Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Hi everyone. I'm new here, mainly because I've never found myself in this situation before and I think I need a little clarity. I have a MM in serious pursuit of me. We were friends for a number of years, and I always kinda had the feeling that he liked me a little more than he should. Well, after a party last weekend we were the only two people still awake, so we were sitting and talking, and the next thing I know I'm on my feet and he's kissing me. Things got pretty hot and heavy after that, although actual intercourse did not occur. He's been in touch with me since, and he wants to come over to my place next week to "visit". I've been to his house, and I know his W and kids, although not very well. The thing is, there's something about this arrangement that I find appealing. He's got a sort of aggressive side that I never knew he had and it's kind of hot. So I'm doing battle with myself over what I should do. The thing is, I've noticed that people on this forum seem to have fallen in love or become emotionally attached to their MM or MW. But what if it really was just sex? I mean, I would NEVER actually date this guy, because he would probably just cheat on me anyway. And I don't want him to leave his family, nor does he seem interested in leaving them. The whole thing is risky because if anyone found out, I would never be able to visit his town or my friends there again. But the risk is kind of hot too... Has anyone had the experience of just having sex with their MM or MW and not having it turn into an emotional thing? I am single, and I do not intend to stop dating...this is more of a desire to scratch an itch. I'd hate to do something that's going to be painful in the end though, for anyone really.
Ella whispers Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 If you have had sex in the past casually then you can probably do it. Not to say that people won't get hurt, of course they would. It won't end well but if sex is your goal, there's your answer. My emotions have me all over the place in my A.
Fouts Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Well, odds are that if you don't get attached, he will. Odds are that his wife will find out eventually. That's the reality of it even though we like to delude ourselves into thinking it will all play out perfectly (then message boards like this wouldn't exist).
Author Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I guess I thought I'd sleep with him a few times and then put an end to it. I know that he's done this before, but I don't know what happened in that situation. I am fine with casual sex, so that's not the problem. My concerns are 1) the wife finding out, and 2) how I'm going to feel about myself if I go through with this. That's why I was wondering if anyone has had this experience before, because maybe they could tell me what I might expect to feel if I go through with it.
Fouts Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 The fantasy is usually better than the reality, isn't it? Like I said, odds are that one of you will get attached and the wife will find out. You'll probably feel regret in the end. That's just the way it works for the most part. You've already playing it out ahead of time that you'll have a few nights of wild sex, sate your desire and move on. I'd say realistically it isn't going to play out that way, but the only way you'll find out is to live it. FWB's with a married person isn't reality based.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Because your actions will never fully equate to just sex- it's an extramarital affair, anger/hurt for his wife/kids- you become the mistress/other woman/homewrecker. Not trying to condemn you with the name branding, but asides from the " thrills' of playing along what else do you hope to come out of things? If you're a thrill seeker, you could just sign up for sky diving lessons.
Sexiness Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Hi everyone. I'm new here, mainly because I've never found myself in this situation before and I think I need a little clarity. I have a MM in serious pursuit of me. We were friends for a number of years, and I always kinda had the feeling that he liked me a little more than he should. Well, after a party last weekend we were the only two people still awake, so we were sitting and talking, and the next thing I know I'm on my feet and he's kissing me. Things got pretty hot and heavy after that, although actual intercourse did not occur. He's been in touch with me since, and he wants to come over to my place next week to "visit". I've been to his house, and I know his W and kids, although not very well. The thing is, there's something about this arrangement that I find appealing. He's got a sort of aggressive side that I never knew he had and it's kind of hot. So I'm doing battle with myself over what I should do. The thing is, I've noticed that people on this forum seem to have fallen in love or become emotionally attached to their MM or MW. But what if it really was just sex? I mean, I would NEVER actually date this guy, because he would probably just cheat on me anyway. And I don't want him to leave his family, nor does he seem interested in leaving them. The whole thing is risky because if anyone found out, I would never be able to visit his town or my friends there again. But the risk is kind of hot too... Has anyone had the experience of just having sex with their MM or MW and not having it turn into an emotional thing? I am single, and I do not intend to stop dating...this is more of a desire to scratch an itch. I'd hate to do something that's going to be painful in the end though, for anyone really. Trust me when i tell u, this is how it starts.... Then the sex and connection is so strong and different to any other u have ever had that u find ur self caught up and u never want to leave it
bentnotbroken Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I guess I thought I'd sleep with him a few times and then put an end to it. I know that he's done this before, but I don't know what happened in that situation. I am fine with casual sex, so that's not the problem. My concerns are 1) the wife finding out, and 2) how I'm going to feel about myself if I go through with this. That's why I was wondering if anyone has had this experience before, because maybe they could tell me what I might expect to feel if I go through with it. If these are truely concerns instead of how you will be viewed and portrayed after the wife finds out...then why even consider casual sex with a MM. Aren't there a number of single men only interested in casual sex?
