Secrets that are too awful to share even online

[anywherebuthere]

Thanks for the kind responses. I feel so much better just having gotten this off my chest.

 

I'm going to figure out how to reply individually. For now I just wanted to thank everyone collectively. Whew, it was a relief not to hear the things I've been thinking about myself already. As well as some good thought-provoking advice.

[anywherebuthere]

Uh... I'd say your pretty mild on the evil scale here. I'd say the most evil people on this board are MM & MOW's, followed by SOW & SOM.

 

First, realize that the the married guy would not have left his wife if he was happy in the first place. It needed to happen... you just made it easier.

 

Second, you didn't want to get married... your fiance was not the guy for you, and yes that hurts him... but he will find someone for him.

 

The only thing you should feel bad about is for not having the strength to call off a wedding yourself and cheating.

 

Yes, he will find someone for him, and thinking of it that way makes me feel much better. I definitely feel bad for not having the strength to do it on my own and in the right way instead of hurting him. He didn't deserve that.

[anywherebuthere]

Sometimes we don't understand what is going on with us externally...on the outside getting M seemed the right thing to do, possibly in everyone elses eyes. Internally, there was a struggle of which you possibly didn't understand which equals major conflict.

 

I see some people pleasing tendancies here, and the lack of ability to say no.

 

Really, I'm thinking you were traumatised greatly and in bold there is a term called "disassociative disorder" which could apply in some parts or all...we detach ourselves to the point that we are on autopilot...it's like standing back and watching your own life happen.

 

If you identify with the above paragraph then I would strongly suggest IC...as it is an indication of some severe trauma.

 

It will be ok...I would suggest you take what is yours and nothing more. Your ex fiance, I would explain the sitch and apologise. As far as MM, that was his choice to leave his W, he mostlikely wanted to of his own accord.

 

You feel like you are the cause of everything...like I said take what is yours and nothing more, take care of what you see you need to...this is YOUR life, you don't have to do what you don't want to

 

It does resonate with me but I don't understand why I would have been in trauma.

 

To you and others who have recommended counseling, I agree, it will be helpful and I will go find a counselor. I thought I could handle this on my own but apparently not as I've been quite a wreck.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, he will find someone for him, and thinking of it that way makes me feel much better. I definitely feel bad for not having the strength to do it on my own and in the right way instead of hurting him. He didn't deserve that.

 

Then write him or talk to him, make sure he knows this, plus it'll help you heal, help give yourself (and him) some closure. Forgive yourself for handling it the wrong way.

 

Where do things stand with you and the MM? Sounds like he isn't leaving his wife, so are you prepared to be the OW and continue having an affair with him?

 

Or, just be alone, and let yourself heal. Get some counseling in if need be.

[GorillaTheater]

Yes, he will find someone for him, and thinking of it that way makes me feel much better. I definitely feel bad for not having the strength to do it on my own and in the right way instead of hurting him. He didn't deserve that.

 

While perhaps not "evil", it was a pretty lousy thing to do. You know that. The test of your character will be whether you repeat this sort of thing in the future. You screwed up, but you can learn from this and become a better person for it.

 

Where do you want the relationship with the MM to go? One reason I ask is that it seems that this may have been an "exit affair", a reason to break off the engagement more than a desire to enter into this relationship for its own sake. Now, I know that may have changed in the meantime. Do you foresee a future with the MM?

[anywherebuthere]

My take is.......that you did the right thing for yourself by not marrying someone that you didn't want to marry, but yet you did go about it in a "not good" way. You sound confused and not sure if you want the relationship that you are now in, is that right?

I've come to realize that we need to grieve the prior relationship before embarking on another one and if we don't that things come up and bite us. I'm just as guilty as others of doing this in the past, but this time I'm determined to not do that.

Maybe you need some professional help in sorting out your feelings and your life.

We often are able to forgive others before forgiving ourselves so maybe you need to work out why you did things the way you did and then start forgiving yourself.

