Frustrated with Low Libido Wife

[clutch]

Greetings all. Just found this forum today. I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable talking to about this stuff and often find forums a great place to vent and maybe get some different perspective from others experiences and opinions.

 

So here is my story. Married 6 years tomorrow. Including dating and engagement we were together 2 and 1/2 years before that.

In the beginning our sex life was pretty good. Very frequent in the honey moon phase and included passion and romance from both sides. She had not been with many partners and had been in a sexless relationship prior to ours. I knew she was not as open to things, but there was foreplay and oral sex was involved some times. Never kinky or too wild, but thats not really what I am into either.

I don't recall exactly when, but at some point before we got married I recall starting to feel some frustration with our sex life. Frequency tapered off and some of that initial passion and lust was dying down. I tried to address it by talking about it. I recall she got upset and said that maybe she was not what I wanted and couldn't fufill that part of the relationship. Aside from that issue I saw her as my best friend and felt strongly that our relationship was good and I wanted to marry her. I convinced myself this is what happens to sex in all marriages and now that the honeymoon phase was over it is normal.....the reality of real life kicking in.

This continued for our first few years of marriage. I can't say it was sexless because we did have sex and I would say frequency was 3x a week on average. I desired more, but wasn't complaining and tried to keep my eye on the bigger picture of our marriage/relationship and our lives together. Love making seemed like something she did because it was a duty of hers to me, not because she really wanted it or got something from it. Things were generally pretty good though and we rarely fought.

Enter kid time....it was interesting how much she wanted sex then. She seemed a little more into it in terms of passion and being into it, but eventually it became like a job. At any rate, boy #1 comes along and our lives certainly changed. She quit working to be a stay at home Mom...I wouldn't want it any other way, but it also adds a new element of stress. We decided to try to have our kids close in age and unlike the first time, the second conception was quick.

Somewhere in the pregnancy of baby #2 we really started to slip off the same page with each other. We didn't talk like we used to and because of it we really didn't know where each others heads were. We weren't blatantly mean to each other, but neither of us really went out of our way to be there for each other...try to take care of each other, or be affectionate. We just lived our day to day life focusing on the kids.

Sex was not very frequent and always on her time. Definitely started to feel pretty empty.

Eventually things came to a head and we realized our relationship had gotten to a pretty bad point. When we finally faced it I had started to feel like I was not 'in love' with her and the frustrations of our intimacy (not just the sex) all came out on the table. When she heard all of this and realized I was at a point that I could have walked out the door things turned around. We both had made mistakes that got us there and both decided to be open and try to work it out. We owned up to our mistakes and faults and tried to learn about each others needs, desires, opinions, feelings, etc. All those things got lost in the shuffle of our new lives with kids. To my surprise, as a result of all of that she made a complete turn around in our sex life. The sex and all around intimacy in our day to day life sky rocketed to levels it had never seen before. There was romance and fireworks in the bedroom...we both put everything into that made for a spectacular love life. We wanted to please each other and enjoyed what we were feeling...explored new things and had spontaneous sex. Openly talked about it. Flirted and teased. She finally let down her guard and this mindset that anything other than the missionary position was dirty, which she openly admitted she had. During these 3 months or so we talked a lot and about everything, new and old and were extremely close mentally and physically.

Parallel to this other things in our lives that had been higher priorities and often the source of stress were set aside. Not to say we stopped taking care of our kids and house and I stopped going to work, because that certainly wasn't the case. But we definitely had a strong focus on us. I learned that although my wife is the Super Mom, take care of everyone else first personality...she does need to feel like someone is there for her and will take care of her. I know it had always been difficult for her to transition from the stress of the day to an intimate setting and when her list of things to do is high her mind just can't get there. I changed my involvement around the house and tried to cater to what she expressed as hang ups to our love life as I felt they were legitimate and things I could control. For a while it was easy since she really wanted it anyway.