jthorne Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 If these are truely concerns instead of how you will be viewed and portrayed after the wife finds out...then why even consider casual sex with a MM. Aren't there a number of single men only interested in casual sex?Exactly what I was thinking! NSA with single men seems far less complicated than NSA with MM's! If the OP intends to keep dating, then what's the problem? I'm sure there are single men she would turn down, so why not turn down the MM? Not to mention the risk of std's she is potentially exposing herself to if MM has done this before.
2sure Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 In the past , when I was single, I had several affairs with MM. I never fell in love with any of them. I had no drama come from any of these affairs. Plus, later in my life when I married and my H cheated on me...I was able to blame only him as I understood the OW were nothing more to him than a hole.
BruceLeroy Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 If all you want is sex, why go messing in a relationship with so many other people involved. You met his wife and kids and been welcomed into their home. What is it in you that wants to respond to this family hospitality by sport ****ing the husband when you can sport **** practically any guy? Thank for dinner Mrs. MM. Your children are lovely. Now pardon me while I go **** yer hubby but don't worry its just sex and means nothing to me. Dollars to donuts you'd never have the sack to keep her in th e loop like that.
2sure Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 You have to think about this: You are single. You are comfortable with casual sex. You are not opposed to having it with MM. But all of the stats of all of those things are just the issues that change as time goes by. Using my hindsight I would tell you: Do not do anything today that you will not forgive yourself for in the future.
YellowShark Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I am single, and I do not intend to stop dating...this is more of a desire to scratch an itch. I'd hate to do something that's going to be painful in the end though, for anyone really. Think of a set of scales. On one side of the scale is his wife, marriage, home, and children... on the other side of the scale is "your desire to scratch an itch." Which side of the scale has more "weight" to it in your mind? I guess that is your answer. Good luck.
Author Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Yeah, okay, I see what you're all saying. Thank you for the wake-up call. The truth is that I just got out of a long-term relationship where my ex just sort of dumped me and decided to pretend that I didn't exist, and my ego has taken some serious hits because of it. It feels good to actually have some male attention, especially since I didn't receive any from my ex, and I think that's what is partially fueling this. But you're right, it's a complete slap in the face to the W if I do this, and the whole thing can become complicated and messy. Besides, I'd probably spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and waiting for karma to come bite me in the a$$. I'll have to tell the MM that I'm not into it.
YellowShark Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 The truth is that I just got out of a long-term relationship where my ex just sort of dumped me and decided to pretend that I didn't exist, and my ego has taken some serious hits because of it. It feels good to actually have some male attention, especially since I didn't receive any from my ex, and I think that's what is partially fueling this. You are very wise Grasshopper! But you're right, it's a complete slap in the face to the W if I do this, and the whole thing can become complicated and messy. Having sex with a married man who has a wife and kids at home is basically dropping yourself into a meat grinder. The fantasy is NEVER the reality. And when the wife finds out, (and they usually do 9 times out of 10,) think of the needless drama that will come.. from some earlier so-called no-strings-attached sex with her husband. I would say stick with unmarried men... so less complicated.
Author Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Very good point. It kinda makes me wonder why MMs keep trying to cheat if they always end up getting caught. I guess they think that they're smarter than their wives, lol! You're right though, reality is never as good as the fantasy. This situation appeals to me because I actually already KNOW the guy, it's not like sleeping with a total stranger (which is what I would have to do if I start looking for single guys), but that doesn't make it a good decision. And I'm not partial to dropping myself into meat grinders.
