fancypants Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 So I have been dating this guy for about 2 1/2 months. It is a long distance relationship, so it kind of sucks! So anyhow we talk on the phone everyday, and we talk about what ever is on our minds. We have great conversations. We have went on about 8 dates, and aggree that the best way to approacha relationship is to take is slow. So last week out of the clear blue tells me that he thinks I want a "Super Serious Reltionship", and he is not ready for one. So I asked him what he considered a super serious reltionship, and he could not answer me. I belive a super serious relationship is where to two of you have talked about marriage, and are considering moving in together. Since this conversation we have only talked about 2 times, but I am still taking it slow with the guy. So what do you consider a "Super Serious Relationship"? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 It doesn't matter a bit what any of us thinks. In his mind, he has a concept of what constitutes a 'super serious relationship' and it's his definition you need to know. I think he's just fishing for an excuse to end it with you, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 Talking about marriage with a guy you've only know a little over a couple of months, is possibly pushing it. I doubt thats the only thing he was referring to though. If you are expecting him to call, IM or whatever your communication is...and expect it daily.....he may feel that is more of a relationship than what he is interested in at this time. One of the drawbacks to LDR's is that one person can always read more into it than the other person. I kind of agree with Moimeme.....I think he may be backing off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fancypants Posted March 1, 2004 Author Share Posted March 1, 2004 We have not talked about marriage or anything. That sentence may have looked wrong, and i am sorry. I really like this guy, and am not sure what to do. He called me 2 days after he "quote on quote" dumped me, just to see how I was doing and to say Hello. I think the guy is just really confused. The last time we were togehter I was having a great time, and he too. I told him that I really liked him and wished that i could spend more time with him, and he aggreed. Then the next day he called and told me he thought i wanted a super serious relationship from him. I was a little shocked, since i was still trying to get to know him. So I guess I am currious what my next step should be. I have not called him in about 7 days. He has called me twice in the last seven days. Since he calls does that mean he still likes me? I have not said anything about out break up conversation, that way I don't remind him. I know that he has doubts about me, only because I still talk to my x-husband. He is really jealous and thinks i will get back together with him. So maybe he is just scared to be with a divorced gal. We are both 24, so who knows. Should I bring it up if he calls me again, so should I call him and ask him about it where we stand? Link to post Share on other sites
dolphinsunshyn Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 It sounds as if you are doing the right thing by not calling him. Let him chase you. He probably is backing off to avoid getting hurt. Reassure him that you do like him and that you you are not looking to have a relationship until you both are ready for one. Tell him that the ball is in his court. If he thinks he has the upper hand his fears will not be as prominant. LDRs are tricky and communication is the most important thing. If he still doesn't come around just remember one thing -- for every 1 guy that doesn't want you, there are 2 more who do! Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 1, 2004 Share Posted March 1, 2004 I understand how you feel Fancy....I really do. So, take this in the nicest way that I'm trying to say it. Guys can be 'wonderful' until sex, cybersex or phone sex has taken place. He then moves on. After awhile, there just isn't anything new to say. It was only a 'fantasy relationship'......TO HIM. I AM NOT saying you did this...nor am I judging. I'm just advising you that IF this has happened, as a single woman DECADES older than you and a Mom ( ).... him slowly backing out of the relationship is the norm. This may not apply to your situation at all. It's not my business. I would only feel bad if I didn't mention it as a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Graciegrace Posted March 2, 2004 Share Posted March 2, 2004 Thanks so much for all of your input! I think I might give him a call just to see how he is doing, and to tell him how I feel. I think deep down inside I was not ready for a realtionship with him. I am still a little attached to my ex, and have to clear my mind. But I would still enjoy talking to him. I miss your conversations. A LOT!!!! so thanks again. You all have a wonderful day! Link to post Share on other sites
purpleknif67 Posted March 3, 2004 Share Posted March 3, 2004 So let me get this straight, you have been one eight dates and both of you agreed that it is important to take it slow--now it seems to me that in a span of eight dates you are still getting to know someone, and in my opinion you really haven't formed any real kind of relationship because you two are still getting to know each other slowly...so, I'm kinda wondering what is it that you possibly said or did that could make him think that you are looking for a super serious relationship--as dolphinsunshyn pointed out he is probably backing off so he doesn't get hurt, that makes a lot of sense to me. Hope you are feeling o.k. Link to post Share on other sites
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