thegeneralmad Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) So I posted on this website back in August in hopes to find a way to get back with my ex, haha, but it is good that it never happened because after some serious obsessive searching and luckily talking to him on the phone and him telling me how bad of a girlfriend I was, it all made sense that he is a narcissist or at least has severe narcissistic tendencies. I am still having a hard time with this, a really hard time, but after finding that out, I am no longer living with the guilt that he threw on me and that could be one of the worst feelings. So I was wondering if someone could share their story or tell me if a narcissist could ever love. I ask that because, as much as I know that they are in relationships for themselves, he is with somebody else, and I have a fear that he might actually love her, or learn/want to change for her because, I don't know, maybe she will be the one who won't put up with his ways, as hard as I tried not to or she is different from his ex and I and he will see that and respect her. Edited October 16, 2010 by thegeneralmad
thatsonlyme Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I've come a long way to realize the very same thing about my ex. Now when I remember how she treated me, how obsessed she was with her looks and all those other little things that I always ignored and even loved about her... She's a typical example of narcissist. I'm pretty sure she loved me, or at least she was deeply-in love and that's why we lasted so long. But she was never really there to me when I needed her, she never really cared about my emotions. When she dumped me, she thought I'll just get over and move on, she truly couldn't understand my pain and what I went through. Of course, she wanted to keep me as a friend, but kind of friend who's gonna be there for her when she needed me! How could normal person at least not understand the pain they brought upon you? I've been a dumper before and I never felt good about break ups. There is no easy way to end relationship but I always tried to make it easier on dumpee. I was happy with my new life, but I was not happy for not being with a person I broke up with. she showed me how happy and excited she was because we're not together anymore! That made me sick! Maybe she's just acting tough, but I don't think so. It seems that she genuinely doesn't give a f**k! This is probably not the answer you were looking for, but it is what it is. Next time I'll make damn sure to stay away from people with personality disorders. It's amazing how narcissists can get you into their trap, make you feel loved and then dump you like you never mattered.
Arabella Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I was involved with a narcissist for a year and a half. When we first met, he was very attentive and we fell madly in love within the time span of a month. I have no doubt that he cared about me, and even loved me at some point... but when he knew he had me, he basically stopped making me feel valued and began taking me for granted. He was selfish, he didn't care about what I felt or needed, constantly would lie about everything, and basically only did the bare minimum to keep me around. He also suffered from several mental disorders (bipolar, ocd, adhd...) and abused drugs during a period of that time, so I cut him A LOT of slack. After the initial period, he never did or showed the love that he proclaimed to have for me. It was all about him. Can they love? Yes, I think they can... but you will never be happy with one because they're completely incapable of empathy, compassion or acts of selflessness. Arabella
Author thegeneralmad Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Thanks for replying, the stories are somewhat similar. I believe he left me for this fresh out-of-highschool girl, he is turning 24 soon. I am just having a hard time dealing with this and trying to understand it. I think he left because I started questioning him and his behavior. He also couldn't care less when he broke up with me, he pretended to, he gave me some sob story that didn't make sense, just so I would feel guilty for being such a "bad" girlfriend, which worked ( I suppose i'm gullible? or I was just so far into it?) and now I feel stupid. I also know he enjoyed seeing me go through this pain because of him.
stillafool Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Everyone who breaks up with someone is going to tell them what a horrible person they were. They have to have some excuse to break up with you. No man is going to say I'm breaking up because I found someone better because that would make them look like the a--hold they really are. Try not to compare his new gf to yourself and what she brings to his table. Just know that you did the best you could and gave your all and if he can't appreciate it he is right to move on to someone else. You will be happy again and this time with someone who deserves your love.
Author thegeneralmad Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 Yeah, but he was like that the whole time, he would make fun of me for being sad, he was the one who decided how I should feel about certain things, he hated it when I would go out with my friends, he decided if I could like something or not, if he didn't like something, I couldn't like it, he was arrogant, would never admit he was wrong, threatened to leave me if i wouldn't change, would tell me that I never had the right to be angry with him, that if I was really in love with him, I would have spent all of my time with him, would throw fits of anger or tantrums if things didn't go his way or were out of his control, the list could go on an on forever.
Recommended Posts