 

That was late Spring through summer of last year. Also in that time frame we did start to have some problems with our oldest son. Long story short, it led us to getting a diagnosis in October that he is Autistic. Of course our lives changed again and rightfully so. Our focus and attention had to change for him. We did ok at first at trying to keep some balance and to care and feed our relationship, but for obvious reasons the frequency and quality of our love making decreased. We still communicated well though.

The past year has been a roller coaster for sure. Our son is fortunately very high functioning and largely in part to my wifes diligence (and my help when and where I can) he has come a long way and shows strong signs of some day recovering fully. I include this to point out that I know life is tough and for us some days are even more challenging than what other typical families may face. When she deals with difficult kids and one who has a bad day with his developmental issues it can be exhausting. At the end of those days sex is the last thing on your mind...during the day its hard to find yourself stopping to flirt or hug or kiss more than a quick peck on the lips.

 

That said, we have gotten pretty close back to square one. Sex has been maybe once a week. Even when things are good, the kids are healthy and having good days.....the desire is extremely low. I don't bring it up much because its a pretty low percentage of acceptance if its my idea. I wait for her. She was having orgasms most of the times we had sex...now it is back to never again.

 

This has been addressed along the way. She again reiterated some of the things that get in the way. I work from home so I am able to carve out a little time here and there to do things around the house. For about a month I purposely silently tried to get things back on track and then some in terms of what I can do to help her. I was keeping the house clean, leaving nice notes and sending nice texts to show I care. I spent time with her when the kids were in bed instead of doing my own thing. Made efforts to make sure she felt taken care of and thought of. It made no difference.

In trying to communicate about it she expressed her own frustration that she always initiates. Catch 22 there since I feel hesitant to do so because of the fear of rejection factor. It is impossible for me to read when she may or may not be able to let life go and feel comfortable. Even if I try to set up a new romantic and as spontaneous as possible (we do have kids recall) situation it may not be very well received, and I have tried.

She always wants to talk before we get into things and has said it helps her let go of the day, etc and get into the mood cuz its not a light switch for her. Understood and I have tried to work around that, but it has become very hard for me to then know when she is ready to advance into more intimacy. Again...kinda makes it hard to whisk her off her feet with a candle lit late dinner and wine in front of the fire, but that is a fundamental difference in how we see that kind of moment together.

 

She also defended that it can't always be those great intense fireworks romps like we had last summer. Agreed, but again...I feel strongly it should be more than what we have now at least some of the time.

So I am back in a pretty frustrated state. I wait for her and she does make the suggestion that we have adult time either in the bedroom or on the couch, but I feel she is doing it only to serve what she feels my needs are. Foreplay is extremely toned down..never any oral or really getting into it. All the walls that were there before are back and I feel like I don't know how to touch her to turn her on or even if she wants to be turned on.

In early July I wrote a long letter about this and explained my feelings. We had used writing this way as a technique to help communicate when we had worked on our marriage the year before. She did not really respond to it with anything. She did say she didn't think things were that bad.

 

Back at the end of August I set up an overnight get away in a new place she had never been. The weather didn't cooperate for us to be on the beach, but we made the best of it. I was hopeful that getting away and not having our normal responsibilities that she always claims are the reason for the walls in the bedroom would result in a good romantic get away and hightened intimate experience. I had to talk her into having sex before we went to dinner instead of just watching TV while we had time to kill. Then after dinner she just wanted to wait to do it again the next morning. The experience wasn't much different than what we have at home.

When we lose touch physically we tend to lose touch emotionally. We are not talking about more than the things on the surface again and I am starting to build a resentment towards her that is coming through in my mood and I know she sees it. I am at a point where I am starting to not even want to have sex if its going to be this way. I find my wife beautiful and I love many things about who she is. I long to be with her intimately in a fulfilling way, and find it so frustrating that she was more than I could imagine just a year ago and is now back to this sexless prude. I am finding it difficult to separate those feelings from daily life and struggle with what to do or even if there is any hope for a change that could last.

 

Sorry for the book, but this is not a short quick story. I'll stop now and add points of detail based on any questions/responses.