Also be aware that you are not the 1st person here who has made mistakes and who feels guilty about it. You are human and fallible just like the rest of us.

 

Hugs.......

 

Yes, I think it is that I need to be alone and grieve. It's strange because I know I made the right choice by not marrying my fiance but I did love him and I miss him. Where the guy I'm with now was at one point an escape from having to face my issues with my fiance, I guess, and while I did have feelings for him and things were great, right now being with him just makes me feel even worse sometimes. I think it reminds me of how I hurt my fiance. Does that make sense? The smallest things will come rushing into my mind making me think of my fiance and feel really bad and sad. I think it's the guilt and I think that if I had some time to myself to deal with it, it would go away. So that is why I'm confused about my current relationship. Not that there is anything wrong with my guy, just that it seems like it keeps me anchored to the past, and for some reason it makes me relive it over and over. It was really great and I think it could still could be except that I'm having a hard time dealing with my own issues. And then I start to think that maybe my guy and I are co-dependent on each other and were looking to escape the issues in our relationships and with ourselves by being with each other. I don't want to need him so much and I don't want him to need me so much. We need to both stand on our own two feet. Other times I think I just need to relax and move forward and let myself be happy, even if I'm with the guy I essentially left my fiance for, and even though my guy essentially left his wife for me. I know everyone says he was going to leave anyway but I can't help but think he left to be with me, especially because he tells me that.

[anywherebuthere]

 

Forget your cancelled wedding for a moment.

This guy - what made you have an affair with him?

Was he just a mad and desperate fling?

Is he good looking?

Are you - or can you see yourself being - happy that he's with you?

 

When did this fling actually take place? I know your original wedding day was set for a week tomorrow - but when did you actually first sleep with this guy?

How long ago was it?

 

Well, I always felt a connection with him. We are a lot alike in a lot of ways. I guess I compared him to my fiance in alot of ways because the things that annoyed me about my fiance or that were missing in our relationship were the opposite with him. He is fun, exciting, and vibrant whereas my fiance was more, I don't know, boring and set in his ways. My fiance liked to come home and watch TV and play video games all night, whereas my guy, like me, likes to go out and do things. My ex-fiance was hard-working and loyal to his job, but never had any ambitions to advance and relied on me to make our money and was cheap, even with my money. My guy is ambitious in his career like me, well-educated like me whereas my ex-fiance wasn't educated at all. I can talk to my guy about anything... politics, literature, religion... whereas my fiance wasn't into deep discussions at all. My guy and I like to travel and be spontaneous, whereas every time my ex-fiance and I took a trip, he would get sick.

 

I guess writing this out made me realize I first fell for my current guy because he was everything my former fiance wasn't. I don't mean to put my ex-fiance down and I know he would have some things to share about what a pain in the butt I can be!, but, to be honest, without really realizing it I was drawn to the qualities in my guy that were more like me and less like my ex-fiance. Writing all of this also makes me appreciate all the good things about my guy, which I guess I've been over-looking because I've been so wrapped up in my own misery. He's passionate, intelligent, vibrant. And he has always loved and accepted me for who I am whereas my ex-fiance always thought I was going to change into someone I'm not. Someone more settled and domestic and home-bodyish. I'm not saying I never want to get married or maybe cook more or something, but I think my ex-fiance and I were ill-suited because he envisioned the white-picket fence with a routine job and dinner at 6 every night, whereas I am more of a free spirit, which definitely has its negative aspects!, but which felt tied down with my ex-fiance, even though he was a good guy, a great guy.

 

I was friends with my current guy first before we started the affair, for a long awhile, almost two years, but we started sleeping together about six months ago, maybe a little less.

[anywherebuthere]

Then write him or talk to him, make sure he knows this, plus it'll help you heal, help give yourself (and him) some closure. Forgive yourself for handling it the wrong way.

 

Where do things stand with you and the MM? Sounds like he isn't leaving his wife, so are you prepared to be the OW and continue having an affair with him?

