Caliguy64 Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Beautiful clear morning here on the West coast and I have been doing alot of thinking....so I thought I would share. Since she broke up with me via text, been doing a lot of bashing of myself when things suddenly became clearer over the past couple of days. I did nothing wrong!! She is the one who invited me on vacation to meet her folks and changer her mind 2 days later. She is the one who told me how special I was and did not want to lose me....and changed her mind days later. She is the one who flipped-flop all the time. The stronger her feelings became for me the more she flip-flopped. I DID NOTHING WRONG...SHE IS BROKEN NOT ME. So many times all of us here are blinded by heartbreak and we blame ourselves when in fact they are the ones to blame. They are the broken ones. I read so much about people asking to marry, then changing mind, professing love then changing mind, etc. They are broken, healthy people do not profess love than change minds hours later!! Not saying this just to make us all feel better....but to open our eyes and see them for what they are. We gave it our all, and it is their loss. Their problems will not be magically resolved because someone else appears in the picture. They are deeper than that and we need to realize we are not at fault and gave them love and support. It truly is their loss!!
alwayshoping Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Best upbeat message of the day. Thank you for making me smile with this post x
Ajax Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Beautiful clear morning here on the West coast and I have been doing alot of thinking....so I thought I would share. Since she broke up with me via text, been doing a lot of bashing of myself when things suddenly became clearer over the past couple of days. I did nothing wrong!! She is the one who invited me on vacation to meet her folks and changer her mind 2 days later. She is the one who told me how special I was and did not want to lose me....and changed her mind days later. She is the one who flipped-flop all the time. The stronger her feelings became for me the more she flip-flopped. I DID NOTHING WRONG...SHE IS BROKEN NOT ME. So many times all of us here are blinded by heartbreak and we blame ourselves when in fact they are the ones to blame. They are the broken ones. I read so much about people asking to marry, then changing mind, professing love then changing mind, etc. They are broken, healthy people do not profess love than change minds hours later!! Not saying this just to make us all feel better....but to open our eyes and see them for what they are. We gave it our all, and it is their loss. Their problems will not be magically resolved because someone else appears in the picture. They are deeper than that and we need to realize we are not at fault and gave them love and support. It truly is their loss!! Amen Brotha! Sounds a lot like what I've been thinking the past few days. My ex also played the "I love you so much," "thank god for you in my life" thing 5 days before dumping me to "figure herself out." I truely loved her and treated her that way. It was her demons that got in the way of our happiness. And like you said, getting another guy won't help her.
Gt.ooh Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) Beautiful clear morning here on the West coast and I have been doing alot of thinking....so I thought I would share. Since she broke up with me via text, been doing a lot of bashing of myself when things suddenly became clearer over the past couple of days. I did nothing wrong!! She is the one who invited me on vacation to meet her folks and changer her mind 2 days later. She is the one who told me how special I was and did not want to lose me....and changed her mind days later. She is the one who flipped-flop all the time. The stronger her feelings became for me the more she flip-flopped. I DID NOTHING WRONG...SHE IS BROKEN NOT ME. So many times all of us here are blinded by heartbreak and we blame ourselves when in fact they are the ones to blame. They are the broken ones. I read so much about people asking to marry, then changing mind, professing love then changing mind, etc. They are broken, healthy people do not profess love than change minds hours later!! Not saying this just to make us all feel better....but to open our eyes and see them for what they are. We gave it our all, and it is their loss. Their problems will not be magically resolved because someone else appears in the picture. They are deeper than that and we need to realize we are not at fault and gave them love and support. It truly is their loss!! Wow, very well said. I live on the West Coast too sitting on LS. I'm reflecting that as well. I drove across the country, quit my job, moved us into a nice new condo only blocks from her school only to be "falling out of love.." Sure I did a few things like over-protective, but big deal for the amount I did. I'm glad it turned out to be such a nice day today, it's almost ironic mid october and sunny after I got the final done over email from the ex. Today is a good day to be me. And yes Ajax, same with my g/f in about 3-6 months no matter how angry they are now or saying things, as time passes they're going to get a wake up call just like us. We were down in the dirt for weeks-months some of us, and someone else will give them a taste of their own medicine. They flaunt us back and forth till it's convienient for them, but when the card gets dealt to them..well I don't need to say more. Pretty self-explanitory. Edited October 16, 2010 by Gt.ooh
kaycstamper Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 healthy people do not profess love than change minds hours later!! This is so true! I've thought about the same thing. There is nothing I did that warranted a break up, let alone in the way he did it. It just attests to how messed up he is, first of all to not know his own mind better and second of all, to not convey it better. This never should have happened.
Ajax Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 This is so true! I've thought about the same thing. There is nothing I did that warranted a break up, let alone in the way he did it. It just attests to how messed up he is, first of all to not know his own mind better and second of all, to not convey it better. This never should have happened. Amen to this as well.