[JamesM]

First of all....and don't get mad when you read this....you do NOT have a sexless marriage if you are still having sex once a week. Sexless is defined......

 

A sexless marriage is a marriage in which little or no sex occurs between the two partners. The US National Health and Social Life Survey in 1994 (Laumann et al. 1994) found that 2 percent of the married respondents reported no sexual intimacy in the past year. The definition of a nonsexual marriage is often broadened to include those where sexual intimacy occurs less than ten times per year, in which case 20 percent of the couples in the NHSLS would be in the category.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexless_marriage

 

I have had years where there has been less than ten times all year. In fact, if we had sex 52 times a year (which is once a week), then I would wonder why my wife is so lusty.

 

So....your starting point may be better said as..."we have mismatched libidos, and she has lost a desire that she once had for passionate sex."

 

And my guess (from quite a bit of research, I might say) is that her life is extremely stressful and busy. This makes it difficult for her to feel passionate for sex when she is tired and cannot forget the problems in life.

 

The time when she had a complete turnaround regarding sex is when her motivation was to keep you, because she knew that she could lose you. This as you discovered is a short term solution. I had the same thing happen once (but we were having sex once every couple of months if I was "lucky.")

 

Start focusing again on why the two of you have drifted apart. Look at it from her angle and see if you understand that may be she thinks you only are looking at her for sex and not as a friend.

 

And remember....if you knew she came from a sexless marriage (QUESTION....why do you call it sexless and how often did they have sex? WHY do you think her previous marriage was sexless? Her "fault?"), then you had a forewarning that this could happen. And if she was sexless by your definition before marriage, then again you knew it.

 

The question is now....can you get to a point where you are both happy with this marriage and its quality/quantity of sex? Perhaps another area to focus on is not quantity but quality?

 

But again, calling it sexless makes it sound hopeless when in reality, this is not a situation where sex no longer happens. It is simply one where the flame is not as bright.

 

There is plenty of hope if you can get to the real reason. If you cannot discuss this without fighting or needing to walk away, then perhaps a counselor is necessary.

[clutch]

JamesM,

Thanks for the response and I agree its not a sexless relationship at all and did not mean to say or imply that. Her previous relationship was not a marriage, but a boyfriend she lived with and I am pretty sure she said they had gone the last year together with no sex at all so that one was definitely sexless. Maybe it was my sexless prude comment that was a bit overboard From what I know of that relationship it was more him that was not into it, but I don't know the details. Their relationship was not abusive, but not good....kinda like they were just friends with no real love involved.

 

And you have a good point in the quantity/quality thing. I probably was not clear that its not the quantity that I am frustrated with. Of course I would love to have more frequency, but I would be very satisfied with the frequency we are at if the quality was anywhere near what I have seen us capable of. I agree that I saw the writing on the wall before marriage and the reason she had made the drastic turn around was because she feared losing me.

What is difficult to grasp is how it has reverted all the way back and why even though I have tried to communicate about it again it just doesn't change. I know she doesn't want to go back to the dark place we were in. And further still....she had made a lot of self discoveries that led to her being able to break down those walls. I can say with extreme confidence that she enjoyed what we had while it was going on. We were trying new things and her entire attitude towards sex and foreplay were different. She was open and free and even made comments about how great it was and how she had been missing so much.

I suppose I need to collect my thoughts and approach this conversation again with her in hopes that I can make her see the difference and really get to the root of what now stands in the way. I can't change our overall life situation. Its not the best and maybe not what either of us had dreamed of, but in all things considered we have a good life. Our stressors are no different than the rest of the world, but everyone sees them and deals with them differently. As I stated before, I have made the efforts to be the change she desired and it appears to bear no difference. I am not perfect and I know I did not always maintain some of those things as well, but w/out her saying anything I have recognized when I was slipping and did what I could to correct it again as I do wish to make my changes permanent. Maybe there is more she is not telling me.

[whichwayisup]

She is stressed out and trying to do her best. You two have an autisic child, that's not easy and she is wrapped up with that, not feeling sexy, not in the mood. BUT, once a week isn't No Sex.