 

Or, just be alone, and let yourself heal. Get some counseling in if need be.

 

I've told my ex-fiance that I'm sorry and that I handled it all wrong. He said it's all right, he understands and he thinks I'm a good person, just confused. I guess that made me feel kinda worse for some reason. I don't know why.

 

My MM did leave his wife.

[anywherebuthere]

 

I see some people pleasing tendancies here, and the lack of ability to say no.

 

I meant to add that I think this description fits me really well. I am a big people-pleaser and I find it really hard to tell people no. For sure.

[whichwayisup]

I've told my ex-fiance that I'm sorry and that I handled it all wrong. He said it's all right, he understands and he thinks I'm a good person, just confused. I guess that made me feel kinda worse for some reason. I don't know why.

 

My MM did leave his wife.

 

You probably thought you deserved his wraith of heck, and didn't expect him for forgive you so quickly and be understanding.

 

Forgive yourself, k. Let it go, stop beating up on yourself.

 

How long ago did MM leave his wife? is it perminate, in the sense of an impending divorce?

 

I suggest being alone for a while, sort "you" out. If the MM is single (divorced eventually) THEN consider dating him slowly. The affair dynamic HAS to go away completely. The fantasy of it all, the intensity an affair brings, the secretecy etc, that dynamic is not the makings of an honest and open real relationship (between two available and single people.)..

[anywherebuthere]

As far as your R is concerned you have done the right thing, just gone the wrong way about it. I got stuck in a LTR at a young age, we were engaged and I think deep down we both wanted out. Eventually we did split and I am glad that things worked out that way. It would be worse if you had gone through with a M you didn't want from the start. You are bound to feel something about the wedding, even if it is just missing the comfort and security of an LTR and feeling bad about the way it ended.

 

I'm guessing you didn't promise the MM anything? Tell him if he left you would be together etc, so he has made a choice to leave his M based on facts. You can't control those actions and you can't blame yourself for them. Lots of MMwho leave end up going back, he might do the same as yet.

 

I don't think you are evil or terrible at all anywherebutthere. As many have said some IC doesn't sound like it would do any harm, I've started it recently, it isn't something I had thought about before but it is really making a difference. You need to stop beating yourself up and try to look forward now.

 

LB

 

He did ask me before he left his wife if I wanted to be with him, and I said yes. I did want to be with him, and a big part of me still does. I just feel so wrapped up in myself that it's hard to be in a relationship right now. It's nothing against him. I just feel like I'm drowning (in my own self-pity, yes, and I'm trying to get out of it so I can be happy and so I can be a good partner to him.) I have this overwhelming desire to be alone even though that feels hard. I guess I've taken the easy way out and now I want to take the hard way out. I feel like being with him is a way for me not to have to work on myself, and to just keep escaping into good times instead of really dealing with these feelings and trying to change things. But I don't want my guy to think this means I don't love him. I don't want to not be there for him like he was there for me, he stood by during my fall-out with my ex-fiance and that was a hard time for me. So now I don't feel like I should just walk away from him. Maybe this is just an emotional time that will pass once my would-be wedding date passes.

[anywherebuthere]

While perhaps not "evil", it was a pretty lousy thing to do. You know that. The test of your character will be whether you repeat this sort of thing in the future. You screwed up, but you can learn from this and become a better person for it.

 

Where do you want the relationship with the MM to go? One reason I ask is that it seems that this may have been an "exit affair", a reason to break off the engagement more than a desire to enter into this relationship for its own sake. Now, I know that may have changed in the meantime. Do you foresee a future with the MM?

 

I do foresee a future with him but it's the here and now that feels wrong to me for some reason. I guess ideally I would like to be alone to grieve my last relationship and work on myself, and MM could be alone to properly resolve his marriage and get divorced without having me in the way. Then we could get back together and start off again on the right foot. Does that sound naive? It's probably an unrealistic idea. I just feel like both of us are escaping into each other way too much.

