worlybear Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 OK. Here I am again. I've had a truly terrible week and now its Friday, I'm home and I can't stop crying:sick:. Its been a real roller coaster week- had an interview on Tues for a job I desperately needed (didn't get it.) Gave a presentation to the Rotary Club on Weds about teaching- it went o.k but I was very stressed out. Daughter's 9th birthday yesterday- she had a good day but it was hard to keep smiling. She was really good and she deserves better than STBX as a father- he sent a card but didn't bother to ring her. Son from prison sent visiting order(I don't know if I can handle any more stress), daughter is struggling at Uni as they've messed up with her loan and it hasn't gone in yet and I can't help her out as finances are dire. I have got the details for another job and will pull myself together and apply for it- but I am so tired and surely I should've stopped getting upset by now?(18 months.) My STBX-Mother in law, keeps urging me to move nearer to her to get a job and then she can help with my daughter but I don't know if that's a good idea as we won't be family anymore. I don't have a good relationship with my own Mum but its difficult as she is helping me financially (and reminding me of it regularly!) I hate my life, I hate myself and I want to turn the clock back !!!! Sorry to bleat, but I am just so low.
Author worlybear Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Yep I know I'm replying to myself but even this helps! Have applied for 2 more jobs and feel better today:)- onward and upward!
anne1707 Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 OK. Here I am again. I've had a truly terrible week and now its Friday, I'm home and I can't stop crying:sick:. Just get it out of your system - your bad week is down to so many cr%p things going on all at once. No wonder it gets on top of you now and then Its been a real roller coaster week- had an interview on Tues for a job I desperately needed (didn't get it.) You didn't get it because it wasn't the right job for you. But as you have since posted, there are others jobs out there... Gave a presentation to the Rotary Club on Weds about teaching- it went o.k but I was very stressed out But you did it! Not everybody would. Daughter's 9th birthday yesterday- she had a good day but it was hard to keep smiling. She was really good and she deserves better than STBX as a father- he sent a card but didn't bother to ring her. My views on your STBX? He's a coward. An absolute sh$t who has turned his back on his family. If he hasn't got the ability to be a father (which seems to be the case), then your daughter is better off without him around. I know this is tough on her and you but she will get through this with your love and support. She knows that you are there for her and that you love her. Son from prison sent visiting order(I don't know if I can handle any more stress), But you love him and want to support him. You can only do what you believe is the right thing to do and I know the relationship with your son has been very difficult. But if he's reaching out to you and wants to see you... daughter is struggling at Uni as they've messed up with her loan and it hasn't gone in yet and I can't help her out as finances are dire. Is there a student support services department she could go to for advice? I have got the details for another job and will pull myself together and apply for it- but I am so tired and surely I should've stopped getting upset by now?(18 months.) Now you're being silly! (no offence). The past 18 months have been hell for you and not just because of your STBX leaving. It is also about how he has treated your children since then so he has continued to hurt those who you care about most plus all the problems your son has been having. You have been completely up against it but you are getting through this. My STBX-Mother in law, keeps urging me to move nearer to her to get a job and then she can help with my daughter but I don't know if that's a good idea as we won't be family anymore. But she is family to your children. She will always be their grandmother and is probably scared that she could lose touch with them. Do you get on with her and do you feel as if she has taken sides with your STBX? Do you trust her? I don't have a good relationship with my own Mum but its difficult as she is helping me financially (and reminding me of it regularly!) That sucks. Guilt tripping you is not on. Do you think his mother would try to guilt you in the same way? I hate my life, I hate myself and I want to turn the clock back !!!! Sorry to bleat, but I am just so low. OMG no. If you turned the clock back, you would still be with the lying sh%te! That's the last thing you would want!
Author worlybear Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 Well, still plodding on. Am finding it very difficult to stay up-beat and altho I'm taking anti-depressants and sleeping tablets, they're not really working. Doing lots of reading and knitting to keep my mind occupied. I should've gone to dance class tonight but I just can't face it. Outwardly,going to and from school I am bright ,breezy and chatty, but as soon as I get home I break down. The smallest thing can set me off. I've also been in contact with STBX re daughter's grant and suggested he could help her out:rolleyes:-watch this space. Looked around another school yesterday (maternity leave coming up) and will apply for that. Not decided about seeing oldest son yet- quite frankly I'm scared I may fall apart and then he'd tell his Dad that I'm not coping and that could give STBX ammunition re youngest daughter. Thanks everyone for your support. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Author worlybear Posted October 19, 2010 Author Posted October 19, 2010 Neither do I, but at least you've already done a lot? You've had a family. That had to be nice for at least a while, yes? Yes. My family are worth all the hassle and hardship and I love them all dearly. Thank you for reminding me that I still have much to be grateful for. I WILL get through this!
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