 

How's the other stuff, intimacy, holding hands, cuddling, just a kiss, some flowers, a hug, a touch, a love note.. A bath together. Just intimate time together?

 

Also, her views about sex aren't the same as yours. She has some issues, have you two talked about why she feels it's dirty? Something's going on there, whether it be a bad experience from the past, or her childhood, and I'm sure some of it is hormonal too.

 

Do date nights. Involve family to help you two out, so you can have hubby and wife time alone. Make time for another and don't just focus on 'sex'.

[giotto]

seems to me the diagnosis of autism has caused your wife to revert back to the "mommy mode", which is fair enough. I have no advice, unfortunately. It's frustrating not being able to revive the old times and reignite the spark. There is a great danger of falling out of love. Have you considered marriage counselling? BTW, as others have said, once a week is still pretty good (I'd like to be in that position myself!), but I understand that the quality is missing as well... to be honest, I'd rather have good quality sex once a month that mediocre sex 4 times a month...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

seems to me the diagnosis of autism has caused your wife to revert back to the "mommy mode", which is fair enough. I have no advice, unfortunately. It's frustrating not being able to revive the old times and reignite the spark. There is a great danger of falling out of love. Have you considered marriage counselling? BTW, as others have said, once a week is still pretty good (I'd like to be in that position myself!), but I understand that the quality is missing as well... to be honest, I'd rather have good quality sex once a month that mediocre sex 4 times a month...

 

How low we are prepared to set the bar to get "quality sex"......:eek: Giotto (and others here) no longer even thinks about sex multiple times a week....... Once a month of good sex may be enough.....

[giotto]

How low we are prepared to set the bar to get "quality sex"......:eek: Giotto (and others here) no longer even thinks about sex multiple times a week....... Once a month of good sex may be enough.....

 

you can only try and fix it and when you fail you have two alternatives: leave or get used to it. Once a month of good sex is not enough for me... once a week would be fine. I don't get that and I will never get it, because my wife is not that interested. I'm afraid it's all in her head, to which, apparently, I have no access... To be frank, if we didn't have kids, I would have left her a long time ago, although I still care immensely about her. But our situation has caused me to fall slowly out of love. This is what will happen to the OP too... you cannot sustain love if a part of your love is not fed.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

Quantity and quality of sex, for the most part, is based on the lens with which you view it from...

 

In my own experience, once you are truly commited to your spouse, then these things seems to work themselves out... prehaps your need decreases, or you become more understanding, or you learn to appreciate the desire caused by the distance, and the additional excitiment and park it can bring when you are intimate...

 

This is probably worth a thread of it's own, but in my sexual experiment, I stopped demanding and even asking for it, or even expecting it on my terms. For a period of several months I began to focus all of my sexual eneygy on my wife. Forgive me for TMI, but I even stopped masturbating without her participation. Anything sexual involved my wife. I can honestly say that our sex life is markedly improved in many ways... by delaying the release, and only sharing it with her, I have began to appreciate her more. There is more sexual tension between us, and I am more consious of the things I do that please and/or displease her. For the last several weeks, I have seriously curtailed any thinking about our sexual relationship entirely.... It just seems to work. We are closer - I am more devoted and loyal, and she seems much more into me. The icing on the cake; I have begun to again appreciate how she really is the one that I want to be with forever... REGARDLESS OF HOW OFTEN SHE PUTS OUT OR WHO INITIATES, OR HOW WE DO IT OR WHATEVER!

 

We share something that is really and truly special...

 

And all this started with me thinking I wanted more sex! A couple of times a week (or sometimes more) is plenty! It really amazing what a truly commited couple can achieve when they work on it!

[giotto]

Quantity and quality of sex, for the most part, is based on the lens with which you view it from...

 

In my own experience, once you are truly commited to your spouse, then these things seems to work themselves out... prehaps your need decreases, or you become more understanding, or you learn to appreciate the desire caused by the distance, and the additional excitiment and park it can bring when you are intimate...