Teknoe Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Amen! Nothing like some clear epiphany/perspective on a Saturday morning
kaycstamper Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 And like you said, getting another guy won't help her. I sincerely hope my ex DOESN'T get involved with someone else because now he has a pattern of having done this (he dumped his last one without talking to her too, but he told me it was because he'd thought she was violent). I would hate to see him put someone else through this. He needs to get his head together but that's not looking likely. If he were willing to go to counseling or take communication courses, I might consider trying again, but he won't do either. Why is it that those who could use it the most, refuse treatment? I honestly tried to look for the right things when I hooked up with him and he seemed to fit the bill. I think my biggest mistake was, we went into this relationship too fast. He swept me off my feet and did everything he could to make me trust him and broke down all my guards. It takes time to know someone, lots of time, it's amazing how some people can show only one side for years. I tend to be open and what you see is what you get but I forget others aren't always like that. Right now, the last thing in the world I want to do is date. I am so burnt out on men...I know, some men go through the same thing with women, but I have had such bad experience it has left me unable to trust...men, or my own judgment. I don't know how to fix that, but I know I'm going to need time to heal and sort things out.
Ajax Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Right now, the last thing in the world I want to do is date. I am so burnt out on men...I know, some men go through the same thing with women, but I have had such bad experience it has left me unable to trust...men, or my own judgment. I don't know how to fix that, but I know I'm going to need time to heal and sort things out. Yup. I'm one of them. I, like your ex, tried to sweep my ex girlfriend off her feet. I think I succeeded. We really were great together and I thought we had the foundation for a great future together. She even told me so 5 days before she left me. She went from being the closest person im my life to cutting me off almost overnight. After tlking to some friends, it sounds like she's done thins sort of thing before. When she really gets close to someone she panics and bails. I can honestly look back and say that I gave the relationship everything I had. Perhaps my expectations were too high, but she definately led me on. Two months after the breakup I'm still a bit of an emotional wreck. I don't blame women in general (I know men can be just as hurtful) but I can't see myself putting the time and trust into getting to know someone for a long time. As for my ex, I also hope she doesn't start dating anyone. First off, I still couldn't handle finding that out, and secondly it wouldn't help her with her emotional intimacy issues. I say emotional intimacy because sexually we were great... she just wouldn't let me in emotionally.
Author Caliguy64 Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 So much clear perspective on Saturday.....heavy heart on Sunday night. Wondering what she has been up to and if she ever thinks of me....I dont understand why she did everything the way she did....having a bad night
Ajax Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 So much clear perspective on Saturday.....heavy heart on Sunday night. Wondering what she has been up to and if she ever thinks of me....I dont understand why she did everything the way she did....having a bad night Sorry to hear that man. It happens to me too. Sometimes I'm at peace with what happened and other times I'm depressed. Like you I'm not sure I'll ever really know why my ex left. I'm trying to stop questioning it. And I've been in NC for 7 weeks and she hasn't even tried to break it. I also wonder if she thinks of me or even cares. Stay strong man. We're all going through similar things.
Gt.ooh Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 SO true guys. Thats where the name emotional rollercoaster comes from. Ajax. I got the same treatment..It was all lovey dovey then the light switch got turned off and there's absolutely nothing. I like you gave everything I had and more..I believe it's commitment issues. There's good days and bad days, there will soon be many more good days than bad in the near future hang in there everyone.
Nkognito Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 I definately like where this thread is going. I am pretty glad of the outcome and that the one thing we all know makes us better is that we know what we want out of a relationship. We know what makes us happy, we know how to make other people happy. The fact that we run into people who become confused and run away, is not something we can prevent nor identify early on. But as Caliguy64 stated "it's their loss" and this will become clear when the person they settle for turns out to be a reflection of themselves. I am reminded of some taoism from martial art studies in my late teens. Its the story of a rock crusher but the message behind it will be very clearly reinforced by my last sentence in the post above. A rock crusher working one hot day, took a break under the shade of a tree. Admiring how powerful the sun was working under it, he said "I want to be as strong as the sun, I wish to be the sun" and so he became the sun. Shining down on the land admiring the view he was in bliss for a moment until some clouds came along and blocked his view. Again he said to himself "the clouds are powerful, I wish to be the clouds" and so he became the clouds. He admired putting shade on the farmers and present himself with more of a purpose. He was once again happy....until a gust of wind blew him away from his land. Thinking to himself again at the mere power of the wind he said "the wind is more powerful than the sun and the clouds, I wish to be the wind" and so he was. Astounded by his new found power he created huge storms and flaunted his abilities to blow over tree's. This was until he came upon a rock he was unable to move. He tried and tried to blow this rock over but nothing within his new power was able to budge it. Alas he thought "the rock was more than the sun, the clouds and the wind, I wish to be the rock". Content he was with being more powerful than the sun, the clouds and the wind he admired being so powerful. Until a a rock crusher came and crushed him into pieces.
kaycstamper Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 Just keep reading the first post and reminding yourself...the other person is not reasonable, we deserve better, keep in mind what you'd like for a partner and someone who can break up with you on a fly is not it. It IS hard, because it involves our emotions, which reason may not have anything to do with. We miss them, wonder why they don't miss us. It affects our ego. It hurts. And sometimes it sucks to be alone so much. Hang in there, it'll get better eventually.
Gt.ooh Posted October 18, 2010 Posted October 18, 2010 But as Caliguy64 stated "it's their loss" and this will become clear when the person they settle for turns out to be a reflection of themselves. I agree completely. And that's what I'm banking on. I have no idea if my ex is dating around or just gettin some action...or nothing and just taking a break.. Whatever the case I've been crushed, and if she's legitly taking a break then maybe she'll have hope for coming to her senses... If she's doing either of the other things, the tables will turn. And eventually, I will come out on top.
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