broken

[broken-and-lost]

Hi this is my first post my girlfriend of 3 years as just broken up with me and i feel totally broken

 

She is the first person i have truly been close too which is why this is so hard we use to get on so well but my past has ruined my future i suffered some mental abuse when i was younger unfortunately it has never really healed until recently im in my thirties now and i have always kept people at arms length as it was the only way to protect myself until recently that is. I did not always treat my girlfriend well i would speak to her abusively when i got angry and frustrated and i would refuse to hangout with her friends.

 

I knew this was a problem and it came to ahead a year ago when i really upset my girlfriend at that point something clicked inside me and i decided enough was enough, i would seek help to end this so that i could be the boyfriend i wanted to be. i sort counselling and worked really hard to resolve my issues that had plagued me. me and my girlfriend stayed at arms length for most of this year she spent time with her friends again and i tried to sort myself out.

 

A few weeks ago i finally had the confidence to ask her if we could try and be a little closer again and spend more time together as i felt i had faced my issues and had them under control, she flipped out and said she wanted to think about us even tho we had not split up.

 

She told me a few weeks ago that it was over because i had been so bad to her. i tried to tell her that i'd spent the last 6 months in counselling to make sure i fixed the problems first but she does not want to know. I'm totally broken i thought if two people are meant to be, they will work through anything and never give up on each other? I feel like she has given up on me like everyone else in my life

 

She says i hurt her too much and she is remembering all the bad stuff so that she can stay strong and not give in. I know i did wrong but i actually did something to sort things out. I feel so lost now because i love her with all my heart and never wanted to hurt her

[kaycstamper]

You can't blame this on "everyone else in my life" because it's due to your actions not others'. The best thing you can do is to respect her wishes and learn from the situation and move on.

[broken-and-lost]

I know i'm not trying to blame anyone else i've accepted it's all my fault and i have spent the last week making apologies to everyone for not being there for them. i faced up to the fact i had problems

i just feel a bit lost. I finally turn things around and i lose her anyway

 

I know as a person you have to accept the consequences of your actions, i do but i' struggling to handle the loss as i'm just not use to it. how do people cope with this stuff the lack of sleep the not eating i don't want to focus on this stuff as i don't want to go back to being negative about my life and ruining the good things when they come.

 

i'm hoping there is such a thing as a happy ending

Edited October 16, 2010 by broken-and-lost

[Idalis]

Give her time.. you've told her what you've done to change now all you can do is show her with actions, but I don't mean trying to hang out with her yet. Maybe call her frequently and chat about life in general (not the relationship), romance her again.

Don't force it. In the mean time continue to work on yourself some more, and congrats on getting counseling.

If this doesn't work at least you have learned what you want out of a relationship. Good luck!

[broken-and-lost]

Thanks,,, i'm trying to give her the space she wants, i know i did bad at the time, but after everything that has happened i know i finally have peace of mind when it comes to my past and i know what i want in my future.

 

I hope it's with her but if it's not when all this pain fades, i plan on making the most of the years i wasted keeping people from getting too close to me, that part of my life is finished with.

 

reading the advice and posts of people here makes me realise that i'm not so bad a person and that we all make mistakes it's how we deal and learn from them that makes the real difference in our lives.