iknow Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 So my ex-boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. It was perfect, honestly perfect. We never even fought as he always told me he could never be mad at me. Then one day out of the blue he said he is having doubts and is stressed with school and the relationship. And just like that it was over. I told him how I felt and how I wanted to fix everything and it did not seem to make a difference. I went NC for about 3 weeks and then I saw him one weekend (at a previous engagement that we were both obligated to go to) and it was very weird. We had a long talk about everything but he still would not tell me why he broke up with me and seemed to imply it was better for him that were no longer together. It has been a week and I have not spoken to him since but am considering talking to him again. He said he really wants to be friends but I am the one who is not letting that happen. I don't want to be just friends with him because I am still in love with him and still want to be with him. I need him in my life. He was my best friend and my boyfriend and whenever he was around nothing was ever wrong. I just don't understand why he would give up on something that was so great. People are telling me that he seems depressed and is going through something but if that is true I don't understand why he will not let me in. I want to be there for him so badly and it kills me that he will not let me in. Is there any point in meeting up with him? I know in my heart I am only doing it because I want to get back together. I don't know what he wants. He still looks at me the same, tells me I look good, and is interested in my life. I just do not understand him. I love him more than life itself and I would give the world to be with him again. Can anyone offer me some help/ advice please??!!? Im dying here!
Ajax Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 So my ex-boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. It was perfect, honestly perfect. We never even fought as he always told me he could never be mad at me. Then one day out of the blue he said he is having doubts and is stressed with school and the relationship. And just like that it was over. I told him how I felt and how I wanted to fix everything and it did not seem to make a difference. I went NC for about 3 weeks and then I saw him one weekend (at a previous engagement that we were both obligated to go to) and it was very weird. We had a long talk about everything but he still would not tell me why he broke up with me and seemed to imply it was better for him that were no longer together. It has been a week and I have not spoken to him since but am considering talking to him again. He said he really wants to be friends but I am the one who is not letting that happen. I don't want to be just friends with him because I am still in love with him and still want to be with him. I need him in my life. He was my best friend and my boyfriend and whenever he was around nothing was ever wrong. I just don't understand why he would give up on something that was so great. People are telling me that he seems depressed and is going through something but if that is true I don't understand why he will not let me in. I want to be there for him so badly and it kills me that he will not let me in. Is there any point in meeting up with him? I know in my heart I am only doing it because I want to get back together. I don't know what he wants. He still looks at me the same, tells me I look good, and is interested in my life. I just do not understand him. I love him more than life itself and I would give the world to be with him again. Can anyone offer me some help/ advice please??!!? Im dying here! I'm sorry you're going through this. You've come to the right place. And I can assure you, you may feel like you're dying, but You won't. My breakup with my ex was somewhat similar. I saw it as a great relationship and we had a great connection (or so I thought) and I was always there for her. Then out of the blue she ended things saying that she was depressed and needed to figure herself out. Despite my wanting to work through it she said she couldn't be in a relationship at the moment. I don't know if her reasons were true, but we haven't talked in 7 weeks. Depression is a beast. It changes people. My ex also shut me out, and it hurt. But that's what happens. Often times people who suffer from depression just don't have the energy to maintain their relationships, or they feel that they're not deserving of them. And unfortunately those of us who love them get hurt in the process. As for being friends, I don't think you can really be his friend if you still want more. You have to be fair to yourself. The only way you're going to heal is to stay out of contact with him. Easier said than done I know, but it's the lesser of two evils. Use these forums to talk to people and vent. It helps.
Oscar Wilde Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) Dear iknow, i totally agree with Ajax's comment on your post. NC is the way you must follow in order to heal. Also, you must consider if you trust in him has been broken, if he did it once he can do it to you in the future. Please do yourserf a favour and move on asap. You deserve a better man in your life, don't waste your time and energy in him. Bests regards, Oscar Edited October 16, 2010 by Oscar Wilde
Don Ho Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Is there any point in meeting up with him? I:( Sorry, no there is no point in meeting up with him, it will only continue your anguish and pain. Ok, let's say he's "depressed" there's nothing you can do for him and he won't let you either. I really don't buy the "he/she is so depressed" line. It may be true and I have been there myself, but I think the fact is he doesn't want to be with you .... regardless of the reason. It's like saying "He's an alcoholic. I want to help him" You can't help someone like that, they can ultimately help themselves. Sorry Sis, you have to give this one up and move on.
Author iknow Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 hey guys, thank you so much for all of your replies! The truth is, even though it has already been over a month, I still cannot/ will not accept that it is over. And where I am at in my life, I cant imagine meeting him doing anything worse to, I am pretty much at the lowest I have ever been. I guess it is a mix of not accepting it and not being able to move on without him. I don't want a life without him. I would do ANYTHING to get him back, but I also understand that it is not up to me I guess meeting him would either foster my false hopes or maybe if he told me again its really over...maybe I would get it this time
Oscar Wilde Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Dear iknow for sure that meeting him is going to foster you false hopes, don't do it, it will hurt you. I've been there and the best you can do is going NC. We men don't like needy women, but strong ones, go this way. Bests regards, Oscar
Author iknow Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 its not really a matter of neediness, its just a matter of not giving up on love when you know that we work so well and nothing will ever be as good. as cheesy as that sounds, it is what I truly believe.
Trovador Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I think there is another girl in the equation... I've been there and I know I have acted the way your bf acted... if I was stressed or depressed the least I would want would be to be apart from my gf... In any case, he doesn't want you... and you can't force him to love you... go NC, in the long run it hurts a lot less...
Oscar Wilde Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 its not really a matter of neediness, its just a matter of not giving up on love when you know that we work so well and nothing will ever be as good. as cheesy as that sounds, it is what I truly believe. Hi again, let me point that you don't know the future, so it's possible that you can find a better love if you found it once. Don't worry about it and move on. Bests regards, Oscar
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