[hopesndreams]

Hi. Did anyone feel when they first joined up that their story was too awful to tell? I've been reading a bunch of posts and no one has a story as bad as mine. I feel evil. I'm hurting and would like to talk but I can't even put my story into words and I'm afraid of getting bashed and feeling even worse, if that's possible. Is there a way to talk privately so I don't have to tell my whole awful story publicly? If not I guess I just want to say that I've been reading and some of you have very inspiring stories that are helping me to think maybe I can move on from this and get better. Thanks for being here and posting.

 

No one knows who you are! Hello????

 

The more screwed up your story is the more interest in following it. Yeah, you'll get bashed, no doubt, but guess what? You will learn from those that sympathize and from those that bash ya.

 

Life is a learning experience!! For you, for those that post and for those that read it.

[anywherebuthere]

You probably thought you deserved his wraith of heck, and didn't expect him for forgive you so quickly and be understanding.

 

Forgive yourself, k. Let it go, stop beating up on yourself.

 

How long ago did MM leave his wife? is it perminate, in the sense of an impending divorce?

 

I suggest being alone for a while, sort "you" out. If the MM is single (divorced eventually) THEN consider dating him slowly. The affair dynamic HAS to go away completely. The fantasy of it all, the intensity an affair brings, the secretecy etc, that dynamic is not the makings of an honest and open real relationship (between two available and single people.)..

 

I would like to forgive myself. I guess that's another reason I would like to be alone, because I feel like it's hard to forgive myself when I'm still doing the wrong thing. MM left his wife a few weeks ago and isn't being totally honest with her. I feel like I'm being complicit with him hurting her the way I hurt my ex-fiance. Then I feel hypocritical because it was okay for me to hurt my ex-fiance and expect MM to be there for me, but now it's not okay for him to hurt his wife and expect me to be there for him? The whole thing just makes my head swirl. I would like to just start doing the right thing but I can see how he would feel abandoned by me when he needs me most. Of course, it's much easier and faster to call off an engagement than to get divorced. So I don't know how long it will be until we can be in a real relationship and not a secretive one. You're right with how you say that an affair is different than a relationship. My MM doesn't seem to get that. He thinks we can go right from one into the other, he says people do it all the time. I know he's right but for me it feels like they are two different things and we need some breathing room.

[GorillaTheater]

I do foresee a future with him but it's the here and now that feels wrong to me for some reason. I guess ideally I would like to be alone to grieve my last relationship and work on myself, and MM could be alone to properly resolve his marriage and get divorced without having me in the way. Then we could get back together and start off again on the right foot. Does that sound naive? It's probably an unrealistic idea. I just feel like both of us are escaping into each other way too much.

 

It doesn't sound naive and unrealistic at all. I think it's a healthy outlook, and likely the best thing to do. You probably need some time to simply sort things out, and I wish you the best of luck.

[alexandria35]

I do foresee a future with him but it's the here and now that feels wrong to me for some reason. I guess ideally I would like to be alone to grieve my last relationship and work on myself, and MM could be alone to properly resolve his marriage and get divorced without having me in the way. Then we could get back together and start off again on the right foot. Does that sound naive? It's probably an unrealistic idea. I just feel like both of us are escaping into each other way too much.

 

That doesn't sound naive, it sounds mature and insightful. Going straight from one serious relationship right into another is generally thought of as unhealthy. You do need time to grieve your past relationship. And what about your MM? How long was he married, were there children from the marriage? Sounds to me like he is not going the proper way about this either and once reality hits him he is likely to go through something similar to what you are experiencing now, only he might not be as willing to take responsibility for his actions as you are and instead blame you for his feelings.

[hopesndreams]

My MM doesn't seem to get that. He thinks we can go right from one into the other, he says people do it all the time. I know he's right but for me it feels like they are two different things and we need some breathing room.

 

What is bolded should be of serious concern for you.

 

Did MM have kids? If so, you have had a hand in destroying a family.