 

This is probably worth a thread of it's own, but in my sexual experiment, I stopped demanding and even asking for it, or even expecting it on my terms. For a period of several months I began to focus all of my sexual eneygy on my wife. Forgive me for TMI, but I even stopped masturbating without her participation. Anything sexual involved my wife. I can honestly say that our sex life is markedly improved in many ways... by delaying the release, and only sharing it with her, I have began to appreciate her more. There is more sexual tension between us, and I am more consious of the things I do that please and/or displease her. For the last several weeks, I have seriously curtailed any thinking about our sexual relationship entirely.... It just seems to work. We are closer - I am more devoted and loyal, and she seems much more into me. The icing on the cake; I have begun to again appreciate how she really is the one that I want to be with forever... REGARDLESS OF HOW OFTEN SHE PUTS OUT OR WHO INITIATES, OR HOW WE DO IT OR WHATEVER!

 

We share something that is really and truly special...

 

And all this started with me thinking I wanted more sex! A couple of times a week (or sometimes more) is plenty! It really amazing what a truly commited couple can achieve when they work on it!

 

the taking the pressure off approach works, but only in making your wife more relaxed and willing when you actually have sex, but it won't change the frequency if she has low libido... we go round and round the same tree in these threads (for example "How I got MY wife into sex")... we are talking apples and pears: a low libido woman doesn't all of a sudden find a new sexual vigour just because you leave her alone. You just make her more comfortable and happy, but the low libido will still be there. In fact, you might find that, with a low libido wife, this approach will reduce the frequency even further...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Must of us would drop dead with that type of activity....... When you are already having a fairly active sex life and lamenting it is not more, then giving up masturbating or thinking less about sex is not something most of us can empathize or understand.....

 

Sorry as Giotto says all these posts explaining what they did or what has happened really do not hold water for the vast majority of those complaining about mismatched libidos.....

[waynebrady]

Once a week? Most men who are married doesn't even get that. Once a week is probably the norm for marriages.

[mem11363]

Not the norm for happy marriages.

 

Once a week? Most men who are married doesn't even get that. Once a week is probably the norm for marriages.

[giotto]

Not the norm for happy marriages.

 

MY marriage would be very happy with once a week...

[You Go Girl]

Is it possible that some of you guys are too passive? I mean, let the beast out once in awhile...don't demand, but cuddle and grope and let your wants be known through your actions.

Ever notice that the guys that are not pushy but very very eager seem to get what they want?

I've noticed throughout my adult age relationships (and there's only been 4, but they differed much) that most men are horny without effort. Women need to be turned on. Eager men have enough enthusiasm for both partners. Eventually it rubs off...pun not intended!

 

Of course there's no one answer to solve all...but ramp up the groping and touchy feely stuff, and make it the norm. As in, that's how you are--touchy feely. Stop tip-toeing around your wives so much.

Give her a big kiss everytime you want to. Stop asking first so much!

The idea is that eventually she gets used to the new you...the horny beast. This is how you are, and there's no avoiding it completely for her. Eventually she just thinks...this is how he is, and her own level will be raised because of it.

Women don't like men that tip-toe around them. They instinctively dismiss them. As in, nice guys finish last.

So stop asking so much for the cookie, just put your hand in the jar and try to take one. You might get slapped...but probably not.

[waynebrady]

Is it possible that some of you guys are too passive? I mean, let the beast out once in awhile...don't demand, but cuddle and grope and let your wants be known through your actions.

Ever notice that the guys that are not pushy but very very eager seem to get what they want?

I've noticed throughout my adult age relationships (and there's only been 4, but they differed much) that most men are horny without effort. Women need to be turned on. Eager men have enough enthusiasm for both partners. Eventually it rubs off...pun not intended!

 

Of course there's no one answer to solve all...but ramp up the groping and touchy feely stuff, and make it the norm. As in, that's how you are--touchy feely. Stop tip-toeing around your wives so much.

Give her a big kiss everytime you want to. Stop asking first so much!

