for a few hours after driving for 12 hrs and leave. I don't think I want to stay for two days around her and in laws. I need to get settled in my new place. I am so happy to get out of this house that everywhere I look has memories of my kids and her.

[Devildog1981]

Yeah, I had a crisis of faith. He'll Mother Teresa had a crisis of faith. After reading that book mentioned in post above I think I am worth so much more!

[Devildog1981]

So she calls tonight. I was away at coffee shop so I call back to talk to my kids. She starts complaining how she got kicked out of her dads place for the 2nd time this week. She says when they have company they have to find someplace to stay and she has to hide her stuff in the guest bedroo

. Lol wow that sucks I say.

 

I guess the grass is greener on the other side.

[Gunny376]

Forget the HXEX ~ Its done, did, and over with.

 

Not necessarily all together your fault ~ Marines shouldn't marry until they've got their twenty in at the bare minimum ~ or should I say their thirty.

 

The CORPS is a most demanding Mistress

 

Be it the Drill Field or Recruiting Duty

 

"Up-teen" years ago the Corps attempted to make it requirement that you be at least a Corporal in order to get married? I agree!

 

The Feminazi's of Congress beat it down.

 

But its for real!

 

I use to tell my PFC's and LCpl's ~ "Get married? Live in a 25 year old single wide rental trailer, eat rancid cheese sandwiches for lunch every day for lunch, drive an 74' Ford Maverick with the seat spring sticking in your back, praying to God you make it to Morning Formation on time?"

 

Yea! Go For it!"

 

You've a GREAT opportunity in front of you!

 

DON'T SCREW IT UP!

 

Move into the SNCO barracks, don't bother finding a GF, go to work, hit the gym and the PT trail each and everyday, spend your holidays and your leave visiting and spending time with your children, save up your leave so that you have sixty days leave time at the end of your career (to find a job)

 

Don't forgert (this is important) to convert your SGLI to VGLI

 

File for un-employment once you leave the Corps (Your benefits will be reduced ~ but its something)

 

If you go to college full time?

 

Look into getting a job with VA Work Study. Its miniumm wage but your not taxed. Not by Social Security, Medicaire, State, etc.

[LisaLee]

Curious, but has she found a job yet? I have NEVER heard of an RN hard up on work, and I have been in the health care profession for years now... that is very hard to believe. Nursing is one of those occupations where you will surely find a job.

 

She got turned down again for a position at a local hospital so still no job. I have never seen her have such a hard time getting a job as a RN with 7 yrs experience and great work history. I guess it could be the economy.

 

I am finding it absolutely difficult to believe that an RN with 7 years experience and a "great work history" is having trouble find a job, even in this economy. If nurses are being affected it is the new grads, but the old dogs are still very much high commodity in the medical field. You are basically paying all her debts and gave her a savings... are you sure she is being upfront about this? Because it sounds quite fishy to me.

Edited October 23, 2010 by LisaLee

[Devildog1981]

Well, I think one reason why she hasn't got a RN job because she is looking for a specific floor: labor and delivery. I guess she doesn't want to work on any other floor.

 

I also have come to realize that pornography has totally effected who I am as a person and my relationship with God. I had accountability software on my desktop and I was good for about 4 months. Looking back on those 4 months I can honestly say I had never felt better in my life. Well I didn't have any accountability app on my iPhone and I started to look at porn on my iPhone. Once I did that I was backsliding like I have always done. Marriage went into the tubes etc. Maybe that does not happen to everyone but it has been a battle for me for 16 years.

 

I have since been sober of porn for 3 weeks now. I got accountability software on my desktop and iPhone. I have a few good friends that I have talked to about the issue and they also have struggled. I do not see a lot being done in church about porn and yet surveys say that at least 50% of Christian men use it to include pastors. It is a 12 billion dollar industry. I feel really good about myself and have started growing closer to the Lord.

 

The wife and I are talking and planning on working out our issues. Come dec/jan we are planning in getting back together as long as we both work on ourselves with any resource out there.

 

Moving to NC in two days!!!!! I cannot wait!