 

No kids? You came between a husband and wife. I suppose if you're not religious in any way, shape or form, it won't matter.

[anywherebuthere]

My MM doesn't seem to get that. He thinks we can go right from one into the other, he says people do it all the time. I know he's right but for me it feels like they are two different things and we need some breathing room.

 

What is bolded should be of serious concern for you.

 

Did MM have kids? If so, you have had a hand in destroying a family.

 

No kids? You came between a husband and wife. I suppose if you're not religious in any way, shape or form, it won't matter.

 

Yeah I know this and it's why I've been beating myself up. I don't have to be religious to feel that I'm not doing the right thing. Yet he says he doesn't want to be married anymore and wants to be with me. And I never asked him to leave, he just left.

[bestplayer]

Yes, I think it is that I need to be alone and grieve. It's strange because I know I made the right choice by not marrying my fiance but I did love him and I miss him. Where the guy I'm with now was at one point an escape from having to face my issues with my fiance, I guess, and while I did have feelings for him and things were great, right now being with him just makes me feel even worse sometimes. I think it reminds me of how I hurt my fiance. Does that make sense? The smallest things will come rushing into my mind making me think of my fiance and feel really bad and sad. I think it's the guilt and I think that if I had some time to myself to deal with it, it would go away. So that is why I'm confused about my current relationship. Not that there is anything wrong with my guy, just that it seems like it keeps me anchored to the past, and for some reason it makes me relive it over and over. It was really great and I think it could still could be except that I'm having a hard time dealing with my own issues. And then I start to think that maybe my guy and I are co-dependent on each other and were looking to escape the issues in our relationships and with ourselves by being with each other. I don't want to need him so much and I don't want him to need me so much. We need to both stand on our own two feet. Other times I think I just need to relax and move forward and let myself be happy, even if I'm with the guy I essentially left my fiance for, and even though my guy essentially left his wife for me. I know everyone says he was going to leave anyway but I can't help but think he left to be with me, especially because he tells me that.

 

I dont think you hurt anyone , as you said you did try to talk to your ex-fiancee about your doubts , yet he ignored the hints & wanted to go ahead with the wedding . So probably he deserved it . Besides dont forget that ex-fiancee was boring & you were not attracted to him . I think it is he who needs to apologize .

 

best of luck

[fooled once]

Yes and no is my answer. If you say things that may "out" you to RL people you know that may find Loveshack, that's a problem. You can solve that by changing minor facts to keep your privacy safe.

 

OTOH, if you decide to stick around here after your issue is resolved, you take the risk of people using your past history against you.

 

This is not to discourage you, but it's something that you should be aware of.

 

Good post

 

Yes, I'm hypersensitive. I think I'm depressed. I just can't stop crying. I know people will say this is what I deserve. And I know that it is. But still it feels horrible.

 

I was supposed to be getting married a week from tomorrow. I cheated on my fiance with a married guy. At the time I thought I needed out from getting married. I had tried to talk to my fiance but he kept thinking we would be fine. So I guess I got with the married guy and left not so subtle hints all about so that my fiance would find out and break up with me, which he did.

 

Now the married guy is in love with me and left his wife. So in that way my story seems to be different than many on here, because I don't have the problem of loving a guy who won't leave for me. I did and do have feelings for him but they are over-shadowed by feeling so down and depressed about not getting married to my fiance. At first I felt free and relieved (also sad and bad but mostly free). But as the would-be wedding date approaches I am just falling apart and I can't get my life together. I don't understand how I can be so sad when I knew I didn't want to and couldn't marry him. I guess I feel really bad for hurting him and now I am hurting the other guy too because I can't give him the attention and love that he wants, I am so into myself and my own pain. Maybe I used the other guy to help me leave my fiance. I guess I just go around hurting everyone and not even knowing what I want. I don't even want advice, I mean, what advice would there be for me, I just want to get it out there and talk. How could I have done all of this? It doesn't feel like my life but it is.

 

Please be kind.