The idea is that eventually she gets used to the new you...the horny beast. This is how you are, and there's no avoiding it completely for her. Eventually she just thinks...this is how he is, and her own level will be raised because of it.

Women don't like men that tip-toe around them. They instinctively dismiss them. As in, nice guys finish last.

So stop asking so much for the cookie, just put your hand in the jar and try to take one. You might get slapped...but probably not.

 

That's true. But it would be boring if I as a man was always the instigator to have sex. Way I see it, women don't wan't sex very often so there's no point in even trying to initiate sex because it will result in rejection almost every time, men are always up for it to have sex so the woman doesn't have to worry about rejection so it would be best to have sex only when the woman really wants it.

[Honorable_Venerable]

Is it possible that some of you guys are too passive? I mean, let the beast out once in awhile...don't demand, but cuddle and grope and let your wants be known through your actions.

I think most W being described are well aware what their partners want. But, as James Coburn puts it in Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (whilst beating the daylights out of the railroad deputy with his pistol barrel) "What you want, and what you get, might be two different things". And a swift knee in the bollocks often lets YOU know exactly what they want:(

 

Ever notice that the guys that are not pushy but very very eager seem to get what they want?

I've noticed throughout my adult age relationships (and there's only been 4, but they differed much) that most men are horny without effort. Women need to be turned on. Eager men have enough enthusiasm for both partners.

 

That last statement is quite possibly the candidate for the most unhelpful, most utterly incorrect statement since "rain isn't wet". Sorry, but if wanting and showing you wanted it was enough no-one would have these problems.

 

 

Of course there's no one answer to solve all...but ramp up the groping and touchy feely stuff, and make it the norm.

Are you familiar with the phrase "Get your filthy hands of me and stop bloody groping - can't you take no for an answer?"? I bet a lot of people here are. The phrase has many variations, from "No, I don't want to, leave me alone", to "Touch me again and I'll slap you".

 

As in, that's how you are--touchy feely. Stop tip-toeing around your wives so much.

Give her a big kiss everytime you want to. Stop asking first so much!

The idea is that eventually she gets used to the new you...the horny beast. This is how you are, and there's no avoiding it completely for her. Eventually she just thinks...this is how he is, and her own level will be raised because of it.

She doesn't have toget used to it. She doesn't have to raise her level. She can ignore you, or slap you down.

 

So stop asking so much for the cookie, just put your hand in the jar and try to take one. You might get slapped...but probably not.

If you believe this, you are likely to be sadly disappointed. Like I've been told, "It isn't a buyers' market".

[giotto]

HV's wife and my wife are quite similar in that respect. My wife hated it when I was "groping" her... she is quite reserved and I would invade "her space". In fact, my actions put her off sex completely. When you want it a lot and the other person wants it once in a blue moon, it isn't a buyer's market indeed...

[Janicee]

OP, I am at similiar situation as you do. I love sex and my man have pressure in doing more, like twice a week. He have said that I would bring him to coffin if I want so much sex. Sign! I prefer to masturbate than asking from him:(

[You Go Girl]

I think most W being described are well aware what their partners want. But, as James Coburn puts it in Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (whilst beating the daylights out of the railroad deputy with his pistol barrel) "What you want, and what you get, might be two different things". And a swift knee in the bollocks often lets YOU know exactly what they want:(

 

 

 

That last statement is quite possibly the candidate for the most unhelpful, most utterly incorrect statement since "rain isn't wet". Sorry, but if wanting and showing you wanted it was enough no-one would have these problems.

 

 

 

Are you familiar with the phrase "Get your filthy hands of me and stop bloody groping - can't you take no for an answer?"? I bet a lot of people here are. The phrase has many variations, from "No, I don't want to, leave me alone", to "Touch me again and I'll slap you".

 

 

She doesn't have toget used to it. She doesn't have to raise her level. She can ignore you, or slap you down.

 

 

If you believe this, you are likely to be sadly disappointed. Like I've been told, "It isn't a buyers' market".

