totallyunsure Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 i just wanted to get some opinions and advice really.i am a single lad and for the last 2-3 months i have been really looking for a partner/relationship.by this i mean i have been going to at least 3 or 4 public places a week finding out if girls/women i fancy are single-all of them unfortunately wasnt-and doing alot of travelling on day trips around the uk and if i met anybody to have a chat with them.so far it seems every girl is in a relationship and having a family,and a guy friend of mine said its best to not look and let life take its course.but i see it as if you are not looking for something how can you find it.fire at will.
denise_xo Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 IME, love appears when you're not expecting it/ not actively looking for it. I say let life take some of the steering.
Arabella Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Your friend is right. Just let it happen. When you're actively looking for girls in public places, you kinda look a little too... eager. It gives off a vibe that repels women. If you want to take a more active approach, how about online dating? At least there you know that the women you talk to are single and potentially interested in dating. Arabella
Knittress Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 At this point in my life, which is literally years of avoiding the drama of dating, anyone worrying that love hasn't entered their life after 2-3 months of effort seems a trifle... neurotic. Probably a more USEFUL version of neurotic than mine, but still - you're going to risk burn out if you expect such rapid results.
GorillaTheater Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 IME, love appears when you're not expecting it/ not actively looking for it. I say let life take some of the steering. I agree. I met my wife at a beach house a bunch of people were staying at. I had planned a simple weekend of beer and beach ogling. Life had other plans.
EyeAlone Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I also agree. I met all my boyfriends just living my life. My first one was one of my "tutorees" when I tutored chemistry at my undergrad college. The second one I met when I was interviewing at grad schools because we had many interviews together at different schools. I certainly wasn't specifically looking for love in any of those circumstances. It just happened. Actively looking for the opposite sex seems too contrived.
PJKino Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 The whole dont look for it thing never helped me,ive been going about my business for 30 years and its never ran into me.. Obviously being overly desperate doesnt help but unless your an etxremely good looking guy who gets approached by women your gonna have to be somewhat pro active to find women..
Scottdmw Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 In my experience, women will generally tell you you don't have to look. However I think the experience of most men is that if you are a man you do. That said, it is true that if you try too hard it is unattractive. So you have to set a balance between looking and not looking. I think the best thing to do is just make sure you're in environments where you could meet women, but that it is a place where you have fun whether you meet someone or not. Don't go to an event you are bored by just because there are a lot of women there. I also think you will have to make the effort to initiate communication with women, that is go up and talk to them. If you can do this with an attitude that you are just having fun and meeting people that is probably best. When it comes to the meeting people issue, I think women really have it easier than men, and it does just happen for them without much effort. An exception is if they are very unattractive, in which case they have it much harder. Scott
Surrealist Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Interesting topic. What does it mean to be active as opposed to passive when seeking a partner? Being passive in the sense that just go about our daily activities but then active at the moment of opportunity, for example, where a guy approaches a woman at a place particularly not associated with a pick up joint - such as at the gym. My personal experience is that there has to be some kind of 'active' participation. Well put it this way my passive approach at all levels hasn't helped me any and reading through some past threads on the forum showed me that.
USMCHokie Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 You have to let it find you, but you also have to live your life. By simplying enjoying your life, being social, and having fun, you can't help but put yourself in situations to meet the potential love of your life...which means you can't be a complete recluse thinking love will "find you"...but sometimes it can certainly come from the most unexpected places...
Titania22 Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 I would say, it's not about actively searching for it. Set the intention that you are ready to meet someone. Then go about your life, go out and socialise with people, to make new friends in general, not just with people you find attractive. Who knows, that person your chatting with may be friends with your next great love. But also have some awareness of what's going on around. You don't want to be so focussed on what you are doing, that you are completely oblivious to the cute girl who is flirting with you. That's just my opinion. I think it's like finding the middle ground, between desperate searching, and being completely oblivious.
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