YellowShark Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Very good point. It kinda makes me wonder why MMs keep trying to cheat if they always end up getting caught. I guess they think that they're smarter than their wives, lol! You're right though, reality is never as good as the fantasy. This situation appeals to me because I actually already KNOW the guy, it's not like sleeping with a total stranger (which is what I would have to do if I start looking for single guys), but that doesn't make it a good decision. And I'm not partial to dropping myself into meat grinders. 1) You don't need the drama. 2) If you were his wife how would you react to your husband coming over to your place to bang? 3) He needs to re-set his boundaries in his marriage - (unless he's a serial cheater.) 4) Go out and date, find a cute SINGLE guy and have "fun" with him instead.
seren Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Goldilocks, I wish other people would weigh up the consequences of their actions before acting upon them. I applaud your thinking things through and arriving at a decision based upon the hurt that would be caused to others, your integrity and the long term consequences. Oh that my H and the OW had done the same.
Star_Bright Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Hi everyone. I'm new here, mainly because I've never found myself in this situation before and I think I need a little clarity. I have a MM in serious pursuit of me. We were friends for a number of years, and I always kinda had the feeling that he liked me a little more than he should. Well, after a party last weekend we were the only two people still awake, so we were sitting and talking, and the next thing I know I'm on my feet and he's kissing me. Things got pretty hot and heavy after that, although actual intercourse did not occur. He's been in touch with me since, and he wants to come over to my place next week to "visit". I've been to his house, and I know his W and kids, although not very well. The thing is, there's something about this arrangement that I find appealing. He's got a sort of aggressive side that I never knew he had and it's kind of hot. So I'm doing battle with myself over what I should do. The thing is, I've noticed that people on this forum seem to have fallen in love or become emotionally attached to their MM or MW. But what if it really was just sex? I mean, I would NEVER actually date this guy, because he would probably just cheat on me anyway. And I don't want him to leave his family, nor does he seem interested in leaving them. The whole thing is risky because if anyone found out, I would never be able to visit his town or my friends there again. But the risk is kind of hot too... Has anyone had the experience of just having sex with their MM or MW and not having it turn into an emotional thing? I am single, and I do not intend to stop dating...this is more of a desire to scratch an itch. I'd hate to do something that's going to be painful in the end though, for anyone really. OMG I just wanted to let you know that it started out the same for me and went haywire. Ex MM was my boss and much older than me and had this aggressive "player" side to him that I found really attractive and appealing for some reason. I guess I was bored and liked the excitement and I honestly thought we could just explore this deep chemistry and attraction we had. I thought it wouldn't go anywhere because he was married--his wife actually worked for him too :-O-- and had kids and I thought both of us were just looking for some excitement. Looking back I'm pretty disgusted at my actions but at the time I was so caught up in it all that I guess I just didn't think straight, or stop to think. So I plunged ahead. He gave me the whole "this can't go anywhere/ we have to stop/ I'm never leaving my family" lines shortly after we first took it physical (before we had sex). I was so naive and almost offended that he thought I wanted to steal him away from his family. I was like, it's no big deal, I have no motivation except that I just wanted to see what it was like to pursue this strong physical desire. Well, we kept going forward and very shortly he was singing a different tune. He didn't know he'd fall so hard for me, he was really emotionally into me, then, he loved me, etc. I don't know if the same will happen with your guy. Honestly sometimes I wish that if I had done it at all, it would have JUST been about sex. Because then my heart wouldn't be so hurt. But I just don't know how often it works like that... certainly for us it didn't. I fell for him, hard, and vice versa. There is something dramatic about being with someone you can't really have... for me, it made me very confused and made me want it even more. I would recommend you not go there but I had to learn through experience. At the end of it my ex MM was leaving his family for me, moving out, etc., and I looked back and thought, wow, how did we get here? And the same aggressive side of his personality that had pursued me came out strong-- it's like he wanted me with him ALL THE TIME and he was possessive and controlling. I'm not saying that will happen with your guy but I didn't know ex MM could be like that. Looking back it all makes sense... he wanted me, he took me, and then he didn't want to let me go or let anyone else have me, even though HE was still married. Good luck to you and I'm glad you're at least stopping to think about this because you can end up getting really hurt.
Author Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Goldilocks, I wish other people would weigh up the consequences of their actions before acting upon them. I applaud your thinking things through and arriving at a decision based upon the hurt that would be caused to others, your integrity and the long term consequences. Oh that my H and the OW had done the same. Thanks Seren. The funny thing is, I do know right from wrong. I shouldn't have even entertained this idea. Goes to show how screwed up I must be from my breakup! I'm not usually "that girl": my feeling has always been that the MP should man-up, go home, and try to deal with whatever problems they're having rather than side-stepping the issue and involving other people. I guess I just needed to be reminded, and I'm glad I came here to check in before I let things get out of control.