 

WOW. This is not what I expected in a good way. I was expecting you to say something like you are sleeping with your daughters husband!

 

What you did was wrong. No if, ands or buts about it. Cheating is wrong, IMHO. You did hurt your ex-fiance. You lied, you were a coward and you were not trustworthy.

 

BUT that doesn't mean you are a bad person; you made bad decisions.

 

It is probably for the BEST that you aren't marrying him. Obviously there were issues (at least for you). Maybe the better choice would have been honesty and breaking the engagement. But at this point, it is done and over with.

 

My personal advice -- get into counseling BEFORE going too far ahead in a relationship with the MM. Seems like both of you 'used' each other to get out of prior relationships. I would hope that this wouldn't become a patter for both of you. You two need to learn how to communicate; individually and together (if you stay together). I would advise AGAINST living together. I would advise to take things VERY slow, so that old patterns aren't repeated. I would advise you to get some counseling for YOU. I would advise you to learn to forgive yourself and LOVE yourself. You won't be good 'relationship material' until you do those 2 things.

 

 

My take is.......that you did the right thing for yourself by not marrying someone that you didn't want to marry, but yet you did go about it in a "not good" way. You sound confused and not sure if you want the relationship that you are now in, is that right?

I've come to realize that we need to grieve the prior relationship before embarking on another one and if we don't that things come up and bite us. I'm just as guilty as others of doing this in the past, but this time I'm determined to not do that.

Maybe you need some professional help in sorting out your feelings and your life.

We often are able to forgive others before forgiving ourselves so maybe you need to work out why you did things the way you did and then start forgiving yourself.

Also be aware that you are not the 1st person here who has made mistakes and who feels guilty about it. You are human and fallible just like the rest of us.

Hugs.......

 

I agree. And again, I caution you against going "full steam ahead" into a new relationship until BOTH of you are healed from the prior relationships and until he is legally separated, if not divorced. That doesn't mean don't date him, but don't make long term commitments with him until he is truly done with his marriage. As much as you are hurting over an 'almost marriage', he is probably hurting over ending his marriage. You both - IMHO - need time and space and need to respect that about each other. The worst thing you two can do is to become co-dependent on each other only to realize that you two are NOT compatible long term. Who knows, maybe you are only meant to be in each others lives right now, maybe you were only meant to be 'together' so that you ended your engagement and he ended his marriage. I believe people are brought into our lives for a reason; and sometimes, that reason isn't the reason we hope/want/dream for it to be.

 

 

nobody is doing this to you - but you. Whanging yourself over the skull with a metaphorical cast-iron skillet, neither feels good, nor is it constructive.

This is totally self-sabotaging, and completely unnecessary.

 

 

Ok, at the risk of sounding as if I'm giving you what you most fear - the last part is very telling.

"I am so into myself and my own pain".

This is some kind of inverted Ego-Trip.

It's almost as if you feel you deserve punishment, so you're damn well going to punish yourself, and enjoy it.

Self-pity is a deep lake to wallow in....

C'mon hun - you did what you did, that's then, this is now....

 

 

Forget your cancelled wedding for a moment.

This guy - what made you have an affair with him?

Was he just a mad and desperate fling?

Is he good looking?

Are you - or can you see yourself being - happy that he's with you?

 

When did this fling actually take place? I know your original wedding day was set for a week tomorrow - but when did you actually first sleep with this guy?

How long ago was it?

 

Great advise from TM.

 

Actually, your story so far is pretty mild. No children kidnapped across international borders, no bunnies boiled. I'm pretty sure your MM left because he wanted to, because some OW posting on this forum have been trying to get theirs to leave for years, without success.

 

I think counselling would help you deal.

 

Ditto on the counseling.