 

Ah well. I have been married more than once. The dry spell in the first marriage was a direct result of him not being romantic, not groping, not being cuddly, and just being distant, mean, and yet complaining about not enough sex but doing nothing positive to get it.

I tend to like the cuddly type. Warms up not only my body, but my heart.

So yeah, I believe it...because what I wrote works to turn me on. Understandably not all women, including your wife.

But i do wonder if there are more men that are in the position of my first H was during that dry spell--complaining without the warm fuzzies that do the job of turning a woman on.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Ah well. I have been married more than once. The dry spell in the first marriage was a direct result of him not being romantic, not groping, not being cuddly, and just being distant, mean, and yet complaining about not enough sex but doing nothing positive to get it.

I tend to like the cuddly type. Warms up not only my body, but my heart.

So yeah, I believe it...because what I wrote works to turn me on. Understandably not all women, including your wife.

But i do wonder if there are more men that are in the position of my first H was during that dry spell--complaining without the warm fuzzies that do the job of turning a woman on.

 

1.5 Years on LS and I have yet to hear a man who has not done all you expected/wanted from your first husband. Sure there are some, but they are not here.......

 

How many times have we read a post where the man does all and then some (add to that they are all still in shape and providing for their families) and is here wondering what they can do to get a minimum of sex (1X/wk, with dreams of maybe 2-3X's every once in a while)......

[giotto]

well, obviously there is an emotional disconnection somewhere...

[tnttim]

 

How many times have we read a post where the man does all and then some (add to that they are all still in shape and providing for their families) and is here wondering what they can do to get a minimum of sex (1X/wk, with dreams of maybe 2-3X's every once in a while)......

 

Because that sh*t only works when you have sexual value, meaning she values having sex with you.

 

Of course when he touches her she winces a little, it's like having a complete stranger come up to you and try that. What he needs to do is stop that kind of contact until he builds up his sexual value. Actually by just stopping himself, his value will go up because it shows her that he has self control, and he understands she doesn't want to be touched. But he can't stop there or it will be just sexless then.

 

You should think of how the relationship was in the beginning, when it was fun and full of sex. What were all of the non sex things you did together. How did you act, were you confident, aspiring, challenging, mysterious? Did you let things get to you, or did you always stay the course. Did you rescue her from pain? Think of who you were, and try to be that man again. The more you think and act like that guy, the better quality your sex will be, WHY? Because deep down inside that's what she really wants, A MAN!!!!!!!!!

[Fuggem Awlle]

Have any of you tried experimenting with illegal drugs? Or maybe be more aggressive instead of acting like a schoolboy trying to get a peek at the teacher's cleavage? Or done some not so subtle things, and just ignored what she says afterwards? Like smack her on the ass, and keep walking. She'll be talking a lot of crap, and she might be mad at you for it, but just keep walking away. Then later on, cop a feel, and keep it moving. Show unshakable interest, but at the same time, not too eager. I'm not recommending being an ass to her, but maybe don't do SO MUCH to be nice to her. It's not special anymore after a while, and it's taken for granted. Try not being up under her skirt all the time. Go out. Get away from her. Give her time to miss you. Try not looking like a bum, or an old fogey. Do something out of character that you like to do. Hell, do weird things that make her pay attention to you if that's what you want. Stop showing all that interest. Wake up before she does, and disappear. When she asks where you are, say "out". I'm speaking from my personal experiences. The only reason my wife has the lockbox on her goodies is because she gets on my nerves, and I don't care to work on it. I go to the ABC store.

[BettyBoo]

I think assuming that women do not want sex is the stumbling. Women DO WANT SEX just check out other posts. Some women go off sex because there is nothing a bigger turn off than a needy man who pesters for sex.

 

 

Engage a woman fully and she will be putty in your hands.

Compliment her on how she looks let her know you desire her in every way.

Help out- its hard to fee sexy when you are worn out. Wash the dishs run her a bath and let her relax.

Listen to her - feeling valued in a relationship means feeling listened to and cared for.

Phone her and text her romantic messages during the day. I personally love that one.

[BettyBoo]

Oh and forget the ABC store:lmao: