Author hearttobreak Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Just seems like a never ending battle.
carhill Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 You know what they say about bears don't you? Here's what Steve Balmer said once about IBM: It was just part of, as we used to call it, the time riding the bear. You just had to try to stay on the bear’s back and the bear would twist and turn and try to buck you and throw you, but darn, we were going to ride the bear because the bear was the biggest, the most important you just had to be with the bear, otherwise you would be under the bear in the computer industry, and IBM was the bear, and we were going to ride the back of the bear. Apply as appropriate to your perspective on dating.
BobSacamento Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Listen you did her a favor. You showed her you were a total psycho before she had to waste anymore time.
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 The OP has indicated he's in the legal profession and has chronicled his dating experiences pretty well in his backstory. I read a few and I'm not getting the psycho vibe here. Frustrated? Detailed in his analysis? Definitely. BTDT. My best advice is one can only change themselves and/or react in a different way. We have no control over others. That's kinda what makes dating interesting
BobSacamento Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 The OP has indicated he's in the legal profession and has chronicled his dating experiences pretty well in his backstory. I read a few and I'm not getting the psycho vibe here. Frustrated? Detailed in his analysis? Definitely. BTDT. My best advice is one can only change themselves and/or react in a different way. We have no control over others. That's kinda what makes dating interesting It's pretty obvious he overreacted. After 1 date, psychos tend to do that.
Author hearttobreak Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Listen you did her a favor. You showed her you were a total psycho before she had to waste anymore time. How so Bobby? What act did I perform that was psycho? Making sure she got home safely? Calling her to attempt a second date? Closing an text message cause she did not respond to mine, which was a response to hers?
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I'm seeing him (OP) dissecting this interaction in uber detail here on LS, which isn't necessarily reflective of real life. Reading past threads of his, psycho just doesn't match up with his postings, and, if he is a lawyer, he'd last less than 10 seconds in any adversarial action if he was a psycho personality. OP, if you could make one change in how you handled this, what would it be?
Author hearttobreak Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Probably would had waited until Monday or Tuesday to call. I think calling her the next day made me look desperate in her eyes.
BobSacamento Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I'm seeing him (OP) dissecting this interaction in uber detail here on LS, which isn't necessarily reflective of real life. Reading past threads of his, psycho just doesn't match up with his postings, and, if he is a lawyer, he'd last less than 10 seconds in any adversarial action if he was a psycho personality. OP, if you could make one change in how you handled this, what would it be? Well Carhill, it's not like I claimed to be a psychiatrist. However, after that woman received a text back from some dude because she didn't respond fast enough I'd imagine her reaction would be something similar to "Wow, what a psycho".
bac Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Have you ever dated online before? If you are dating online, you have a great opportunity to email to get to know each other before wasting your time to meet. If you have personal strong expectations about dating, you might want to check if you are both on the same page. If you have some expectations in common, you have a better chance of success. People have different expectations about dating. There are many people who believe that direct rejection is insensitive and rude. They do not want to hear that and they will never hurt other people with direct rejection. All you need to do is to ask a girl about her point on that if it is important to you. There are many people who believe that it is insensitive to expect other people, who they hardly know, to be available for them all the time. That is why they think they have right to take care for their own needs or just reflect on things before they respond to any call or text. That is why they answer within 24 hrs. There are many people online who do not like any drama in general and any conversations about attachments and feelings at the begining of dating. Before the first meeting, you can figure out if a girl views dating the way you see it.
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 (edited) However, after that woman received a text back from some dude because she didn't respond fast enough I'd imagine her reaction would be something similar to "Wow, what a psycho".I agree, that is a reasonable perception (although unknown here) to infer as one possibility. I'll be interested to read the OP's response (sorry, missed it in the cross-post) to my question about change. After all, we're all here to learn Edited October 17, 2010 by carhill
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Probably would had waited until Monday or Tuesday to call. I think calling her the next day made me look desperate in her eyes. I would tend to agree. Enjoy the date, move on with your life and catch up with her later. Even close friends value the balance of interest and space and autonomy. If the feelings/interest are there, they are. Time reveals all truths. So, what's the next step?
Author hearttobreak Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Well Carhill, it's not like I claimed to be a psychiatrist. However, after that woman received a text back from some dude because she didn't respond fast enough I'd imagine her reaction would be something similar to "Wow, what a psycho". Well, Bobby, texts are immediate. They come right to the phone. I did not send the seems you are not interested in me text until an hour later. Its kind of weird for someone to send a text and then not reply. Unless it was a good bye text. Didn't say anything mean or derogatory in the text. Just said, Seems you are not interested in me. No prob. Take care.
Author hearttobreak Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 I would tend to agree. Enjoy the date, move on with your life and catch up with her later. Even close friends value the balance of interest and space and autonomy. If the feelings/interest are there, they are. Time reveals all truths. So, what's the next step? There is none. What's done is done. Unless you have a time machine I can borrow...
MyNameIsJonas Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 ]Just said, Seems you are not interested in me. No prob. Take care. I've been there before, and actually done that before, and I can tell you that it doesn't do you any good. I will say that I don't agree with anyone who claims that she may have been on the fence; if she was that vague, she was hoping you would get the message. You did, but the text wasn't really necessary as it just reinforces her idiotic thinking that you aren't "a good one." Not saying you should harp on this, but for the next one, if she decides to be flaky or whatever and you get a similar text, repeat the following steps: 1. Take a deep breath; 2. Delete her number from your phone; 3. Clear your text history (or just her text history if you can do that on your phone); 4. Delete any e-mails that have her number. One time I got a similar borderline retarded message from a young woman, and repeated the steps noted above. A couple days later I got a bunch of texts from her saying that she was "sorry" she was "too harsh" and still "wanted to be friends" and so forth. I didn't respond to any of them for obvious reasons but it just goes to show you. When you are dealing with low class women, no contact is the best contact.
carhill Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 There is none. What's done is done. Unless you have a time machine I can borrow... One possible answer is take what was learned here and proceed to the next potential. New ones become available every day
OliveOyl Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 I am not of the "texting" generation. I never send texts. I have the capability, but my living situation doesn't warrant it right now. When I start dating, is someone going to assume I'm not interested because I don't reply to a text within an hour? There are days that go by where I don't even look at my phone the entire day. And I only have one phone.
Author hearttobreak Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 I am not of the "texting" generation. I never send texts. I have the capability, but my living situation doesn't warrant it right now. When I start dating, is someone going to assume I'm not interested because I don't reply to a text within an hour? There are days that go by where I don't even look at my phone the entire day. And I only have one phone. Possibly. However, one, I called her first and left a VM. She, the next day, texted me back. I have a small flip phone, not the most technically advanced, but it works. It buzzed in my pocket and then I replied. One would assume, since it is instant, she would then say yay or nay. So, it was a bit frustrating to wait via text. She got back to me about six hours later and said maybe this isn't going to work out like we both hoped. After that, I never heard anything back. It is what it is. I cannot change the past and I do not believe I acted inappropriately in any way. Am I aggressive at times, yes, no doubt. But, I just want the truth. There's an old legal saying. The heck with the cheese, just let me out of the trap! Or, in layman's terms, cut to the chase. You are either interested or not. Simple as that. I would be surprised if I did the same to a woman they would not had acted the same. No one likes to be kept on a chain waiting. Also, she's 34. I'm 32. Most people in this age range are very instant with text messages. Also, she should had called back, not texted. That would had been the right thing to do. Or, if she really is on the fence or is not interested, just say so. I'm not going to jump down her neck. I just want the truth. Not sure why its so hard to find.
bac Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Also, she should had called back, not texted. That would had been the right thing to do. Or, if she really is on the fence or is not interested, just say so. I'm not going to jump down her neck. I just want the truth. Not sure why its so hard to find. IMO, She is a sensitive person and she felt empathy to you. She felt that if she said to you that you were not good enough for her, it would hurt your feelings. She thought that being rejected was emotionally painful for you and she wanted to protect your feelings from hurt. When people are capable of empathy, they unconsciously experience the same feelings that other person next to them. In other words, she was not able to handle the unpleasant emotions of upsetting you. Some people have no chip of emotional intelligence in their brains, so, they are not capable of emotional connection and empathy.
Author hearttobreak Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 IMO, She is a sensitive person and she felt empathy to you. She felt that if she said to you that you were not good enough for her, it would hurt your feelings. She thought that being rejected was emotionally painful for you and she wanted to protect your feelings from hurt. When people are capable of empathy, they unconsciously experience the same feelings that other person next to them. In other words, she was not able to handle the unpleasant emotions of upsetting you. Some people have no chip of emotional intelligence in their brains, so, they are not capable of emotional connection and empathy. Possibly, but in the last text, after I texted it seems like you are not very interested. No prob. Take care, she replied back, maybe this isn't going to work as we had both hoped. That is where she left it. We are still open on Chemistry.com too, so she did not close that either. Not sure. If I was a gambler, I would definitely bet against it, but stranger things have happened.
bac Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 she replied back, maybe this isn't going to work as we had both hoped. . Perhaps I am wrong but it sounds as a direct rejection to me. It is not even a polite rejection. A polite rejection is a white lie. For example, Sorry, I would love to see you but I have to go to FL to see my sick grandmother. or Sorry, I would love to see you but I am busy at work and I have to work overtime.
VeveCakes Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Dude, not everyone carries their phone on them 24/7. Some people actually have lives and do things that require their attention away from their cell phones. I think she was polite to even respond to your last text...like others posted the word "psycho" would have screamed out at me.
BeautifulMan Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 what did you eat? did you order alcoholic drinks?
Author hearttobreak Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 A few cups of coffee and two sandwiches.
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