Author Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 OMG I just wanted to let you know that it started out the same for me and went haywire. Ex MM was my boss and much older than me and had this aggressive "player" side to him that I found really attractive and appealing for some reason. I guess I was bored and liked the excitement and I honestly thought we could just explore this deep chemistry and attraction we had. I thought it wouldn't go anywhere because he was married--his wife actually worked for him too :-O-- and had kids and I thought both of us were just looking for some excitement. He gave me the whole "this can't go anywhere/ we have to stop/ I'm never leaving my family" lines shortly after we first took it physical (before we had sex). I was so naive and almost offended that he thought I wanted to steal him away from his family. I was like, it's no big deal, I have no motivation except that I just wanted to see what it was like to pursue this strong physical desire. Well, we kept going forward and very shortly he was singing a different tune. He didn't know he'd fall so hard for me, he was really emotionally into me, then, he loved me, etc. I don't know if the same will happen with your guy. Honestly sometimes I wish that if I had done it at all, it would have JUST been about sex. Because then my heart wouldn't be so hurt. But I just don't know how often it works like that... certainly for us it didn't. I fell for him, hard, and vice versa. There is something dramatic about being with someone you can't really have... for me, it made me very confused and made me want it even more. I would recommend you not go there but I had to learn through experience. At the end of it my ex MM was leaving his family for me, moving out, etc., and I looked back and thought, wow, how did we get here? And the same aggressive side of his personality that had pursued me came out strong-- it's like he wanted me with him ALL THE TIME and he was possessive and controlling. I'm not saying that will happen with your guy but I didn't know ex MM could be like that. Looking back it all makes sense... he wanted me, he took me, and then he didn't want to let me go or let anyone else have me, even though HE was still married. Good luck to you and I'm glad you're at least stopping to think about this because you can end up getting really hurt. Wow. Just...wow. That would be AWFUL. I had never considered that the forbidden nature of the relationship would add some sort of emotional intensity. That is the LAST thing that I want! And when you consider that this guy, who I always thought was very nice and very sweet, has had me on his mind for the past five or so years (not constantly, but when he's seen me), he really COULD get attached! Or I could I guess, although I can't imagine it. And he did get unreasonably upset when I hooked up with a single friend of his weeks before this--which is why I find this weird...I mean, why would you want to be with someone that was just with your friend?--and everyone was a little confused about why he overreacted. It was blamed on alcohol, but I guess the jealousy potential is there.
Star_Bright Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Wow. Just...wow. That would be AWFUL. I had never considered that the forbidden nature of the relationship would add some sort of emotional intensity. That is the LAST thing that I want! And when you consider that this guy, who I always thought was very nice and very sweet, has had me on his mind for the past five or so years (not constantly, but when he's seen me), he really COULD get attached! Or I could I guess, although I can't imagine it. And he did get unreasonably upset when I hooked up with a single friend of his weeks before this--which is why I find this weird...I mean, why would you want to be with someone that was just with your friend?--and everyone was a little confused about why he overreacted. It was blamed on alcohol, but I guess the jealousy potential is there. Yep. Seems to me that guys who cheat seem to be more jealous than other guys... I guess because they think that if THEY'RE doing it, everyone, including their OW, would do it. And also because they KNOW they can't really "have" you and it's unfair to expect it but sometimes they have big egos and part of them feels like they can have you to themselves, as well as their wives too... it's messed up. I obviously can't say that all are like this but my ex MM was and as I talked to other women who had been with married men, they said it was common. At first I was like, wow, what a psycho, what is wrong with him?, but apparently it is kinda "normal" with married men who cheat. Weird huh. Yeah it was awful and I am glad to be out but not without some scars. So I just wanted to warn you!
Author Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I honestly didn't know that! I thought that married men would care LESS, since they have other things to worry about and the OW is just a side thing! Does that mean that my MM finally made a move BECAUSE I had hooked up with his friend a few weeks before? I thought maybe he just figured I'm easy or decided that I'm a just piece of meat (neither of which are okay with me, by the way). I guess I was being naive to think that the situation could be kept short-term and purely physical. I mean, maybe it could, but it sounds like the potential for things to get out of control is pretty high.
LoveAintEverything Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I am thinking you just want to have sex and be done with it..
Author Goldilocks101 Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 I am thinking you just want to have sex and be done with it.. I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Do you mean with the MM, or just in general?
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