[desertIslandCactus]

MM left his wife a few weeks ago and isn't being totally honest with her. I feel like I'm being complicit with him hurting her the way I hurt my ex-fiance. Then I feel hypocritical because it was okay for me to hurt my ex-fiance and expect MM to be there for me, but now it's not okay for him to hurt his wife and expect me to be there for him? The whole thing just makes my head swirl. I would like to just start doing the right thing but I can see how he would feel abandoned by me when he needs me most. Of course, it's much easier and faster to call off an engagement than to get divorced. So I don't know how long it will be until we can be in a real relationship and not a secretive one. You're right with how you say that an affair is different than a relationship. My MM doesn't seem to get that. He thinks we can go right from one into the other, he says people do it all the time. I know he's right but for me it feels like they are two different things and we need some breathing room.

 

Hello Anywhere,

 

Before I read all of your posts I was going to say that your biggest problem seems to be that you think you should make a decision on marriage at this time.

 

Now I see that MM just left his W a few weeks ago and isn't being totally honest with her.

 

So now I would say to you: Relax. You don't really have to make any decisions about your life at this time.

 

If MM has just left his W, a lot can happen and that isn't set in stone.

 

It appears you have much time to sort out your feelings of missing your fiance and to be sure the MM is 'the one' ..

 

Take it slowly .. taking your time to see which direction you wish to proceed - and while experiencing the freedom that you have mentioned you would like for yourself at this time.

 

If he divorces his W, it seems it should be for the right reason.. That the M wasn't worth saving.

[alexandria35]

I dont think you hurt anyone , as you said you did try to talk to your ex-fiancee about your doubts , yet he ignored the hints & wanted to go ahead with the wedding . So probably he deserved it . Besides dont forget that ex-fiancee was boring & you were not attracted to him . I think it is he who needs to apologize .

 

best of luck

 

 

This is a joke right? I mean you can't be seriously saying that the exfiance needs to apologize because he actually deserved to be cheated on. Or is he supposed to apologize for being boring and unattractive to the OP? The proper thing to do when one finds their partner unattractive and boring is to talk to them and if that doesn't work, break up with them. Not consider it permission to lie and cheat.

 

OP not bashing you here, I think you are trying to take responsibility and you are showing a great deal of insight into your situation. But the above response is just over the top.

[whichwayisup]

He thinks we can go right from one into the other

 

He left, you didn't ask him to.

 

Trust me, only 3 weeks in, he may go back. Him and his wife have lots of stuff to talk about and digest, things could change at ANY minute so it is best for you to be alone for a while.

 

PUT YOURSELF FIRST now. Yes, if MM does leave his wife, then so be it, but it's better .. right .. now.. for you to look out for yourself and heal. One cannot end a relationship and pop into another one so quickly. Just ain't healthy.

[MorningCoffee]

I do foresee a future with him but it's the here and now that feels wrong to me for some reason. I guess ideally I would like to be alone to grieve my last relationship and work on myself, and MM could be alone to properly resolve his marriage and get divorced without having me in the way. Then we could get back together and start off again on the right foot. Does that sound naive? It's probably an unrealistic idea. I just feel like both of us are escaping into each other way too much.

 

Having thought a lot about this and having read a lot of posts on LS, I think what you describe here is the path that offers the best chance of "success" for you, i.e., happiness in your future, so I think you do know what you need to do. Your MM will benefit from it, too. Remember, everything of importance seems to take longer than one expects.

 

I am glad for you and your former AP to have this chance to see if you can make a real relationship. I did not get that chance and feel its loss. Good wishes your way.

[sartrelazyeye]

Hi. Did anyone feel when they first joined up that their story was too awful to tell? I've been reading a bunch of posts and no one has a story as bad as mine. I feel evil. I'm hurting and would like to talk but I can't even put my story into words and I'm afraid of getting bashed and feeling even worse, if that's possible. Is there a way to talk privately so I don't have to tell my whole awful story publicly? If not I guess I just want to say that I've been reading and some of you have very inspiring stories that are helping me to think maybe I can move on from this and get better. Thanks for being here and posting.

 

oh, message me! I have too many problems to judge anyone else. Also, I'm procrastinating.....so, i'm totally free.